Center for American Awesomeness

Fair Legislation for Same-Sex Couples is in the Best Interest of Foster Children
by Sarah Erlikh

From birth until adulthood, all children have the basic human right to a loving, nurturing, and permanent family. Yet their circumstances do not always offer them such a positive life. During the past year, approximately 650,000 children lived in foster care in the United States.1 Often, these children wait years to be adopted only to become victims of molestation, exploitation, and fear. But sometimes, stable families do come for these heartbroken children. These parents want to give the children a home, and they have all the means to properly do so: secure well-paying jobs, a stable home environment, no criminal records, and all the love these children deserve. Unfortunately, at the end of the day, these picture perfect parents are deemed to be unfit to care for children. Why? They are two men. Background In the past few decades, homosexuality has become more widely accepted and integrated into society. Since the 1920s, peoples attitudes on same-sex marriage have become approximately 40 percent more positive, which is visible in the following info-graphic.2 Organizations like the Human Rights Campaign and the American Foundation for Equal Rights advocate for the equality of all human beings. However, when it comes to child rearing a problem is posed: would homosexual parents really be in the best interest of the child? Certain United States citizens believe that homosexual adoption should be legal nationally, while some people believe that it should be banned everywhere or in particular states. I believe that Congress should enact legislation to prevent discrimination against same-sex adoptive parents. In addition, actions must be taken to change public opinion as a whole. While there are many logical reasons why gays should be able to adopt children, they are disregarded in certain legislatures. According to the 2011 report issued by the National Center for Lesbian Rights, 18 states currently allow same-sex couples to adopt. States like Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, and Colorado allow homosexual couples to adopt children

either through a domestic partner adoption, a civil union, or a second parent adoption.3 In a country based on equality for all people, 32 states repress the rights of those who are unique. The question that arises is how these opponents of gay adoption justify their unwillingness to accept an action that appears so selfless. Following, are the three most common places associated with opponents of gay adoption rights beliefs, as well as arguments rebutting the principles stated in their points. Children Need a Male and Female Role Model Some gay adoption opponents believe that every child needs a motherly and fatherly figure in their life. They argue that when a child does not see how a man and women fit together from an early age, they never have the chance to know how a normal family works. They argue that this type of household is what nature intended and that same-sex adoption is no more than a social experiment. Essentially, no matter how much culture pushes to normalize homosexuality, it will always go against the real social norms imbedded in our society. 4 These people are firm believers in developmental psychologist Erik Eriksons theory of the distinction between maternal and paternal love. Erikson explained that fathers love more dangerously because their love is more instrumental than a mothers natural love. A father brings unique contributions to the job of parenting a child that no one else can replicate.5 Dr. Kyle Pruett of Yale Medical School explains that by 8 weeks of age infants can tell the difference between a male and a female interacting with them and this distinction clearly grows with age. In his work, Pruett describes that fathers push limits, while mothers encourage sincerity. Either of these parenting styles by themselves can be unhealthy. 6 A fathers style alone encourages taking risks without consideration of consequences, which can be quite harmful to a child. On the other hand, a mothers style tends to avoid risk completely which can fail to build independence, confidence, and progress. When they are joined together, the diverse parenting styles tend to keep each other in balance and help children remain safe while expanding their confidence and promoting their abilities.7 The following pie-chart directly portrays peoples current attitudes regarding types of adoptive parents.8 Its obvious that heterosexual married couples are significantly preferred over single heterosexual and homosexual people as well as homosexual couples which only adopt one percent of these children. While these types of arguments can be quite convincing, I argue that Pruett is explaining an ideal mother-father stereotype. Pruetts theory does not justify why single mothers and fathers are able to successfully raise brilliant children. Research shows that single parents are equally as successful at raising children. A study done at Ohio State University compared a sample of 456

