Jokes

1
jin ke paas hai wo haath me le kar hilate hai jin ke paas nahin hai who ungali daal kar hilate hai woh kya hai? tooth brush
2 lady to doctor: so much of knee pain doctor: why? lady: doggy style of fucking doctor: dont u know other style of sex lady: i know but dog doesnt
kelewala : kele lelo kele madam: kitne chhote aur piley hain, lambe aur kadak do na kelewala: madam kabhi to khane ke liye bhi ley liya karo
call girl bimar ho gayi doctor: tumhe aaram ki saktha jaroorat hai isliye 3 din tak bistar par jana mana hai
5 maid ko ghar ki safai mein condom mila to usne malkin se poocha ye kya hai malkin: kya tumhare gaon mei sex nahin karte hai
maid: karte hain lekin itna nahin ki khal utar jaaye 6 a man standing in front of mirror fully nacked says: kaash main raja hota his wife lying on bed says: agar 1 inch choota hota to rani hota 7 height of work pressure: boy friend keeping laptop on girlfriends back working and *stroking in doggy style
A widow goes on her first date since her husbands death, and afterward the two end up back at her place. Once in the bedroom, she takes off everything but her black panties. You can touch me anywhere else, she says, but down there Im still mourning. I figured as much, says the man. He then proceeds to pull down his pants and put on a black condom. If you dont mind, Id like to offer my deepest condolences.
A man Numbers Sex
penis fucks of
is
average average strikes life
6 thrice 30
inches per per
in
length. week. fuck. years.
20
Women get 6x30x3x52x20=14.4 km of penis.
Mind Blowing Estimate. lolz.
Hey
kids,
why
don't
you
try
new
social
networking
tool?
It's called, "outside".
Question. What is common between a Bus Conductor and a Gay man?
Answer. Both Shout - Pichey Se Aaja
FACT: FACT: FACT: FACT:
79,000,000
people 58,000,000
are
engaged
in are
sex
right
now. kissing.
37,000,000 1 old
are
relaxing timer is
after
having reading
sex. this.
You hang in there, Sunshine!
A huge man married a petite and innocent girl who was a virgin. He was sexually experienced and suggested having sex "doggie style" on their wedding night. She didn't know what he was talking about, and when he explained it, she flew into a rage and insisted they have sex using the "normal" position or not at all. However, after having sex he was unable to withdraw his penis because it was so big and she was so small! They found themselves in the embarrassing position of having to call an ambulance to take them to the emergency room for help. After hanging up the phone he said, "You know, if you had done it the way I wanted you to, we could have walked to the emergency room."
If Big companies starts selling Condoms:
MIRINDA Jor ka jhatka dhere se lge
PEPSODENT Rat bhr dhisum-dhisum
TATA Isko lagaDala to Life jingaLala
SKY
Judith and Isaac are having an almighty row. "Im disappointed in you, Isaac," shouts Judith. "When I first married you, I thought you were a brave man."
"Yes dear," Isaac replies, "and so did all my friends."
Three whores were comparing notes about their customers from the night before. "I "How fucked did you a know cowboy he last was a night", cowboy?" said asked the the first. second.
"Well, he wore a cowboy hat, cowboy boots, and kept both the hat and the boots on all the time "Sounds like a we cowboy, all were right," the others screwing." agree.
"I fucked a lawyer," announced the second. "I could tell because he wore a three piece suit and packed a briefcase. He wore the vest of the suit and hung on to the briefcase all the time we They "I "How all fucked could you agreed a grain know he were sounded farmer," he was a like commented grain farmer?" a the one fucking." lawyer. third. asked.
possibly
"First he complained it was too dry, then he whined it was too wet, then he asked if he could pay me in the autumn."
Coke dealers............... Always sticking their business in other people's noses.
A dustman is going along a street picking up the wheely bins and emptying them into his dustcart lorry. He gets to one house where the bin hasn't been left out so he has a quick look for it, goes round the back but still can't see it so he knocks on the door.
There's no answer so he knocks again.
Eventually a Chinese bloke answers... "Harro", says the Chineseman.
"Alright mate, where's your bin?" asks the dustman
"I bin on toilet" replies the Chinese bloke, looking perplexed.
Realising the Chinese fellow has misunderstood, the binman smiles and says "No mate, where's ya dust bin?"
"I dust bin on toilet I told you" says the Chinese man.
"Mate" says the dustman... "you're misunderstanding me...where's your Wheely Bin?"
"OK" "OK" , the chinaman says, "I wheely bin having wank."
1. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.
2. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.
3. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.
4. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it, a phenomenon psychologists call email envy.
5. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.
6. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.
7. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
8. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
9. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.
10. If you don't take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.
Judge: Why did you shoot your wife instead of shooting her lover?
Man: Your honour, its easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.
An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in? "Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the cafeteria..."
msg bhej bhejte bhej bhi
pe kar ho
msg bheja to kharab kya
bhejte karte bhejte
ho ho ho
khud
ka
bheja
chalta
nahi
dusro ka bheja bhej te ho
Here's a funny take on the awesome scene from Sholay in which Amitabh Bachchan goes to Hema Malini's Mausi for Dharmendra's sake.
After giving up 'goondagiri', Veeru has now joined an Indian body shopper and has become a Computer Consultant. Jay goes to Mausi for 'Basanti kaa haath mangane'..........
MAUSI: Bura nahin maanna beta, itna to poochna hi padtha hai ki ladke ka khandaan kya hai, uske lakshan kaise hain, kamaata kitna hai, US me masters kiya he...
AMITABH: kamaane ka to ye hai mausi, ki ek baar biwi baccho ki jimmewari sar pe aa gai, to consultant ka kaam chod kar regular employee hoga aur phir kamaane bhi lagega.
MAUSI: to kya abhi kucch bhi nahin kamaata?
AMITABH: nai, nai, ye maine kab kahaa mausi. kamaata hai lekin, ab roj roj to 'client' mil nahi sakta na, kabhi kabhi "BENCH" per baith jaata hai bechara.
MAUSI: BENCH pe bhi aana jana hai?
AMITABH: haan mausi, ab ye kambakht Computer Consultancy cheej hi aisi hai. Aur bench par to bade bade log jeseke Bill Gates, Andrew Grove, Larry Ellison bhi betha karte the.
MAUSI: to kya programmer hai?
AMITABH: chee, chi, chi, chee, chee! wo aur programmer? NAA! NAA!! wo to bahut hi acchhaa aur nek ladka hai, lekin waise ek baar kisi desi body shopper ke haat lag jaye na phir 'language/RDBMS/QA' ka kahaan hosh rahta hai! haath pakad ke 'IDMS' ya 'QA'karvaane bithadiya desi ne, ab isme bechaare Veeru ka kya dosh.
MAUSI: theek kahte ho beta, programmer woh, DBA woh, DESI ke paas kaam karta hai woh, lekin uska koi dosh nahin.
AMITABH: mausi aap to mere dost ko galat samajh rahen hai, wo to itna seedha aur bhola hai, arey Basanti se uski shaadi kar ke to dekhiye, ye 'programming', 'DBA' aur 'client ke paas jane ki aadat' to do din main chhoot jayegi.
MAUSI: arey beta is budhiya ko samjha rahe ho! apne COMPUTER CONSULTANTS ko chod dene ki aadat kisi body shopper ki chhooti hai aaj tak?
AMITABH: mausi aap Veeru ko nahin jaanti, biswaas kijiye wo is tarah ka insaan nahin hai. ek baar shaadi ho gai to wo 'PAGER' bhi rakhna band kar dega, bas PROGRAMMING apne aap chhoot jayegi.
MAUSI: hai raam, bas yehi ek kami baaki rah gai thi, to kya PAGER bhi rakhta hai?
AMITABH: to usme kaun si buri baat hai mausi, arey PAGER to PRESIDENT,VP, CEO aur unchey-unchey log rakhte hai haan.
MAUSI: accha! to beta ye bhi batate jaao ki tumhare ye gunwaan dost assal me kis company ke employee hai?
AMITABH: bas mausi, hum 'trace' kar rahe hai, original HI milte hi company ka pata chal jayega aur hum aapko khabar de denge.
MAUSI: ek baat ki daad dungi beta, bhale sow buraiyaan hon tumhare dost main, phir bhi tumhare muh se uske liye tareef hi nikalti hai.
AMITABH: kya karoon mausi, hum body shoppers log hi kucch aise hai. to ye rista pakka samjhoon.
MAUSI: pakka! bhale saari jindagi ladki kuwaari baithi rahe,lekin aise aadmi se Basanti ko nahin byahne waali, sagi mausi hoon koi sauteli maan nahin.
AMITABH: ajeeeeb baaat hai, mere itne samjhaane par bhi aapne inkaar kar diya, bechaara Veeru, na jaane ab agla client kaha milega!!
Washington, DC -- Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of March 1, 2008. The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead that his office has incurred during the last 5 years. It is anticipated that $231 billion can be saved to the end of the President's term. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai , India will assume the office of President as of September 1, 2007. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President." A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem as President Bush had never been familiar with the issues either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "President Bush has used them successfully for years, with the result that some people actually thought he knew what he was talking about."
Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for
26 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.
Mr. Bush has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his lifetime. A greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.
(_!_) (__!__) (!) (_*_) (_o_) (_e=mc2_) (_x_) Kiss my arse Well Smart Fat Tight Sore
Regular
arse arse arse arse
used
arse arse
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Three mice are at a bar, having drinks, talking about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot of booze, says, "Let me tell you how tough I am."
I spot a trap and go for the cheese. When it snaps, I snatch the bar and bench press it 20 or so times and before it can close I'm outa there!" and he tosses down another shot.
The
second
mouse
slams
down
shot
and
says,
"You
think
that's
tough?
When I find a pile of d-con, I crush it and snort it like it's cocaine." With that he throws down another shot and slams his shot glass on the bar.
The first two are staring at the third mouse, waiting to see what he has to say for himself. He fires down a shot of booze, throws down his glass and heads for the door. His buddies look at each other, then at him and say, "Hey, where are YOU going?"
The third mouse says, "I haven't got time for this shit, I need to get home to screw the cat."
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach "What is it?" yells the him. President.
"It's this abortion bill, Mr. President. What do you want to do about it?" the aide asks. "Just go ahead and pay it." responds the President.
A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer. The bartender informed him that he was not allowed to serve alcohol to drunken patrons.
After a few harsh words, the bartender suggested to the drunk to prove he wasn't drunk by doing twenty push-ups on the floor.
As he was doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers into the bar and sees this guy on the floor He looks at him for a minute doing and then kicks him in the push-ups. ribs saying,
"Fella, I think your girl friend has gone home."
If sex is a pain in the ass, then youre doing it wrong
4 Miracles of a Woman
Getting Bleeding Giving
wet
without without
taking getting
SHOWER HURT GRASS
milk
without
eating
Making Boneless meat HARD!!!
Jab . . . . . Sunsilk . . . . . toh . . . . .
Ponds
ke
ad
mein
gaal
dikhate
hai,
ke
ad
mein
baal
dikhate
hain
Whisper
ke
ad
mein
dhokha
kyun
Jago Ghrahak Jago
Catch Bring Keep your
her
by her hand on
her
waist home... her neck...
Put your lips on her lips and have a nice drinkPEPSI
Let let let SMILE!
me me me
kiss feel feel
ur ur ur
lips, teeth, tongue.
This PEPSODENT reminding you
is
ur
friend
to
brush
ur
teeth,
Twice a day Everyday :-)
Question. Whats an average 6 inch long, inside a guys pants and girls love to blow it up? ? ? ? ? Answer. 1000 rupee currency note! Always think positive.
Love Sex Boys Girls 1 9 1 day
is is do get night months in
a a the the in of hospital
gamble, game, thing blame, pleasure pain and
a junior needs a name.
Comments (1)
Joke: Romance in the midnight

