Running head: COLLEGE FRESHMEN & FORGIVENESS 1

College Freshmen & Forgiveness

Madison Minor
University of Northern Iowa

























COLLEGE FRESHMEN & FORGIVENESS 2
Abstract
Forgiveness is a constant in life. This paper will analyze aspects of forgiveness and discuss why
it is important in a college freshmans life. The definition of forgiveness, what it can do for a
persons mental and physical wellbeing, and discussing the limits of forgiveness will be
analyzed. This was studied because forgiveness is an important process to learn and learning to
let go will release excess stress from life. Forgiveness can decrease stress, anxiety, and anger.
Forgiveness is a great Reaching for Higher Ground topic because it can be applied to every
persons life and will bring positive outcomes.



















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College freshmen and Forgiveness
I have always been envious of fathers who play an active role in the lives of their
children. My brother and I have never known this lifestyle. Practically raised by my mother, it
has impacted my current life. Many of my peers take for granted having an involved father. I
would give anything for this. As a little girl, I never thought my dad any different than the rest.
Woke up early, worked full-time, drove two hours to and from, and went to bed. As I got older, I
realized he was absent for the special moments I wished to share with him. From parent-teacher
conferences, band concerts, to cheerleading competitions, he was never present. My father
threatened that he may not make it to my graduation or party if he had to work. That was my
breaking point. Often, friends would ask if I lived with or knew my dad. Due to lack of attention
from a father figure, I find myself looking for love in the wrong places; making homes out of
people that do not intend to stay.
Now that my brother and I are both enrolled in college, my parents are divorcing. The
relationship gap is an even larger issue now because my dad must build a relationship with me if
he wants me in his future. The question controlling my mind is whether to forgive him for his
long absence. Forgiving is a practice I ponder often. It is a skill that I have not mastered.
Although my father has tried making more of an effort due to circumstances, I do not know that I
will be able to forgive him for not being there. My dad broke my heart long before any boy had
the chance to.
Forgiveness is a constant of daily life. My situation is not as serious as another, but can
be handled in a similar way. Drawing the line on forgiveness can be tough for anyone, especially
because we all feel things differently. Extremes such as adultery, car accidents, murder, rape, or
COLLEGE FRESHMEN & FORGIVENESS 4
other serious events, may seem unforgivable. An example of a time that seemed unforgivable in
history is the Holocaust.
In The Sunflower by Simon Wiesenthal, Wiesenthal is a Jewish prisoner in a
concentration camp and is asked forgiveness from an SS Nazi soldier as he lies on his deathbed.
Although the soldier seems to be sincere in his apology, Wiesenthal cannot find the words to
forgive the lifeless soldier in his last hours. This still brings us to ask if Karl had been forgiven
despite Wiesenthals reaction. In Jewish religion, all deathbed confessions are considered
serious. Most often, one would repent to a priest, be forgiven and turn away completely from the
sin. Because Karl only had hours to live, he confessed to a Jew who he believed could represent
the Jewish community.
Although the soldier had done nothing to Wiesenthal directly, Wiesenthal had a hard time
listening to the stories Karl told of being witness to mass murdering of Jewish families. Karl was
not asking for forgiveness of his actions, because he never used I in describing the events he
witnessed, but the reader can assume he was part of the action. He is asking forgiveness for what
he did not do to stop the chaos. How do we find ways of forgiveness in times like these? Time
heals a lot of wounds, but can time and forgiveness heal everything.
I am researching forgiveness because I am interested in teaching college freshman why it
is important to forgive, and I would like to find different ways to learn forgiveness myself. I have
not fully accepted the idea of letting go and moving on yet, but that is what I hope to gain from
my research.
I will view many perspectives and use a variety of sources to learn about forgiveness.
Also, I have read The Sunflower by Simon Wiesenthal, as my common read in order to further
understand my reaching for higher ground topic. This will be very helpful in the writing process
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because The Sunflower is Simon Wiesenthals story about Karl, a 21-year-old dying Nazi soldier
asking him of forgiveness, which then has the book asking the reader, What would you do? in
Wiesenthals place.
First, forgiveness is an important Reaching for Higher Ground topic because it is constant
for everyone. College freshman can benefit from practicing forgiveness, as many relationships
will form, change, and fall apart during the first year of college. It is easier to work towards
letting go and moving on, than carrying around excess weight on your shoulders holding a
grudge. Extra stress is the last thing a new college student needs their freshman year. This topic
is important to me because I can personally relate, since I am a current freshman and I believe
forgiveness plays a key role in ultimately living a better life.

