Page 6 ECHO l Thursday, May 14, 2009

Are vending machines teasing us?

By ZACK WEBER
Sometimes, technology sim-
plifies everyday tasks and
makes our lives a bit easier.
Other times…not so much.
Vending machines, also known
as “snack machines,” are in my
opinion, a perfect example of
machines that just drive us
crazy. What other machine eats
your money, or spits it back at
you? What other machine
throws your change at you, or
demands that you give exact
change? What other machine
gets you THIS CLOSE to what
you want, just dangling it right
in front of your face, and not
letting you have it? Clearly,
vending machines enjoy taunt-
ing us with their tasty, yet unat-
tainable, treats.
Vending machines are every-
where: cafeterias, outside
stores and business, office
buildings, hospitals…EVERY-
WHERE. In an effort to amuse
themselves, they have wreaked
havoc on snackers like you and
me. Everyone has had at least
one poor, unlucky (that’s what
they want you to think) expe-
rience involving a snack ma-
chine. Below are just a few ex-
amples of how the machines
toy with us.
Munch Money
Crumbled dollars, rusted
coins, and a lucky penny—the
common contents of jeans’
pockets, are also the greatest
enemies of vending machines.
No matter how much you
flatten or wipe or SHOVE, the
machine just refuses to accept
your imperfect currency. Even-
tually, you end up digging into
your wallet to find the newest,
flattest dollar bill you can find
to satisfy the snobby, picky ma-
chine.
it
Pop, Lock, and…don’t drop
When (or should I say if) the
machine finally does permit
you to insert your money, you
then enter the specific code for
the item of your choice. For ex-
ample, say the chips are E7 or
the pretzels are B4. After you
enter the code, the spiral cord
containing your selected item
begins to rotate. As the snack
begins to fall, however, the
spinning suddenly stops, catch-
ing your treat by the wrapper.
No matter how much you bang,
shake, kick or scream…it re-
fuses to loosen its pinch. The
vending machine’s door is
locked as well, and some even
have an alarm if the door is
broken open. Thus, I like to
call such instances such as
these “armed robbery.” It’s as
if we’re the new kids on the
block, and the machine is that
big school bully that won’t give
back your lunch. In fact, vend-
ing machines are worse be-
cause you didn’t have the snack
in the first place.
The Coin Toss
Assuming your money made
it through, and your item actu-
ally made it to your hands, it is
now time to receive your
change. And when I say “re-
ceive,” I mean catch. Although
not true with all vending ma-
chines, many have a tendency
to “throw” your change back at
you. Coins come flying out that
tiny slot barely big enough to fit
a finger in, crashing loudly on
the floor and bringing the at-
tention of the entire room to
your butt as you stoop over to
pick it all up. Furthermore, the
machine always seems to be all
out of quarters and dimes, leav-
ing you with tons of nickels in
your pocket for the rest of the
day. Then again, those nickels
can be useful, especially with
those certain vending machines
that require not only new coins
and flat bills—but exact
change.
Vending machines some-
time’s man’s best friend. They
Baseball is back
MLB, continued
from Page 5
outfielders in Nick Markakis
and Adam Jones. But there are
some things we expected. The
Nationals, for example, haven’t
surprised anyone with their 0-7
start. Even with Adam Dunn,
Christian Guzmán, and Ryan
Zimmerman, the Nationals
have been a disappointment.
Along with the Nats, the In-
dians and Red Sox have gotten
off to very slow starts, but look
for their luck to change later in
the year.
The ’09 season has also
can provide a pick-me-up when
you’re tired or sad, and can
cure that chocolate craving
you’ve had all day. However, as
we struggle to attain that pre-
cious snack or drink, I bet those
bothersome machines just
watch our futile efforts, and
laugh.
brought tragedy to the league.
After throwing six scoreless in-
nings against the Oakland A’s,
Angels pitcher Nick Adenhart
was killed in a car accident in
Fullerton, California, a few
miles from the Angels’ home
stadium. Also, on April 13th,
Phillies Hall of Fame broad-
caster Harry Kalas died after
collapsing in the booth at Na-
tionals Park. These tragedies
have affected fans and teams
everywhere.
But on the bright side, the
season has just begun. There is
tons of baseball left to be
played and it’s going to be un-
predictable as to what happens,
so we’ll just see if your Phillies
can win it all again.

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