teens who lived in single father households with 2,583 teens who lived in single mother households. The results suggested that researchers should rethink their assumption that the sex of a parent plays a critical role in the development of children. They showed that the two groups were similar in terms of deviance, behavior at school, relationships with others, and school performance. While there was no correlation between sex of a parent and proper development of a child, there was indeed a connection between a parents education and organization and a childs performance. 9 So, to come back to the question, while a two-sex parental environment is considered the norm for proper child rearing, is it really the best option? Personally, I believe instead of trying to succumb to such a stereotype-based society, people as a whole need to start seeing the big picture. Two homosexual parents who are stable and provide an excellent growing environment outweigh two parents who are constantly fighting and who do not pay enough attention to their child. Last May when President Obama announced his support for same-sex marriage days after North Carolina voted to ban it, he changed the conversation considerably by arguing that concern for children is a reason to support, rather than oppose, gay marriage. He described gay couples in his own life, "same-sex couples who are as committed, as monogamous, as responsible, as loving a group of parents as any heterosexual couple that I know," he said. "And in some cases, more so. 10 Obama has the right idea. Children Should Not Be Victims to Prejudice In the past four decades, United States citizens as a whole have become overall more accepting of homosexual relationships. Then, I ask, why are people still considering same-sex homes as a social experiment? These closed-minded people believe that adoption is a way for homosexuals to fulfill their adult wishes to parent without regarding the effects it has on their child. 11 In our modern society, bullying is quite prominent. Children can be cruel, especially to other children whose lives are unusual in some way. Gay adoption opponents believe that as early as grade school, children that are adopted by homosexual parents will face struggles much greater than simple arithmetic. If these children are being bullied because of their home-life situation, they may grow weak and unhappy.12 While many people agree that children of gay men and lesbians are vulnerable to teasing and harassment, the question that arises is whether this behavior is likely to cause lasting psychological damage. In custody cases involving gay or lesbian parents, courts have considered the fact that the child might be teased as reasoning to reject the adoption in the best interests of the child. They argue that the stigma attached to having a gay or lesbian parent will damage the child's self-esteem.13 Recently, this has been refuted in many studies. Researchers have found that although children with homosexual parents do report experiencing teasing because of their home life, their self-esteem levels are no lower than those of children with heterosexual parents. In Studies from 1981 to 1994, including 260 children reared by either heterosexual mothers or same-sex mothers after divorce, researchers found no differences in intelligence, self-esteem, and relationships. 14 Psychologists also argue that same sex couples should be given a chance to build a home. They believe they may be more prepared to handle any discrimination their children might face compared to heterosexual parents.15 Abby Ruder is an adoptive mother, therapist, and lesbian who acknowledges that children will be teased. Yet, she believes that gay and lesbian couples are

well aware of the difficulties that a child may face because they have been facing them for most of their lives. Ruder takes great measures to prepare her homosexual clients for some of the problems their children will deal with. She believes that families need to have a plan for dealing with societys attitudes towards them. She states, Children with gay or lesbian parents need to be taught when it's okay to tell people and when not to. A family doesn't have to be 'out' all of the time. My 9-year-old has become very adept at knowing when to tell people that she has two mommies."16 In modern society, same-sex couples have endless amounts of resources available to them which can help them and their kids feel comfortable. These include psychologists, support groups, and special interest groups fighting for their rights. Even though these adopted children will usually face bullying among their peers, homosexual parents can be prepared to help their children deal with their discomfort. 17 These challenges are not defeat. Dr. Peggy Drexlers studies have shown that perhaps as byproducts of the discrimination they sometimes face, in the long run, children of gay parents tend to be more self- aware, more adept at communicating their feelings, and exhibit more empathy for people different from themselves. They learn early how to negotiate the outside environment, gauge other people's motives, and assess how open they dare to be in specific situations.18 Government Values are based on Traditional Christian Beliefs In general, the current United States government is based off of religious beliefs and biblical teachings. We are considered a Christian country, and even if few go to church Christian values remain.19 According to the American Religious Identification Survey, 76% of Americans identify themselves as Christians.20 Many of these Christians follow the holy book very strictly. Therefore, because of certain passages in the Bible, many Americans believe that same-sex adoption is a sin. Leviticus 20:13 states If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death. There bloodguiltness is upon them. 21 In this type of Christian society, allowing homosexual couples to adopt is an abomination. They believe that God made man and woman with the intention of them getting married to each other and eventually producing children. Because of this, Christians believe that homosexuality is simply a perversion, not a life choice. Therefore, in short, homosexual partners should not be able to adopt because they would be raising their children in a sinful environment. 22 Although many of Christs followers interpret the Bible exactly how it was written, they often fail to notice their own hypocritical nature. We, as United States citizens, pride ourselves on equality and freedom of expression. Sincerely, we like to believe that our foundation agrees with Romans 2:11 which says, For one man is not different from another before God. 23 In addition, we see ourselves as the melting pot of world culture. It is safe to say that in many aspects of life discrimination is completely outlawed. The Multiethnic Placement Act of 1994 sponsored by Senator Howard M. Metzenbaum prevents federally assisted child welfare agencies from screening prospective adoptive parents on the basis of race, color, or national origin. 24 Therefore, it seems unethical that the rights of same sex parents are not protected in this specific act. Further action must be taken to eliminate the discrimination of homosexuals. First and foremost, the president should issue a policy to amend the Placement Act to include sexual orientation and gender identity. Executive action from the president would provide immediate legal protections to same-sex adoptive couples which could mean the difference between being

