The Sacrament of Waiting by Fr. James Donelan, S.J.

The English poet John Milton wrote that those who serve are only those who stand and wait. I think I would go urther and say that those who wait render the highest orm o servi!e. "aiting re#uires more dis!ipline, more sel $!ontrol and emotional maturity, more unshakable aith in our !ause, more unwavering hope in the uture, more sustaining love in our hearts that all the greatest deeds o derring$do go by the name o a!tion. "aiting is a mystery $ a natural sa!rament o li e $ there is a meaning hidden in all the times we have to wait. It must be an important mystery be!ause there is so mu!h waiting in our lives. Everyday is illed with those little moments o waiting %testing our patien!e and our nerves, s!hooling us in sel $!ontrol&. "e wait or meals to be served, or a letter to arrive, or a riend to !all or show up or a date. "e wait in line at !inemas and theaters, !on!erts and !ir!uses. 'ur airline terminals, railway stations and bus depots are great temples o waiting illed with men and women who wait in (oy or the arrival o a loved one $ or wait in sadness to say goodbye and give the last wave o hand. "e wait or springs to !ome $ or autumn ) or the rains to begin and stop. *nd we wait or ourselves to grow rom !hildhood to maturity. "e wait or those inner voi!es that tell us when we are ready or the ne+t stop. "e wait or graduation, or our irst (ob, our irst promotion. "e wait or su!!ess and re!ognition. "e wait to grow up $ to rea!h the stage where we make our own de!isions. "e !annot remove this waiting rom our lives. It is a part o the tapestry o living ) the threads are woven to tell the story o our lives.

abri! in whi!h the

,et !urrent philosophies would have us orget the need to wait. -.rab all the gusto you !an get/- So reads one o *meri!a0s greatest beer ads $ get it now/ Instant pleasure, instant trans!enden!e. Do not wait or anything. 1i e is short $ eat, drink and be merry be!ause tomorrow you will die. *nd so they rationali2e us into a!!epting unli!ensed and irresponsible reedom $ pre$marital se+ and e+tra marital a airs $ they warn against atta!hments and !ommitments $ against e+pe!ting anything o anybody, or allowing them to e+pe!t anything o us $ against dropping any an!hors in the !urrents o our li e that will !ause us to hold and wait.

This may be the !orre!t pres!ription or pleasure $ but even that is leeting and doubt ul $ what was it Shakespeare said about the mad pursuit o pleasure $ -3ast reason hunted, and on!e had, past reason hated.4ot i we wish to be real human beings, spirit as well as lesh, soul as well as heart, we have to learn to wait. For i we never learn to wait, we will never learn to love someone other than ourselves. For most of all waiting means waiting for someone else. It is a mystery, brushing by our a!e everyday like a stray wind o lea alling rom a tree. Anyone who has loved knows how much waiting goes into it how much waiting is important for love to grow, to flourish through a lifetime. "hy is this5 "hy !an we not have it right now what we so desperately want and need5 "hy must we wait $ two years, three years $ and seemingly waste so mu!h time5 ,ou might as well ask why a tree should take so long to bear ruit ) the seed to lower $ !arbon to !hange to diamond. There is no simple answer $ no more than there is to li e0s other demands $ having to say goodbye to someone you love be!ause either you or they have made other !ommitments6 or be!ause they have to grow and ind the meaning o their own lives $ having yoursel to leave home and loved ones to ind your own path $ good$byes, like waiting, are also sa!raments o our lives. *ll we know is that growth $ the budding, the lowering o love needs patient waiting. "e have to give ea!h other a time to grow. There is no way we !an make someone else truly love us or we them, e+!ept through time. So we give ea!h other that mysterious gi t o waiting $ o being present without asking demands and rewards. There is nothing harder to do than this. It truly tests the depth and sin!erity o our love. 7ut there is li e in the gi t we give. So lovers wait or ea!h other $ until they !an see things the same way $ or let ea!h other reely see things in #uite di erent ways. There are times when lovers hurt ea!h other and !annot regain the balan!e o intima!y o the way they were. They have to wait - in silence - but still present to each other - until the pain subsides to an ache and then only a memory and the threads of the tapestry can be woven together again in a single love story. "hat do we lose when we re use to wait6 when we try to ind short!uts through li e $ when we try to in!ubate love and rush blindly and oolishly into a !ommitment we are neither mature nor responsible enough to assume5 "e lose the hope o truly loving or o being loved. Think o all the great love stories o history and literature $ isn0t it o their very essen!e that they

are illed with this strange but !ommon mystery $ that waiting is part o the substan!e $the basi! abri! against whi!h the story o that true love is written. 8ow !an we ever ind either li e or true love i we are too impatient to wait or it5