Posted on June 22, 2009 12:00 PM, Filed under Jokes
Can Im
we
do
romance
in
the good
midnight
today? mood.
in a little bit
a of me
Just Reply
kissing
and
biting!! soon,
yours Loving Mosquito.
Comments (0)
Joke: Small things gets longer

Question. A short thing, its get longer as you hold it and pass between a womans breasts and enters into a small hole. What is it?
Answer. Cars seat beltyou dirty mind.
Comments (0)
Joke: Male Training Seminars

1. Combatting Stupidity
2. You, Too, Can Do Housework
3. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
4. How to Fill an Ice Tray
5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money
6. Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am
7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques: formerly titled "Don't Wash my Silks"
8. Parenting: No, It Doesn't End With Conception
9. Get a Life: Learn to Cook
10. How Not to Act Like a Jackass When You're Obviously Wrong
11. Spelling: Even You Can Get it Right
12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13. You: The Weaker Sex
14. Reasons to Give Flowers
15. How to Stay Awake in Public
16. Why it is Unacceptable to Relieve Yourself Anywhere but the Bathroom
17. Garbage: Getting it to the Curb
18. You Can Fall Asleep Without IT if You Really Try
19. The Morning Dilemma if IT's awake: Take a Shower
20. I'll Wear it if I Damn Well Please
21. How to Put the Toilet Lid Down: formerly titled "No, It's Not a Bidet"
22. "The Weekend" and "Sports" are Not Synonyms
23. Give Me a Break: Why We Know Your Excuses are Bull
24. How to Go Shopping with Your Mate and Not Get Lost
25. The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
26. Romanticism: Ideas Other Than Sex
27. Helpful Postural Hints for Couch Potatoes
28. Mothers-in-Law: They are People Too
29. Male Bonding: Leaving Your Friends at Home
30. You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
31. Seeing the True You: formerly titled "No, You Don't Look Like Mel Gibson When Naked"
32. Changing Your Underwear: It Really Works
33. The Attainable Goal: Omitting "tits" From Your Vocabulary
34. Fluffing the Blankets After Flatulating is Not Necessary
35. Techniques for calling home
Comments (0)
Joke: Awesome double meaning Shayari in Hindi

Mangta jawaab Deti rome Kehta yun Wo Rukh Kal kaam Khul bhed Ishara garam Aur thanda Sochta baloon Dalte
hoon
to sawaal
deti
nahi, ka....... jata hai, ka.......... andar rakho, ka.........
mere hai to rome hoon use jawaab kehti apni sham ko jab apne gaya achanak coding karke kehti cup khud pakad glass hoon aaj mein hi bahon mein phool gir leti hai uske kar hai aise khada
ho jazbaat na sawaal pehle baat rahe office aankhon logic pakadane coffee hai juice pakad ke the tum
dikhao, ka........ sath mein, ka..... ke samne, ka....... ko mujhko, ka.. mera... ka....
daal gulab jata
hi
doon, ka... hai,
patta patta gulab ka...!
Comments (9)
Joke: What do you call an eternity?

Question. What do you call an eternity?
Answer. Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Comments (0)
Joke: Difference between 69 and driving in the fog
Question. What is the difference between a 69 and driving in the fog?
Answer. When driving in the fog, you can't see the asshole in front of you.
Comments (0)
Joke: Common between recession and girlfriends vagina

Question. What does the recession and your ex-girlfriends vagina have in common?
Answer. Deeper than expected.
Comments (0)
Joke: Work and Prison

In
prison: work:
You
spend
the
majority of
of your
your time
time in
in a
an
8x10 6x8 a
cell.
At In At In At In
You
spend You
most get for
cubicle. day. for it.
prison: work: You get
three 1 time for meal and off good unlocks
meals you for behavior all the have to good with doors
break get
pay
prison: work: prison: You A
You get guard
behavior. more for work. you.
rewarded locks
and
At work: You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself. In At In At In At In prison: work: prison: prison: work: You prison: work: They You All allow even are paid You get can fired You You your speak by for watch TV TV your have family to and your and and play playing own to friends family with no to and work games. games. toilet. share. visit. friends. required.
watching get
cannot expenses
taxpayers
At work: You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from you salary to pay for prisoners.
In prison: You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out. At work: You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars. In prison: There are wardens who are often sadistic.
At In prison:
work: You
They have unlimited
are time to
called read
supervisors. e-mail jokes.
At work: You get fired if you get caught.
Comments (1)
Joke: Why Cats Are Better Than Men

CAT
always
hits training
the a
litterbox. CAT.
Better
chance
of
No matter what your CAT drags into your house, you don't have to pretend you like it. You If A You It's never you ask CAT can okay de-claw if have enough purrs a a CAT... CAT to spend times, when try rubs to a time CAT you get up a with may your actually serve guy to CAT's listen him clip his best to mother. you. dinner. toenails. friend.
against
your
You don't have to worry about your CAT turn into a pig when you host a party. A CAT knows you're the key to his happiness... A man thinks he is.
If a CAT jumps into your lap, a little light petting will satisfy him.
Comments (5)
Joke: Guy getting hit by ball right in the crotch

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground, when he finally gets himself to the doctor.
He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way." The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."
So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them.
She says, "You are my FIRST, no one has ever touched these breasts." He whips down his pants and says... " Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"
Comments (1)
Joke: Difference Between Satisfaction and Frustration

What
is
the
difference
between
Satisfaction
and
Frustration
is
only
one
article.
What "a" fuck and What "the" Fuck!
Comments (2)
Joke: What Is Your Business Sign?

Instead of Astrological Signs, how about these .. What's Your Business Sign?
1. MARKETING You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
2. SALES Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
3. TECHNOLOGY Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying but who the hell can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.
4. ENGINEERING One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that engineers place ninety percent of all Personal Ads. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome."
5. ACCOUNTING The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.
6. HUMAN RESOURCES Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter.
7. MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT Catty, cutthroat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers" as everyone in your social circle is a "Middle Manager."
8. SENIOR MANAGEMENT (See above - Same sign, different title)
9. CUSTOMER SERVICE Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.
10. CONSULTANT Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience. You have convinced yourself that your "skills" are in demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action.
11. RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER" As a "person" that profits from the success of others, most people who actually work for a living disdain you. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock market.
12. PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO You are brilliant or lucky. Your inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine suggest the latter.
13. GOVERNMENT WORKER Paid to take days off. Government workers are genius inventors, like the invention of new Holidays. They usually suffer from deep depression or anxiety and usually commit serious crimes while on the job...Thus the term "GO POSTAL".
Comments (0)
Joke: When Red Indians were running America

When white man found this land, Indians were running it. There were:
Women Medicine did
No No Plenty Plenty man all the
Taxes Debt buffalo beaver free work
- Men hunted and fished all the time
The white man was dumb enough to think he could improve on that system!
Comments (1)
Joke: Few hymns for those who speed on the highway

45mphGod
Will
Take God Is
Care To Not Coming My
of
You Thee Home Home
65mphNearer 85mphThis 95mphLord, 100mph.Precious Memories World
My
Im
Comments (2)
Joke: Hymn Titles By Occupation

Dentists
Hymn.Crown Hymn.There Hymn.The Shall
Him Be Churchs
with Showers One
Many of
Crowns Blessings Foundation
Weathermans Contractors The Tailors
Hymn.Holy,
Holy,
Holy
The The
Golfers Politicians
HymnTheres
Green on That
Hill the I
Far
Away Promises
Hymn.Standing My Eyes
Optometrists The The The The The The IRS
Hymn..Open Agents
Might
See All On Light
Hymn..I Hymn..Pass HymnSend
Surrender It The By and a Touched
Gossipers Electricians Shoppers Realtors Massage
Hymn..Sweet Hymn.Ive Therapists Got
By Mansion Me
Hymn.He
The Doctors HymnThe Great Physician
Comments (0)
Joke: Difference between 1st and 2nd Honeymoon

Difference
between
1st
and
2nd
Honeymoon:
First
Honeymoon
Niagra
Second Honeymoon - Viagra
Comments (2)
Joke: Boy watches his mum and dad having sex

A boy watches his mum and dad having sex he ask, "What are you doing ?" His dad replies, "Making you a brother or sister!"
Boy say, "Do her doggy style I want a puppy.
Comments (1)
Joke: Maid sucking cock of childs father

Chota yeh
bacha
naukrani main lekar kya kar rahi
se! the?
tum
pappa
ka
penis
muh
Naukrani: Woh Main.. main..
main.. main Woh.. Tumhari Mamma k liye saaf kar rahi thee! na
Comments (0)
Joke: Two cows are standing in a field

Two One
cows to
are
standing worried
in about Mad
a Cow
field. Disease?"
says
the
other
"Are
you
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
Comments (0)
Joke: Pappu meets papa Santa on stairs of a Kotha

Pappu
meets
papa
Santa
on kya
stairs kar
of
a rahe
KOTHA. ho?
Pappu:
Papa
aap
yahan
Santa: Yaar ab 200-300 rupaye ke peeche teri mummy ke nakhre nahi sahe jaate!
Comments (0)
Joke: Bonus Payment For Generals

