Emotional Intelligence and Sport
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About this ebook
Emotional Intelligence in sport is as important for the athlete as his equipment and physical training. To equip your inner being with the abilities and skills of emotional intelligence is to ensure that you have an competitive edge.
Included in this book, are guidelines for parents and coaches, but it mostly focuses on the sportsmen and women who want to give attention to their emotions, thoughts, motivation and special skills such as visualisation and breathing, etc. I also discussed aspects like anger, anxiety, resilience, the role of food and some relaxation techniques. There are 24 activities in the book which you may want to print out or use a separate piece of paper to do it on. The activities will help you to gain more insight into your own skills and you will realise where you may want to grow. It is strongly advised that you do the activities to the best of your abilities.
I hope that this book will help sportsmen and women from all over the world to not just focus on your physical preparations for a game or performance, but to also focus on your inner abilities and strengths.
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Emotional Intelligence and Sport - Ronél le Roux
Dr. Ronél le Roux
© 2020
All rights reserved
Contents page
A note from the author
Chapter 1
Sport and coaching for children and teens
Chapter 2
Mental and physical requirements for enjoyment and success in sport
Chapter 3
Introduction to emotional intelligence
Chapter 4
The importance of feelings
Chapter 5
Beliefs and thinking patterns
Chapter 6
Communication skills
Chapter 7
Personality and temperament in sport
Chapter 8
Sport and food
Chapter 9
Techniques for better performances
Chapter 10
Reaching inner excellence
Chapter 11
Goal setting
Chapter 12
Real-life examples of emotional intelligence
in sport
Bibliography
Endnotes
A note from the author
My aim with this book is to make sports psychology’s conception of emotions and thoughts more readily understandable and of more practical use for sportspeople. Although I am not a trained sports psychologist, nor do I pretend to be one, my field of expertise is emotional intelligence, which deals mainly with thoughts and emotions. My study of the literature on sport and sports psychology has confirmed the importance of these two aspects of emotional intelligence in sporting performance: the positive contribution of emotional intelligence in sport has been recognised by several authors and sportspeople.[1]
I had been involved in sport myself at school and afterwards, doing mainly karate and athletics. My daughter is a dancer and I am always aware of the expectations and needs of parents and coaches. I began with ballroom and Latin dance classes during 2011 and again realised how important one’s emotions and thoughts are regarding one’s performance.
This book shows you how to enhance your sporting performance with inner skills that can be learnt, and which have to be practised to achieve the desired results. Even in a practical book such as this, a bit of theoretical background is necessary. Should you be seriously interested in improving your overall emotional intelligence, I would recommend that you read the Emotional Intelligence A Workbook for your Wellbeing by De Klerk-Weyer and Le Roux, 2008, published by Human & Rousseau.
While this book is aimed in the first instance at the adult sportsperson (16 years and older) it also contains, especially in chapters 1 and 2, important information that is applicable to the coaching of children. After all, today’s sportsperson may well be a coach or a parent tomorrow, or, for that matter, already being involved in parenting or coaching.
CHAPTER 1
Sport and coaching for children and teens
Before we start with the theory and practical activities of emotional intelligence, we have to consider some important aspects regarding sport and children. So, if you are a parent or a coach this chapter is especially important.
A word to the parents and coaches of young children
I know that not all coaches are parents, but for the purpose of this book consider the children you are coaching as your own for whom you want just the best emotionally and in the sporting arena. Many parents may not want to hear this, but please just read through this chapter with an open mind and consider your own behaviour carefully. It is possible that you have never before thought about this.
All parents know that proud feeling when our offspring does well at sport. But we also know the disappointment when they do not perform so well or even badly. We can admit it: when it goes well we are in seventh heaven and this is a feeling we want to pursue. To relive that feeling again and again we will do anything in our power. Sometimes even to the expense of our children. It is their performance that leads to that special feeling.
Answer the following questions truthfully and see which case scenario is applicable to you:
Maybe you can still remember the good feelings resulting from your own performance in sport when you were a child. Do you want to ensure that your child enjoys the same emotions?
Or do you want to relive those special moments through your child?
Maybe you did not perform well at all. Do you want your child to perform better?
Whether you had performed or not in the past, do you want your child to perform so that you can feel good or even enjoy some prestige?
Or maybe you did not have the opportunity to take part in sport and you want to provide your child with everything you did not have.
It is sometimes extremely difficult for us as parents to be totally honest and objective about this. We do not even want to think about it or discuss it. This is my own business, you may think. However, if you do allow yourself just one moment to think about your motives, you may come to realise that they are not always so clear and honest. Allow your child to determine the importance of sports in his/her life. Do not use your child to relive your own athletic past or fulfil your own under achievements.
