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    You Are Not The Father: How To Heal Past The Pain
    You Are Not The Father: How To Heal Past The Pain
    You Are Not The Father: How To Heal Past The Pain
    Ebook62 pages54 minutes

    You Are Not The Father: How To Heal Past The Pain

    By Miranda Queen

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    About this ebook

    RIVETING...and RAW!

    Miranda Queen, is an inner-city young lady that made it out. She embodies pure strength, motivation, and sheer will to survive! She is a woman determined to defy all odds against her. An admired, esteemed, and well-respected Naval veteran. This book identifies with anyone with an active heartbeat. She outlines how to heal past the pain of anyone hurt both past and present.

    Miranda shares how she was forced to deal with the deep, dark rooted, secrets of her parents that affected her while she found her truth in her parents lives. As painful as it was to find out at age 36 - that the man who she thought was all her mother’s children's father, also molested her at age 9. He was in fact not her biological father, but a man everyone knew in her neighborhood and family.

    The long-lasting pain was so deep, she questioned everything in her life. Clearly, uncertain of her future as a mother, Miranda harbored anguish, doubt, pain and regret. Miranda details how she healed past the pain of this deep family secret.

    A 13-year-old mother and 34-year-old grandmother.

    Her family members and classmates thought that she would have at least 3 more kids by 18 but instead she visited 8 countries by 18. Miranda wanted to be normal like her other friends and family members but nothing about her childhood and life was normal.

    One adversity after another and just when she thought she was catching a break the secret was revealed to her. It was time to face her past now, PTSD... both pre and post military, and the anxiety and depression suppressed for 30 years along with this secret for 36.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherGatekeeper Press
    Release dateDec 21, 2019
    ISBN9781642378719
    You Are Not The Father: How To Heal Past The Pain

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      Book preview

      You Are Not The Father - Miranda Queen

      grateful!

      CHAPTER 1

      Let Go

      Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.

      - Daphne Rose Kingma

      (Forget Everything You Were Taught)

      Letting go is incredibly difficult. It doesn’t matter if we cling to worries about the future or if we keep replaying the mistakes of the past again and again in our mind—it can be quite painful when you have difficulties moving on. The desperate attempt to hold on to the things that are familiar to us, limits our capacity to experience happiness and joy in the present moment. Life is all about continuous change. This means to us that no matter how hard we try to keep things as they are, we will sooner or later be confronted with relentless changes, whether we like it or not. However, as soon as we cease our attempts to own and control the environment we are living in, we open ourselves to new possibilities.

      I felt so many emotions after finding out that my dad was not my biological father. I began to go back in time to my earliest years that I could remember and just think about all the things that were told me. The first thought was when I was told to never lie and always tell the truth no matter what. Although I was thirty-six, I imagined myself as a five or six-year-old while having those thoughts. I thought about being taught to be kind and to play nice with my friends. I was also taught that when no one is there for you, remember you are always going to have a momma and daddy. I was taught to never bully kids who looked different from you and tease them for the clothes and shoes they were wearing. These were some things that for some reason went through my head. I just felt that if I was lied to from the beginning, then what else was a lie? What could I believe? How was I sure that everything I had been told had any validity to it? I felt as if I needed to just erase everything and start over. I wanted to start over from childhood and start to build my own beliefs, truths, and outlooks on certain situations to build my foundation. I mean, was it ok to lie depending on what the lie was, to spare the pain that someone would experience? I have a four-year-old son and I wonder if the lies we were told about Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy were acceptable to tell him. There is no harm, is what some people say, but I was devastated to find out that Santa and the Tooth Fairy were just stories we were told.

      (You Make the Rules)

      I made the decision that from then on, I made the rules. From the moment I saw those results on that piece of paper that told me there was 0% chance that my father was my father, I made up my mind that how I decided to handle this and felt was up to me. There were no rules to this, and no one could tell me how to feel or how to react. This was my life after all, not anyone else’s so I was going to be perfectly fine with what happened from that moment forward. I did not realize at that moment how I was giving myself permission to have whatever feelings or emotions that were yet to come. I was validating my feelings before even having them and not worrying about anyone else’s feelings at that moment. Validation means to express understanding and acceptance of another person’s internal experience, whatever that might be. It does not mean you agree or approve. Self-validation is accepting your own internal experience, your thoughts and your feelings. It doesn’t mean that you believe your thoughts or think your feelings are justified. There are many times that you will have thoughts that surprise you or that don’t reflect your values or what you know is. You will also have feelings that you know aren’t justified. If you fight the thoughts and feelings or judge yourself for having them, you will increase your emotional upset. You’ll also miss out on important information about who you are as a person.

      (Get Over It)

      Now that I have the truth and I have sat in my feelings, I have told myself to get over it. I had to talk to myself and be completely candid and firm with the child inside me

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