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    Code of Men
    Code of Men
    Code of Men
    Ebook158 pages1 hour

    Code of Men

    By Scott Falls and Bryan Vasko

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    About this ebook

    Code of Men is a collection of humorous man rules compiled over 6 years. We have also included food and drink recipes, BBQ basics, quotes from famous men, every thing a man should know, man movies and music. Also, we have included a wine and whiskey section and of course sports. The Code of Men is a book written by men for men and should be taken for what it is; just plain fun!
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherLulu.com
    Release dateNov 6, 2014
    ISBN9781312658219
    Code of Men

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      Book preview

      Code of Men - Scott Falls

      Code of Men

      CODE OF MEN

      Bryan Vasko Scott Falls

      ISBN 978-1-312-65821-9

      © 2014 by the author’s of this book Bryan Vasko, Scott Falls. The book author's retains sole copyright to his or her contributions to this book.

      Bryan Vasko: Scott Falls 8/18/2014

      ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

      Most of the rules of this book have been gathered while enjoying a cold one after many rounds of golf, exuberant games of darts and late evenings at pubs. Much discussion has been addressed as to whom this book may pertain to, but in the end it is dedicated to today's men who should follow a certain code. We would like to thank our close friends who helped in the gathering of information and to Kenny who in the beginning helped us get started.

      MAN

      Pronunciation: \ˈman, in compounds ˌman or man\ Function: noun

      Inflected Form(s): plural men \ˈmen, in compounds ˌmen or man

      A man is a male human. The term man (irregular plural: men) is used for an adult human male, with the term boy being the usual term for a human male child or adolescent human male. However, man can refer to humanity as a whole.

      This book is a compilation of rules and observations compiled over the course of six years.

      Our Anthropologists studied the Male in his natural environment and have recorded his basic tribal rules. This Book is a collection of those observation and insights

      THE RULES

      Underno circumstancesmayaguyask hisbuddies to goclothesshopping.

      A manshouldnever askanothermanif thislooks good onhim.

      Nomanshall ever askanothermanto dance.Under penaltyofdeath.

      Menarenotallowedto askothermento accompanythem to the bathroom.

      Nomanshouldhaveaphoneconversationwithabuddythat lasts longerthanfiveminutes.

      Allmenare allowedtowatchhotwomen’saerobicsonTVbutcanneverparticipate.

      Ifabuddy getsengaged,youhaveone chance totalk him outof it. After thatitisdroppedforever.

      Noguywhispersinanotherman’searunlessitsmobrelated.

      Nomankill’sanotherman’sgame.

      Men donot allow women toputclothingontheirdogs.

      Lastmanstanding calls thecab.

      Men donot allowtheirbuddies to dance nakedinpublic.

      Whentalkingtothepolice lie,lie,lie.

      Nomanlet’shiswomentrainhisdog.

      No excuseforbeingan asshole.

      Everymanhas an opinion.

      Allmenshould bereadytotakeonefortheteam.

      Nomanturnsdownafreebeer(unlesshe's on meds).

      Men donotwatchRichardSimmons;period.

      Arealmanwillalwaysoffer to driverher toanyclinic andpay.

      Theonlytimeamanquitsiswhenhe's forcedtotap out.

      A mandoesnoteatmargarine.Heeatsbutter.

      Nomanshould knowthenameof anypastelcolor.

      Men donotcryexceptfor thefollowingcircumstances

      The end of the movie Old Yeller.

      When you total your bosses car.

      When Rudy gets carried off the field. o Upon hearing of Megan Fox's marriage. o When she tells you she's pregnant.While she is using her teeth.

      25. Any Man who brings a recording device to a bachelor party may be legally beaten.

      26. The rule is: you have 12 hours to bail a buddy out of jail unless he deserves it.

      27. A buddy's sister is off limits unless you have permission.

      28. Whining about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge is strictly prohibited.

      29. Purchasing a birthday present for a buddy is optional.

      30. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops.

      31. When watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game or whose winning but you may never ask whose playing.

      32. Only in situations of getting your ass kicked and as a last resort, are you allowed to kick another Man in the nuts.

      33. The only time a man is allowed to drink a fruity alcoholic beverage is:

      When he's on a tropical beach.

      On a cruise ship.

      If it's delivered by a hot chick.

      If it’s free.

      34. Unless you’re in a prison shower, never fight naked.

      35. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos.

      36. If a Man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

      37. If you're on a date with a hot, suggestively dressed woman you must remain sober enough to fight if needed.

      38. You may reach for the last beer or the last slice of Pizza, but never both

      39. A man never compliments another man on his six-pack, unless you are talking about his choice of beer.

      40. Never gossip about a buddy with your girlfriend or wife unless she’s withholding sex pending your response.

      41. Phrases that should not be used while working out

      Yeah, Baby, Push it.

      Common, give me one more! Harder.

      Another set and we can hit the showers!

      How's my ass look?

      42. Never talk to a man in a bathroom.

      43. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary

      44. The morning after you and a girl who were just friends have carnal drunken monkey sex the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

      45.      There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.

      46.      When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father or employer, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

      47.      In a bar, it is permissible to exaggerate any story by 50%. Beyond that you are allowed to call BULLSHIT unless you are picking up a girl.

      48.      The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe Scale.

      49.      If your buddy is trying to hook up with a hot babe, it’s your legal duty to distract her ugly friend who looks like Sasquatch. Should you get carried away and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it.

      50.      Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.

      51.      The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

      52.      A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

      53.      If a buddy is singing in a car, you may not join in....TO GAY!

      54.      Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

      55.      When a buddy is trying to hook up,

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