COLLEGE FRESHMEN & FORGIVENESS 6

Literature Review
Many articles I have viewed discuss topics such as: God and forgiveness, self-
forgiveness, the definition of forgiveness, adultery/murder, and steps towards learning
forgiveness. After combining the information into different categories, they are: religion and
forgiveness, definition of forgiveness, and forgiveness and health. The following three literature
reviews will provide an explanation of forgiveness and support the importance of forgiveness a
College Freshman should incorporate into their life.
Religion and Forgiveness
Forgiveness is outlined in most religions. Many college freshmen have been taught a
certain religion, previous to coming to college. The first year can be a roller coaster of emotions,
and lots of experimenting takes place. Religion can be put on the back burner for some, while
others grow in their faith. People may start to question the beliefs they were raised to believe,
and others may decide they do not have a faith at all. It is all a personal decision, but no matter
what a student believes, they will be faced with forgiveness each day.
Christians believe that God commands us to forgive others. This connects with the next
theme, a definition of forgiveness, because many people misunderstand the Bibles definition of
forgiveness.
In a Focus on the Family article, it says, While God commands us to forgive others,
he never told us to keep trusting those who violated our trust or even to like being around those
who hurt us (Sweet, n.d.). This supports the Bible telling Christians to forgive others for their
sins, but that God does not say we must forget. There is a misconception that forgiving is not
respecting ones own worth, or that one must go back to the same relationship they had with a
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person before they mistreated them (Forgiveness and Restoration). Forgiveness is not the same
as reconciling. We can forgive others even if that means we can never get along with them again.
Forgiveness is giving God the power to take care of justice, rather than keeping the
burden on our own shoulders (Sweet, n.d.). The Bible says, Be kind to one another,
tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you (English, n.d.). This quote
came directly from the Bible. This explains why many believe because Jesus died on the cross
for our sins, we must forgive others for their sins in hope that God will forgive us.
Many times throughout the Bible forgiveness is brought up. In Luke, Chapter 6, verse
14-15, it reads, Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be
condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven. This too, ties into the theme of religion and
forgiveness.
Buddhists believe in forgiveness too (Khema, n.d.). An article on Buddhism says:
Think of any one person, or any situation, or any group of people whom
you are condemning, blaming, disliking. Forgive them, completely. Let
your forgiveness be your expression of unconditional love. They may not
do the right things. Human beings have dukkha. And your heart needs the
forgiveness in order to have purity of love.
Although these two religions do not outline forgiveness word for word in the same
way, we can see there is a correlation between the two. Both believe that
forgiveness is good for the forgiver, and will bring positive benefits in return.
Each of these articles used in my research has a common theme of religion and how
forgiveness is outlined in those beliefs. Although only Christianity and Buddhism are discussed,
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in The Sunflower, the Jewish religion and forgiveness is covered indirectly through Wiesenthals
experience.
Definition of Forgiveness
Forgive means to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense,
flaw, or mistake. The definition of forgiveness is a personal definition. I believe individuals have
their own definition of what it means to forgive, which influences how often you forgive.
In an article on Huffington Post, Oprah Winfrey said that one mans definition of
forgiveness changed her entire life. She said, When defining forgiveness, he said It really
means letting go of the past we thought we wanted. He also went on to say, Forgiveness is
giving up the hope that the past could be any different.(OWN, 2013). This mans definition of
forgiveness really made me think too. Stressing about something that cannot be changed is a
waste of time. Winfrey says she has an entirely new perspective on life. Forgiveness is letting go
so that the past does not hold you prisoner. She says also that she no longer holds grudges
towards anyone for anything that they have done and neither should anyone else.
In another article, their definition of forgiveness says that it does not mean we have to
revert to being the victim. By this meaning, just because we forgive, does not mean it is an invite
for people to walk all over someone. It also says that on the other side, forgiveness is not
enjoying the act of forgiveness because it continues the victim role. Forgiving is letting go of the
mistake someone has made wholeheartedly. Forgiveness is not saying you forgive someone,
when there is still anger held inside. This causes trust issues and walls to build inside a person.
In an article posted by Dr. Phil, he says forgiveness is a choice that you have to choose.
The pain of what happened is inevitable, but continuing to suffer is optional. He also says that
forgiveness is not an overnight process. It may take effort every day to forgive someone for his
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or her mistake. Dr. Phil suggests that people find their Minimal Effective Response. This
determines what it takes for you to get emotional closure. For some people, a simple apology is
needed in order to forgive someone. For other people, they may need time to process what has
happened, weigh the outcomes, and make a conscious decision on whether they think they can
forgive and move past this, or some other type of response. Dr. Phil believes people can thrive
and suffer at the same time. People should make the best out of situations they cannot change.
Forgiveness and Health
In recent research, it has been show that forgiveness can improve ones well being. In a
study by Charolette VanOyen Witvliet at Hope College, she asked people to think of a time
someone made them feel sad, anxious, angry, or mistreated. She measured several aspects of
body activity, and as she predicted, each persons physical arousal increased when they looked
back on a grudge. She then told them to think about forgiving that person, acting it out in their
head. After taking measurements of the same bodily activity, the peoples physical arousal
coasted downward to the level of a person of normal wakefulness (Worthington Jr., 2004). In a
recent study by Loren Toussaint at Luther College, Toussaint, David Williams, Marc Musick,
and Susan Everson conducted a survey of 1,500 Americans asking the degree to which each
person practiced and experienced forgiveness (Worthington Jr., 2004). The people being
surveyed were also asked about their physical and mental health. They found that older and
middle-aged people forgave more often than younger people. They also found that these people
felt more forgiven by God than younger people. On top of these findings, they also found a
strong relationship between forgiving others and positive health among middle-aged and older
Americans (Worthington Jr., 2004). People over 45 years of age who had forgiven others
reported greater satisfaction with their lives and were less likely to report symptoms of
COLLEGE FRESHMEN & FORGIVENESS 10
psychological distress, such as feelings of nervousness, restlessness, and sadness (Worthington
Jr., 2004). This article had several different studies gathered to support the argument that
forgiveness is better for the well being of a person.
Summary
I have learned that many religions share similar beliefs about forgiveness. Even people
who do not have a religion are faced with forgiveness throughout life. The definition of
forgiveness is different for everyone and not everyone believes forgiveness will bring positive
consequences. Forgiveness actually benefits the mental and physical well being of people, which
is another reason to practice forgiving others. Everyone makes mistakes, which is why forgiving
is thought to bring good karma.







