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    The Skinny Food Diet: A Delicious Parody
    The Skinny Food Diet: A Delicious Parody
    The Skinny Food Diet: A Delicious Parody
    Ebook134 pages1 hour

    The Skinny Food Diet: A Delicious Parody

    By Caduceus Twigg PhT

    ()

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    About this ebook

    If you are reading about this book, you have probably tried lots of other diets, so why not try one that actually works. Building on weeks of careful research, the Skinny Food Diet starts with the premise that “you are what you eat”. So, if you want to look thin and sexy, then maybe you should be eating thin sexy foods. (On the other hand, if you want to be thick and fat and/or love meatballs and donut holes, put down this book, it is not right for you.) In the Skinny Food Diet you will learn which types of foods can help you have the body you desire. You will be happy to know that French fries, bacon, hot dogs, spaghetti, red vines and green beans are some of the skinny foods we recommend. Our formula is simple, if it is thin and sexy then it is good. No guess work here, all you need is a ruler.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherLulu Publishing Services
    Release dateOct 14, 2018
    ISBN9781483488431
    The Skinny Food Diet: A Delicious Parody

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      Book preview

      The Skinny Food Diet - Caduceus Twigg PhT

      PhT

      Copyright © 2018 Caduceus Twigg, PhT.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means—whether auditory, graphic, mechanical, or electronic—without written permission of the author, except in the case of brief excerpts used in critical articles and reviews. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

      You should not undertake any diet/exercise regimen recommended in this book before consulting your personal physician. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be responsible or liable for any loss or damage allegedly arising as a consequence of your use or application of any information or suggestions contained in this book.

      ISBN: 978-1-4834-8844-8 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4834-8843-1 (e)

      Library of Congress Control Number: 2018908304

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

      Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

      Lulu Publishing Services rev. date: 9/18/2018

      37793.png

      Preface

      In the beginning, there was Lunch, and Lunch was good. However, Lunch was lonely and wanted a friend, for as we all know, it is no fun to eat by yourself. And since Lunch was all alone, Breakfast was created. Lunch loved Breakfast. She had a sweet sunny-side-up disposition. With her, it was always orange juice and champagne, caviar and cream cheese. Lunch couldn’t keep his eyes off her. And since they lay together on the same table, it wasn’t too long before their child, Brunch, was born.

      Breakfast loved Brunch and Brunch loved Breakfast. It was as though they were made to be on the menu together. However, as time went on Brunch become more and more like his father - bigger, heavier, and even a little overweight. Pretty soon Breakfast could no longer recognize her small, sweet son. Breakfast and Lunch fought. Brunch will never come between us, said Lunch, trying desperately to hold on to Breakfast. But in the end, Breakfast and Lunch separated. Brunch would have weekend visitation.

      Breakfast was sad but soon found comfort on the late night menu. It is here that she met Dinner. Suave and debonair, Dinner had all the right moves. He knew wine and cognac, cigars and cappuccinos. Here, she found everything that Lunch wasn’t. Sure, Lunch was reasonably priced, but where was the excitement, the passion, the joy? Soon Breakfast and Dinner were spending every night together and it wasn’t long before they, too, consummated their love and Midnight was born.

      Breakfast and Dinner were over the moon with the arrival of Midnight. They loved her desperately, and doted on her as new parents often do. They were a happy family. The years passed and one day Midnight told her parents that it was time for her to leave their table. She loved them dearly, but she needed to see the world, to experience new things, and get a job. Casting about for interesting opportunities, she found just what she was looking for on a cruise ship. When she was introduced to the captain he said, I know your parents Breakfast and Dinner, but I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure. To which she replied, My name is Midnight, Midnight Buffet.

      And that is the story of how Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch, Dinner, and Midnight Buffet came to be the one big family that we all love. In fact, we love them so much that we take them with us wherever we go. We add them to our waistlines, hips, thighs, and bellies. They make our shoes tighter, our airplane seats smaller and our closets fuller. Try as we might we can’t live without them. It is time to face facts - we are in love with food.

      What is the modern man and woman to do with our love for food? We can skip meals, go on cleansing regimens, try any one of a 100 diets or workout until we drop. Yet, you and I both know that none of these approaches will give us the shape we are seeking. Most adults in the western world are overweight and in many cases obese. If it was easy to say not tonight to Dinner, we would be thin already. No, the answer to becoming thin is to take an entirely new approach to eating, one based on an overlooked area of food science and nutrition, one that is easy to understand, easy to follow, and delicious. In fact, you can explain it to a 6-year-old and they get it. What is this miracle you ask? It is a diet based on food shape. Yes, food shape.

      Scientists and researchers, the world over will wonder why they hadn’t thought of this sooner. By focusing on carbohydrates, fats, sugars, time of day, or food they missed the obvious connection between food shape and your shape. What could be simpler? However, before we are too hard on these folks, maybe, these PhDs and MDs have done humanity a great favor by showing us what doesn’t work? Throw out all your other diet books, there is a new diet in town and it’s called The Skinny Food Diet.

      Skinny foods for breakfast? Bring it on! Skinny foods for lunch? No problem! How about Skinny Foods for dinner, brunch, and midnight buffet? Love it! Eat all you want. No matter what meal you choose, we have got Skinny Foods for you. And, by eating Skinny Foods for 3-4 meals per day you will lose those extra pounds, becoming the thin you that you know you are. And once you lose the weight, maintenance is simple - just eat Skinny Foods for 1-2 meals per day and you will keep your beautiful new shape. Whether it is breakfast, lunch, brunch, dinner or midnight buffet, you just eat your way to becoming thin. What could be easier?

      ~ Caduceus

      Chapter 1

      WHY THIN IS ALWAYS IN

      Hey Toothpick, String Bean or Skeleton, how many times did you hear that as a child? For me, it was a lot, and it felt pretty good. Of course these days, no one, except politicians, get away with public name-calling, but when we were young, the playground was open season on those of us who were a little bit different. However, as adults, we seldom hear those words. We’re more likely to hear under-the-breath comments like piggy, porky and lard-ass, and these comments really do hurt. It seems that we just can’t win. One minute we are thin and gorgeous, and the next we are fat. What is going on?

      Let’s go back to the playground when most of us were thin. We were thin because we were using the energy from our food to perform all the physical activities of youth. Whether it was learning new things such as walking, speaking, running, reading, texting or just growing, we were burning up most all of the calories we consumed. But what happens when we quit running, slow our learning, and stop growing? When we find the couch more fun than the swing or a basketball game is only something to watch on TV. It is then we find that foods we consume can turn into those few extra pounds, which over a lifetime turn into a huge weight problem.

      Work out more is the popular mantra of the health and diet industry. As if a few trips to the gym could be enough to solve the world’s obesity problem. Unfortunately, exercise is not the answer. To illustrate this point, let me share a personal story. A number of years ago, I was approached by a friend to help with a local triathlon event, The Vineman, in Sonoma County, California. This race offers the full triathlon, a half triathlon, and a run for breast cancer. I agreed to help out as long as I could have a good job. I wasn’t too interested in the typical volunteer jobs such as parking cars or moving equipment. And to this, my friend said, I have the perfect job for a man of your talents. With a compliment like that, who could resist? What was the amazing job you might ask? It was helping contestants remove their wetsuits after the swimming portion of the triathlon. Sound like fun? It was. By the way, in case you are wondering, some folks really do go commando (naked) under their wetsuits.

      The reason that I bring up this story is that the athletes competing in the Vineman came in all body types. Lots of folks were thin and svelte, but there were many who were a bit overweight for their height. Now, to compete in

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