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    Risky Witchness: Magic and Mayhem Universe
    Risky Witchness: Magic and Mayhem Universe
    Risky Witchness: Magic and Mayhem Universe
    Ebook138 pages2 hours

    Risky Witchness: Magic and Mayhem Universe

    By Saranna DeWylde

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    About this ebook

    Millicent Mandrake is a witch with a Prick and problem. She'd argue that all Pricks are problems, but to be fair, she's never met another porcupine familiar. She wouldn't be in this mess if he hadn't taken to crawling into her seat at just the wrong time. The middle of Masters Conjuring and she'd just wrought the best, most powerful spell of her life--mortals would call it defending their dissertation—and she sat on him. The stream of curses that left her lips tore a hole in this dimension and conjured a slick-talking, snappy dressing, horned hottie named Ethelred.
     

    Instead of being the answer she'd hoped for—making her student loans disappear—he's another problem. His magic doesn't work in this dimension and she has no idea how to send him home.  So she packs up her Prick, her problem, her Ethelred, and all her worldly and otherworldly goods in her purple '86 SS Monte Carlo, and drives to Assjacket, West Virginia in hopes of gaining an audience with Baba Yaga, but she's away visiting the 80's.


    When Millie tries to drown her sorrows in fairy juice, she gets a different kind of audience, a hangover from hell, and an idea that's just crazy enough to work—a strip club that caters to the supernatural. She'll be raking in the money in no time and her magic will be safe.


    Of course, nothing can be that easy in Assjacket—or even just outside the county line. Some patrons are committing strange crimes after leaving her club and she's got ten days to solve the mystery or face Baba Yaga's wrath.


    With a demon on her shoulder, a prick in her pocket (her porcupine familiar, mind you), and a deadline on her back, neither Millicent Mandrake nor Assjacket, West Virginia will ever be the same. 

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherCorvus Corax LLC
    Release dateOct 26, 2020
    ISBN9781393022732
    Risky Witchness: Magic and Mayhem Universe

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      Book preview

      Risky Witchness - Saranna DeWylde

      Risky Witchness

      Risky Witchness

      Saranna DeWylde

      Corvus Corax

      Copyright © 2020 by Saranna DeWylde

      All rights reserved.

      No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

      This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is coincidental.

      This book contains content that may not be suitable for young readers 17 and under.

      The Author of this Book has been granted permission by Robyn Peterman to use the copyrighted characters and/or worlds created by Robyn Peterman in this book. All copyright protection to the original characters and/or worlds of the Magic and Mayhem series is retained by Robyn Peterman.

      Contents

      Foreword

      Chapter 1

      Chapter 2

      Chapter 3

      Chapter 4

      Chapter 5

      Chapter 6

      Chapter 7

      Chapter 8

      Chapter 9

      Poison in Pink

      Chapter 1

      Chapter 2

      Chapter 3

      Chapter 4

      More Magic & Mayhem!

      Want More Saranna?

      Foreword

      Blast Off with us into the Magic and Mayhem Universe!

      I’m Robyn Peterman, the creator of the Magic and Mayhem Series and I’d like to invite you to my Magic and Mayhem Universe.

      What is the Magic and Mayhem Universe, you may ask?

      Well, let me explain…

      It’s basically authorized fan fiction written by some amazing authors that I stalked and blackmailed! KIDDING! I was lucky and blessed to have some brilliant authors say yes! They have written brand new stories using my world and some of my characters. And let me tell you…the results are hilarious!

      So here it is! Blast off with us into the hilarious Magic and Mayhem Universe. Side splitting books by fantabulous authors! Check out each and every one. You will laugh your way to a magical HEA!

      For all the stories, go to https://magicandmayhemuniverse.com/. Grab your copy today!

      And if you would like to read the book that started all the madness, Switching Hour is FREE!

      https://robynpeterman.com/switching-hour/

      1

      Just Outside Assjacket, WV

      Hillbilly County (Ethelred’s Name for It)

      Millie

      My name is Millie Mandrake.

      And I’m Witch-faced drunk right now, that is to say, not drunk enough. My life has been a series of one cautionary tale after another. This current shitshow is a prime example.

      Yer sorrows ain’t gonna drown in Fairy juice, kid. The porcupine on the table next to me said.

      Yeah, well there’s no Fairy Juice in the pokey, either. So I’ll take it while I can get it. I pushed a small bowl over to him. Stop lecturing and catch up.

      I don’t touch the stuff. He bristled.

      Listen here, Prick. Stop ruffling your spines. If you shoot me right now, so help me—

      Cool it, sweetcheeks.

      I narrowed my eyes. What did you just say to me?

      A sniff of disdain from the other side of me caused me to turn my head. He’d been so quiet, I forgot was Red was there. Which was normally very hard because he was literally the demon on my shoulder. Powerless, except for his ability to talk me in to doing stupid things.

      Are we quite finished in Hillbilly Hell?