The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away would get his full annual benefits plus 10,000 Dollars for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of the general's body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished.
The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet. He walked out with a check of 720,000 Dollars.
The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check for 960,000 Dollars.
When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man ... "From the tip of my penis to the bottom of my testicles."
The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice cheques the previous two generals had received. The Marine insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine, but that he'd better get the medical officer to do the measuring.
The medical officer arrived and asked the general to drop the pants. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he said. "Where are your testicles?"
The general replied, "One in Iraq and the other in Afghanistan... Keep measuring."
Comments (5)
Joke: A Naughty Little Poem

She "Of
whispered course a
"will
it
hurt answered
me?" he process,
not" very
"It's
simple
You can rely on me."
She I've My
said not friend has
"I'm had had
very this it five
frightened, before. times
And said it can be sore."
It Tears It
was formed was hurting
growing in quite
rather her a bit
painful eyes now
It must have been a size.
"Calm "His face
yourself" filled
he with a
whispered grin
"Try So I can get it in."
and
open
wider
"It's "I Feeling
coming know" it she deep
now" cried within
he in her
whispered bliss now
She said "I am glad I'm having this."
And She He
with gave gripped a
final frightened it in
effort shout anguish
And quickly pulled it out.
She Sighed She
lay and said "I'm
back gave glad
quite a I
contended smile came now
You made it worth my while."
Now The Is
if dentist not
you you what
read
this will you
carefully find imagined
It's just your dirty mind!!
Comments (2)
Joke: Santa runing after a Bus

Posted on May 31, 2009 12:00 PM, Filed under Jokes
Santa runing after a Bus, finally catches it n asks the Driver: "Ye bus teri Ma lagti hai?" Driver: Santa: Driver: Santa: To phir chadne kyun nahin deta? To kya Behan lagti Nahin. hai? Nahin.
Comments (2)
Joke: Santa fondling a lady in crowded bus
Santa Lady:
was
fondling me,
lady achha
in nahi
a kar
crowded rahe
bus. hain!
Excuse
aap
Santa: Itni bheed mein is se achha nahi ho sakta.
Comments (0)
Joke: Written on the T-Shirt of a girl

Written
on
the
T-Shirt
of
girl:
STATUTORY WARNING: Objects inside the T-Shirt are larger than they appear from outside.
Comments (0)
Joke: Naughty brief human interest story

A young journalism graduate from University had gone to work for the Local News Paper. His first assignment was to write a brief human interest story. An idea came to him and he returned to one of the most remote areas he knew of in his home state.
Deep in the woods, he came upon a farmers house and decided this would be a good place to start.
He introduced himself to the back country farmer and explained why he was there. The farmer agreed to answer his questions.
The reporter asked the farmer what event in his life had made him the happiest?
Farmer replied, One time a neighbor lost one of his sheep. We all formed a posse and found it. After we all screwed it we took it back to the farmer that lost it.
I cant print that, said the reporter, Is there another event that made you really happy? Farmer thought for a minute and said, Yep. One time the daughter of another local farmer got lost. She was a good-lookin young girl. We all formed a posse and found her. After all of us screwed her, we took her back to her daddy.
Again the reporter knew he couldnt print the story and decided to take a different tack. He asked Farmer, Is there any event in your life that has made you really sad?
Farmer hung his head and replied, Well, I got lost once.
Comments (2)
Joke: House of Prostitution

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought....
Soon he sees another sign which reads:
5 MILES
Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive.
On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you my son?"
He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business...."
"Very well my son. Please follow me."
He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented.
The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door...
This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway."
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.
The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER
Comments (4)
Joke: Software Engineer and his Wife talking

Husband - Hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife
would
you
like
to
have
some
snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife
have
you
brought
the
saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife
but
told
you
about
it
in
morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife
hae
bhagwan
!forget
it
where's
your
salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife
at
least
give
me
your
credit
card,
can
do
some
shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife
made
mistake
in
marrying
you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife Husband - by default.
you
are
useless.
Wife
who
was
there
with
you
in
the
car
this
morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
Wife
what
is
the
relation
between
you
and
your
Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife
what
is
my
value
in
your
life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife
do
you
love
me
or
your
computer?
Husband - Too many parameters..
Wife
will
go
to
my
dad's
house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife
will
leave
you
forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife
it
is
worthless
talking
to
you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife
am
going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.
Comments (5)
Joke: Guys cheating on Income Tax

Ray dies and finds himself before the pearly gates of Heaven. St. Peter tells him that he cannot enter yet because he cheated on his income taxes. The only way he might get into heaven would be to sleep with a dumb, ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. Ray decides that this is a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven. So, off he goes with this woman, pretending to be happy. As he walks along, he sees his friend Marcus up ahead with an even uglier woman. When he asks whats going on, Marcus replies I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of money. They both shake their heads in understanding and figure that they might as well hang out together to help pass the time. Now Marcus, Ray, and their two ugly women are walking along, minding their own business when they see someone who looks like their old friend Russell up ahead. This man is with an absolutely gorgeous woman.
Stunned, Marcus and Ray approach the man and discover it is their friend Russell. They ask him how it is hes with this unbelievable goddess, while theyre stuck with these god-awful women. Russell replies, I have no idea, but Im definitely not complaining. This has been absolutely the best time of my life, and I have five years of the best sex any man could hope to look forward to. There is only one thing that I cant seem to understand. Every time we finish having sex, she rolls over and murmurs to herself, Damn income taxes!
Comments (2)
Joke: Farmer buying young cock from market

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.
Old cock to Young cock: "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.
Young cock: What you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.
Old cock: Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?
Young cock: No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.
Old cock: In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.
Young cock: O.K. What kind of competition?
Old cock: 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.
Young cock: No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.
Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.
Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.
Suddenly, Bang! ...... before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, "Hell ! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week !"
Comments (6)
Joke: Examiner asking Sardar to name bird

Examiner showed the legs of the bird in Zoology lab and asked sardar bacha, "What is the name Sardar: Examiner: You of I idiot get out, this don't what's your bird?" know. name?
Sardar: See my legs and tell my name...
Comments (3)
Joke: Luck and Fuck are directly proportional

Luck When
and Luck
Fuck favors,
are
directly you can
proportional Fuck the
to
each whole
other. world,
BUT when Luck fails, the whole world begins to Fuck you!
Comments (1)
Joke: Naughty New Nursery Rhyme

Ba Ba Bastard have you any kids?
Yes 1 1
Sir,
Yes from from
Sir, my my
damn
kids. neighbour,
maid
and
1 from the prostitute who never got paid!
Comments (1)
Joke: Italian Frenchman and Yorkshireman discussing sex

An Italian, a Frenchman, and a Yorkshireman are discussing their relative performance in bed.
The Italian says, "When I've-a finshed-a makin' da love with my girlfriend I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floats-a da 6 inches above-a da bed in ecstasy."
The Frenchman replies, "Zat is nossing, when Ah 'ave finished making ze love with my girlfriend Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick zer soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats ze 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy."
The Yorkshireman says, "That's nothing! When I've finished fookin' my missus, I get out of bed, walk over to the window and wipe my dick clean on the curtains. She hits the fookin' roof!"
Comments (0)
Joke: Man coming home after night shift

A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the bedroom. He found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the horny husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make love to her. Afterward, as he hurried downstairs for something to eat, he was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee.
"How'd you get down her so fast?" he asked.
"We were just making love!"
"Oh my God," his wife gasped, "That's my mother up there! She came over early and had complained of having a headache. I told her to lie down for awhile."
Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom. "Mother, I can't believe this happened. Why didn't you say something?" The mother-in-law huffed, "I haven't spoken to that jerk for fifteen years, and I wasn't about to start now!"
Comments (1)
Joke: What is the similarity between Toothpaste and Bra?

Question. What is the similarity between Toothpaste and Bra?
Answer. Kholo, Dabao, Muh mein dalo aur Fresh Ho Jao!
Comments (3)
Joke: 5 great kings who have brought happiness

Can you name 5 great kings who have brought happiness into peoples lives?
Smo-king Drin-king Lic-king Suc-king Fuck-king! Continue it and post your suggestions in the comments. Thanks. and of course,
Comments (11)
Joke: Intezar na kar

Fizaon ke badalne ka intezar na kar, Aandhiyon ke rukne ka intezar na kar, Channel badal aur FTV laga le bachha, ESPN par Sania ke jhukne ka intezar na kar.
Comments (4)
Joke: How many male chauvinists to change light bulb?

Question. How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer. None. Let her do the dishes in the dark.
Comments (0)
Joke: Group of misguided hikers

A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been travelling in circles.
Were lost! One of the hikers complained.
And you said you were the best guide in the United States.
I am, the guide answered, but I think we may have wandered into Canada.
Comments (0)
Joke: Two elderly gentlemen talking after wedding

Two elderly gentlemen were having coffee in the resort hotel the morning after their double wedding to their respective elderly wives.
Jim said, with concern, "I'll have to see a doctor when I get home, I couldn't consummate my marriage last night."
"Well, really," says Bob. "I better see a therapist then - I didn't even think of it!"
Comments (0)
Joke: Bra falling on doodhwala

A bra falls on a doodhwala entering a building.
He looks up and shouts, "Oh, bhenji! Aapke doodh ka dhakkan gir gaya!"
Comments (2)
Joke: Example of Bravery

A Spanish Naval captain was walking leisurely on his battleship when a subordinate rushes over to him and says "Sir, an enemy battleship is fast approaching us. We should be ready."
The captain replies coolly "Go. Get my Red shirt." The subordinate rushes over and gets the Shirt for his captain. The captain wears the red shirt.
After some time, the enemy battleship comes in range. Consequently heavy rounds of fire are exchanged between the two battleships. After much effort, the Spanish win.
The subordinate approaches his boss, "Congratulations for the victory sir, but why did you require the red shirt in the first place?"
The captain replies "Because, during the war if I got injured then my blood should not have been seen as I did not want my men to lose hope and to Fight with the same ferocity."
Just then another subordinate rushes over. "Sir, we just spotted another 20 enemy battleships heading in our direction."
The captain replies coolly Go. Get my yellow trousers.
Comments (8)
Joke: Husband wanting sex before sleeping

Husband: Darling, mujhe neend nahi aarahi, thora sa sex hojae?
Wife: Madarchod, meri chut mein kya neend ki goliyaan bhari hui hain?
Comments (3)
Joke: Why are Condoms transparent?

