Writing 4+ 26.3/30 James, Great introwell organized with a strong thesis.

Your body paragraphs have great topic focus and use of CDs, but youre missing a conclusing sentence in both of them. Really strong conclusionyour connection to the real world (and back to the hook) is pretty sophisticated !

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James Renick Ms. Woodard English 9/ Period 4 7 November 2013

The Scarlet Ibis: Theme of Pride Sometimes in life, one does not know how good they have it until its gone. In the short story "The Scarlet Ibis", by James Hurst, Brother feels this happen to him in a blink of an eye for his fallen brother, Doodle. Brother, who is a prideful and selfish character in the story, grows up with a physically challenged younger brother named Doodle. He forces him to learn the skills he knows in order for him to be more alike, but does not know when to stop as he leads Doodle to his death. In this short story, Brother is overtaken by his own pride, which leads him to relentlessly force Doodle to be more athletic and social, but also blindly pushes him over the edge from the reigns of death. Throughout the story, there are a couple reasons why Brother's pride brings out the best of him because he pushes and encourages him to try to be more active and athletic. Some examples of these in the text include when he says that "Doodle told [Brothers family] that it was I who told him how to walk, so everyone wanted to hug me, and I began to cry" (430). This shows how he taught Doodle how to do some skills that he would have never tried on his own and also made his family filled with joy. Brother would also note that "On hot days, Doodle and I went to Horsehead

Lindsay! 11/18/13 9:35 PM Comment [1]: New quotation marks. Lindsay! 11/18/13 9:35 PM Comment [2]: Make sure your antecedents and pronouns agree in number. Lindsay! 11/18/13 9:35 PM Comment [3]: Avoid contractions in formal writing. Lindsay! 11/18/13 9:36 PM Comment [4]: Great connection to the hook! Lindsay! 11/18/13 9:36 PM Comment [5]: Great dependent clause! Lindsay! 11/18/13 9:36 PM Comment [6]: Doesnt quite fit.

Lindsay! 11/18/13 9:37 PM Comment [7]: Doesnt quite fit. Lindsay! 11/18/13 9:37 PM Comment [8]: Remove extra space between lines in the line spacing options. Lindsay! 11/18/13 9:38 PM Comment [9]: Should this say Doodle? Lindsay! 11/18/13 9:39 PM Comment [10]: Good use of the brackets! Lindsay! 11/18/13 9:39 PM Comment [11]: Change to [he] Lindsay! 11/18/13 9:39 PM Comment [12]: Change these pronouns, too. Lindsay! 11/18/13 9:40 PM Comment [13]: Change to [o]n Lindsay! 11/18/13 9:40 PM Comment [14]: Change pronoun

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Landing, and I gave him swimming lessons or showed him how to row a boat" (433). This also shows how he strived to continuously teach Doodle more and more diverse skills. Although Brother taught him things for his benefit, he also deteriorated his health immensely, as he did more activities with him. During the story, a couple reasons why Brother's pride brings out the worst of him is because from pushing Doodle to be more active and athletic, he is also making Doodle do more strenuous and dangerous things that could prove to be very fatal for him in certain conditions, because his body and heart are not fit to perform such activities. Some examples of these reasons in the text include when Brother mentioned that "Whenever we went, I purposely walked fast, and although he kept up, his face and his eyes became glazed... so he collapsed on the ground and began to cry" (432). This shows that often times, he gets selfish and does not care about Doodle's safety or health. He also later in the story says that "I began to weep, and the tear-blurred vision in red before me looked very familiar. 'Doodle!' I screamed above the pounding storm and threw my body to the earth above his" (435). From this passage, it vividly shows that Doodle died in front of him because of his actions and he actually shows emotions of being sympathetic and sorrow for the gruesome death of his only brother. In conclusion, Brother shows his headstrong and selfish ways in which he forces Doodle to learn more new and convenient skills, but also has been harsh and domineering on Doodles' physical abilities. Brother's pride brings forth joy and sorrow to Doodle and their family by teaching new skills to him and bringing his life to an end. One can learn so much from observing the faults and actions of Brother in this short story. Like Brother, it can be good at moments to be headstrong and
Lindsay! 11/18/13 9:42 PM Comment [17]: Second CM needed as well as a concluding sentence. Lindsay! 11/18/13 9:41 PM Comment [16]: Good use of the single quotation marks! Lindsay! 11/18/13 9:40 PM Comment [15]: Concluding sentence missing here.

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persistent, but be careful to not let pride get in the way of those emotions, for it could lead to regret and sorrow as it did with Brother. Brother truly loved Doodle in his heart, but did not realize it until he died by his actions, so one should find gratefulness and look for the best in things because not all people truly know how much they love something until it is taken away from them.

Word Count: 669 words