Shoopman1 Amber Shoopman Janice Lung Communications 101 October 23, 2011 Midterm Essay Dear Amber, I am writing

to you to let you know that I am aware of your struggles with communicating competently. I understand your frustrations when communication does not come easily for you. You need to realize, however, that communication is going to be a very big part of the career path you have chosen. In light of this fact, I have written the following guidebook to help you learn how to improve your basic communication skills. Because your future will be dedicated to assisting other people, I have also included information that will help you acquire interpersonal, group, and leadership communication skills. Good luck, Amber. I wish you the best in all your future endeavors. I know if you follow the lessons of this handbook, you will succeed in every communication scenario you find yourself in. Always here for you, Me How to Survive Social Encounters: A Guidebook to Communicating Competently Introduction There are three different levels of communication that you need to improve on; communication with yourself, interpersonal relationships, and group involvement. This guidebook will touch on all the key points in which you need to improve or will be important for

Shoopman2 you to develop as a Social Worker. First, we are going to discuss communication, in general, to help you understand why these skills are so important for you to develop. Communication is the process by which individuals use symbols, signs, and behaviors to exchange information (O'Hair and Wiemann 4). Communication is interdependent, meaning that what you do affects other people, just as their actions and communication affects you. There are three primary functions associated with communication; expressing affiliation, achieving goals, and influencing others (O'Hair and Wiemann 6). There are many different types of communication. The one we are going to focus on is the competent communication model. In this type of communication, each of the communicators are both sending and receiving messages, both verbal and nonverbal, simultaneously (O'Hair and Wiemann 24). Communication is the most essential aspect of human interaction. Without communication, we would not exist. Part One: Self Concept The old adage is true. You cant help others, until youve helped yourself. What do you want to accomplish as a social worker? You want to help people improve the quality of their lives, right? Well, in order to do that, you need to first help yourself to improve the quality of your life. That starts with self-cognition. Self-cognition is the way we perceive ourselves. There are three things that make up your self-cognition. We are going to define and talk about each of them as this is one of your greatest weaknesses. You dont, generally, have a problem finding the positive qualities within others, but when it comes to yourself, you have blinders on. The first aspect of self-cognition is self-concept. Self-concept is your awareness and understanding of who you are, as interpreted and influenced by your thoughts, actions, abilities, values, goals, and ideals (O'Hair and Wiemann 52). Self-concept requires you to look deep inside

Shoopman3 and evaluate your weaknesses and strengths. One of your greatest strengths is your belief in your religion and the scriptures. How many times have you found the answers to your problems within the pages of the scriptures? Remember the scripture in 2 Corinthians 12:9? My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness (Holy Bible: King James Version). What about Ether 12:27? If men come unto me I will show unto them their weaknessesif they humble themselves before me and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them (Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ). Look inside and find your weaknesses. Then remember that you are a child of God and try to see yourself as He sees you. If you do this you will have a much clearer picture of who you are and what you are capable of. The second aspect of self-concept is self-esteem. Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself in certain situations, and is comprised of your attitudes about your emotions, thoughts, abilities, skills, behavior, and beliefs in those situations (O'Hair and Wiemann 53). People with low self-esteem are very sensitive to how other people view them. They often have less confidence in themselves and are likely to emphasize their weaknesses, believe negative information about themselves, and try to lower others people opinions about their potential (O'Hair and Wiemann 55). There are very few areas in which you have a high self-esteem. Those include, caring for your nieces and nephews, working in a group home (though your self-esteem sometimes wavers here too), and scrapbooking. In all other aspects of your life, you have a very low self-esteem. This is a problem you need to fix. If you dont believe in yourself, how can you expect anyone to believe in your ability to help them?

Shoopman4 To overcome a low self-esteem you need to focus on your strong points. You are compassionate, caring, a good listener, and have a great desire and capacity to love. You need to learn to trust other people when they give you direct evidence of your worth in the form of compliments. You always try to brush them off and you get embarrassed. If they didnt believe what they were saying, they wouldnt be saying it. Learn to take a compliment with dignity and grace. This will go far in helping to improve your self-esteem and increase your self-confidence as well. The third aspect of self-cognition is self-efficacy. Self-efficacy is the ability to predict your actual success from your self-concept and self-esteem (O'Hair and Wiemann 56). Your levels of self-efficacy are what guide you in social interactions. If you have a low level of selfefficacy in a particular situation, you will avoid it all together. How many times have you tried to avoid going to a social gathering with the excuse, I dont do well with a lot of people around.? How many times have you been dragged there anyways and you have done just fine? Countless times, thats how many. One of the biggest problems with low levels of self-efficacy, is the tendency is has to lead to self-fulfilling prophecy. Self-fulfilling prophecy is a prediction that causes you to alter your behavior in a way that makes the prediction more likely to occur (O'Hair and Wiemann 56). This week, for example, you found out about all the homework you had and informed your sister that you were going to be stressed out this week. She tried to tell you that you were not, but you told her it was your nature to be stressed and this amount of homework would cause you stress. She argued that you were choosing to be stressed. Because you said that you would be stressed you were. You were stressed to the verge of a panic attack. You allowed your prophecy to be fulfilled