Question. Why are Condoms transparent?
Answer. So that the sperms can at least enjoy the Scenery!
Comments (5)
Joke: Three Blondes in a lift

OK so there's 3 blondes in a lift, suddenly the lift comes to a halt and the lights go out. First they try and call for help by using their mobile phones but no luck. The phone's have no signal.
After a couple of hours being stuck with no sign of help, one blond says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by shouting together."
The others agree, and they take a deep breath and begin to shout "Together, together, together."
Comments (0)
Joke: A Secretary Complains About Her Sex Crazed Boss

She says, "My boss is so sex-crazed."
Everytime he comes into the office, I must do the LAPTOP position, and then the DESKTOP position, followed by the SPREADSHEET format.
I must LOAD UP his SOFT DISK into a HARD DISK, so that he can INSERT in my C DRIVE and then the A DRIVE.
Then he'll ask me to EJECT his SOFTWARE outside my C DRIVE so that he is VIRUS FREE.
Then he changes his mind and decides to ENTER, ENTER, and ENTER the whole day till he is in MICROSOFT stage.
Once I tried to ESC (escape) but he caught me and Shifted me to his HOME where he started pressing BACKSPACE, and said "TURNOVER"
Today, many a times he works without CAPSLOCK (without "cap" or "helmet") and sometimes as an Alternative he CRASHES @ my SYSTEM until he looses his CTRL (control) and again he LOGS IN...
This process may continue until I SHUT DOWN his MAIN SYSTEM
Comments (1)
Joke: Naughty version of Summer Lovin from the musical Grease

Sing the song below to the tune of "Summer Lovin'" from the musical "Grease".
Bill: Monica: Bill: Monica: Bill:
"Summer "White "Met "Met days,
intern, house a the sucking
had intern, girl,
me happened crazy
a so for
blast" fast" me" knees" nights"
prez, away, oh,
down i, but
on those
my summer
"Summer
Investigation Committee: "Well, ah.. well, ah....well, ah. uh Tell us more, tell us more" Linda Investigation Kenneth Bill: Monica: Bill: Monica: Trip: "try "Tell he her to us come but he right don't remember more, on she makes in come had my the in tell your a panties White my your us best" more" dress?" cramp" damp" House" mouth:
Committee: Star: "Did to prez gave said is me OK, screw
"Wanted "The "She "I
sexy head, just
Investigation Committee: "Well, ah.. well, ah....well, ah. uh Tell us more, tell us more" Linda Investigation Kenneth Bill: Monica: Trip: "he Committee: Star: "Press "He found gave me "Did out, fifty sounds "Tell he it bucks us like more, tell turned to buy a tell you into a swell us to a new guy" more" lie?" mess" dress"
Bill: Monica: Bill &
"She
promised "Wonder who "Sex
to
lie, is dreams,
she servicing ripped
made him at
vow" now" seams
Monica:
filled
the
But.........oh Those Whiii-ii--iiite Hooouuuuse Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-yiiights"
Comments (2)
Joke: Funny full forms of AIDS

AIDS: Ass Infected Don't Screw, Another Idiot Died Screwing
Editor: The full forms mentioned above may be funny but AIDS the disease sure is not. Please have safe sex and protect yourself.
Comments (2)
Joke: Guy sitting next to attractive woman in bar

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives The her a quick glance, this then and casually asks, looks "Is at his watch date for a moment. late?"
woman
notices
your
running
"No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" "It uses alpha it it says waves to telepathically telling you're not talk you wearing any to me," he now?" panties..." explains.
"What's "Well,
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"
The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."
Comments (2)
Joke: Taxi driver losing control of car

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped
centimetres from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.
Comments (1)
Joke: Naughty Hindi Adult Joke

Shakeela Aao Khelen Ge !
Nahi Aap Hamari Le Lein Ge !
Yehi Tou Pyar ki Kasaoti Hai !
Nahi Meri Bohat Hi Chhoti Hai !
Dekh Tere Liye Ees DiL Mein Kitna Pyar Bhara Hai !
Nahi Mujhe Pata Hai Aap Ka Kitna Bara Hai !
Dekh Yeh Tera Husn Aur Nikhaar Dega !
Ji Nahi Yeh Meri Phaar Dega...
Comments (7)
Joke: Calling wife names after drinking liquor

Posted on April 30, 2009 12:00 PM, Filed under Jokes
Wife: Jab tum desi sharab pite ho to mujhe paro kehto ho jab whisky pete ho to darling kehte ho. Aaj kiya pia hia jo churail keh rahe ho?
Husband: Aaj main hosh main hoon!
Comments (0)
Joke: Guy marrying the wrong girl

Wife: Suniyeji, aap ka dost galat larki se shaadi kar raha hai. Aap usse rokte kyon nahi? Husband: Main kyon rokon? Usne mujhe roka tha kya!
Comments (0)
Joke: The average mans life consists of...

The average man's life consists of:
Twenty Forty
years years
of of
having having
his
mother his wife
ask
him ask
where the
he same
is
going, question,
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
Comments (1)
Joke: A Mans Life!

When When When
we
are
born,
our
mothers
get get
the the
compliments presents the
and and life
the the
flowers. publicity. insurance.
we
are we
married, die,
our our
brides
widows
get
What do women want to be liberated from?
Comments (1)
Joke: Wife having headache

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."
"Perfect" her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository...it's up to you!"
Comments (1)
Joke: The Awakening

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!
She lives for ten more years, and then dies.
Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"
Comments (1)
Joke: Guy fucking 10 girls before marriage

Suhagraat ke din pati patni se bola: Shaadi se pehle I have fucked 10 girls.
Patni boli: Muhje pata tha, kundli mili hai to character bhi milega!
Comments (0)
Joke: Prostitute asking Plastic Surgeon to make another pussy

Prostitute Surgeon
asked
Plastic
Surgeon
to
make and
another
hole asked
for
her. why?
was
surprised
She answered: Business is good, so opening a new branch!
Comments (1)
Joke: Three women talking about their sex lives 2

Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives.
The first said, "I think my husband's like a championship golfer. He's spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke."
The second woman said, "My husband's like the winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps."
The third woman was silent until she was asked, "Tell us about your husband."
She thought for a moment and said, "My husband's like an Olympic gold-medal-winning quarter-miler."
"How so?"
"He's got his time down to under 40 seconds."
Previously - Joke: Three women talking about their sex lives
Comments (1)
Joke: How was wire invented?

Question. How was wire invented?
Answer. Two Marwaris spotted the same coin.
Comments (2)
Joke: What do you call a Smart Malayalee?

Question. What do you call a Smart Malayalee?
Answer. Debo-Nair.
Comments (0)
Joke: Making donkey laugh and cry

There was one time two friends sitting next to a tree eating their lunch until one friend asks the other, "Hey you see that donkey far away.." and the other friend replies... "yeah I see it." "I bet you 100 bucks, I can make that donkey laugh.. the other friend replies.. "go ahead I bet that money you cant do that". So the friend goes where the donkey was eating his food, approaches to him and lift the donkey's ear and whispers in it.. and the donkey started laughing.. so the other friend loses his money.. in the next 5 min the friend asks the other friend again.. "I bet you 100 bucks more I make the donkey cry".. so he does and the other friend approaches to the donkey and lifts his ear and whispers in it again.. then donkey started to cry... he goes back and the other friend asks: "how did you do that"? his friend
replies, easy! "the first time I told him my dick was bigger than his.. "and he laughed.. and the "second time I showed to him..."
Comments (0)
Joke: If Ekta Kapoor made sexy serials...

If Ekta Kapoor made sexy serials, then the names would be like...
- Kahani Palang Ki
- Kyunki Condom Bhi Kabhi Sasta Tha
- Kasauti Bra Panty Ki
- Kahin To Choda Hoga
- Kahi Kabhi Chod
- Kyuki Gand bhi Kabhi Fati Thi
- Kab hoga Nimmo ka
- Kaisi Ye Rand Hai
- Kahani Rat Bhar Ki
- Kabhi To Lega
- Kaskas Ke
- Kkavya-ke-ungli
Editor: If you have any suggestions for naughty serial titles, please feel free to share with us in the comments.
Comments (25)
Joke: Bade boobs wali Aurat

Ek aurat hote hey us ke bubbe (BooBs) bade hote hain jab bhi wo ghar se bahar kam ke liye jati to gali ke bache chilate hain "ye aam hain kitne pyare pyare ye aam hain kitne pyare pyare"
To wo Apne husband ko batati hai aur wo ek din us ke sath jata hai to bache chilana shuro kerte hain "ye aam hain kitne pyare pyare ye aam hain kitne pyare pyare"
Shoher buhat ghusse main aajata hai aur Shalwar utaar ker lora nikal ke bolta hey
"Aao tehni hilao, jitne gire tumhare"
Comments (0)
Joke: Aadmi ke 3 balls

Ek Aadmi ka 3 balls hota hain aur woh iss baat par pareshan hota haa. woh Hakeem (doctor) ka paas jata ha lakin uss ko samajh nahi aa rahi hota ke Hakeem ko kaisay bataye.
Woh
kahta
hai
Man: Hakim sahab , meri aur app ki balls mila kar total hain 5.
Hakeem: kyun app ka 4 hain?
Comments (0)
Joke: Garam Husband

Ek khuwaar admi ki shaadi ho jati hae.... suhag raat main kamrae main aatae hi biwi ko choodna shuru ho jata hae... aur taqreeban puri raat chood ta rehta hae....
Subha hoti hae.... biwi us kae liyae nashta bana kae lati hain..... woh nashta side pae rakh deta hae aur kehta hae... begum nashta washta chooroo tum hi mera nashta hooo...bas aaa jaooo... aur phir again... chudai shuru kar deta hae.....
Afternoon main... biwi bechari khana paka kae lati hae.... aur husband ko paish karti hae.... husband kehta hae...aray begum khana wana chooroo... bas tum hi mera khana hooo.... forun aa jaoo... aur phir ek aur baar.... begum ko choodna shuru ho jata hae....
Shaam aatii hae... woh apni begum ko dhoond raha hota ae .... jub kitchen kae paas jata hae... wahan dekhta hae... kae...begum.... ek garam kaprae sae apni choot ko saikh rahi hae...
Woh kehta hae... aray begum kia hua? kia kar rahi hoo.....
Begum kehti hae... aap kae liyae "shaam ka khana garam kar rahi hoon"
Comments (12)
Joke: Lady buying bananas

Kelewala: Kele le lo kele
Madam: Are bhaiya kele to pilpile hai kadak aur lambe do
Kelewala: Are madam kabhi to khane ke liye liya karo!
Comments (0)
Joke: Ek din Santa ko police pakad ke le gayi

Ek
din
Santa
ko
police Usne
pakad pucha -
ke aaj
le yaha
gayi! kaise?
Thanedar
uska
jankar
tha.
Santa - Ye saara kam media walo ki vajah se hua hai! Maine dekha lady reporter ki shirt par lika hua tha "PRESS" aur maine DABA diya!
Comments (1)
Joke: Nasbandi ke liye patient doctor ke paas

Doctor mariz ke peeche bhaag raha tha. People asked Kya hua?
Doctor: Har baar aisa huaa... sala Nasbandi karvane aata hai aur baal saaf karvaake bhag jata hai.
Comments (3)
Joke: Chai Jo Pura Badan Hila de
Aadmi Bade Mood me Waiter se: Ek Mast Chai Pilao Jo Pura Badan Hila de.
Waiter: Hamare Yahaa Gai ka Doodh Aata hai, RAKHI SAWANT ka Nahi.
Comments (0)
Joke: What is a Fashion Week?

