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Fearful Eyes: A Novel

Fearful Eyes: A Novel

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Fearful Eyes: A Novel

197 pagine
2 ore
Nov 11, 2020


Neglected by his mother and abused by his stepfather, Mike Green grew up angry and confused. Bullied at school and mistreated by foster parents, he developed an unhealthy and aberrant outlook on life. Nevertheless, he secured a respectable job as a plumber, had his own apartment, and lived a relatively normal life—at least for a while. But deep-rooted, sinister impulses began consuming his soul, and after an online date with an impudent, arrogant woman, he couldn’t hold these impulses at bay any longer. All Mike Green wanted was acceptance and love, especially from his mother. In the end, he was able to get just that, but in the most inconceivable and macabre way.

Nov 11, 2020

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Fearful Eyes - Roger Wong



My earliest memory was when I was four. I was an only child living in a one-bedroom apartment in south Seattle. It was just my mother and me.

I learned later that my father had been my mom’s high school sweetheart but they had never married or even lived together. You couldn’t expect them to since he was an eighteen-year-old high school senior and my mom a seventeen-year-old junior.

After my father graduated, he took off for parts unknown. My mom told me later that she never saw or heard from him again. So I’d never known or met my biological father. It was okay, though. In fact, it might have been better this way. At least that was what I’d like to believe.

Anyway, I was telling you about my earliest memory at age four. I had been in the apartment by myself for a long, long time. To me, at age four, it seemed like all day. When my mom left the apartment, it was light outside, and when she came back, it was dark. I knew this because I would look out the window and watch some other kids play on the sidewalk outside our apartment.

They were playing hopscotch and had drawn boxes on the sidewalk with white chalk. Those two girls were having a great time. I watched them for a long time and wanted to go outside to play with them. It looked like hopscotch was so much fun. They were older than me. I was pretty sure of that; otherwise, they’d be inside like me. Whenever my mom left me, she always made sure I knew never to go outside the apartment. I knew she was looking out for my safety.

This big bay window was becoming my whole life. I spent countless hours in front of it, watching the world go by—the cars, people walking, trees swaying, rain coming down, and kids playing. It was better than TV for sure, which I wasn’t sure how to turn on or off anyway.

These girls must have played hopscotch for hours, until they both simultaneously stopped and looked toward their left. Their mom must have called them home, probably for dinner or because it was starting to get dark. So I went over to the couch and lay down.

I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, it was pitch-black outside and I was feeling kind of hungry. Just about then, my mom walked through the door.

She was laughing and had her arms around the shoulders of this big man. I’d never seen him before. He had long, curly black hair and a naked lady tattooed on his forearm. I didn’t like the way he looked at my mom. I wanted my mom to race over to me and hug me and say how sorry she was for being gone so long, but she didn’t. This man kept bugging her for attention, and my mom had no choice about it. He looked at me and then whispered something in my mom’s ear, and they both started laughing. And then the man started touching my mom all over her arms and waist and back. I didn’t like it at all, but my mom was sort of giggling, so I thought maybe he was tickling her.

Finally, my mom broke away from him and came over to where I was on the couch. I was so happy! She sat down next to me and gave me a big smile.

Then she said, Hi, Mikey! How was your day?

Her breath smelled funny, and her eyes were sort of droopy, but I didn’t care. My mom was home and with me on the couch! Then she kissed me on the forehead and started to speak.

Mikey, this man’s name is Tom. We need to talk in private in the bedroom. It might take a while, so I want you to go back to sleep on the couch. It’s way past your bedtime anyway.

She brought me a pillow and blanket and got me all nice and comfortable. Tom had already made his way to the bedroom, and I heard him call out to my mom to hurry up. My mom got up and told me to have pleasant dreams. Then she went into the bedroom and closed the door.

The problem was that I wasn’t tired since I had just awakened from a long nap. So I just lay there for a while, and I started to hear noises coming from the bedroom. But they didn’t seem to be talking. There was a lot of laughing and then some noises that didn’t make any sense to me. The bed was squeaking, and it seemed like my mom was either amazed at something or hurting. I couldn’t tell which.

After a while, though, I did fall asleep, and when I woke up, the bedroom door was open. So I sneaked in there. I crawled up onto the bed. The big man wasn’t there, so I pulled back the covers and snuggled next to my mom’s warm, soft body. She was asleep, but I thought I saw her smile. I melted into her with my head pressed against her shoulder with my right hand reaching up for her chin. And the rest of my body was flush with her silky, toasty torso. I loved my mom so much, and I wanted to stay like this forever.


Hello. Are you Mike?

Yes, and you’re Melissa? Please have a seat. Let me help you with the chair. I jumped up to move her seat back and in a bit. Just then, I got an amazing whiff of her beguiling perfume and was pleasantly startled at her seductive neck and shoulders, both of which were fully exposed.

She looked exactly like she did online, which surprised me. I’d already had a couple of online dates who showed up looking nothing like their pictures. And it pissed me off. It was not truthful. The fact that you might have e-mailed and texted each other for a while and found out that you had some things in common wasn’t an excuse for being deceitful like that. I even had one woman who’d used pictures from several years ago when she was much thinner and prettier.

But this one was honest, and right away, I liked her. Honesty was a big part of any relationship, you know.

As soon as I sat back down, she began chatting in a way that was rather becoming and cute. She was very feminine. Her eyes were fluttering and dancing when she spoke.

You know, Mike, I really enjoy trying new restaurants. I didn’t even know this one existed if it wasn’t for you.

Thanks. I live in the area, so I keep up with these kinds of things. I know you live in north Seattle, so it’s understandable that you don’t know about this place.

That’s true, Mikey! But there’s always the internet!