Shoopman5 instead of just getting organized and dealing with things one assignment at a time. Luckily, you only allowed this to continue for a few hours, before turning it around. Your self-cognition is very important to the remainder of this communication guidebook. You need to develop these skills and improve your self-cognition before you continue to the next lesson. By improving your self-cognition, you will be more comfortable communicating with others, and will be able to walk away from any social encounter with, at least, the feeling that your communication competence was sufficient and acceptable, in other words you will have a sense of self-adequacy. Part Two: Interpersonal Interactions What do I mean by interpersonal interactions? Well, interpersonal relationships are defined as the interconnections and interdependence between two individuals (O'Hair and Wiemann 164). Interpersonal communication is defined as the exchange of verbal and nonverbal messages between two people who have an interpersonal relationship (O'Hair and Wiemann 164). So interpersonal interactions would constitute the relationships and communications you have with your friends, family, and future clients. Some of your friends and family belong in both categories and they are not the ones you need help communicating with. The interpersonal interactions we are going to focus on in this guidebook deal with the interpersonal relationships you have with your extended family, friends, and clients. By improving these relationships you have a more solid feeling of inclusion. You are, by nature, someone that other people seem to be drawn to, which is a great quality for a social worker. Unfortunately, this quality makes you uncomfortable because you have a low confidence in your communication skills. This section is going to teach you basic communication principles and help you feel more confident in using them.

Shoopman6 In order to communicate competently with others, you first need to understand them. You need to evaluate your perceptions, and the relational, situational, and cultural context, in which you find yourself. Just as you would never tell your clients about the party you went to, you need to develop your self-presentation, self-monitoring, and self-disclosure. This involves knowing how to present yourself in particular situations and how much personal information to share and with whom to share it. Just as you would dress and act differently when going to church or going to school, or even just hanging out at a backyard BBQ, every interaction has its own context and norms. After assessing the context of the situation, you then need to assess your communication partner. It is very important that you acknowledge the culture and each of the co-cultures that your partner belongs to. This is especially important when you recognize the diversity of the world in which we live in. There are many cultures of this world that have different ideas of what is considered rude or offensive behavior. By learning of these customs, you will be a more effective social worker. Think about it. If you show a client that you care enough about them to learn about their culture, what is important to them, and their background, they will be more apt to trust you and have confidence in your ability to help them. There are three perceptional barriers that can limit your ability to effectively help other people. These are cultural myopia, stereotyping, and prejudice. Cultural myopia is the belief that your culture is the only one that is appropriate and relevant, and that it is better than others (O'Hair and Wiemann 48). Stereotyping involves organizing information about groups of people into categories so that you can generalize about their attitudes, behaviors, skills, morals, and habits (O'Hair and Wiemann 49). Prejudice is a deep seated feeling of unkindness and ill will

Shoopman7 toward particular groups, usually based on negative stereotypes and cultural myopia (O'Hair and Wiemann 49). In order to overcome these perceptional barriers there are four things you need to do. The first is to be mindful of the fact that no two people are the same and learn to recognize the unique qualities of each person. The second is to distinguish between the person and the multiple cocultures that they belong to. It also requires you to understand that a co-culture does not define who a person is, but rather they are a group the person has chosen to associate with. The third principle is to expand your perspective by learning about different cultures, co-cultures, and groups and to try new things. The final step to overcoming perceptional barriers is to simply examine your various perceptions and recognize the fallacies within them. Once you have identified the person and context in which you are communicating, it is time to get down to business and start the actual communication. Communication can be broken down into three different components; verbal, nonverbal, and listening. Here we will go through each of these components and break them down into the basics that will help you communicate competently. You know the old saying, The good Lord gave you two ears and one mouth so you would listen twice as much as you speak.? Listening, is the most essential thing you will do as a social worker. If you cant decode the message that is being communicated to you, you will never be able to effectively help anyone. Listening is more than just hearing sounds. Listening is an active process that requires your participation. There are five steps to active listening. The first step is selecting. Selecting requires you to choose between all of the different sounds that you hear, and decide which of them you are going to focus on. The second step is attending, which is the act of focusing your attention on the sound you have selected to listen to.