Question. What is a "Fashion Week"?
Answer. Where Designers show their creations on models and models drop designer's creations to show "God's Creation".
Comments (0)
Joke: Dont let this happen to you

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart.
The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.
As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring at you , and that's when you remember: You've been listening to your iPod.
Comments (3)
Joke: Nasty Adult SMS

Today its cool to have small cars and small computers. Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too. Then, you my friend, will be THE MAN!!
Comments (0)
Joke: Boss having affair with maid

Sam is a servant boy who every day drinks the wine of his Boss puts water in the bottle to replace what he drank. But the Boss having suspicions as for the quality of the wine, decides to buy pastis (a French wine that changes color if you add water). Sam as usual, takes a mouthful and add water to replace what he drank.
However, soon after he added water the pastis became milky. When the Boss came backed and noticed it, he was sure he had managed to nail Sam as thief!!! At that same moment Sam realized he was in trouble and decided to go into the kitchen. The Boss told his wife that "Cherished, you will see, he will be obliged to acknowledge ". He shouted: "Sam!". Sam answered: "Yes, Boss". "Who drank my pastis?" No answer. The Boss reiterated his question: still no answer. Then the Boss went to find Sam in the kitchen and says to him: "You insane or what? Why when I call you you say "yes boss" but when I ask you a question you don't answer me? "Sam reported that "It is that boss, when you are in the kitchen there, you don't understand anything at all, except the name "
Then to prove that Sam lies, the Boss says to him: "You stay beside Madam, me I go in the kitchen, and you ask me a question ". Sam accepted. The Boss went in the kitchen and Sam shouted: "Boss". He answered: "Yes, Sam". Sam continued: "Who goes at the maid bedroom when the Madam is not there?" No answer. Sam shouted again: "Boss, I say who made the maid pregnant?" No answer. Third time: "Boss, I say who made the maid pregnant?" The Boss returns from the kitchen running and says "Sam: It is true, you are right, when one is in the kitchen, one does not hear anything, only the name".
Comments (0)
Joke: Ladki Ke 18 Nakhrey

1.
Mera
peecha
matt larki gi baar kerna I miloon Love
kero. hoon. You. gi. nahi.
2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. Mein Bus Bus Bus
Mein aik Sirf Kuch Koi ouper say Panti aik Sharam Bohat itna ker baar aik
shareef boloon
dekh lo, neechay matt baar aa lamba mota nahi hi haath
lay bhi na
ga. lagao. uttaro.
kerwaoon rahi
gi. hai. hai.
lay
sakti.
13. 14. 15. 16. 17.
Zor Bohat Boobs Kamar Zor ko dard
say ho ko pakkad say
matt raha
daalna. hai. chooso. ker daalo. maaro.
dhakka
18. Uff! Kitna mazza aa raha hai, ab bahir matt nikalna.
Comments (16)
Joke: The things that satisfy your mind

Its Do Its
the
thing
that
satisfies a sofa, called
your in
mind, the
body car or
and
soul!
it
on
bed,
on
anywhere! Prayer!
God bless your naughty mind.
Comments (0)
Joke: Nice double meaning message

He took me from a bar. He took me in his car. He took my top off. He puts his lips on mine, but don't worry: I'm a bottle of wine!
Comments (0)
Joke: What is the resemblance between windscreen wiper and woman?

Question. What is the resemblance between a windscreen wiper and a woman?
Answer. When they are wet, they do not squeak any more!
Comments (0)
Joke: Little boy sitting next to a Priest

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The The "The
man, little boy
who
was "My
priest, Daddy from
said. wear
"I his
am collar and
Father." like that.
replied. looked
doesn't his
priest
up
book
answered.
"I am the Father of many."
The boy said. "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar "I am that the way! Father of The hundreds" priest, and went getting back to impatient, reading his said. book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said.
"Maybe you should wear a condom and your pants backwards instead of your collar."
Comments (1)
Joke: Quickest way to make your spouse cry out when making love
Question. What's the quickest way to make your spouse cry out when making love?
Answer. Call her up and tell her where you are!
Comments (1)
Joke: Husband wife getting ready for bed

Posted on March 31, 2009 12:00 PM, Filed under Jokes
husband
and
wife
were
getting
ready to
for have
bed make she
one love
evening. tonight?" replied. answer?"
"Honey," "No "Is "Yes,
the
fellow dear, that that
asked,
"do not
you
want
tonight," your final my
is
final
answer!"
"In that case," he said, "may I phone a friend?"
Comments (0)
Joke: Applications invited for girlfriend

Due to recession, I sacked my Girlfriend (part of my cost cutting efforts) I need new one, so pass on this information to your female friends...please this is urgent (only females)
Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are mentioned below:
Designation
Junior
girl
friend
(trainee)
Experience : Must have ditched at least 2 guys (Fresher with excellent credentials will be considered) Other requirement : Should have the Potential to do street bargaining and fight if required.
Age: 18-23 (if the individual is too good looking but not in the age group can also apply, special consideration will undertaken for them)
Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective.
Perks Total 5 Kulfis Daily 2 2 gifts bike trips Trips / Provision to Chocobars of gross worth not ( exceeding
and Monthly Rs. each to Hanuman at a 1000/-(no precious )
incentives: : stones) hour Highways Iskcon of Rs. 3 10 Temple days /-
metals, 1
rides
duration National Mandir regular Pakoda/Bhel month / gap worth (on
Samosa/Bread per
movies
weekends)
Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every weekend (On your own expense)
A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to finance availability and to the size available with the shopkeeper.
Net Deductions (Monthly): Affair Fund and un-professional taxes will be informed on joining The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with Promotion to fulltime Girlfriend)
Please 1. Only
NOTE: females.
2.
Girls
who
left
in
the
last
months
need
not
apply.
3. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above mentioned conditions.
There
is
more:
For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral program by referring their friends, colleagues etc.
Candle light or Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if candidate is not selected.
Search
never
ends!!
Interested candidates can send their resume with
Subject: Name/fresher-exp/age. Photo must be in attachment to the email address via mail
Note: Applications without photo will be rejected.
Comments (12)
Joke: A husband is what is left of...

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted - Helen Rowland
Comments (1)
Joke: Kaam wali bai asked about sex in village

Kaam
wali
bai
says
to
malkin
after
seeing mein
condom sex
on
bed:
Yeh karte
kya
hai? kya?
Malkin
said:
Tere
gawon
nahi
Kaam wali bai: Karte hai malkin per itna nahi ke lund ki khal nikal jaye!
Comments (3)
Joke: What is a good marriage?

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Michel de Montaigne
Comments (0)
Joke: Men are like chocolate bars

Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Comments (0)
Joke: Englishman and American aboard Cruise liner

An Englishman and an American are lying side-by-side on deck chairs aboard a cruise liner. Soon enough they strike up a conversation, which begins with the American ticking off the Englishman saying, "You English are all so tight-arsed. You've got to learn how to loosen up a bit. You'all set yourselves apart too much. Look at me for example, I have Italian blood, French blood, some Polish blood, a little Indian blood, and even some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?"
The Englishman says, "That's very sporting of your mother."
Comments (1)
Joke: Best part about being the last man in the world?
Question. What's the best part about being the last man in the world?
Answer. You get to see if all those women were telling the truth...
Comments (3)
Joke: What do you call a guy with a one-inch dick?

Question. What do you call a guy with a one-inch dick?
Answer. Justin!
Comments (0)
Joke: True meaning of being Pretty Drunk

Nikhil bumped into his ex in the club. She said, "Sorry, I'm pretty drunk." He said, "Yeah, you're right, you are pretty when I'm drink."
Comments (0)
Joke: The LAAL factor is...

The "LAAL" factor is:
DARU KISS SEX KARTE
pio karo karo pakda geya
to to to to
EYES LIPS LOLI GAND
LAAL, LAAL, LAAL, LAAL,
AUR bach geya to Jio mere LAAL...
Comments (2)
Joke: Hindi class mein master ki pant ki zip khuli

Hindi class mein master ki pant ki zip khuli dekh ladkiyan zor se hasne lagi.
Master ji bole: Zyada he he ki to bahar nikaal kar khada kar dunga.
Comments (1)
Joke: 10 Things Not To Tell Your Girlfriend

10. Come on, who's gonna find out?
9. I promise you wont choke.
8. Can I get you in the pooper?
7. Trust me, I'm a professional.
6. Well, your sister likes it like that.
5. Wow look at the ass on her!
4. Now why cant your boobs be that big?
3. I gotta poop.
2. Oh you forgot to shave today too?
1. I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago.
Comments (0)
Joke: What is Fudi?

Fudi
is
a of by me se
maal khaal baal kamaal laal
Made Covered Dekhne Inside Jo Jo Aai samajh mein mere laal
up
chode chudwaye
so wo
nihal behal
Comments (9)
Joke: Husband running out naked

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies, Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy Shit! That must be my husband!'
So the guy quickly jumped out of the bed, scared and naked he jumped out the window like a crazy man. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush, then started to run as fast as he could to his car.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman 'I AM your husband, you slut!'
The woman yelled back, "Yeah??? Then why were you running.... you Son of a Bitch !!"
And that folks.... that is how the fight started.
Comments (1)
Joke: 1 Ladki at railway station

ladki
at
railway gets
station bored
Waiting
for
half-an-hour
coin nikala, coin weighing machine mein dala...
58 Kgs
coin Sandal utari, side mein
nikala rakhkhi
coin weighing machine mein dala....
56 Kgs
coin Jacket utara, side mein
nikala rakhkha
53 Kgs
coin Dupatta utara, side mein
nikala rakhkha
52 Kgs
Coin khatam!
Side
mein
baitha
bhikari
bola...
"Tu chalu rakh. Coin main dalta hu"
Comments (3)
Joke: How does a woman scare a gynaecologist?

