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Reflection Paper One

Paul K. Hopper

University of South Alabama

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My name is Paul Hopper. I’m a student at the University of South Alabama, working

towards a Communications degree. But what I want to do/ be (honestly), probably won’t have

anything to do with my concentration – public relations. I grew up for most of elementary

school with my mom and sister in North Carolina. We moved a lot, my mom taking different

education jobs all over the state – always better so she could provide for us on her own. Just

before going into fourth grade my mom told me she was going to marry a man that her best

friend introduced to her named Ken. Once they were married we moved to Alabama. Now,

moving wasn’t a big deal for me and still isn’t. In my family, a home is made of people, not

things or places. That sentiment has mostly stuck with me to this day.

All through grade school and high school things went normally for me. We lived in

Orange Beach and I went to school nearby. I never took school too seriously, always giving my

mom the excuse that “No one cares what your grades look like until you get into high school

anyways” (though when I got to high school, I can’t say my grades were much better). Every

summer I took a job and worked hard. Strangely, I had a very good work ethic in those early

years. Most weeks I’d work around 60 hours, seven days a week, for 3 ½ months. I went off to

college at South and began a history degree. After a year or so I switched to communications –

honestly because it seemed easier. But the shoe did fit. The overwhelming amount of qualitative

thinking that communication requires – supported by quantitative facts – was right up my alley.

Personally/ socially, I had friends and girlfriends that I cared about (and still do). But it was my

sophomore year when I met a woman that would change my life forever.

Alex and I met through a mutual friend at a birthday dinner. After that we were together

for around 7 months when I felt we weren’t going anywhere. I headed over to Alex’s house to let

her know how I was feeling when she let me in on a surprise of her own; she thought she was

pregnant. So, with what seemed like a sign from above I knew it wasn’t the best time to talk to

her about what I had to say. We ended up staying together for another few of months. Things
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eventually did take their course and we split up. Virginia Rose Myers was born on February 28th,

2008 at 5:36 in the morning, so close to being a leap year baby. I still remember speeding to the

hospital in the middle of the night, franticly calling everyone who needed to be called as I tried

to meet Alex and her mom there. It was a short labor – a foreshadowing of Ginny’s pleasant and

happy demeanor.

I read once that a woman becomes a mother when she finds out that she’s pregnant and

that a man becomes a father when he holds his child for the first time. I suppose that’s true.

Nothing seemed more real to me in my life than holding Ginny for that first time in the hospital.

It was real, but I don’t think I was a father yet. It’s difficult to say that, shameful almost. To

make a long story a little shorter, Alex didn’t truly want me to be a part of Ginny’s life. I don’t

hold this against her and never will, I believe she has always wanted what she thought best for

our daughter. However, just like in our relationship, once Alex had made up her mind about

something or someone she’s a force to be reckoned with, a sort of immovable wall. It’s taken

more than a few heated words, a few thousand dollars in lawyer fees, and more time filling out

paperwork than I’d ever care to do again, but at last Ginny is legally my daughter.

Now, if I didn’t become a father when I held Ginny for the first time I’m sure you might

wonder when I did. Alex didn’t let me spend the time with Gin that I wanted, and I think that

this is the time when a man most often comes into his own as a father. I earnestly believe

because I didn’t have that time, it was the struggle that I still am going through to this day that

transformed me from a man into a father. I can say with all honesty that my motivating drive

now in life is my daughter, my family. It might be small for now, Ginny, Iris (my dog that I

began to raise from a puppy about a month before I found out Alex was pregnant), and myself,

but it’s what I have, and it’s part of what defines me. This is only a part of why I am who I am,

but it’s certainly the largest piece.

What are my beliefs, values, goals and dreams? The truth is I used to be so clear on all of

those things in one way or another but I can’t say that anymore. I certainly still have steadfast
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beliefs and values; however, I don’t know if I could tell you exactly what sort of goals and dreams

I have. I have had a love of history all my life and I think it shows in my belief system. More than

anything else I want to be able to provide for my family and to grow it as best I can. I believe in

my responsibility, first and foremost, to Ginny and even my little German shepherd, to the rest

of my family that I owe so much and even my responsibilities to Alex.

On a grander scale, I believe whole heartedly in the strength of diversity when coupled

with tolerance. My mother began to instill in me acceptance of different views and people. That

no matter what someone believed, how they looked, or what they spoke, they were to be

characterized by their thoughts and actions, not their situations. Tolerance and openness have

certainly been a part of my family dynamic. To this day, my real dad has been married three

times. My mom was recently widowed by Ken, who I call my father because he was just as large

a part in my upbringing as my real dad. But for my high school graduation, my dad and his 3rd

wife, his mom (Mema), and my great aunt all came to my step-father’s house. These sorts of

situations that have been common in my life have taught me that family, people, and

relationships in general are dynamic, always changing, and that just because society says two

types or groups of people shouldn’t get along (my mom’s ex-husband and her new husband, or

my mom and my dad’s new wife) doesn’t mean it should or has to be so. I’ve applied this belief

to all aspects of my life. Why can’t a woman do everything a man can and vice-a-versa? Why

can’t a black man do anything a white man can do? And why the hell can’t a Chinese man play in

the NBA?

