Personal Manifesto

A Poorly Executed Attempt at Personal Realization By Parker Smith

Table of Contents


Abstract ii
Chapter 1 1
Chapter 2 4
Chapter 3 7
Bibliography
Index
Interview
Research

Abstract

It's seems futile to ask a teenager to write an essay describing who they think they are.
How can I, a conflicted young adult, whose mind is a consistently tangled, libido-saturated,
mess, even begin to simplify my sprouting philosophies and crude aspirations? How can I
organize my mental turmoil in a way that I can record? Looking back on events that have
allowed me to develop can begin this process. Using the philosophies of others can also
help focus your own, and give you a better understanding of the world. Carful analysis with
an open mind not only allows you to understand your own philosophies, but leads to
understanding others as well.










Chapter One


Self-understanding begins with looking back at the events in your life. Analyzing how
you have become who you are and the events that have shaped you as a person. There are
certain events in ones life, that cause drastic changes in an instant. These moments jut from
our timelines, each an obelisk that casts a shadow over our future. Whether we see these
shadows as ominous, solemn or momentous, their presence is equally as impactful on our
outlook on life.

For me, one of the most prominent events in my life happened in a car. It was Saint
Patricks Day, the year was 2006. I sat in the back of the family Volvo, strategically placed
there by my parents in order to quell sibling conflicts with my older sister Eli. So In the
back of the car I sat, reading comics to pass the time. We were on our way to pick up my
oldest sister Ashleigh on her way home from New Mexico and the usual dungenous mood
of a long car ride was lightened with the thought of seeing my eldest Sister again. Ashleigh
had a certain air about here that just made everything wonderful and pure. Unlike my more
reserved sister Eli, Ashleigh emanated love and a sort of carefree understanding. Her
strong infectious personality was coupled with an equally towering figure, which was
topped with a cloud of golden curls which seemed to vaporously float around her head and
follow her wherever she went. My drifting thoughts snapped back to the car as I heard
someone was calling my mother on her work cellphone, which was highly unusual. My
mother suddenly started making hysterical noises and writhing in the passenger seat,
screaming into the phone like an injured animal. I remember thinking in that first moment
that there was a bee in the car. All of us reacted with concerned confusion. This hysterical
din was joined by the terrible phase SHES DEAD, repeated over and over. Everything felt
so surreal in that terrible instant, and as it suddenly hit us that we would never see
Ashleigh again, we held each other, each of us reduced to rubble. Those moments on the
side of an overpass, huddled with my grieving disoriented family, will be imprinted into my
brain for the rest of my life. The animalistic gurgle and cry of true grief is a sound so deeply
riddled with emotion it is terrifying to listen to. The sounds coming from our throats were
no longer simply just cries of pain, each wail seemed to claw its way out of the body,
thrown into the air like a gaseous bile. I also realized in that moment that my stereotypical
carefree childhood was over. My entire familys life had just been turned on its head in a
split second.

This event was unfortunately the first in a series of tragedies for my family. In that same
year, many members of my family as well as close family friends would also die. There was
a point, after my mom had gotten diagnosed with cancer for the second time just months
after my sisters death, where I accepted as a year old that apparently Life was a huge dick
and had some sort of personal vendetta against my family, What an asshole, I thought.


Although these events were sickening, and took so much from my family, they also acted
as a catalyst for my maturity, and shaped who I would become. My level of emotional
sensitivity, ability to deeply empathize with others, and even philosophies on life, all
stemmed in wake of these calamities. My confrontations with grief have allowed me to
help others, and remain strong in times where its needed. It is an understatement any way
I try and describe the grief that was caused; it did however make me into a stronger person.






Chapter 2

A large part in the development of personal philosophies is the analysis of outside
sources, such as the worldviews of others. Building upon a carefully constructed and well-
studied philosophical base comprised of the ideas of another is essential in the progression
of ideas, and aids in the creation of a more accurate personal outlook. My worldview can
be expressed using pieces from such philosophies as Egalitarianism and Existentialism.


...Equality does not mean an equal amount but equal opportunity... Do not make the
mistake of identifying equality in liberty with the forced equality of the convict camp. True
anarchist equality implies freedom, not quantity. It does not mean that every one must eat,
drink, or wear the same things, do the same work, or live in the same manner. Far from it:
the very reverse in fact... Individual needs and tastes differ, as appetites differ. It is equal
opportunity to satisfy them that constitutes true equality... Far from leveling, such equality
opens the door for the greatest possible variety of activity and development. For human
character is diverse. This quote by Alexander Beckman exemplifies my views on
Egalitarianism. Usually what first comes to mind when disusing this philosophy are its
offshoots such as Communism, Anarchism and Socialism. While these doctrines are for the
most part egalitarian, many of them, such as Communism, fail to factor in human
individuality. This is why I prefer Egalitarianism in a non-monetary form, one that focuses
on equal opportunity rather than simply making equality a financial issue. Another prime
example of this is Lockes natural rights.

Existentialism can in part be used to explain some of my personal philosophies, but it
carries a very heavy psychological burden often from the focus on melancholy and its
objective, pessimistic life view. However, with a correct balance of Humor and the ability
to humble oneself, it can be an extremely rewarding and accurate philosophy. Seeking
what is true is not seeking what is desirable. This quote by Albert Camus is a great
example of how I view Existentialism, and how important it is. To live a self-fulfilling life is
essential to realize that the more things you find out about it, the less it makes sense. I do
not live to fulfill desire, but to answer personal truths, even if doing so makes me unhappy.
I may be depressed after reading a book by Camus, but Im satisfied on a deeper level than
if I had just spent my time on Twilight. While this Philosophy can lead to important
philosophical questions, it is important to have a sense of humor to counteract the dangers
that taking life to seriously can pose. I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers
blank and got 100. Woody Allan

Confronting lifes hardest most dismal truths with humor is one of the hardest, but most
essential abilities to have. Taking yourself to seriously clouds ones ability to discover
personal truths, and often leads to discontent, pretention and stagnation. For two prime
personifications of this attitude toward life, you dont have to look further than such pop
culture icons such as the Joker from Batman, or the Comedian from Watchmen. In addition,
comedians such as George Carlin, Woody Allan or Louis CK, show just how absurd life as a
whole is, and the importance of light hearted analysis.







Chapter 3

What good is all of this brooding over philosophies and overcoming of hardships if you
cant pass on what youve learned and apply your skills for the betterment of the world?
Right now, my struggles seem small. As I progress through high school, I will learn
important life skills (And hopefully fix my procrastination problem, jfc). I anticipate my
graduation so I can move on into the real world. I plan on attending a university, and while
not entirely undecided, Im still having trouble figuring whether I should explore the fields
of science and engineering or art (why not both?). Without a doubt I will travel the world,
and expand my understanding, and who knows, my philosophies might be entirely
different in three or four years. Like most humans, I search for a companion who I could
share this journey with, and hopefully I will eventually find such a person. My biggest
problem at the moment, however, is time. Currently, Im at constant battle with this force,
which, like trying to deflect a meteorite with a baseball bat, is guaranteed to end terribly. If
I dont learn to see time as a companion rather than an adversary, I will end up failing not
only myself, but also those who I have set out to help. While I have the power to accomplish
my goals, it is entirely possible I will die alone on a bench somewhere if I dont get my shit
together.



Bibliography


Alexander Berkman What is Anarchism? pp. 164-5
woody allan, camus