Question. How does a woman scare a gynaecologist?
Answer. By becoming a ventriloquist!
Comments (0)
Joke: God rewarding Joe and Bob

Joe and Bob were two very different people and had lived in the same valley for several years. Despite their differences, their relationship was one of amiable cooperation. One day, to reward them for their spirit of coexistence, God decided to pay a visit and reward them for their spirit of brotherly love.
God gathered the two men together and spoke to Joe, I am very pleased with the cooperative spirit the both of you have demonstrated. Bob because being black in this day and age has proved to be a trying experience, I will reward you with exactly double everything I reward Joe. I am now happy to grant you your 5 fondest wishes.
Joe, after thinking it over, wished he had a 50 room mansion erected on top of the mountain. Sure enough, on top of the eastern mountain, appeared a 50 room mansion. At the same time, for Bob, a 100 room mansion exactly twice the size of Joes mansion appeared on top of the western mountain.
Joe was very happy and Bob was absolutely elated. Bob informed Joe that they needed food and transportation. Joe agreed and, for his 2nd and 3rd wishes, requested God to fill the pantries with delicious wares and provide him with 10 different cars.
Agreeably, God filled the pantries of both mansions. In the garage of Joes mansion there appeared 10 different cars. In the garage of Bobs mansion appeared 20 different cars.
Next, Bob prompted Joe about the 4th wish, Women we need women!
Joe, agreeing, asked God to furnish his 4th wish as 50 of the worlds sexiest, most beautiful women. Instantly, standing in front of the Joes mansion were 50 of the sexiest, most beautiful women in the world. At the same time, standing in front of Bobs mansion were 100 women, each twice as sexy and attractive as those given to Joe.
Both men were very happy and Bob danced around and exclaimed, Go, Man! Make more wishes! Make more wishes! Oh, Lordythis is our lucky day!Every time you make a wish, I get twice as muchWish, Man, Wish!
Thinking the situation over, Joe turned to God and said, Okay, for my 5th and final wish, I want you to remove ONE of my testicles!
Comments (0)
Joke: Multiple Twins

A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages.
She said, Lets see now, theres the twins, Sally and Billy, theyre eighteen. And the twins, Seth & Beth, theyre sixteen. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, theyre fourteen
Hold on! said the census taker, Did you get twins EVERY time?
The woman answered, Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didnt get nothing.
Comments (0)
Joke: Lady fucking on vacation in the Caribbean

A lady goes on vacation alone to the Caribbean wishing her husband had been able to join her.
Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate lovemaking she asks him, What is your name?
I cant tell you! the black man says.
Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is and he always responds the same, he cannot tell her. On her last night there she asks again, Can you please tell me your name?
I cant because you will make fun of me! the black man says.
There is no reason for me to laugh at you, the lady says.
Fine, my name is Snow the black man replies.
And the lady bursts into laughter, and the black man gets mad and says, I knew you would make fun of it.
The lady replied, Its my husband that wont believe me when I tell him that I had 10 inches of Snow every day in the Caribbean!
Comments (2)
Joke: New Husband

In a small town in the old country the Rabbi died. His widow, the Rebbetzin, was so disconsolate that the people of the town decided that she ought to get married again. But the town was so small that the only eligible bachelor was the town butcher. The poor Rebbetzin was somewhat dismayed because she had been wed to a scholar, and the butcher had no great formal education. However, she agreed and they were married.
After the marriage Friday came. They went to the Mikva. Then home to prepare to light the candles.
The butcher leaned over to her and said, My mother told me that after the Mikva and before lighting he candles, its a mitzvah to have sex.
So they did. She lit the candles. He leaned over again and said, My father told me that after lighting the candles its good to have sex.
So they did. They went to bed after prayers to get ready for Shabbos. When they awoke he said to her, My grandmother said that before you go to the synagogue its a mitzvah to have sex. So they did. After praying all day, they came home to rest, and again he whispers in her ear, My grandfather says after praying its a mitzvah to have sex.
So they did. On Sunday she goes out to shop for food and meets a friend who asks, So how is the new husband?
She replies, Well, he is no scholar, but he comes from a wonderful family.
Comments (1)
Joke: New English to Hindi Dictionary

New English to Hindi Dictionary:
Selfish Stupid Hatred Frustrated Flatter Blunder Jealous Refusal Running : Away : Mera : : : : :
: Lund Lund Tattay Tattay Maan Jhaantain Lund : Gaand Jal Karta Pay Latak
Chootiya Aadmi Marna Jana Uthana Chodna Jana Hai Dikhana
Deception : Harami Pana
Comments (8)
Joke: Grammar Lesson

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word beautiful in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on Little Mona, who responded with, My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.
Very good, Mona, replied the teacher. She then called on Michael. My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully, he said.
Excellent, Michael!
Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny
Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!
Comments (0)
Joke: Ladies Man

Daniel fancied himself quite a ladies man, so when his cruise ship went down in a storm and he found himself stranded on a desert island with six women, he couldnt believe his good fortune. They quickly agreed that each woman would have one night a week with the only man.
Daniel threw himself into the arrangement with gusto, working even on his day off, but as the weeks stretched into months, he found himself looking forward to that day of rest more and more eagerly.
One afternoon he was sitting on the beach and wishing for some more men to share his duties when he caught sight of a man waving from a life raft that was bobbing on the waves. Daniel swam out, pulled the raft to shore, and did a little jig of happiness.
You cant believe how happy I am to see you, he cried.
The new fellow eyed him up and down and cooed, Youre a sight for sore eyes, too, you gorgeous thing!
Crap, sighed Daniel, there go my Sundays.
Comments (0)
Joke: Wife not moaning during sex!

Stuart comes home to find his wife, Sadie, crying. I found out from Mrs. Smith that youve been having an affair with that chippie secretary in your office. Why would you do that to me? Havent I always been the good wife? Ive cooked for you, raised your children, and Ive always been by your side for thirty-five years. What havent I done to make you happy?
Embarrassed, Stuart confesses, Its true, Sadie, youve been the best wife a man could hope for. You make me happy in all ways but one. You dont moan when we have sex!
Sadie questions, If I moaned when we had sex, youd stop running around?! All right, come to the bedroom so I can show you that I, too, can moan during sex!
So they retire to the bedroom, get undressed, and climb beneath the sheets. As they begin to kiss, Sadie asks, Now, Stuart, should I moan now?
No not yet.
Stuart begins fondling Sadie. What about now, Stuart? Should I moan now? No, Ill tell you when!
He climbs on top of Sophie and begins to have intercourse.
Is it time for me to moan, Stuart?
Wait, Ill tell you when.
Moments later, in the heat of passion, seconds before reaching climax, Stuart yells, Now, Sadie, moan! MOAN!
OY! You wouldnt BELIEVE what a day I had!
Comments (0)
Joke: The Witty Clerk

A woman went to a market in Mexico and very loudly and obnoxiously demanded a half a melon. The clerk told her politely that the melons were only sold whole, but she continued to rant about only wanting a half melon. The clerk excused himself and went to the back of the store to talk to the manager.
Not realizing that the customer had followed him. He told the manager, A loud, rude, and obnoxious woman wants me to sell her a half a melon.
He instantly realized that the woman was right behind him, and quickly aded, And this nice lady wants to buy the other half.
The manager cut the melon in half, sold it to the woman and, as she happily left the store, he turned to the clerk and complimented him on his quick reactions and his calmness under pressure.
I am opening another store in Veracruz and I think you would be the perfect man to manage the whole operation, he told the clerk.
Veracruz! said the clerk, Who would want to live in Veracruz? There is nothing there except baseball players and whores.
My wife comes from Veracruz! responded the boss.
Oh said the clerk. And does your wife bat right-handed or left-handed?
Comments (3)
Joke: Chinese Sex

A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at it.
When finished, the Chinese runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into the bed with the hooker and commences a repeat performance.
The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter.
When finished, the Chinese jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into the bed with the hooker and starts again.
The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times.
During the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself. So when they were done she jumps up, goes to the window, and takes a deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed,andfinds four Chinese men.
Comments (3)
Joke: Farewell Luncheon

The staff at the office where my wife works was hosting a farewell luncheon for a retiring colleague. As the group prepared to go to the restaurant, they found that they couldnt fit the giant balloon they had purchased for the guest of honor into the car.
Determined to bring it along, they simply held the balloon out the window as they drove to the luncheon location.
However they werent prepared for the glares and dirty looks they were getting from pedestrians and adjoining cars at every intersection.
As the long line of traffic in front of their vehicle began to turn, they discovered that their car was right behind a long funeral procession.
There was really nothing they could do but hold on to the balloon with its large farewell message:
"GONE, BUT NOT FORGOTTEN"
Comments (0)
Joke: Miniscule Erection

A young man told his doctor that he was very embarrassed about the size of this penis and that potential sexual partners laughed at him.
On examination, the willie certainly was weenie. The doctor established that the man had no trouble appealing to women, talking with them, inviting them back to his apartment, or he to theirs.
He suggested that perhaps he should try undressing with the lights out and slowly introducing his potential partners hand to the smallish member so as not to shock.
The bloke thought it was worth a try as mates kept telling him size didnt matter and he was loathe to undergo penile enlargement surgery.
That weekend an attractive young lady accepted his invitation back to his apartment the lights very dimmed very low during passionate moments of undressing, the girls hand was guided towards the miniscule erection.
In the dark she whispered, No thanks, I dont smoke!
Comments (3)
Joke: Three ladies are sitting in a bar

Three ladies are sitting in a bar. All of them have husbands named Larry. One lady asks, "If you could name your husband after any soda pop, what would it be?"
The first lady thinks for a minute and says, "Moutain Dew, because he can mount and do me anytime."
The second lady thinks for awhile and finally says, "7-Up, because he has seven inches and can always get it up."
The third lady thinks for a long time and finally says, "Jack Daniels."
The other ladies look at her with a confused look and say, "Wait a minute, Jack Daniels is a hard liquor."
The third lady says, "Yep, thats my Larry!"
Comments (0)
Joke: When a lady tells you that you are...