Shoopman8 Thirdly, is to understand the message that is being delivered. Fourth, requires you to remember the information you have been given. The last step is to respond to the message in an appropriate and effective manner showing that you fully comprehend what you have been told (O'Hair and Wiemann 134-135). When listening there are some general rules to remember that will help you to overcome any listening barriers you may have. First, do not multitask. Not only does multitasking divide your attention, it is considered highly rude, and can convey a message of disinterest. Second, do not be so quick to interject your thoughts. Remember to listen more than you speak. If you interrupt a message you are sure to miss vital information and clarification. Third, dont assume overconfidence on any topic, as it can lead to laziness and miscommunication in the decoding process. Finally, do not engage in pseudolistening. If you are not going to be able to listen, for whatever reason (youre worried about a family situation, the last case is in desperate need of immediate attention, etc) postpone any further interpersonal communications until you can engage in all the steps of effective listening. The second most important component of interpersonal interactions lies in nonverbal communication. Many times people are prone to say one thing, when they mean something completely opposite. While words may lie, nonverbal cues rarely do. It is your job to recognize the channel discrepancies. Channel discrepancy is when one set of behaviors says one thing and another set says something different (O'Hair and Wiemann 104). Learning to recognize nonverbal codes can help you be a better listener, by allowing you to read between the lines of what someone is saying. Nonverbal codes come in many forms. Kinesics are the gestures and body movement that send various messages (O'Hair and Wiemann 108). Facial expressions are particularly important

Shoopman9 to recognizing channel discrepancy, because people will often mask their true feelings behind a false expression. The tone, speed, volume, and inflections of our voice, also called paralanguage , often mean more than the actual words that are being spoken. The most powerful nonverbal code, however, is eye contact. Many people believe that eyes are the windows to the soul. Eye contact can influence a change in attitude, indicate a degree of arousal, express emotion, regulate interaction, indicate power, and form impressions (O'Hair and Wiemann 111). If you really want to know what someone is feeling watch their eye contact and behaviors. There is one potential problem with this path to channel discrepancy, however. In some cultures it is deemed disrespectful and offensive to look someone in the eye. If you have identified the cultures and co-cultures of your communication partner, you should already know whether this holds true for them. If it does, you will need to rely on the other nonverbal codes to help you. One of the other most important nonverbal codes that you can use to convey a message is touch. The nature of human beings is to feel a sense of immediacy. By offering touch you can convey a whirlwind of meaning, without ever uttering a single word. Touches vary in their meaning and reaction. It is important to understand the contexts of the communication taking place and use the appropriate touch in the appropriate manner at the appropriate time. There are three different levels of touch that we will explore here to help you determine appropriateness. The first level of touch is the social-polite touch. This touch generally conveys nothing beyond an acknowledgement of the other person. This touch can be a handshake, high-five, knuckle bump, or other similar action. This level of touch is very nonintrusive. There are rules that you need to keep in mind with this level of touch. First, do not use the wrong touch with the wrong person. It would be very inappropriate to give your boss a high-five in greeting. Second,

Shoopman10 be sure that you are not offering this level of touch at the wrong level of interpersonal relationship. Family and close friends may feel rejected if you greet them or say goodbye, with nothing more than a handshake. The second level of touch is the friendship-warmth touch. This touch is largely reserved for the people you feel affection for. This touch can convey liking, warmth, pride, and attraction. Touches in this category can include a pat on the head or back, hugging, or a squeeze of the knee. This touch is also used to convey understanding and sympathy. Be sure when using this touch that you are pairing it with verbal communication as well, so that the intended message you are sending is understood. The third level of touch is that of love and intimacy. This is the touch you will reserve for a romantic partner or your family. These touches include kissing, a peck on the cheek, embracing, and caressing. This type of touch communicates a deep closeness (O'Hair and Wiemann 119). As such, it should never be used in a professional setting, especially with clients. You need to realize, however, that it is a perfectly acceptable touch and one that you should be more comfortable with in the right situation with the right people. It is okay to let people into this proximity once in a while. Your life cannot be truly full without this kind of touch. The third vital, though often time less honest, component of communication is verbal language. These are the words you speak to communicate your message. Sounds pretty easy, right? Wrong! Language is a skill we work at throughout our lives and never fully perfect. Here are some key points to remember with the language you choose to use. The first thing you need to remember is that all words have two meanings. The first is the denotative meaning or the dictionary version. This is more the common definition of a word. The second is the connotative meaning. This is the emotional response or attitude people feel