COLLEGE FRESHMEN & FORGIVENESS 11

Next, many people believe forgiveness benefits the receiver. Forgiveness can seem like
letting someone off the hook for his or her wrong actions. One may feel by forgiving they are
letting someone walk all over them. (Sweet, n.d.). In the Dr. Phil article, it states that forgiveness
is a choice. When a person holds a grudge they are letting what has happened run their life. They
are giving their power away to the person who hurt them. Although what happens is inevitable,
to continue suffering is a choice (Phil). Showing anger is a sign of inward grief, guilt, or
frustration. Even though the anger may never fully disappear, forgiving others can help release
the anger and bring others closer to you (Phil). By making the effort each day to say, I am going
to let this go, I am not going to show any more hatred for this person, one may be able to find
closure (Phil). Letting go does not always happen at once, but starting the process is vital. You
must consider what you need to find closure; for some people, all they need is a simple apology
in order to forgive. Some people need a certain amount of time, revenge, a letter, or many other
options, to let go. Another key to letting go is finding a lesson in what happened. Sharing your
story with others can ease pain too. Dr. Phil says, People can thrive and suffer at the same time
(Dr. Phil.com - Advice - Making Peace with Your Past: Choosing Forgiveness).
Actually, not forgiving has been seen to cause an emotional state where the victim may
feel resentment, hostility, anger, or hatred towards the perpetrator. Replacing negative emotions
with care and compassion can motivate a person to move towards conciliation with the person
who hurt them (Worthington Jr., 2004).
It can be shown through these articles that forgiveness serves the victim more than the
perpetrator. Choosing not to forgive can take a toll on physical, mental, relational, and spiritual
health (Worthington Jr., 2004). In a religious sense, forgiveness has the best consequences for
COLLEGE FRESHMEN & FORGIVENESS 12
the victim. The Bible tells us to forgive our brothers no matter what they have done because
Jesus died on the cross to forgive our sins. People who believe this say they must forgive others
in order to receive forgiveness from God. The Bible also says that we should forgive even if it is
not asked. If someone repeats the same mistake continuously, instead of feeling the need to keep
forgiving them, one should re-evaluate the relationship with that person to prevent this from
continuing. Forgiveness is a personal choice and is not based on other peoples actions because
people will always hurt us throughout life.
Ultimately, we are the only ones who can control ourselves. We have complete power
over our emotional, physical, and spiritual well being (Sweet, n.d.). Choosing not to forgive can
put an unnecessary burden on us. Many people believe that they cannot choose to forgive
because they must get over it immediately. It is a process, not a one-time act and it may take the
heart time to fully accept what the will has set in motion. The lengths to forgive can depend on
the severity of the pain one feels. If we do not forgive, our desire for justice becomes revenge,
subjecting us to the bondage of bitterness and self-righteousness (Rooks). When we choose to
forgive, the justice we seek is for the other person to feel our pain (Rooks).
Third, in two of the articles I analyzed, people who had been cheated on or had a loved
one murdered were able to find forgiveness. It took a while, but they were commended on their
choice to make peace. Neither of these people telling their story of forgiveness in the articles will
be able to say that they feel no anger towards the perpetrator, but they will have a better well-
being because they let go of all the anger being kept inside. Simon Wiesenthal in The Sunflower
was asked forgiveness from the SS soldier in his last hours living. The soldier was aware that he
could not confess to the Jews that had been killed, so he asked for a Jew who could represent
them as one. The soldier was selfish in asking Wiesenthal to forgive his actions, or maybe his
COLLEGE FRESHMEN & FORGIVENESS 13
inactions, because he never did anything to stop what was happening; yet Wiesenthal did not feel
he held the right to forgive for everyone who had passed. Wiesenthal was bothered for the rest of
his life with what happened in the sickroom of the soldier because he always doubted whether he
made the right choice. Wiesenthal chose to leave the room without a word, but he was left
