1. Hot buttons ate unhesled emotional wounds or unresolved pain fom che past, Perhaps someone hs “pushed your buton” and ‘voked a reaction tht seemed disproportionate othe situation, and asked, “Where did all vat anger come fom?” Pechaps you cary low self-esteem, a sense of inadequacy, feelings of abandonment, tinhappiness,ordsatisfcton sith your life's course. Perhaps weak nesses in others remind you of salar weaknesses in youself that have caused you pain inthe past. For example, perhaps you were once ertcied. or felt ashamed for being indecisive, weak, ronasertive, depressed, or incompetent. When you see thes tits in loved ones you become angry, oping to put an end to them, Or the weakness of another person might remind you of your power: lessness to help. When you ste pain in others you try co defend ‘east your pain with anger. You might futile try to change them with your anger. However, these buttons remain emotionally charged until we touch the wounds and pain in oureles and ath fers with compassion. Hot buttons remind us that anger isa sec fondary emotion. Underneath the ange is far anor pain. 2. Family personal history. Children tend 10 repeat behav joes that they have een modeled. Pechas inthe family you grew up im adults or siblings frequently few off the handle, and you learned their habits, Peheps you sew people rewarded for thee anger, exch 2 an Army officer who caused people to jump when he became Angry (60 you leaned that anger seems to ge you what you want In your family, you might have experienced neglect, abandonment, ‘or poor attachment, causing pain and eventually anger to ars. 3. Precomceived cognitions are certain thinking habits that Jnensify anger: fone tends to think of offenses as deliberate, mean ‘irited, personal, and inexcusable then anger more likely to be extreme, When people hae the habicof hostility they are more likely torake offense because they already distant other persons’ motives ‘Many people rationalize anger ("She's feisty eedhead—ie's ete”; "Is our family’s way—no one messes with me"; “Anger is the oaly way to gether off my back") About Anger 13, 4. Excessive self focus can take several forms. One may think, “1 wane things sy way, on my time.” Soch people seem initerent to the neds of others. Some people create an inflated sense of sel (superiority o protec against thee inner vulnerability and power- lessness. They ty to restore a sense of contol by dominating, make ing demands, and creating a sense of entitlement. look at the lives fof many dictators eeveals childhoods marked by bral, neglect depression, and desperate attempts to compensate for ths loss of| contol Sel others assume excessive responsibility o sl ll the problems of the world ina futile atcempe ro preven pin. The ant dotes to this cause involve che development of empathy and om passion and a willingness 1o accept the world’s imperfections. 5. Social environment. In the workplace, xsalating expecta: tions, lack of personal attention, and competition among indivi als end to promote anger by increasing the feelings of inadequacy ‘or being unacceptable. Increasing media violence also encourages anger and aggzession. So-called “reality television talk shows" tnd to desensitize the viewer ro suffeving.Ies not surprising, therefor, that chideen laugh at others suffering or think thai is acceptable to resolve conflict with violence and inst, Increasingly, we see more examples of vlgaiy exploitation, and misanthropy, not only in the media, but in he workplace, the lckee room, and the home. Connections to others have historically tended to Keep a lid on aggeession. However, the decline offi, neighborhood, and rl fous communities in recent years makes aggression more com ‘monplacs. 6, Skill deficits. Some people have simply not yet leaened the skils of anger management: coaflc resolution, problem solving, humo, constructive ways to gain powerattentin, self-control, ‘empathy, compassion, and tolerance. In “adult-ree™ homes, some children have not been taught limits and the rues of living. (Rela- tive to peevious generations, todays children are mor likely 0 ive in homes where there is only one parent or to be “latchkey chil dren," unsupervised because one a both pares ae way working. Allo chese sills are readily learnable