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    The Pocket Encyclopedia of Narcissism - Volume 1: 50 Best Quora Answers On Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse, And Recovery
    The Pocket Encyclopedia of Narcissism - Volume 1: 50 Best Quora Answers On Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse, And Recovery
    The Pocket Encyclopedia of Narcissism - Volume 1: 50 Best Quora Answers On Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse, And Recovery
    Ebook201 pages2 hours

    The Pocket Encyclopedia of Narcissism - Volume 1: 50 Best Quora Answers On Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse, And Recovery

    By LEE MILLER

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    About this ebook

    How is a narcissist created..?.


    How to escape the narcissist for good..?


    What practical things can I do to recover from narcissistic abuse..?


    Do narcissists like being narcissists..?


    Why do narcissists abuse..?


    How do I know if the person I love is a narcissist..?


    Why did they choose me..?


    What are the red flags of a [female] narcissist..?


    Why don't people believe how bad narcissistic abuse really is..?


    How do I tell a friend they are dating a narcissist..?


    Are just a few of the answers covered with a depth of insight, care and compassion, and blunt reality that is a cross between a college education, therapy and a slap in the face with reality.


    A unifying feature of ALL victims of narcissistic abuse is the endless questions it leaves them with - this book will answer those questions.


    It will leave you with knowledge and direction.


    And maybe - most importantly of all - it will silence that voice in your head endlessly screaming


    “Why..?”


    Lee Miller [author of DATING HARLEY QUINN - My 3 Years With A Female Narcissist - which has sold in over 30 countries worldwide] started writing answers on the Q&A site Quora 4 months ago.


    In that time he has written an astonishing 1500 answers, acquired 1500 dedicated followers and his work has been viewed by over 2,500,000 people.


    To celebrate this triple milestone Lee has curated this anthology of 50 answers about narcissists, narcissistic abuse and recovery.


    Reviews


    “Omg its 7:37 am ! I just woke up I slept all the way thru , wait …. It is wonderful I slept all the way thru safe and sound like a baby and I did it all by myself, I was safe without a man which is ironic because it was the man that made it unsafe for me to begin with.”
    Angela Bello - 5 days after reading this book


    "Ive had the question WHY ? in my head every day since I was discarded - its been driving me insane. All those endless questions are now answered! And now I know...God I wish Id had this book 6 months ago! if you are recovering from Narc abuse, seriously, BUY THIS BOOK. No padding, no filler, just straight to the point answers. And its a life changer! who knows; maybe I can sleep tonight without the questions going around and around in my head. Thankyou!"


    WEZ - Amazon 5*

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherLee & Lee
    Release dateOct 7, 2019
    The Pocket Encyclopedia of Narcissism - Volume 1: 50 Best Quora Answers On Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse, And Recovery

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      Book preview

      The Pocket Encyclopedia of Narcissism - Volume 1 - LEE MILLER

      1

      50 Best Quora Answers On Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse, And Recovery

      Lee Miller

      ©  Lee Miller, Burgas, Bulgaria, 2019

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or modified in any form, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

      Lee Miller [author of DATING HARLEY QUINN - My 3 Years With A Female Narcissist - which has sold in over 30 countries worldwide] started writing answers on the Q&A site Quora 4 months ago.

      In that time, he has written an astonishing 1000 answers, acquired 1000 dedicated followers and his work has been viewed by over 2,000,000 people.

      To celebrate this triple milestone Lee has curated an anthology of 50 of the most requested answers about narcissists, narcissistic abuse and recovery.

      How is a narcissist created...?

      How to escape the narcissist for good...?

      What practical things can I do to recover from narcissistic abuse...?

      Do narcissists like being narcissists...?

      Why do narcissists abuse...?

      How do I know if the person I love is a narcissist...?

      Why did they choose me...?

      What are the red flags of a [female] narcissist...?

      Why don't people believe how bad narcissistic abuse really is...?

      How do I tell a friend they are dating a narcissist...?

      These are just a few of the answers covered with a depth of insight, care and compassion, and blunt reality, that is a cross between a college education, therapy and a slap in the face with reality.