wondering whether he should have forgiven the dying man as his last wish. The doubt in his
mind ate at Wiesenthal for the rest of his life. Forgiveness can serve the perpetrator, but more
times than others, we can see forgiveness has more positive outcomes for the victim.
Furthermore, learning forgiveness is the key to a happier life. Forgiveness is about
setting yourself free and you can do that by releasing the past so it no longer has control over
your thoughts or the way you feel. (Forgiveness?, n.d.). Forgiveness sets one free because it
releases disturbing thoughts and emotions. This will cause a greater level of health and
happiness. (Forgiveness?, n.d.). Forgiveness can release us from the past and assist us in
overcoming resentment or regrets that we may have (Forgiveness?, n.d.). Forgiveness helps
you to alleviate your pain. It helps you let go of the suffering that you are experiencing as a result
of a transgression. The importance of forgiveness is for you- for your own healing, health and
wellbeing (Importance of, n.d.). Dr. Luskin, co-founder and director of Stanford University
Forgiveness project (Jarvik), and his team studied the impacts of forgiveness. In Dr. Luskins
book, Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness, Dr. Luskin discusses
the results from his studies. In the studied group of forgivers, There was a 27% reduction in
physical symptoms of stress, such as backache, sleeplessness, headache and upset stomach.
There was a 42% decrease in depression, 35% increase in self-confidence, 62% decrease in
feelings of hurt, and a 15% reduction in long-term feelings of anger (Importance of, n.d.). The
result of research done by Dr. Luskin supports forgiveness is an important quality to learn.
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Although it can be assumed that unnecessary, built up stress is bad for you, it is important that
there is research to back it up. Forgiveness literally takes the excess weight off of your shoulders.
Forgiveness can be a change in energy too. Sometimes, if someone who mistreated you senses
this energy, they will be more likely to ask for reconciliation or give a meaningful apology
(Forgiveness?, n.d.). Learning to forgive is so important because it has an impact on both
physical and mental well being.
Lastly, forgiveness is never impossible. In an article I found, I read stories of families that
had been struck by tragedy. Even after being hit hard with devastation, the families were able to
forgive their perpetrator. The first story is of a man forgiving a teenage drunk driver for killing his
pregnant wife and two children in a car accident (Jarvik, 2013). On a February night, two cars
collided, one smashing into a bridge support under the freeway. Chris Williams, the husband who
lost his family, was in the car when the accident happened. He once was a hospital orderly, so
when he turned around and saw, deep, bloodless gashes in 11-year-old Bens face, and the
motionless body of 9-year-old Anna, (Jarvik, 2013) he knew what had happened. He turned to
look at his pregnant wife and saw her take her last breath. Williams and one of his other children,
who was severely injured, were the only passengers left alive. As he was stuck in the car, waiting
for ambulances to arrive, Williams thought, Whoever has done this to us, I forgive them. I dont
care what the circumstances were, I forgive them (Jarvik). Later on, police found the perpetrator
of this terrible accident several blocks from the scene. It was a 17-year-old boy, Cameron White.
Police estimated that he was going around sixty miles per hour and was drunk on vodka when
White hit the Williams family. Although his family had been killed by the careless actions of a
drunken teenager, Williams still held to his decision to forgive the boy (Jarvik, 2013). Williams
made headlines last February when he publicly forgave White (Jarvik, 2013). Six weeks
COLLEGE FRESHMEN & FORGIVENESS 15
previous to this, another father, who lost his wife and two of his children to a drunk driver on
Christmas Eve of 2006, publicly forgave his perpetrator too (Jarvik, 2013). In March, another
grieving parent, Anna Keiaho, stunned a courtroom full of onlookers when she forgave the man
who had gunned down her son (Jarvik, 2013). In October, Ben Howard stood up in a Layton
courtroom and requested leniency for the driver who slammed into his van killing his wife and
two of his children, a request that made the judge and court bailiff cry (Jarvik, 2013). The fact
that these acts of forgiveness surprise us is a reminder of how difficult an act it is. In a world
where old grudges erupt daily in roadside bombs, to forgive may or may not be divine, but it isnt
