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    Brian Moses' School Report: Very funny poems about school
    Brian Moses' School Report: Very funny poems about school
    Brian Moses' School Report: Very funny poems about school
    Ebook93 pages28 minutes

    Brian Moses' School Report: Very funny poems about school

    By Brian Moses

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    About this ebook

    Find out what goes on behind the staffroom door, join in at playtime, see what is in the mysterious lost-property box, go on the school trip, and discover what teachers do in their spare time - and that’s just the beginning of the school adventure in this brilliant collection of poems from the hugely talented Brian Moses.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPan Macmillan
    Release dateJul 3, 2014
    ISBN9781447269663
    Brian Moses' School Report: Very funny poems about school
    Author

    Brian Moses

    Brian Moses spends much of his time visiting schools, where he runs workshops sessions and performs his poetry. He has compiled numerous collections for Macmillan (total sales of over 750,000 copies), including The Works 2 and The Secret Lives of Teachers. He lives in Sussex with his wife and two daughters.

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      Book preview

      Brian Moses' School Report - Brian Moses

      For?

      Targets

      My teacher says my targets are:

      To write more neatly,

      to spell more words correctly,

      to get more sums right,

      to chatter less

      and to behave myself.

      But the targets I set myself

      are far more interesting:

      To climb a tree to the top,

      to stop time before my spelling test,

      to think up a disappearing spell

      and try it out on my teacher,

      to leap from up high

      and to defy gravity.

      These are my targets,

      the ones I’m aiming to complete

      before next week . . .

      The ones my teacher sets

      may take a little longer . . .

      Classroom Groups

      In class one the bees are buzzing all day

      but snowy owls just sit and stare.

      The hippos get in everyone’s way

      while antelopes run everywhere.

      In class two blue group look quite blue

      and yellow group never look well.

      Red group blush quite easily

      but black group are sheer hell!

      Tens, units, fractions, decimals,

      class three groups are mathematical.

      Pronouns, adjectives, verbs and nouns,

      in class four everyone’s grammatical.

      In class five it’s the great composers,

      Mozart, Vivaldi, Beethoven and Bach.

      Beethoven don’t hear much at all

      but Mozart sing sweet as a lark.

      This term class six are geographical,

      mountains, valleys, rivers and streams,

      but last term’s topic ‘food’ was brill

      with chocolate, pizza, chips, ice creams.

      I wonder if teachers have their groups too

      when they’re snacking in the staffroom and we can’t see?

      The Pot Noodle lunchers, banana munchers,

      the ones who drink coffee and never touch tea.

      In our school there’s lots of different groups

      but I like to make up more of my own.

      There are groups good at maths or drawing or games

      and mine who are good at going home!

      Behind the Staffroom Door

      Ten tired teachers slumped in the staffroom at playtime,

      one collapsed when the coffee ran out, then there were nine.

      Nine tired teachers making lists of things they hate,

      one remembered playground duty, then there were eight.

      Eight tired teachers thinking of holidays in Devon,

      one slipped off to pack his case, then there were seven.

      Seven tired teachers, weary of children’s tricks,

      one hid in the stock cupboard, then there were six.

      Six tired teachers, under the weather, barely alive,

      one gave an enormous sneeze, then there were five.

      Five tired teachers, gazing at the open door,

      one made a quick getaway, then there were four.

      Four tired teachers, faces lined with misery,

      one locked herself in the

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