      A unifying feature of ALL victims of narcissistic abuse is the endless questions it leaves them with - this book will answer those questions.

      It will leave you with knowledge and direction.

      And maybe - most importantly of all - it will silence that voice in your head endlessly screaming

      Why...?

      1 HOW IS A NARCISSIST CREATED...?

      At the very core of narcissism is a lack of self-identity.

      In the same way, a baby has no idea it is not the entire universe - a narcissist has great difficulty in understanding they are a separate entity from the universe, a person in their own right.

      And anything that interrupts the normal developmental process of the child and causes it to skip a phase will lead to this lack of self-identity. A child needs to progress from:

      Baby - Toddler - Infant - Child - Preteen - Early Teen - Teen - Young Adult - Adult.

      If any one of these steps is missed the person will have identity-based issues.

      And it does NOT have to be a ‘trauma' as such - in fact Mostly, narcissists are formed in the following two ways.

      The child is forced to SKIP a developmental step, like my ex narc. She was forced at the age of six to look after a very sick mother and raise her baby sister whilst their father worked 18 hours a day to pay for medical bills. She was never allowed to develop from a child, to a teenager, and into an adult.

      The child is never REQUIRED to grow up. As in the case of my father and his siblings. They had the most loving and doting parents imaginable. But he never had to accept the responsibilities of adulthood. They would ALWAYS bail him out of any situation. So, he learned if he didn't want to do something, or pay for something…just create a ‘situation' and mummy and daddy will come running to the rescue.

      Probably the most simplistic and accurate description of a narcissist is a child that never grew up.

      More scientifically the neural pathways, that form in the brain to create complex emotions like empathy, need multiple sustained, reinforcing events to occur over and over to create them, and to hardwire them into the brain.

      We are born with basic feelings, like pain, cold and hot, but we're not born with our emotions fully developed. You learn simple emotions like anger and fear quickly — partly in the womb actually — and over the years more complex emotions develop... or they should develop.

      Because of the issues in childhood, the narcissist never fully develops these neural pathways.

      2 HOW TO ESCAPE THE NARCISSIST FOR GOOD - NO CONTACT

      Narcissists are SUPER devious getting back in contact with you to ‘hoover' you back up into a relationship with them.

      Some of them. The harder it is the greater they like the challenge - so it has to be essentially impossible.

      Here is what you do:

      Block their number on ALL devices - that means iPad and other tablets as well.

      Block their email on ALL devices - remember blocking may only work on that device for that email address.

      Block them on ALL forms of social media.

      DON’T forget joint and family accounts on things like Spotify — my ex narc pulled off a genius hoover, by adding a track to my Spotify playlist, that melted my heart and nearly worked.

      Get all your family and friends to do the same, as they will try to re-acquire you via these people.

      Instruct family and friends to give out NO information and to say, ‘they don't know, they have not spoken to you’, to any questions.

      REMEMBER, any mutual friends you have with the narcissist are very likely to be ‘flying monkeys' and reporting back everything you do and say. You may have to cut these people from your life too.

      At least START the legal process of obtaining a court order restricting their access to you. This is useful in that it speeds up the process should you need it, AND it helps you GREATLY if the police ever get involved. (Subject to the legal situation in your country, but as a minimum, keep a detailed file of all contact, threats, etc, for future use and evidence.)

      If you have sympathetic employers, notify them you have an ex who may stalk you, and request that they do not give out any personal details.

      DON’T, as tempting as it may be, poke the hornet's nest of retribution.

      DON'T go surreptitiously letting them know how great you're doing! Sounds obvious…but SO MANY people do this.

      Once you have done all this - dive headlong into your new narc-free life. You have a lot of living to catch up with. So get on with it!

      3 HOW DO NARCISSISTS LOOK AT THINGS...?

      The short answer to this is:

      VERY DIFFERENTLY

      This description of love, written by a narcissist, may give you an insight as to how they perceive life and people:

      "Do we fall in love? Well, maybe not ‘sincerely’, but we do fall in love.

