Your Dead Sea Eyes ERN Reading the first draft of this poem, I noticed that I added unnecessary

words (for example, immaculate and striking.) In class we discussed Latinate vs. Anglo-Saxon words, and I learned that Anglo-Saxon is the way to go because it helps eliminate abstract. I have come to find that when writing poetry I need to give my readers concrete visuals. Words like immaculate can give readers a general sense of what I am trying to convey, but in order for the readers to really hold on to the poem I needed to get rid of these words and add some sensory imagery. I wrote this draft early in the semester, maybe even half way through the semester, but by now Ive learned to avoid some of the nonconcrete images that I originally incorporated. My first revision was still a bit too abstract. I came in having the idea that poems have to sound fancy; that I have to incorporate symbolic imagery. I have learned, however, that poems do not necessarily have to be figurative. More than not, if I try to write a poem with a clear image that relates to the content, itll be better than an elaborate sounding poem. So for this draft I tried to incorporate better images, such as skin sagging at your elbows and vile dripping down my throat. Up until my second revision, I just have one long stanza. So for this revision, I spilt the poem into nine two-line stanzas. This form was somewhat inspired by some of Craig Blais poems, expect my lines were much shorter. Overall, the changes I made in this draft were pretty drastic, even regarding content. For example, I added milky, / beige-y blue eyes on lines 1 and 2 in order for my readers to receive more of a visual. I changed the poems content even more the third revision. I honestly had no idea where this poem was going when I started writing it. I as I continue to revise this poem, I continuously am creating the content- in regards to the relationship between the you and I. The title was quite literally inspired by a song called Dead Sea, which has a very different tone than this poem. As I wrote, I managed to create themes and content for this poem. For example, I intended you to be this darker

character, and with this draft he became an alcoholic (you werent / allowed to drive for six more months.) I meditated on this poem for a bit before I decided that I needed to change the form again. For my fourth revision I tried switching around sentences and thoughts, until I realized that the two-line stanza just wasnt really working. In my opinion, it allowed for awkward pauses. I think it could have worked if I made the lines longer, but instead I morphed the stanzas into quatrains. I also removed the line about the DUI (mentioned earlier). I wanted readers to form their own opinions about the you and the I. I changed the last stanza in my fifth revision, and again in the sixth. I wanted my readers to grasp that the speaker was angry, but not until the very end. I tried to incorporate consonance with s sounds. For example, hotcakes with glazed banana slices. I wanted these words to roll of the readers tounge.