Shoopman11 towards a particular word (O'Hair and Wiemann 73). Just as there is a time and place for every kind of touch, there is a time and place for using different words as well. Another important aspect of language is in how we convey our message. People vary in the level of abstraction they need to understand. Understanding context culture can be very helpful in determining what level of abstraction to use. People from a high context culture, like Korea, Japan, and Latin America, most often require high abstract language (O'Hair and Wiemann 92). That means you can communicate your requests in a vague and unspecific way and they will accomplish the task. By contrast, people from a low context culture, like the United States, Canada, and Australia, need low abstract language (O'Hair and Wiemann 92). With these people, you must be very specific and precise in your message. Let me give you an example. Lets say you have a book that you believe would be very beneficial for a client to read. You really think it will help them to move past a particular issue they are facing. To communicate your desire for them to read the book in high abstract language, you would simply say, This book has a lot of great information in regards to what we just discussed. On the other hand, if your client required low abstract language you would say, I want you to take this book home tonight and read pages 35 to 73. When you come in next week we will discuss how you think the information might help you cope with your mothers overbearing manner. The important thing, here again, is knowing your communication partner. Though lower abstract language ensures clarity, high abstract language can be useful and help to accomplish certain goals (O'Hair and Wiemann 79). We use high abstract language as a means to evade communication and avoid a particular topic. We use equivocation by saying words that are unclear or mislead other people to avoid telling them something that may hurt their feelings if we told them the truth. We use euphemisms to avoid offensive words or phrases

Shoopman12 that illicit negative responses. All of these are examples of high abstract language and are completely acceptable in the right circumstances. Be careful using them though. They tend to be less than honest, and if people feel that you are being less than honest, too often, they will stop trusting you. Speaking of language that is less than honest, we are going to take a brief moment here to touch on politically correct language. Politically correct language tries to replace biased language that openly excludes certain groups or implies something negative about them with language that is more neutral (O'Hair and Wiemann 87). While this can be useful in some situations, other times it can complicate and take away from communication. If you are so hung up on trying to be sensitive and understanding to every group, every time you speak, you are going to have a hard time discussing difficult issues with people. It is better to follow the lead of your communication partner. If, for instance, they say, I am cognitively challenged then you follow suit. On the other hand, if they say, Im retarded you can be assured that they are comfortable with that definition of themselves and you may also use it. By utilizing all of these skills and remembering to; know who you are communicating with, listen more than you talk, realize what they are not speaking, and hear the words they are, you will be well on your way to taking the next step on your communication journey; learning to interact with groups of people simultaneously. Part Three: Group Communication Up till now we have focused on low levels of social interaction to help you learn the basic skills of communication. Now it is time to put those skills to use and get social. There are many different groups that you can belong to. The first two parts of this guidebook helped you improve your communication in your primary groups. This group consists of your family and

Shoopman13 close friends. They are your basic support system. Communication with a primary group falls under the interpersonal category so we are not going to focus on that group here. Instead we are going to focus on the other groups you belong to or could belong to. One of those groups is a support group. As a social worker you may be asked to lead a support group one day. This group consists of individuals who come together to address personal problems while benefiting from the support of others with similar issues (O'Hair and Wiemann 229). You can also belong to a social group if you would stop being a coward and attend the single adult activities. As a social worker you may also be asked to lead a problem-solving group. This group is designed with a very specific mission in mind, which usually focuses on overcoming an immediate problem. No matter what you choose to do with your life, you will always be involved with a group in some way or another. As a social worker you will always have your support groups, individual dyads, and work team. All of the skills we have already touched on are the basis for group communication as well. Instead of reiterating them, we are going to look at group dynamics to help you understand how a group works and your place within it. When you understand your role, you feel more comfortable and can be a more competent communicator. Group communication runs on one of three networks. The chain network, allows information to be passed from one member to another, much like the game telephone. Unfortunately, the same concept that makes telephone so much fun, can be a disaster for group communication. As each member conveys the message to the next member, miscommunication is often spread. What starts out as a simple statement can quickly turn into a completely fabricated story.