      See, I do love my partner. I think cute shit about him all the time. I want to hold his hand and kiss his face and take him on adventures. I want to make him happy; I feel so corny and pink when he's around. I am in love.

      However, I love him not because of who he is, but because of what he is for ME and what he makes ME feel.

      I am in love because I like being loved. I am addicted to the thrill and attention. And that's the way it's been with all my partners.

      The moment they start acting in a way I do not like, or they spend more time with a friend, or maybe they, for any reason, aren't giving me all the attention I need, I will split up with them or get angry and might start abusing them.

      It will happen, definitely.

      I don't want my lovers to be happy. I want them to be with me only. I want them to be mine and have them worship me and make me their queen.

      I am in love with the concept of a person who will make a great accessory and will make me feel important and special.

      I am in love with myself before anybody else.

      So, narcs do fall in love, but in the end, we're still narcs, it doesn't matter one bit. No real narc will actually love you enough to put you before them or want to spare you from the abuse and discard."

      4 WHAT SADDENS THE NARCISSIST…?

      The short answer is:

      LIFE

      To ask what saddens a narcissist is to not fully understand the narcissistic condition.

      To ask what saddens a narcissist is a little like asking what saddens someone with depression…well anything and everything.

      Only we see it more clearly with depression, because the result of the malady IS sadness itself. Whereas the narcissist masks the sadness, and the hollowness of their existence with braggadocious self-promotion and excessive show of grandeur and charm.

      But sadness is as much a part of the narcissistic condition as it is the depressive condition.

      And the truly tragic thing is, the show they put on is entirely for their own benefit. It is THEMSELVES they are looking to impress, to assign worth to.

      If I can charm all these people - I must be amazing

      You see the narcissist has no way of feeling self-love, no sense of self-worth because they never developed an identity as a child. In the same way, a baby has no idea it is not the entire universe, a narcissist never properly separated themselves from the universe around them, or from other people.

      They don't FEEL like a person in their own right. So, they have to constantly DO THINGS to validate themselves as a human being—impress people, charm people, even destroy things to get attention, because attention means existence.

      This behavior very clearly visible in the actions of Angel, my narcissistic ex-girlfriend in my book DATING HARLEY QUINN.

      Every time things were going well, and she was not the center of attention, she sabotaged my business in the most obvious ways imaginable. The resulting chaos, and screaming accusations from me give her existence validation.

      Then all would be calm again…until she felt neglected once more.

      5 WHAT IS GREY ROCK AND HOW DOES IT WORK...?

      The Grey Rock technique has a surprisingly interesting history…

      It was developed by the British Special Forces for use in avoiding being selected for interrogations, should they be captured.

      You see the average soldier knows next to nothing about the operations they are involved in. Special forces on the other hand - they are a veritable gold mine of information. So they are subject to high levels of interrogation to get that info out of them.

      How to avoid this…? Well, they came up with the Grey Rock technique.

      What is it…? Essentially be as BORING and UNINTERESTING as humanly possible.

      Now, this does NOT mean be uncooperative. That will get you noticed and that is definitely not what you want as a prisoner of war with valuable info. So be cooperative, but not overly, and be the least interesting prisoner they have. Don't show any emotion negative or positive. Don't smile, and don't grimace. Use a monotone voice. Answer with nondescript phrases like so so, the usual, I guess Do NOTHING that would raise any interest, let alone suspicion.

      And it works very well for dealing with narcissists if you are forced to have contact with them.

      You see, narcissists READ you. They take cues from your expression, your words, your body language, your mannerisms, and they reflect back to you what they perceive you want OR, what they perceive will trigger you.

      If they have no cues to read…they cannot manipulate you.

      This is all well and good with a narcissist that does not know you very well, but if they know you…well that's not going to work is it?

      Well yes, it does. You see apart from reading you the narcissist needs to get inside your head. To do this they trigger you into an emotional outburst. Once they have that they basically ‘own you'. If they can not trigger you - well they are kinda lost.

      They don't know what to do, except try harder or give up….

      You see, you need to understand is that they are

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