My third most cherished belief is in goodness. I’m not saying people are inherently good

nor bad. That’s too big a can of worms to open in such a short essay. I do believe that the

overwhelming majority of people in the world find pride, happiness, and a positive sense of self

from doing good though. This has shown itself in my life in my love of community service and

helping others. This shouldn’t be confused with always being the most pleasant person. If you

ask anyone who has a lot of around the clock interaction with me if they think I’m a nice person,
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the answer most definitely will not be always yes. People should hear the truth, even when it’s

not what they want to hear. I believe this is most evident when friends and family know they

mess up and need a helping hand. Because of the tolerance shown to me when growing up, I

don’t see much use in being upset with people when they mess up and know it. That, to me, is

when they need a hand the most, and a lot of the time it’s when no one’s willing to give it to

them.

If I had to choose five important goals in my life, I would have to say the list would be

very… centered. That is they are centered on my most strongly held beliefs. Firstly, my number

one goal is to be the best father I can for Ginny. This is a broad goal and encompasses so much.

It’s the reason I’ve turned “everything” around in my life: school, my family relationships, and

life in general. Second, I want to help my community. Not just in small ways – though the little

things are more important than people imagine – but in big ways as well. When I was little I

always wanted to be mayor. It makes me smile now but it wasn’t far off the mark, serving the

public is still one of my biggest goals.

Thirdly, I want to leave a lasting legacy in my community. When I was 18, my Pepa died

(that’s my dad’s dad). He was the first one of my grandparents to pass and the first person I was

close to period. It was a life changing experience for me because I was always close to him, even

though most of his life he was an alcoholic. At his wake, I stood and watched as people began

showing up a half hour before the service began and lined up around the door soon after. I stood

there with my grandmother for over two hours as the last of the visitors made their way through

the line to pay their respects. I was amazed at the stories people told me about Paul (his name

too). The event made me realize that without ever holding a public office or being on any

committee my grandfather had touched the lives of over 600 people who showed up just that

night and another 100 that came by my Mema’s house personally, all in a town of just over

2,000 people. He never asked for thanks and always took the assertions that he was a jackass
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and an alcoholic with a grain of salt. Paul Franklin Hopper was no saint, but he left a legacy on

his community in the minds and hearts of his neighbors.

Fourth, I want to raise my children with my beliefs of tolerance and self-worth. No

person on this earth is without their vices and humility is knowing that your vices – whatever

they are – are no better or worse than any other person’s. There are obvious extremes in this

spectrum that can be told apart; if you have Hitler on one side and Jesus on another there is an

obvious difference in them. Generally though, the vices people deal with and the choices they

make about their lives every day – whether we think them right or wrong – don’t make them any

better or worse. My final goal is – at the risk of sounding completely cliché’ – to find happiness

in my life. One of the most important things that I can think to teach my children is how to be

happy even when things aren’t going your way, which they’re sure not to at least sometimes in

life. How to deal with stress, family arguments, success and failure are all learned by your

children from you. I just don’t want to fail Ginny and any future children I have in that regard.

Since rethinking my life’s purpose, a lot of things have changed about what motivates

me. There’s nothing that effects how I plan on accomplishing my dreams more than this. My

beliefs are what keep me going and pushing so hard; my goals are what I am heading towards.

The short answer to how I plan on accomplishing my dreams, or goals, is however I can, because

I won’t allow myself to let down my daughter or my family. Too many times in the past I’ve let

myself down by not doing things I knew I could or taking the easier way out. It was my former

shrink that told me, “Paul, when you have something in your life that you don’t want to do, you

need to do that.” I doubt that advice applies to many other people in the world, but to me it

certainly does. Since I turned my life around, I’ve been pushing myself and haven’t looked back.

I have truly amazed myself with what I’m capable of. For a man who’s still taking anti-

depressants, amazing yourself and moving forward every day is a great accomplishment. I say

this with as much humility as one can but I’m proud of myself, and I like that feeling.
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As for the obstacles that could stand in my way, the largest barrier I see is myself, should

I “fall of the wagon” so to speak. Another obstacle is my desire to remain close to Ginny. The

more I look, the harder it seems to find a good job in Mobile that I can get out of college. But I’m

determined to do it and it’s a hurdle that I’m sure I can overcome.