Shoopman14 A better, alternative would be the wheel network. This network has one person as the hub. Everyone communicates directly to this person, who in turn communicates the message to everyone else. With one person gathering all of the information, no one is overwhelmed by the scope of a project because he can communicate what needs to be done to only the people it impacts. This network works great in many situations, but really limits group dynamic and cohesion. The best, and most effective network, is the all-channel network. In this network, all members communicate with one another in an equal fashion. Everyone is responsible for ensuring that communication is operative. Because everyone is equally responsible there is little chance for social loafing. The only downside to an all-channel network lies in the lack of order. If everyone should decide that their information is the most important there is no one to determine who should present first and disharmony can occur. After you have determined the type of network that your group is going to use, it is important for you to determine what your role is going to be within that group. Based on your personal strengths and weaknesses, I recommend that you develop the roles of information giver, initiator, harmonizer, and gatekeeper. An information giver is responsible for offering facts, beliefs, personal experience, or other relevant input to a group discussion (O'Hair and Wiemann 245). You are a great observer and therefore are usually full of information that others may have overlooked. In a lesser part, you would also be a great elaborator, by adding to the information and observations of other group members. An initiator helps the group move toward its objective by proposing solutions, presenting new ideas, or suggesting new ways of looking at an issue (O'Hair and Wiemann 246). You are a

Shoopman15 very imaginative person, very astute at thinking outside-the-box. That is what allows you to write programs. It is what allows you to design themes. It is why you were put in charge of employee incentive contests. Your ideas are generally fresh, interesting, and fun. This is a great role for you and essential to any group dynamic. A harmonizer seeks to smooth over tension in the group by settling differences among members (O'Hair and Wiemann 246). As a peacekeeper, you hate tension. You want everyone to be happy all the time. You feel deeply and take it personally if everyone is not enjoying themselves. Being a harmonizer works part and parcel with being a gatekeeper. The gatekeeper makes sure that everyone in the group has a chance to contribute to a discussion (O'Hair and Wiemann 246). While you enjoy being on the outskirts of social interactions, you also dont like to see anyone else stuck there. This is the one time you willingly seek out social interaction. You do this because you are a compassionate and caring person. Use it to your advantage to develop these roles. Another role you may be asked to take on will be that of leadership within a group. It is important that you remember that there is a difference between being the boss and being bossy (Thompson). Leadership is nothing more than the ability to direct or influence others behaviors and thoughts toward a productive end (O'Hair and Wiemann 260). There are many different leadership styles. It is very important for a leader to understand what type of leader each member of their team needs, as each individual personality type requires a different style of leadership to be effective and to perform at their highest potential. A directive leader controls the group by conveying specific instructions (O'Hair and Wiemann 264). In other words, this type of leader gives commands and expects them to be followed. This leadership style works best with people who are unsure of what is expected of

Shoopman16 them or how to carry out their assigned tasks (O'Hair and Wiemann 264). This leadership style is most effective with very low context cultures needing low abstract language. A participative leader views group members as equals, welcomes their opinions, summarizes points that have been raised, and identifies problems that need discussion, rather than announcing solutions (O'Hair and Wiemann 264). This type of a leader guides rather than commands. This leadership style works best with individuals who are competent, motivated, and willing (O'Hair and Wiemann 264). The supportive leader attends to group members emotional needs. This style is especially helpful when members feel frustrated with a task or discouraged with their progress (O'Hair and Wiemann 264). This leader works to keep harmony within the group by assuring each member of their worth and the importance they play to the whole. This style works best with people who need to be reassured that they are doing a good job, and need to be told that they are appreciated. An achievement-oriented leader sets challenging goals and communicates high expectations and standards (O'Hair and Wiemann 264). This leader realizes the skill behind the individual and urges them to progress towards their potential. This style works best with people who are motivated by success and are looking to progress into a leadership position themselves. This type of leader cannot be afraid to let others surpass them. This type of leader has to be comfortable with the idea that they may be leading and teaching their future leader. Conclusion This guidebook was not written to overwhelm you or make you feel like you will never succeed as a social worker. Instead, it is a guide to help you find the potential you have yet to realize. You are a person capable of great things. You are someone that people are naturally

Shoopman17 drawn to and feel an instantaneous closeness with. I know you have been hurt, rejected, and taken advantage of in the past, but dont let those few bad experiences smother who you can become and all the good that you can do in this world. Study this guidebook and let it lead you to greatness. Let it teach you the skills you need to not only survive every social encounter, but to come out of them with a feeling of self-actualization, knowing that you negotiated the situation as well as you possibly could (O'Hair and Wiemann 57). You have the power inside you to take on the world. Unleash it and set the world on fire! You go, girl!

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Bibliography
O'Hair, Dan and Mary Wiemann. Real Communication: An Introduction. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin's, 2009. Space Camp. Dir. Harry Winer. Perf. Lea Thompson. 1986. Various Authors. Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. Salt Lake City: Intellectual Reserve, Inc, 1979. Various Authors. Holy Bible: King James Version. Salt Lake City: Intellectual Reserve, Inc, 1979.