Roadkill 5 versions Original version: Im driving home from the house of Nothing But Next Winding around the

rails of the smooth paving Interrupted intermittently by the rude rumbles on either side Irritating and intertwining with the tinnitus in my ears Glan e down at the speedometer and turning the amp down on Biggie !ensing among the sullen roads a amped out piggy "ightening up on the pedal so the needle sin#s under $ear the thunder after lightning brea#s the dar#ness !wiftly swigging my strawberry sha#e and swishing it around before swallowing %eel a thud under my white and bla # spotted !ebring Grima ing& slither out of the tan# of destru tion ' poor s(uirrel lying on its bro#en ba # Bones shattered and nuts s attered "onely s(uirrel buddies and hungry newborns !tamped on the road a fresh pie e of road #ill %resh as a newly ba#ed rhubarb pie in the window sill Need to find a way to put it into reverse )o allow the fallen buddy to limb up another tree

*st revision: I get into my new "amborghini and leave that old li(uor sha # )he ar dan es from side to side as it progresses through the foothills of the mountain Interrupted in an instant by the startling strips on ea h side +ven more annoying than the ringing in my ears, )urning down the volume on the rap song about the poli e& When I am reminded to glan e down at the speedometer)he red needle autions as it is pointing dire tly at .*// m-p-h-0 )he lightning beat the thunder 1ust as always 's I am lightening up on the pedal 1ust before the op sees me !wiftly swigging my strawberry sha#e and swishing it around before swallowing&

When suddenly the ar pops up into the air li#e a ground ball finding a ro # and 1umping for nuts Grima ing& slither out of the not2so2new ar anymore' damn s(uirrel s(uirming around )he bumper smashed in )he silver paint s raped off )he value lowered )he horrible misfortune Need to find a way to put it into reverse )o allow the speed bump to be fully flattened

3nd revision: I get into my new "amborghini and leave that old li(uor sha # filled of igar smo#e)he ar dan es from side to side as it progresses through the foothills of the mountain Interrupted in an instant by the startling strips on ea h side ma#ing my whole ar vibrate +ven more annoying than the ringing in my ears, )urning down the volume on the rap song about the poli e& When I am reminded to glan e down at the speedometer)he red needle autions as it is pointing dire tly at .*// m-p-h-0 )he bright flash of lightning beat the obnoxious grumbling thunder 1ust as always 's I am lightening up on the pedal 1ust before the op sees me !wiftly swigging my reamy deli ious strawberry sha#e and swishing it around before swallowing& When suddenly the ar pops up into the air li#e a ground ball finding a ro # and 1umping for nuts Grima ing and lut hing my ailing head& slither out of the not2so2new ar anymore' damn s(uirrel s(uirming around )he bumper smashed in )he silver paint s raped off )he value lowered )he horrible misfortune Need to find a way to put it into reverse )o allow the speed bump to be fully flattened

4rd revision:

I get into my new "amborghini5 and leave that old li(uor sha # filled of igar smo#e)he ar dan es from side to side as it progresses through the foothills of the mountain Interrupted in an instant by the startling strips on ea h side ma#ing my whole ar vibrate +ven more annoying than the ringing in my ears, )urning down the volume on the rap song about the poli e& When I am reminded to glan e down at the speedometer)he red needle autions as it is pointing dire tly at .*// m-p-h-0 )he bright flash of lightning beat the obnoxious grumbling thunder 1ust as always 's I am lightening up on the pedal 1ust before the op sees me !wiftly swigging my reamy deli ious strawberry sha#e and swishing it around before swallowing& When suddenly the ar pops up into the air li#e a ground ball finding a ro # and 1umping for nuts55 Grima ing and lut hing my ailing head& slither out of the not2so2new ar anymore' damn s(uirrel s(uirming around )he bumper smashed in )he silver paint s raped off )he value lowered )he horrible misfortune Need to find a way to put it into reverse )o allow the speed bump to be fully flattened 5Behind the s enes note2 ' !ebring was originally the vehi le- But that an be viewed as a family vehi le& often used selflessly su h as for giving rides to multiple messy and noisy #ids to so er pra ti e- )he "amborghini was hosen instead to be viewed as a nar issisti symbol of using an ex essive amount of money on something that has no benefit to others and an often be a detriment with the very small spa e for other people to fit in55%or anybody that has played baseball& you would understand there is a painful omparison between the ar hitting the s(uirrel who was going for nuts to a baseball on a field that hits a ro # and pops up in the same manner usually headed right for the rot h in what inevitably seems to be loo#ing for its own nuts' ouple of my goals for the first revision were to slow down the a tions and to be mu h more spe ifi and avoid generali6ations- In the first line I slow it down a little but by mentioning the exa t type of ar and des ribing the type of pla e I was at rather than 1ust giving it a mysterious name- In the next line& I use more a tive words and give a better des ription of the setting where the ar is at- In the next stan6a I gave a spe ifi speed and said the needle was pointing dire tly at *// m-p-h- )hat gives a spe ifi image of the "amborghini speeding through the foothills and hints at danger ahead- 'll of these hanges had a ni e effe t of reating spe ifi imagery rather than sto # images- 'nother goal of this revision was to hange the point of view to see if it ould be more effe tive- In the original poem& I had a guilty and sad feeling of hitting the s(uirrel- In this revision& I hange the point of view to one of anger and blame towards the s(uirrel for being in the road- I hange the line about the tan# of destru tion to the "amborghini that has been damaged- )he hange from the !ebring to the "amborghini highlights this hange in attitude- I use en1ambment to slow down this part of the driver slithering out to show the pain in moving and the pain also of admitting that the "amborghini has also ta#en a hit- In the fourth stan6a through the end of the poem I ontinued the shift from the s(uirrels health to the ar- )he driver is more on erned with the damage to the ar and the value being lowered

than the in1ured animal- Instead of wanting to reverse to ta#e ba # hitting the s(uirrel& he wants to reverse to run over the s(uirrel again whi h is 1ust referred to a speed bump- )he hanges in attitude definitely gave the poem a different point of view that I was loo#ing for- Whether it made it better or worse is up to the reader to de ide- I thin# either point of view ould wor# although Id favor the sympatheti attitude of the original version- I also de ided to play with the sounds of the poem a little bit to add some but also ta#e some away where I felt li#e it sa rifi ed the poem being genuine for a rhyme- )he .pop0 is onomatopoeia that added some sound to the poem and emphasi6e this ru ial moment in the poem- I added the alliteration of the s(uirrel s(uirming- I also too# out some rhymes that I miss a little bit but I feel the overall sound with the overall ontent of the poem is improved with the additions and deletions of sound that were made- 7y goal for this revision was to reate synesthesia- I felt with everything happening in this poem that it was la #ing the ability to attra t the senses into the poem- I a omplished this by adding the igar smo#e& the ar vibrating& the lightning flashing and thunder grumbling& the reamy deli ious sha#e& and the ailing head- I added all of the senses into the poem and it gave the feeling of experien ing the poem rather than 1ust reading about itIn my third revision& I wanted to explain a ouple s enarios in more depth- I wanted to avoid explaining during the poem li#e was mentioned in lass last wee#- I had as#ed 8raig Blais about his use of footnotes and I was intrigued to try his method- I li#ed explaining myself and feel that it gives the reader some extra insight without disturbing the flow of the poem so I feel that the footnote experien e was a su ess-