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The 8 Myths of Marriaging: Making Marriage a Verb and Replacing Myth with Truth

Di Richard Eyre e Linda Eyre

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Lunghezza: 253 pagine3 ore

Editore:: Workman eBooks
Pubblicato:: Jul 30, 2019
ISBN:: 9781641702041
Formato:: Libro

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New York Times #1 bestselling authors of Teaching Your Children Values and relationship experts Richard and Linda Eyre explore the eight most common myths about marriage and the truth about how to have a successful and fulfilling marriage.

Exploring equality versus synergy, completion versus individual quest, harmony versus productive debate, a test drive versus constant commitment, and more, the Eyres show that popular opinions and behaviors toward successful marriages actually reduce the chance of marriage fulfillment.

Drawing on more than fifty years of marriage and hundreds of interviews across the world, The 8 Myths of Marriaging is a must-read book for anyone considering marriage or currently nurturing their marriage of many years.

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Informazioni sul libro

The 8 Myths of Marriaging: Making Marriage a Verb and Replacing Myth with Truth

Di Richard Eyre e Linda Eyre

Lunghezza: 253 pagine3 ore

Descrizione

Leggi altro

Editore:: Workman eBooks
Pubblicato:: Jul 30, 2019
ISBN:: 9781641702041
Formato:: Libro

Informazioni sull'autore

Richard Eyre

Linda and Richard Eyre live with their family in Washington, D.C.; Salt Lake City, Utah; and Jackson Hole, Wyoming. The mission statement of their nonprofit foundation EYREALM is "Popularize Parenting, Validate Values, and Bolster Balance." Their books include The Happy Family and How to Talk to Your Child About Sex.

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Anteprima del libro

The 8 Myths of Marriaging - Richard Eyre

FAMILIUS

PREFACE

MARRIAGING IS ALWAYS WORTH THE EFFORT

We call it marriaging because it is a dynamic, happening word; while marriage is a static, happened word. Marriaging, like parenting, is a skill—or an art or a science—that can be continually and actively worked on, developed, and improved.

We will use this new word marriaging throughout the book and you will know its proactive, working-to-get-better meaning. Marriage is the noun, but marriaging is the verb. As we strive to get better at it, we want the ability to say I’m marriaging just like we say I’m parenting.

As we strive to build and grow our marriaging ability, there are some misconceptions that can get in our way—some misplaced beliefs or false paradigms that point us in the wrong directions and suck the joy out of our relationships. They do this through unrealistic expectations and false goals that cause dissatisfaction, discouragement, and frustration.

Marriaging, like parenting, is a skill that can be continually and actively worked on, developed, and improved.

We call these misconceptions the Myths of Marriaging. They all sound good—many of them are even disguised as wise advice or packaged as sage insights. Indeed we may have heard some of them so many times that we assume they must be true.

But they are not.

Some of these myths raise our hopes and expectations unreasonably; others oversimplify; and still others exaggerate a good direction so much that it turns back and harms our relationship instead.

The good news is that wherever there is a myth there is a countering truth. There is another side of the coin—the true side.

Sometimes knowing both sides, and considering them together, can clarify and illuminate. Sometimes we need first to know what not to do or think or believe in order to avoid the common pitfalls that often overtake a marriage.

Then, by contrast, we need to know what to do or think or believe in order to maximize our marriages.

So we will first try to dispel the myths, then to capture the truths.

A myth is a mist;

A truth is a trumpet.

The mist is deceptive, disingenuous, and dangerous;

The truth is clear, loud, and unmistakable.

And beyond the sorting out of myths and truths,

We need practical ideas to emerge from one and implement the other.

What we all need is clear directions and goals because:

Marriage is not a stationary thing.

It is always moving and changing,

And to keep moving in the right direction,

It needs a lot of refreshing,

A lot of fresh approaches,

A lot of new oxygen!

This takes effort, but it is effort well-expended because good marriaging is the best path to a healthy family and a happy life.

When we speak or lead discussions, we often begin by asking our audiences what really matters in life. We get some interesting answers that range from the practical to the ethereal, from the conceptual to the crass. Some of the most common answers are:

•Peace

•Satisfaction

•Investments

•Achievements

•Reputation

•Comfort

But the number one answer—every time—is:

•Relationships.

After we get these responses, we love expressing our belief that marriage is not only the prime relationship but the epitome and the source of all the other hopes and desires they have just listed.

A strong stable marriage is the most lasting source of peace.

The satisfaction of a lifetime love surpasses all others.

What we invest in the institution of marriage

pays the highest dividends and the best overall return of all.

Compared to the achievement of a lasting marriage,

all other accomplishments pale,

because it is not just an achievement or an accomplishment,

it is a relationship.

And there is no better relationship

And no stronger reputation

than that of a genuine, lasting marriage.

And as years pass,

the only reliable comfort is in this union.