My god, she just referred to me as Mikey, which was unacceptable. I knew it was just one letter added to my name, but it was one of those things that I could not stand. I’d give her the benefit of the doubt, though. I was sure she thought it would be cute to do so, but to me, it was like changing my whole name. I didn’t think she’d appreciate me calling her Mary instead of Melissa. I’d used Mike with her while e-mailing and texting her the last two months, so why would she change my name so abruptly? It made no sense. The only person who had ever called me Mikey before was my mother when I was quite young. And that was why I didn’t appreciate Melissa being rather flippant with my name.

Sorry, Melissa, I’m sure you didn’t mean anything by it, but I’d appreciate it if you called me Mike—and nothing else. I could tell she was a bit taken aback.

Her shoulder-length blond hair actually remained still and then fell back an inch following the quick movement of her neck and head. Her beautiful blue eyes widened, and her mouth ever so slightly opened. I could tell I had startled her in a bad way. I needed to let her know everything was okay.

I’m so sorry, Melissa. Don’t take what I said as anything bad. It’s just one of those things that’s important to me. My apologies if it bothered you.

She seemed to recover a bit and adjusted in her seat. She was looking down but responded, nonetheless. That’s okay. I understand.

Thanks. Now let’s look at this menu and see what delicacies await us! I couldn’t wait to get to know more about Melissa. I had a sense within me that we were meant for each other.


Mommy! Mommy! Can I go outside and play? I see those two girls on the sidewalk playing hopscotch again. It looks so much fun! They’re a little older than me, but maybe they will let me play with them.

My mom is folding clothes and is looking bored. Mikey, why do you want to go outside? There’s stuff to do inside, isn’t there?

I know, Mommy, but maybe those girls will let me play hopscotch with them!

Mikey, you don’t want to play hopscotch with girls, do you? People might think you’re queer or something.

Mommy, what’s queer?

It’s something you don’t want to be. Trust me. Now I just bought you a fire truck and army men to play with. They’re in your toybox by the table.

Yes, I knew they were there. And I knew they were fun to play with. Besides, the way my mom said queer, I certainly didn’t want to be one of them, even though I didn’t have any idea what it meant.

But I wanted to play with somebody, not something. Maybe I could use my imagination and pretend those army guys were real, but that took a lot of imagination that I didn’t think I had at age five. I was tired of playing by myself, and hopscotch looked fun.

But, Mommy, hopscotch looks fun.

Listen to your mother, Mikey. It’s not that fun. Besides, I need to leave for work in a few minutes, and you need to be safe. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be a good mother to you. Do you understand?

Yes, Mommy.

This was a routine I had gotten used to. My mom would leave the apartment for a long time and come back when it was dark or when I had already fallen asleep on the couch or in her bed. I didn’t understand why she had to leave so often and for so long. All I wanted was to be with her, and when I was, it was delightful. We’d read books together and watch TV while I sat on her lap or next to her. She’d put her arm around me and kiss me on the head every couple of minutes. Then she’d make me a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich and always ask if I wanted the crust cut off in a serious manner. Then we’d burst out laughing because she knew from the last one thousand times that I wanted the crust cut off. She had a great sense of humor, and it always made me happy.

But those times were fewer and far between. It seemed like as time went on, she worked more and more. But it was confusing because she’d sometimes leave with her blue uniform and soft-toed shoes on, and sometimes she’d leave all dressed up like she was going to a wedding or something.

She always made me feel good, though, by saying, Mikey, you’re a big boy now. And I need you to watch over the house! It made me think I was very important and that I was helping her in a big way.

But on this particular day, something bad happened. My mom was gone for even longer than usual. It was dark outside. I wasn’t sure what time it was, but it seemed pretty late because I looked out the bay window and there was nobody moving around outside. They probably were already in bed.

So I fell asleep on the couch. But I was having a bad dream and woke up, and then realized I was very hungry. I knew my mom always left me something good to eat in the fridge, so I decided to look. Yum! Macaroni and cheese—my favorite! It was on a paper plate and had some aluminum foil over it. I took it out of the fridge.

I had seen my mom many times put food in the microwave. I knew this made the food hot, which was the way I wanted my macaroni and cheese. I pushed a chair in front of the microwave so I could reach it and put the food in the microwave. Then I pushed the button for thirty seconds—or at least I thought I did.

But the microwave kept going and going and going. It started to make funny crackling noises, and I could see through the microwave window that the aluminum foil was catching fire. I got really scared but didn’t know what to do. I just waited and waited, and then lots of smoke started coming from the microwave, and it started choking me. I started coughing and ran to the couch and buried myself underneath some pillows and started to cry.

Then water started pouring all over me, like I was in the shower, and a very loud alarm went off. I covered my ears. It was so loud!

It seemed like a long time passed. And then I heard a loud knock at the door. The person kept knocking and knocking and wouldn’t stop and was shouting something I couldn’t understand. Then the door was kicked in, and it was our neighbor, Dorothy. Dorothy scooped me up and took me outside.

Soon a big red fire truck came, and three firemen ran into the apartment. I was so scared, and I clung on to Dorothy’s arms so tight my arms were numb. Dorothy was so nice to me. She stroked my forehead and said that everything was going to be okay.

The firemen were there for a long time, and a police car came too. Then after a while, my mom came home and grabbed me away from Dorothy. Dorothy started to talk to my mom, but my mom ignored her.

The policeman came up to my mom and talked to her for a long time. He asked her a lot of questions, like how long she’d been gone and where she’d been. I wasn’t sure why the policeman was asking these questions, but I could tell my mom wasn’t happy about it. She gave short answers and looked irate.

I knew

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