We want what is best for our children, right? But when it comes to sport we often lose this perspective – to the extent that some parents may even lose control, screaming and swearing at the coach, the players, their own child or other children. Others may be able to keep their composure while the game is still on, but lose it once they are home, taking it out on the child physically for not trying hard enough. Have you grown up with parents who behaved in this way, with you as the victim of their ideals and dreams? You do not need to follow the same route – your beliefs and behaviour can change the moment you clearly see it for what it is.
In the light of these attitudes, it is not surprising that in various countries bodies have been set up to protect children playing sport from the harsh treatment of some parents and coaches. One of these institutions is the National Youth Sports Safety Foundation, Inc.
in Boston, USA. In England there is the Child Protection in Sport Unit
(CPSU) and Sport Australia is responsible for the protection of children in sport in Australia.
According to the National Youth Sport Safety Foundation, Inc., any one or more of the following constitutes emotional abuse:
Forcing a child to participate in sports
Name-calling, such as you’re stupid
or you’re an embarrassment
.
Rejecting or ignoring your child for not playing well.
Isolating the child when he/she is not playing well or losing.
Not speaking to a child for playing poorly in a game or practice.
Suggesting that your child’s poor performance has let you down.
Hitting a child whose performance disappoints you.
Yelling at a child for not playing well or for losing.
Punishing a child for not playing well or for losing.
Criticising and/or ridiculing a child’s sports performance.[2]
Many parents have probably felt like doing, or have even done, at least one of the above at some time when their child has not performed well. Step in your child’s shoes for a moment and imagine yourself going through the same experiences. Maybe you do not need to do that because you know only too well from your own childhood what it is like to be pushed and punished for mot living up to your parents’ expectations. Every child knows that winning is really the name of the game, and a poor performance is already an enormous hurt and disappointment. When the parent verbalises negative feelings, it intensifies this disappointment and the child becomes negative about sport in general. Realise that your irrational beliefs and expectations can scar your child permanently. Children are extremely sensitive and negative body language, or a disappointed look can cause enormous damage to their self-worth. How can you expect the child to be positive and motivated if you only give negative feedback and never praise a really great effort or a new skill learnt? Make sure that the praise outweighs the negative criticism: be positive and focus on your child’s developing skills and not on the final result. Ask yourself: Which is more important – the child’s performance or our relationship?
.
Parents have to try to fulfil their own needs for recognition, appreciation, acceptance, admiration, attention and prestige – they cannot expect their children to fulfil these. As a parent you should lead a full life of your own, without having to seek fulfilment through the achievements of your child. Enjoy hobbies, a sport or any other activity that will give you the positive feelings you crave.
Human beings tend to pursue pleasure and avoid events associated with pain. Taking part in sport as a kid should be an enjoyable, positive and rewarding experience. Too often, however, children worry about pleasing their parents or the coach embarrasses an impressionable youngster. Participating in sports then becomes a painful, even punishing experience. Kids have to have fun and be eager and excited. They have to learn to focus on the process, learning, rather than the outcome, winning. Fun is the goal.
Studies of stress in young athletes suggest that those pushed by parents and coaches run the risk of developing sports burnout - a total loss of interest in sports caused by anxiety and stress associated with competition. Other symptoms of burnout are exhaustion, fatigue, proneness to colds and flu, stomach complaints, irritability, depression and a tendency to cry and shout.[3] It would be a shame to see a talented child to drop out of sport at 15 because of stress and your constant pushing. Help your child develop a healthy, life-long interest in sports by eliminating the pressure to excel.
There are six emotions that parents should be particularly aware of in their children: anger, sadness, depression, anxiety, confusion and a lack of vigour. Parents should never ignore these feelings or make light of them. When any of these are detected, any additional demands on the child may prove too much. If these feelings are associated with the child’s sport, some time out with rest and perhaps with some light exercise might be beneficial. Seek professional help if you cannot bring about any change in the child’s mood.
Physical, sexual and emotional abuse
Sport is a particularly vulnerable area for potential child abuse because it:
Involves a large number of people under the age of 18.
Frequently involves overnight trips such as training camps or competitions.
Usually involves close relationships between adults and children, where the adults are in a position of trust and able to assert authority and power over the children.
Parents need to talk to their children about molestation and sexual abuse, even when there is no existing problem. Children must be empowered by knowing what adults may or may not do to them and they must have the trusting relationship with their parents in which they can discuss possible problems. When your child comes to you with