Richard and Linda Eyre,

Park City, Utah, on July 30, 2019 (Our fiftieth anniversary)

PS—Immanuel Kant waited until his old age to publish his key works of philosophy because he didn’t feel like he knew enough before that.

We waited until our fiftieth anniversary to write our first book on marriage for the same reason.

Immanuel Kant waited until his old age to publish his key works of philosophy because he didn’t feel like he knew enough before that.

We waited until our fiftieth anniversary to write our first book on marriage for the same reason.

And even now we feel like we may know more about what not to do in marriaging than what to do. We suppose that is why we call this book The Eight Myths of Marriaging.

And keep in mind that even after fifty years, nothing is completely safe or guaranteed.

We heard a story of a Canadian couple being interviewed on the occasion of their eightieth anniversary. She was 98 and he was 101, and before the interviewer could ask his first question the husband said, There is something you should know, we are getting a divorce.

The interviewer couldn’t believe his ears. You’re getting a divorce? he exclaimed. After eighty years?

Yes said the old fellow. We wanted to wait until all the kids were dead.

So whatever your age and however long you have been married (or if you are just contemplating the possibility) let’s remember that marriage is never simple and never easy. However, it is always worth the thought and effort we put into it.

PPS—A quick comment on the word myth, which has two meanings. The older is an unprovable story that emphasizes the deepest questions and best answers that illustrate the foundational values of a particular cultural or tradition. The newer meaning is a phony story often unquestioningly believed.

Obviously, it is the second kind of myth that we are trying to expose here— false myths about marriaging. These unquestioned beliefs influence our general culture in a harmful way.

But it is good to remember that there are true marriage myths too. Beliefs—historical or not—that emphasize the powerful reality of committed long-term, hardworking, difficult-but-joyful marriage provide our culture with alternative true myths to the false myths that we challenge in this book.

PPPS—Just a suggestion, but, if you can, read this book with your spouse—out loud. We promise it will prompt discussion and, at times, a new level of communication.

If you can’t do that with the whole book, then as you read separately, mark the parts that you want to re-read later together.

INTRODUCTION

THE DANGER OF MYTHS

Here is the problem with myths: They cause us to see ourselves and our world unrealistically and to want things that will never happen—or that might be bad for us if they did.

Unrealistic wants lead to dissatisfaction, discouragement, and frustration when we can’t get what we think we should have. Or the reverse may occur—when a myth tells us that things are not possible when they really are, causing us to accept mediocrity and to disengage from our dreams.

Myths of false ideals set us off in the pursuit of the wrong things or deter us from the pursuit of the right things.

Myths can blind us to the good and the possible and cause us to miss the best moments and the best opportunities.

However, if we can shove the myths aside, we will blast through the misconceptions that are making us unhappy in our marriages and then reveal hidden joys.

So here is a rundown of the eight marriage myths and what they do to us:

1. The Clone Myth makes us wish for constant agreement and alikeness—which would actually narrow and dull our marriages; and it causes us to resent and be discouraged with the very differences that can bring growth and excitement.

2. The Achievement Myth channels our energy toward things and away from people, causing us to seek the accolades and acknowledgment of achievement more than the love and sacrifice of relationships; and perhaps to work harder at parenting than at marriaging.

3. The Independence Myth blocks unity and hides our vulnerability under a blanket of pride. This causes us to refuse to admit our need for each other and to fail to accept the beauty of interdependence with each other and dependence on God.

4. The Perfection Myth makes us more aware of and more irritated by our spouse’s faults and too aware of our own needs and unaware of our partner’s happiness.

5. The No-Waves Myth deceives us into hiding things from our spouse and smoothing over the rough edges that could give our marriage texture and grit; and it bottles up feelings that irritate, fester, and breed dissatisfaction.

6. The Test-Drive Myth breeds criticism and judgment and encourages us to try to preserve all our options rather than make the very commitment that could make us more resilient and forgiving.

7. The Equality Myth pushes us to compare and compete, to resent our spouse’s roles and opportunities, and to feel frustrated with our own lack of success. It also makes us more aware of our partner’s weaknesses and undermines the possibilities for synergy and for complementing one another’s strengths and compensating for each other’s weaknesses.

8. The Myth of Marriage’s Demise discourages us and drains away our hope for society, making us feel like misfits or dinosaurs in our own pursuit of a committed, lasting marriage.

This book will take you through the eight myths one at a time— like stepping from one rock to the next in crossing a stream—and then it will expose, expel, and excise them, because . .

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Informazioni sul libro

The 8 Myths of Marriaging: Making Marriage a Verb and Replacing Myth with Truth

Azioni libro

Descrizione

Azioni libro

Informazioni sul libro

The 8 Myths of Marriaging: Making Marriage a Verb and Replacing Myth with Truth

Descrizione

Informazioni sull'autore

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