always human nature either (Jarvik, 2013). Chris Williams, who lost his family in the first story,
said on the day of his family's funeral, Forgive for your sake, not the other persons (Jarvik,
2013). Many people could not understand why Williams would forgive so easily, when most
would feel vengeful. When he was 16 years old, a little boy ran into the street, into the path of his
car. He said that he was reminded of this the night his family was killed and remembered what it
was like to be a teenager alone in the back of a police car (Jarvik, 2013). Although his past had an
impact on his decision to forgive, Williams said that the main reason he chose forgiveness was
because by then it had become a practice to him. Williams said, It was almost like I had drilled
myself for that moment (Jarvik, 2013). Williams had practiced forgiveness, So that when the
time came to forgive the nearly unforgivable, he was ready (Jarvik, 2013). Williams said what
helped him was the prayer he used to say after his oldest son was born. Help me appreciate him,
and if hes taken from me prematurely, give me strength (Jarvik, 2013). Williams believes that
nobody is entitled to a perfect life. He says that if you can really understand that, it is central to
being able to forgive (Jarvik, 2013). There is no questions that mistakes people make in our
everyday lives may hurt us and can make us feel like the world is pummeling us to the ground.
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These families who have endured extreme cases of forgiveness, and lost their loved ones due to
the actions of others, have been able to move on easier with their lives and pick up the pieces
through forgiveness.
We can see forgiveness is important in everyones life, including a College
Freshman. Forgiveness serves both the forgiving and receiving side, and takes the excess weight
of holding a grudge off the shoulders. The quality of life can be improved through forgiveness. It
has been shown to decrease stress levels, and increase the happiness and well being of
individuals. People who have been through traumatic events in their life such as losing family to
reckless actions of others have found ways to forgive their perpetrators publicly, and have found
an easier piece of mind. A College Freshman, who can incorporate forgiveness in their everyday
life, will be better prepared for the obstacles they are faced with, as they grow older. Like the
father who was in the car when his wife and two of his children were killed in the accident, he
knew he forgave the teenager previous to learning the circumstances. He said he had been living a
life of practicing forgiveness, which had prepared him for this moment of ultimate forgiveness.
Each day of our lives, we will be faced with obstacles that we may not understand. Forgiveness is
an important skill to learn and practice, to make life easier on us. On the other side of the topic,
many times in life, it will be you asking someone else for forgiveness. Never forget that we all
make mistakes: even my father, who may have been absent watching me grow into the adult that I
am, but still deserves my forgiveness. Never forget the three powerful resources you always
have available to you: love, prayer, and forgiveness. -H. Jackson Brown Jr.







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References
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relief.com/importance-of-forgiveness.html
The Importance of forgiveness? Retrieved March 6, 2014, from http://www.happiness-
information.com/importance-of-forgiveness.html
Jarkvik, Elaine. (2013, April 8). Man exercises a year of forgiveness after drunken teen kills
wife, two children. Retrieved March 6, 2014, from
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/print/695239655/A-year-of-forgiveness.html
Khema, Ven. Ayya. Loving- kindness meditation- forgiveness. Retrieved April 2, 2014, from
http://wwwbuddhanet.net/e-learning/forgiveness.htm
OWN. (2013, March 7). Oprah on forgiveness: this definition was bigger than an aha moment.
Retrieved February 14, 2014, from http://huffingtonpost.com.
Sweet, Rose. Forgiveness and restoration. Retrieved January 29, 2014, from
http://www.focusonthefamily.com
Wiesenthal, S. (1998). The sunflower: on the possibilities of forgiveness. Knopf Doubleday
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Worthington Jr., E.L. (2004, September 1). The new science of forgiveness. Retrieved February
14, 2014, from
http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_new_science_of_forgiveness
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgiveness.html