granted a child and being left empty. Ultimately, the goal is for Congress to pass a same-sex nondiscrimination act which would allow all homosexuals to have legal recourse should they be discriminated against in any form of adoption due to their sexual orientation. Conclusion Fortunately, the call to action has already begun. Just last Wednesday, the Supreme Court once again began to weigh the momentous question of whether gay and lesbian couples have a constitutional right to marry. Much progress is being made. In the past three weeks, twelve senate democrats reversed their beliefs and embraced same sex marriage. 25 An important question is how same sex marriage will affect children. First, marriage may increase childrens well- being through benefits such as family leave from work and spousal health insurance eligibility. In addition, it may help ensure financial continuity should a spouse become disabled or die. Second, same-sex marriage may increase the durability and stability of the parents relationship therefore directly benefitting the childs social environment. Lastl y, marriage may bring increased social acceptance of and support for same sex families although this may be difficult in communities that meet same-sex marriage with rejection or hostility. 26 In order for foster children in contemporary society to live successfully, we must be willing to accept all parental couples not just the ones considered the norm. Take Action! Endnotes
1. Too Many Children Are Trapped In Foster Care, Facts About Foster Care-Childrens Rights, http://www.childrensrights.org/issuesresources/foster-care/facts-about-fostercare/,(2013). Wendy Sue Swanson, Changing Attitudes on Same-Sex Marriage By Generation, Improved Well Being for Children With Gay Parents, http://seattlemamadoc.seattlechildrens.org/c hildren-with-gay-parents/. Kendra, Same Sex Adoption Laws by State: Welcome to the Jungle, Its Conceivable, http://itsconceivablenow.com/2011/08/17/se x-adoption-laws-state-jungleit%E2%80%99s-fun-games/, (May 11th, 2011). Nicole Campbell, Disadvantages of Gay Adoption, http://www.livestrong.com/article/126548disadvantages-gay-adoption/, (May 19th, 2010). Glenn T. Stenton, Why Children Need a Male and Female Parent: Marriage Matters, http://www.cfcidaho.org/why-children-needmale-and-female-parent, (2013). Ibid. Glenn T. Stanton, The Involved Father, Focus on the Family, http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting /parenting_roles/the_involved_father.aspx#f ootnoteRef2 ,(2004). 8. Gary J. Gates, M.V. Lee Badgett, Jennifer Ehrle Macomber, Kate Chambers, Adoption and Foster Care by Gay and Lesbian Parents in the United States, http://works.bepress.com/cgi/viewcontent.cg i?filename=4&article=1002&context=jacob _grunbaum&type=additional&seiredir=1&referer=http%3A%2F%2Fscholar.g oogle.com%2Fscholar%3Fstart%3D10%26q %3Dsame%2Bsex%2Badoption%26hl%3D en%26as_sdt%3D0%2C39%26as_vis%3D1 #search=%22same%20sex%20adoption%22 , (March 2007), pg. 11. 9. Jeff Grabmeier Single Mothers, Fathers Equally Successful at Raising Children, http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/singpar. htm. 10. Dr. Peggy Drexler, The Kids are All Right: Gay Parents Raising Children, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/peggydrexler/the-kids-are-alrightgay_b_1539166.html, (May 23, 2013). 11. Toni Meyer, Opinion: Gay Marriage is a Social Experiment that will cause serious harm to children, http://www.nj.com/times7.

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christianity-in-america-affect-the-future-ofthis-nation, (January 18th, 2012). Ibid. Brandon Wegner Should homosexual partners be able to adopt?http://www.greenbaypressgazette.co m/assets/pdf/U0183892114.PDF. Ibid. Romans 2:11, http://www.biblestudytools.com/bbe/romans /passage.aspx?q=romans+2:11-21,(2013). National Resource Center for Adoption, MEPA: References and Other Resources, http://www.nrcadoption.org/wpcontent/uploads/PH-MEPA-April-2012Reference.pdf, (2009). Richard Epstein, Gay Marriage and the Libertarians Dilemma,http://www.realclearpolitics.com/ articles/2013/03/26/gay_marriage_and_the_l ibertarians_dilemma_117654.html, (March 26th, 2013). William Meezan, Jonathan Rauch, Gay Marriage, Same-Sex Parenting, and Americas Children, Journal Issue: Marriage and Child Wellbeing, Vol. 15, Number 2, http://futureofchildren.org/publications/jour nals/article/index.xml?journalid=37&articlei d=108, (Fall 2005).