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Fernando A. Picasso Prof. Nathan Cole English 2010 Sect. 74 25 April 2014 Memoir Final Draft (Revision A) Tonight, Im Coming Out of the Closet I will never forget that warm August evening in 2013 when I arrived at my parents house in West Jordan. I found my dad watching Univision in the living room while mom was downstairs in the laundry room. I walked in like I usually would and greet my parents with some hugs and kisses. Kiki, our Miniature Schnauzer, dashes from the back yard and races through the house when she heard me calling for her. She would always wag her whole back side from excitement then collapse with her belly up while she looked at you with eyes that asked for a belly rub. How could I say no that that puppy face? While rubbing Kikis' belly, I looked through the backdoor where Kiki ran through and saw that the sky was picking up a light red/orange color to it and a light chilled breeze was coming into the house. It was a very beautiful sunset with something magical about it. At that moment, I knew that it was time to have a talk with my parents. I knew that I was going to need to discuss what kind of person I have grown into. I was going to need to come out of the closet and tell my parents that their oldest son was gay. I have always known that I had an attraction to guys, but it was hard for me to accept this because my parents raised me to believe deep meaning full relationships are meant to be between a man and a woman. My dad already had a negative mind-set about gay men, since one of his younger brothers, Alex, was gay. They hardly spoke with one another. My dad would also point out what my uncle was doing wrong and never mentioned anything positive about him like he

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would with his other siblings. This frightened me, so I just kept quiet for most of my childhood. As I got older, I just got more and more confused with my sexuality. Thats until I talked with my cousins, Jessica and Michelle. When I was around 16, they asked if I was gay because whenever we hung out, I was very flamboyant and open minded around them. They were the ones that called me out of that dark closet I was locked in. They were the ones that helped me feel comfortable with myself. And I started thinking to myself, if they were able to pick up the signs, why couldnt my parents? I sat on the opposite on the opposite side of the living room from where my dad was sitting at and laid down on the couch to watch TV with him. I was waiting for my mom to finish the laundry so that I can talk with them both at the same time. I felt like I was waiting an eternity for my mom to fold laundry, which I knew would only take a couple more minutes. She finally finished with the laundry and sat down on the same couch with my dad. I was anxious about having this talk, but when my mom sat down I felt like I was going to have a panic attack and collapse. But I was able to keep a relaxed composure on my face and decided to wait a couple more minutes so that my mom could unwind from her day. As the minutes passed, I kept thinking on how I was going to drop the big gay bomb on my parents. Would I just tell them in a flamboyant tone and say "Hey Girl Hey" to make it comedic? Or would I work my way into it by having a major long and serious conversation? I even thought that I should have created a PowerPoint presentation, that had dates, numbers, and charts on it, to help me explain. But the more I thought about it, the more I didn't want to say anything. If I didnt say anything now, I would procrastinate and nothing would have been said or done. I summoned up the courage to finally begin talking. My plan was to just let it all naturally flow until I couldn't speak anymore. I wanted them to hear all that I had to say, since I always

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heard what they expected of me. With a firm and bold tone I said, Mom, Dad, I need talk to you about something. It is something that I have wanted to tell you for a very long time now, but I just never knew how to put it into word. There really isn't an easy way to tell you this so I will just come out with it. I'm Gay." As soon as those two words came out of my mouth, I felt as if the boulder that was on my chest finally lifted, allowing me to take in a deep breath of that cool summer air. I was in shock that I finally told them this secret that I have been keeping from them for a very long time. But my parents had an expression on their face as if they didnt get the joke. A few minutes of an awkward silence took over the living room, even though the TV was bumping the music of Spanish commercials. My dad looked like he was left speechless while my mother broke the awkward silence by asking, Are you sure of this? What makes you think that youre gay, In a way I kind was hoping they would be a little more open and welcoming of this idea, but I kind of knew they would react this way. I went on to explain that I have strong attractions to men and that I have had a few dates with great guys who really cared about me. My mother kept asking me questions that made it sound like she was in denial. Have you ever dated a girl? Are you going through a phase in your life of experimentation? Are you doing drugs? My dad still hadnt said anything and was just staring at me as if I murdered someone. The more my mother asked me insane questions while my father burned me with his glare, the more frustrated I got with them. It was a game they were playing with my head by trying to make me feel guilty of what I had said. I knew though that my relationship with my parents couldnt be like this. So for once in my life, I stood up to them. I stopped this bombardment of questions and began to tell them that I was proud of who I was and what I stood for. I had jog their memory to remind them of what I accomplished for myself. From working a variety of positions since I was 15, from customer care representative to

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managing a restaurant, I did it because my dad always told me I would need a great work ethic to get anywhere in life. Highlighting my efforts I put into my school work, I reminded my mom of how she believed the best kind of investment was in my education. I reminded them that I had lost over 40 lbs since High school to better improve the quality of my health, since they were the ones that assisted me in turning me into a chunky kid. I even mentioned that I have influenced people to be who they are and to work hard for what they believed in. But after all that I have accomplished, it felt like they didnt have any hope for me. As I slowly calmed down from my rage, I began to tear up. Then I just broke down and started to cry like I have never cried before in my life. But I wasnt crying because of the idea that I disappointed my parents. I was crying because my parents might be losing a son just because they didnt know how to truly love and accept him. I was getting emotionally tired of explaining myself. I felt as if I was getting nowhere. So I just stood up, grabbed my stuff and headed towards the door. My dad stopped me mid-way and said that he was speechless. He said that he never expected any of this to ever happen to him and that he didnt know what to say at all. But he finally said in a soft voice, I am proud of what you have done and will be proud of the man you become, (Sr.). I just hugged my dad, kissed him on the cheek, and walked out. Little by little, they have started to say they accept me for who I am. But I know deep down that they are praying for me to bring home a Maria for dinner rather than a Brett. Im not saying that I wouldnt date a girl but I know myself well enough to recognize the stronger attraction I have towards nice, courteous, and physically attractive men, like Bradly Cooper or Idris Elba.

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I am a hopeless romantic; I am a hard worker; I am gay; I am what I am. One can choose to be part of my story or they can choose to not be part of my life. Like my cousins always tell me, Change for nobody fool, (Picasso and Blanca).

[Top photo: Bradley Cooper (Merritt); Bottom photo: Idris Elba (Button Wire)]

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Work Cited
Button Wire. Idris Elba. 22 February 2014. Photo. Merritt, Getty/ Jason. Bradley cooper. n.d. Photo. Picasso, Fernando A. "The Summer Evening I Came Out to My Parents." August 2012. Memory. Picasso, Jessica and Michelle Blanca. Interview with the Primas (Cousins) Fernando A. Picasso. 1 2 2014. Verbal. Sr., Fernando Picasso. Interview. Fernando A. Picasso Jr. Augusts 2013. Intervention.