When
lady
tells
you
that
you
are
Great, Attractive, Articulate, Nice, Dynamic, Understanding .means G.A.A.N.D.U.
Comments (0)
Joke: A Guide to U.S. Newspapers

Posted on February 28, 2009 12:00 PM, Filed under Jokes
1.
The
Wall
Street
Journal is
is
read by
by
the
people think
who they
run run
the the
country. country.
2.
The
New
York
Times
read
people
who
3. The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run the country. 4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however like the smog statistics shown in pie charts. 5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave L.A. to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country. 7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country either, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority, feministic atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are democrats. 10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.
Comments (0)
Joke: Boys peeking into their parents bedroom

A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while."
Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom.
"Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same woman who paddled our butts just for sucking our thumbs."
Comments (1)
Joke: Bear It From Behind

There once was a bear hunter who was having no luck in finding his quarry. All at once, he felt a tap on his shoulder from behind. It was a huge grizzly bear.
The hunter's shock was increased when the bear spoke to him. "You are hunting me, I'll bet", said the bear. "You may choose your punishment. Either I will maul you to death or fuck you up the arse!"
The hunter didn't want to die, so he consented to give the bear the pleasure of his booty. The bear left satisfied and the hunter returned to his cabin.
The next day, the hunter decided to kill the bear for revenge. But, as luck would have it, the grizzly found him first. Once again, the hunter felt the tap on his shoulder and the bear made his request. The hunter dropped his pants, bent over, and took what the beast had to offer. The third day, the hunter was really irate and decided he would torture and kill that bear! Once more, though, the bear was the better hunter. When the man felt the familiar tap on his shoulder, he expected to hear the grizzly's offer of a choice again, but this time the bear just said, "You're not really into this for the hunting anymore, are you?!
Comments (1)
Joke: Two sperms talking to each other

Two sperms talking to each other the first say "when I develop I will become a doctor", the second says "when I develop I'll be an engineer for sure". The man goes in the toilet and masturbates, they both say "saaley ne career barbaad kar diya."
Comments (4)
Joke: Making love to beautiful woman is like hanging wallpaper

Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.
Comments (0)
Joke: Making love to beautiful woman is like laying carpet

Laying a carpet is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, nail her, then walk all over her. If you're adventurous - like me - you might like to try an underlay.
Comments (0)
Joke: Making love to beautiful woman is like making Coffee

Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir... gently, and firmly.
You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.
Comments (0)
Joke: Missing Husband

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description.
She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, had dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4 inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yeah, but who wants HIM back?"
Comments (1)
Joke: Making love to beautiful woman is like Fishing

Going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied.
Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag.
Comments (1)
Joke: Getting Lucky

The sky is blue, grass is green, harder the fuck the louder the scream, louder the scream the better the fuck, give me a ring you might be in luck.
Comments (0)
Joke: Is Bus male or female?

There is a classroom of some small children (5-7yrs), with a genius boy, Bablu and a smart one, Pappu.
The dialogue between the two and the teacher goes something like this:
Bablu: Teacher, teacher! Is Bus male or female?
Teacher : Thinking.......
Pappu: Teacher, teacher! It is female.
Bablu : Kyon?
Pappu: Kyon ki sab log uspe chadte hain.
Teacher is pareshan. While Bablu gets in doubt.
Bablu: Agar bus female hai aur sab uspe chadte hain to uske bacche kyon nahin hote?
Teacher is more pareshan.
Pappu: Kyon ki sab us par peeche se chadte hain.
Teacher is now hiding her face. Bablu gets another doubt.
Bablu: Maana sabhi peeche se chadte hain, but driver aur conductor to aagay se chadte hain. Phir bachche kyon nahin hote?
Teacher is sweating as it is getting too much to handle.
Pappu replies : Kyon ki woh dono topi pehanke chadte hain.
Teacher faints!
Comments (19)
Joke: Warm Lover

John was talking to his fiancee, Rebecca, and he said, Be honest, now, baby. How am I as a lover?
To which she replied, Honey, I would definitely say that youre warm.
Really? he said excitedly.
Yes, in fact I would say that youre the dictionary definition of the word "warm".
John was pleased until he went home and, just for fun, checked his dictionary and found, WARM: Not so hot.
Comments (1)
Joke: Valentine's Day is weird

Valentine's Day is weird. It's the one day of the year where girls get anonymous mail from a stranger basically saying "I'd like to fuck you" and they go, "Awwww..."
Comments (0)
Joke: Valentine's Day is...

Valentine's Day is...
Flowers: Dinner Hotel and room
Rs. Movie: afterwards: Rs. Rs.
300 900 2,000
The look on your face when she says she's on her period: Fucking Priceless.
Comments (10)
Joke: How to make a book a bestseller?

Teacher:
What
should
be
in
book
to
make
it
bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
Comments (0)
Joke: Pappu asking Santa about mother tongue

Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue? Santa: Very long!
Comments (0)
Joke: Santa asking Boss for salary increase

Santa:
Sir
hun
meri
salary
wada
diyo,
mera
vyah
ho
gaye
hai.
Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi.
Comments (0)
Joke: Bull fucking 300 times a year

Wife read a book and tells her husband, a bull fucks 300 times a year. You don't do quarter of Husband: Does the book say the bull fucks the same cow? that.
Comments (0)
Joke: Lady asking time to Santa

Lady:
Time
kitna
hua
hai? Panties.
Banta: Lady: Time
Bra poocha hai
Nonsense.
Banta: Time hi to bataya hai 12:35
Comments (1)
Joke: Santa telling Jeeto about being mad

Santa: Jeeto:
Agar
tumhe
kuch
ho
gaya
to to
mein
Pagal nahin
ho
jaaunga. karogey?
Doosri
shaadi
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai.
Comments (0)
Joke: Santa roz subah clinic ke bahar khade

Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho? Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am - 11am.
Comments (2)
Joke: Drunk Santa knocks door

Sharaabi Santa Wife:
Santa
knocks
the
door
of
his
house.
His
wife are
opens
the
door. you?
asks: How dare
Who you forget
your
wife?
Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai.
Comments (0)
Joke: Lady Secretary taking call from wife

Lady Secretary: Sir, its your wifes call. She wants to kiss you on the phone.
Santa: Take message and give me later.
Comments (3)
Joke: Santa talking to son about Sex

Santa to his son: I think its right time we should talk about sex!
Pappu: Sure dad, what do you wanna know?
Comments (0)
Joke: Ladki ne nikala plastic ka lund

Ladki Usne Use Fir
ko
lagi ka thuk
thand, lund, mein, choot mein, chudai,
nikala bhigoya dala
plastic
apni hogai
Shuru Aapko 10 din pehle Valentine ki Badhai!
Comments (9)
Joke: Jeeto asking Santa to stop looking at girls

Jeeto
to
Santa:
Stop
looking
at
girls,
you
are
married
now.
Santa: You mean if I am on diet, I cant look at the menu also?
Comments (1)
Joke: Santa having twins

Nurse: Santa: Nurse:
Congrats: Ye
Apke
jurwa hona
bete hi
hue
hain. tha. Kyon?
to
Santa: Jab dekho KBC PART-2 dekhti rahti thi, Mil gaya na UMEED SE DUGNA
Comments (0)
Joke: Mahila mein sabse pehle kya dekhte hain

Interviewer:
Aap
kisi
MAHILA
mein
sabse
pehle
kya
dekhte
hain?
Santa: O ji, wo is baat par depend karta hai ki woh aa rahi hai ya jaa rahi hai?
Comments (0)
Joke: Baniye shayar ne arz kiya