      Look, Red. You’re not—

      Red? You know I abhor that name. Ethelred is the name, Witchness. Hellfire is my game. Don’t forget it.

      You’re a little impotent right now, though, aren’t you, demon boy? I smirked.

      Boy? He rolled his eyes. I have existed longer than heaven or hell.

      Still impotent. No magickk. No demon power. Nothing but your fast-moving tongue. Shit, probably shouldn’t have said that. He’d run with it.

      Plenty of people throughout history enjoyed my fast-moving tongue, thank you. He picked up the water glass, but found it lacking and didn’t bring it to his lips.

      I’d admit, Ethelred was pretty hot. He reminded me of Gavin Rossdale in Constantine, if you’ve seen that. Suit and all.

      And his hair. You know, that just wasn’t fair. No magickk at all and it was still perfect. Friggin’ perfect. I’d believe he was a demon for that alone.

      Couldn’t let that distract me, though. I downed another shot of Fairy Juice. Well, we’re staying in this ‘Hillbilly Hell’ until the Baba Yaga gets back from 1983. She’s going to a Madonna concert.

      "I was very disappointed to see this… Carol. That is not my Baba Yaga. Ethelred’s mouth thinned into a disapproving line. My Baba Yaga is Seraphim."

      Well, this is a parallel world. Can’t help it, now can I? I pushed the bottle at him. Have some Fairy Juice. It really makes it all better. Or at least stop harshing my chill.

      Your chill, he drawled, is going to be extra harshed if prison here is as you say. You should know, just because you dragged me through that devil-forsaken portal, I’m not going with you. Or putting money on your books. Or giving you crunch.

      Crunch? I wrinkled my nose. Sounds like an STD. I downed still another shot of Fairy Juice.

      I had to make some money. My student loans were coming due and if I didn’t pay them, they could take my magickk. My own fault. I’d knew this day was coming and I was so sure I’d have found something by now. All of my classmates had.

      I guess because I’d ripped a hole in our universe during Masters Conjuring. I should count myself lucky I graduated. You know that meme about trying to boil water and summoning a demon instead? That’s me.

      But I was Valedictorian, damn it. Hole in our universe aside.

      Fucking Prick, I muttered.

      Hey, that wasn’t my fault that you didn’t look before you sat down. Prick’s cheeks were full of pumpkin and he squeaked as he ate.

      That really is the most undignified sound, Red added.

      Yeah, I knew he hated when I called him Red, even in my head. It was like he knew, but it was really the only power I had over him. I could annoy him. I liked annoying him. If I was stuck with him, and he had no magickk, I might as well at least get some entertainment out of it. As a demon, he should understand that.

      Yeah, he chomped. "Being a porcupine is totally dignified. He took another bite and squeaked with abandon. So is being named Prick," he added with his mouth full.

      I wouldn’t have named you Prick if you hadn’t acted like a prick. Your fault.

      You’re not wrong. He chomped and smacked. Damn, this is good. He looked up at me. You got another one?

      No. It’s bad enough that you’re a prick. You’re not allowed to be a fat prick.

      The porcupine gasped. Rude! He shook his butt. I happen to like my curves.

      It’s not the curves I’m talking about and you know it. I happen to be very body positive. You know too much pumpkin makes you an asshole the next day.

      What is with your need to describe me with unsavory human body parts? Prick dunked his head into the bowl of Fairy Juice.

      I laid my head down on the table. Fuck it. I’m just going to be a stripper. I’ll just stand around and people can give me money to look at my boobs. I sat up and looked down at my cleavage. They were pretty nice, if I was being honest. This was no time for fake humility.

      I squeezed them together and shoved them at Prick. What do you think?

      He shrugged, still gnawing on the pumpkin. I’d sleep there. If you’d let me.

      Aww, I wish we had that kind of relationship. But you shoot spines in your sleep.

      He shrugged again and continued eating.

      I turned to Ethelred. What do you think?

      They’re not the best I’ve seen, but then again, you do only have two. He nodded slowly. For only having a pair, they’ll get you by.

      That was so not the answer I wanted. Wait, why was I trying to get Devil Boy to look at my tits? No. He was not my target market.

      My ego was a little deflated, if I was being honest. He was male. He should’ve been entranced by my cleavage. I always thought breasts were like pizza. Even if they’re bad, they’re still good. And mine weren’t bad. They were full, firm, and bouncy.

      I shimmied so they’d jiggle a little bit. Yeah, they were great.

      Maybe he was doing that thing where he was trying to break me down so I’d be more attainable.

      His eyes were drawn to the jiggle. So he wasn’t immune. Good.

      I straightened my shoulders, feeling a little bit more in control. Although, that was probably a mistake. If I kept jiggling, I was going to get seasick and puke. No reason to waste good Fairy Juice.

      It’s a bit more complicated than just standing there. Can you dance?

      I pouted. Why do I need to dance? I have these! I squeezed them again. Someone should give me a dollar.

      Ethelred pulled out a wallet and removed a single,

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