Posted on January 31, 2009 12:00 PM, Filed under Jokes
Moorkh
tha
Shahjahan
jo
kar
gaya
kharcha
itna
TAJ
par,
Kambakht har din ek nayi Mumtaz aa jati us kharche ke BYAAZ par.
Santa Santa:
and Look
Banta so many
were
looking pakka
at
Egyptian lorry accident
mummy. case.
bandages,
Banta: Aaho, lorry number is also written BC 1760 !!!
Nature
has
many
laws
that
hold
fast
and
true.
For example, a baby ape will always grow-up to be an ape. Likewise, a baby baboon will become A A A A baby baby puppy mongrel pig will an mature will into always matures develops adult a full grown a a a baboon. pig. jackass. dog. cur.
jackass quickly pup
become into into
Yet oddly enough, women say a young man may grow-up to be any one of these.
Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation. They begin to talk and bring each other up to date.
The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc. and finally gets around to their sex lives.
Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?" Sally Sue replies "It's just great, is ever since we got into S&M." aghast.
"Really "Oh,
Sally,
never
would sure,"
have
guessed
that
you
would
go
for
that." Sally,
says
"He Snores while I Masturbate."
Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says... "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than daddy's!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I just saw daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"
Question. What do you call a Lesbian Dinosaur?
Answer. A Lickalotopuss.
Santa Santa Jeeto:
aur raat
Jeeto ko
mein
larai phone
ho
gayi, pay:
Santa Khanay
ghar
se
chala kia
gaya. hai? Zehar.
mein
Husb: Main dair se aaonga, tum kha kar so jana.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good, is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
Question. Why is 69 position called as smokers style?
Answer. Because while she is enjoying cigar, he is cleaning ashtray.
Girl: Priest: Girl: Priest: Girl: Priest: Girl: Priest: Girl: Priest: Girl: Priest: Girl: father." Girl: Priest: Girl:
"Forgive "What "I "Why called did
me have a you
father you man call he a him
for
I done son a son of
have my a of my a
sinned." child?" bitch." bitch?" hand."
"Because "Like this?"
touched (As "Yes he touches
her
hand) father."
"Thats
no "Then
reason he this?"
to
call
man
son my
of
bitch." breast."
touched (as "Yes he touched
"Like
her
breast) father."
"Thats "Then Priest:
no
reason he
to
call took
him off he
son
of my
bitch." clothes,
"Like
this?"
(as "Yes
takes
off
her
clothes) father."
"Thats "Then he
no stuck
reason his you
to
call know
him what
a into
son my you
of
a know
bitch." where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where) Girl: Priest: Girl: "Thats "Then no he reason to "Yes call him me a fast son of and a father." bitch." furious..."
pumped
Priest: The priest pumps her fast and says "Thats no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "Ahh... Thats no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
At one time in my life, I thought I understood the meaning of the word service.
The act of doing things for other people. Then I heard the terms: Internal Revenue Service, Postal Service, Civil Service, Service Stations, Customer Service, City Public Service, and I became confused about the word service. This is not what I thought Service meant.
Then one day, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them mentioned that he was having a bull Service a few of his cows.
WHAM!! It all came into perspective! Now I understand what all those Service agencies are doing to us.
Brave, Intelligent, Gentle, Polite, Energetic, Nutty, Industrious, Sensitive.
And if all else fails, read the CAPITAL LETTERS only!
A blonde in Alaska decides to go ice fishing. So she packs up his stuff and goes out onto the ice. She starts sawing a hole in the ice, and a loud booming voice says, YOU WILL FIND NO FISH UNDER The The The blonde voice blonde looks repeats, looks up YOU again up, WILL and THAT ignores FIND says, Is it, NO this and FISH God continues UNDER trying to THE warn ICE. on. ICE. me?
The voice says NO, I M THE MANAGER OF THIS ICE RINK.
One day there was this blonde that pulled up to a gas station. She filled her car with gas then went to the gas station clerk. Then she asked him for a hanger. The clerk asked her why and she replied that she locked her keys in the car. So the clerk gave the blonde the hanger. Thirty minutes later the clerks sees the same blonde outside. So the clerk decides to help them out.
The
blonde
says,
No
thanks.
All of a sudden there was another blonde in the car saying, A little bit to the left.
window
salesman
telephoned
his
blonde
customer.
Ms. Brown, our company replaced all your windows with triple-glazed models more than a year ago, and we still haven't received a single payment.
But,, the blonde protested, You promised me they would pay for themselves in 12 months.
Three blonde fishermen are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water.
A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, Excuse me, Id We like dont to have see any, your replied the fishing first licenses. fisherman.
Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses, said the Game Warden. But officer, replied the second fisherman, we arent fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and were collecting debris off the bottom of the river.
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line.
Well, I know of no law against it, said the Game Warden, take all the debris you want. And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three fishermen started laughing hysterically. What a dumb Fish Cop, the fisherman, said to the other two. Doesnt he know that there are Steelhead trout in this river?!
Polygon of Womanly Virtue
Wherein it is related how that Polygon of Womanly Virtue, young Polly Nomial (our heroine) is accosted by that Notorious Villian Curly PI, and factored (oh horrors!).
Once upon a time (1/T) Pretty Polly Nomial was strolling across a field of vectors when she came to the boundary of a singularly large matrix. Now Polly was convergent and her mother had made it an absolute condition that she never enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly, however, who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the basis that it was insufficient, and made her way amongst the complex elements. Rows and columns closed in from all sides. Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor. Quite suddenly, two branches of a hyperbola touched her at a single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of directrix, and went completely divergent. As she reached a turning point, she tripped over a square root that was protruding from the erf and plunged headlong down a steep gradient. When she rounded off once more, she found herself inverted, apparently alone, in a non-euclidean space.
She was being watched, however. That smooth operator, Curly Pi, was lurking innerproduct. As his eyes devoured her curvilinear coordinates, a singular expression crossed his face. He wondered, was she still convergent? He decided to integrate improperly at once.
Hearing a common fraction behind her, Polly rotated and saw Curly Pi approaching with his power series extrapolated. She could see at once by his degenerate conic and dissipative terms that he was bent on no good.
"Arcsinh!" she gasped..
"Ho, Ho," he said. "What a symmetric little asymptote you have. I can see your angles have lots of secs."
"Oh, Sir," she protested, "keep away from me. I haven't got my brackets on."
"Calm yourself, my dear," said our suave operator. "Your fears are purely imaginary."
"i, i," she thought. "Perhaps he's not normal, but homologous."
"What order are you?" the brute demanded.
"Seventeen," replied Polly.
Curly leered, "I suppose you've never been operated on."
"Of course not," Polly replied quite properly, "I'm absolutely convergent!"
"Come, come," said Curly. "Let's off to a decimal place I know and I'll take you to the limit."
"Never!" gasped Polly.
"Abscissa!!!" he swore, using the vilest oath he knew. His patience was gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a natural log until she was powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities. He stared at her significant places, and began smoothing out her points of inflection. Poor Polly. The algoritmic method was now her only hope. She felt his hand tending toward her asymptotic limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever.
There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator. Curly's radius squared itself; Polly's locii quivered. He integrated her by parts. He integrated her by fractions. After he cofactored, he performed Runge-Cutta on her. The complex beast even went all the way around and did a contour integration. Curly went on operating until he had satisfied her hypothesis. Then, he exponentiated and became completely orthogonal.
When Polly got home that night, her mother noticed that she was no longer piecewise continuous, but had been truncated in several places. But, it was too late to differentiate now. As the months went by, Polly's denominator increased monotonically. Finally, she went to L'Hopital and generated a small but pathological function which left surds all over the place and drove Polly to deviation.
The moral of the sad story is this:
"If you want to keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single degree of freedom."
The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing. It's called the stock market - Jay Leno
A blonde brought her baby to a doctor. After examining, the doctor right away determined that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for eardrops.
In the directions he wrote, Put two drops in right ear every four hours and he abbreviated right as an R with a circle around it.
Several days passed, and the blonde returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.
The doctor looked at the bottle of eardrops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label:
Put two drops in R ear every four hours.
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at a large gathering, and his blonde hostess broached a subject of which the doctor was most at ease.
Doctor, would you mind telling me, she asked, how you detect a mental deficiency in someone who appears completely normal?
Nothing is easier, he replied. You ask a simple question, one which anyone should be able to answer without any problem. If he or she hesitates, that puts you on the track.
What sort of question? asked the hostess.
Well, you might ask, Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one? the doctor replied.
The blonde thought for a moment, then said, You wouldnt happen to have another example, would you? Ive never known very much about history!
Question. What do women and tax forms have in common?
Answer. Men love to cheat on them.
A woman was arrested for shop lifting when she went before the judge in Birmingham, he asked her, "What did you steal?" She replied, "A can of peaches."
The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6. The judge then said, "I will then give you 6 days in jail."
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say Something. The judge said, "What is it?" The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."
Santa: What kind of a wife do you want?
Pappu: Exactly like moon, which appears in the night and disappears in the morning!
Question. What four letter word starts with F and ends with K and if a man cant get it he uses his hands?
Answer. Fork
A Sardar furniture dealer decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris (this being his
first trip ever to the French capital), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a new range of furniture that he thought would sell well back home in India.
To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a pub and have a glass of wine.
As he sat down enjoying his wine, soon enough, a very beautiful attractive young lady came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned towards the chair.
He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in Hindi, Punjabi & English, but she did not speak or know any of these languages. So, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.
They left the pub and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.
Then, after they were back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a bed. Would you believe...
Till this day, the Sardar has no idea how she figured out that he was in the furniture business!!!!!
Samunder kinare baithe hain .... Kabhi to lehar aayegi...
Kismat badle na badle .... GAAND to dhul jayegi.
A girl came back home from the school and asked her grandmother, Granny, what is a lover? A lover? the grandmother said. Let me think. Lov. Lover. Oh, my God!
She rushed to the wall, pulled aside the hanging rug, revealing a hidden closet door. She unlocked the door, and a skeleton of a young man fell out from the closet.
People People People
who who who
do do do
lots
of less no
workmake workmake workmake
lots less no
of
mistakes, mistakes, mistakes,
People who make no mistakesget promoted.
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the cigarettes I smoked, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the cigarette and think about the workers in the cigarette factory and all of their hopes and dreams. If I dont smoke this cigarette, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered, then I say to myself, its better that I smoke this cigarette and let their dreams come true then be selfish and worry about my LUNGS.
When the best actors are chosen by other actors, its called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, its called an Election.
One of the biggest problems of the world is that the stupid ones are damn sure and the intelligent ones are full of doubts!
Easiest 1. 2. Have Have a cigar
way daily daily you you will will
to die die 10 30 years years
die: early. early.
drinks
3. But love someone truly - you will die daily!
Prostitution is a "hole sale" business.
Call Hotel Condom: Erection: . . . . .
girl: room: Rs.
Rs: Rs.
10000 1000 10 ??
There are some things money can't buy, for everything else, there's MASTERCARD!
Question.
What
is
the
difference
between
Poetry
and
Essay?
Answer. Any Word uttered by a Girlfriend is Poetry while anything said by a Wife is an ESSAY!
Every Lady hopes that her daughter will marry a Better Man than she did and is convinced that her son'll never find a wife as Good as his father did!
Husband comes home from Church, greets his wife, lifts her up and carries her around the house. Wife: Did the Pastor preach about being romantic? Husband: No, he said we must carry our burdens.
Chinese
track
coach
was
asked
how
they
are
producing
such
fast
runners.
Coach: Its really quite simple, we use real bullets in our starting guns!
A blind man goes into a whorehouse and asks for a girl. The madam figures, since he's blind, she'll just give him an inflatable, lifesize doll -- he won't know the difference. So the man goes in the room with the inflatable girl and comes outfive minutes later. The madam asks him what happened and he says, I slapped her ass, she farted and blew out the window.
Adam and Eve were standing opposite to each other when Adam got his first erection. The two watched, astonished, until Adam suddenly exclaimed, Move aside -- I don't know how far its gonna go.

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1

A man Numbers Sex

average average strikes life

inches per per

length. week. fuck. years.

Women get 6x30x3x52x20=14.4 km of penis.

Mind Blowing Estimate. lolz.

It's called, "outside".

Question. What is common between a Bus Conductor and a Gay man?

Answer. Both Shout - Pichey Se Aaja

FACT: FACT: FACT: FACT:

You hang in there, Sunshine!

If Big companies starts selling Condoms:

MIRINDA Jor ka jhatka dhere se lge

PEPSODENT Rat bhr dhisum-dhisum

TATA Isko lagaDala to Life jingaLala

"Yes dear," Isaac replies, "and so did all my friends."

Coke dealers............... Always sticking their business in other people's noses.

There's no answer so he knocks again.

Eventually a Chinese bloke answers... "Harro", says the Chineseman.

"Alright mate, where's your bin?" asks the dustman

"I bin on toilet" replies the Chinese bloke, looking perplexed.

1. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.

10. If you don't take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.

msg bhej bhejte bhej bhi

msg bheja to kharab kya

bhejte karte bhejte

dusro ka bheja bhej te ho

MAUSI: to kya abhi kucch bhi nahin kamaata?

MAUSI: BENCH pe bhi aana jana hai?

MAUSI: to kya programmer hai?

arse arse arse arse

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

"Fella, I think your girl friend has gone home."

If sex is a pain in the ass, then youre doing it wrong

Getting Bleeding Giving

SHOWER HURT GRASS

Making Boneless meat HARD!!!

Jab . . . . . Sunsilk . . . . . toh . . . . .

Jago Ghrahak Jago

Catch Bring Keep your

waist home... her neck...

Put your lips on her lips and have a nice drinkPEPSI

Let let let SMILE!

kiss feel feel

lips, teeth, tongue.

This PEPSODENT reminding you

Twice a day Everyday :-)

Love Sex Boys Girls 1 9 1 day

is is do get night months in

a a the the in of hospital

gamble, game, thing blame, pleasure pain and

a junior needs a name.

Joke: Romance in the midnight

yours Loving Mosquito.

Joke: Small things gets longer

Answer. Cars seat beltyou dirty mind.

Joke: Male Training Seminars

2. You, Too, Can Do Housework

3. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut

4. How to Fill an Ice Tray

5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money

6. Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am