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    Principles of Likability: Skills for a Memorable First Impression, Captivating Presence, and Instant Friendships
    Principles of Likability: Skills for a Memorable First Impression, Captivating Presence, and Instant Friendships
    Principles of Likability: Skills for a Memorable First Impression, Captivating Presence, and Instant Friendships
    Ebook130 pages2 hours

    Principles of Likability: Skills for a Memorable First Impression, Captivating Presence, and Instant Friendships

    By Patrick King

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    About this ebook

    Small changes for big results in your social life, presence, and relationships. Learn how to be captivating, memorable, and magnetic.



    Likability is one of the most important traits you’ll ever learn. It’s more important than your intelligence, looks, status, wealth, prestige, or education. Likability is the true currency of life.


    Do you seem to fade from people’s memory as soon as the conversation ends? Banish those feelings of rejection and dejection.



    Principles of Likability investigates the aspect of human nature that affects us the most - what makes us drawn to someone without our even realizing it? This is what we strive for everyday, and it can make or break our moods. Likability - what is it and how can we achieve it consistently? Use the principles laid out in this book and you’ll wonder no more.


    Make a powerful first impression and build a thriving social circle.



    Patrick King is an internationally bestselling author and social skills coach. His writing draws of a variety of sources, from scientific research, academic experience, coaching, and real life experience. He has taught the art of becoming likable for years and only writes about real tactics that have been proven to work.


    Utilize the subconscious causes of likability and charm.



    •Simple everyday decisions to be more likable.
    •Why conventional advice about focusing on others is flawed.
    •How to actually listen - a unique and different approach.
    •What value has to do with your likability and charm.


    Become pursued and sought out instead of ignored and forgotten.



    •Why being shallow isn’t always bad, and is actually valuable.
    •What abrasiveness is and why it’s more powerful than likability.
    •How to become worthy of being liked as second nature.


    Likability has the power to take you anywhere you want in life.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPublishdrive
    Release dateSep 4, 2019
    ISBN9781987637427
    Principles of Likability: Skills for a Memorable First Impression, Captivating Presence, and Instant Friendships
    Author

    Patrick King

    Patrick King is a social interaction specialist/dating, online dating, image, and communication and social skills coach based in San Francisco, California. His work has been featured on numerous national publications such as Inc.com, and he’s achieved status as a #1 Amazon best-selling dating and relationships author. He writes frequently on dating, love, sex, and relationships. Learn more about Patrick at his website, patrickkingconsulting.com.

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      Book preview

      Principles of Likability - Patrick King

      Friendships

      Principles of Likability:

      Skills for a Memorable First Impression, Captivating Presence, and Instant Friendships

      By Patrick King

      Social Interaction Specialist and Conversation Coach

      www.PatrickKingConsulting.com

      As a FREE show of appreciation to my readers, I’ve got TWO great resources for you:

      >> CLICK HERE For The Flawless Interaction Checklist and Better Conversations Worksheet! <<

      The Checklist describes in-depth the 7 essential components to exceptional interactions and conversations between you and everyone from a stranger to your partner – and The Worksheet puts a few of those components to the test with practice exercises that will instantly upgrade any conversation.

      Learn how to:

      Make people comfortable

      Connect easily in any context

      Develop killer eye contact

      Prepare for any social situation

      Appear as intuitive as a mind reader

      Never run out of things to say

      Practice and drill all of the above

      CLICK HERE to download your FREE copy now!

      Table of Contents

      Principles of Likability: Skills for a Memorable First Impression, Captivating Presence, and Instant Friendships

      Table of Contents

      Introduction

      Chapter 1: The Principle of Deciding to Be Friends

      Chapter 2: The Principle of Self-Disclosure

      Chapter 3: The Principle of Safety and Comfort

      Chapter 4: The Principle of Listening

      Chapter 5: The Principle of Being Valuable

      Chapter 6: The Principle of Shallowness

      Chapter 7: The Principle of Empathy

      Chapter 8: The Principle of Abrasiveness

      Chapter 9: The Principle of Worthiness

      Cheat Sheet

      Introduction

      One of my friends Yuval came to me with a curious complaint a couple of years ago. He had recently moved to a new city and was having trouble making friends. I told him to give it some time, but he reminded me that it had been over a year and he still had made no progress, so I started to suspect he was doing something wrong.

      I had known him since we were toddlers, so it was hard for me to say what it could be. After all, when you’re a toddler, you don’t necessarily stroll to the sandbox with the intention of making lifelong friends. More likely, we met in the sandbox and fought for the same toy truck, then ended up spending time together because of our constant clashes. The point is, I had no context for how Yuval was making friends or making himself likable to others.

      Naturally, I asked him what steps he was taking to create a new social circle. He told me he was meeting people all the time, but no one ever seemed to invite him out. His coworkers did only seldomly, and people he met at hobby groups, group events, or from his Frisbee golf team didn’t seem to either. From this one answer, I knew what his problem was; he was putting the burden of taking initiative on everyone else but him. He made the mistake of assuming that, since no one was actively making an effort to include him, he wasn’t welcome. He was disempowering himself by thinking that he needed to wait for others to make the first step and that he didn’t have the power to initiate himself.

      He didn’t understand that to make new friends, and especially to break into existing social circles, he was the one that needed to make the effort to reach out, follow up, invite, and plan. He needed to be the one showing up and making things happen because, frankly, most people are either too lazy or too passive to make new friends as often as they can. People fall into routines and find their small enclaves and don’t often explore outside of them, so Yuval needed to generate enough momentum to either find people who were more open or break into those enclaves.

      Expecting anything else is like sitting at home in the dark and being surprised when you discover that you don’t have a nice tan. Yuval adjusted his behavior—all it really required was initiating three more text conversations a week—and was able to find his own enclave in his new city soon enough.

      I didn’t realize it at the time, but Yuval was the victim of the thought process that keeps many of us from new friends and easy likability. He decided to treat people like they weren’t friends yet, which means he treated them like strangers. This meant some version of formality between a job interview and a professional networking event. Not very conducive to the impression most of us want to present to new friends.

      It turns out, making the small decision to be friends and skip the unnecessary progression of slowly warming up to people is a major key in how likable you are. Likability is not rocket science, but there are specific principles I’ve found through my own experience, my years coaching, and my hawk-like observation of people that tip the scales. Thankfully, the principles I’ve described in this book aren’t things you need to be born with; they are behaviors you can cultivate and grow.

      When people like you, they are happy to do favors for you and provide you with whatever you might need. They show you brand new opportunities and open doors for your success. As social animals, humans crave companionship and friendship, and you’ll never be lacking in that. The world is not a meritocracy, unfortunately, and likability is an everyday superpower that can grant you the keys to any situation.

      Chapter 1: The Principle of Deciding to Be Friends

      Charlie is a standoffish guy. He doesn’t like to talk to people he doesn’t know. When he is introduced to Michael, he keeps his usual cold distance. This makes Michael think that Charlie doesn’t like him. Michael doesn’t count Charlie as a friend and avoids him since being around Charlie makes him feel disliked and uncomfortable. Meanwhile, Charlie actually desperately wants to become friends with Michael and wonders why Michael doesn’t see his continued interaction as a sign of interest.

      Let’s imagine if Charlie took a different approach to strangers and even acquaintances.

      What if when he met Michael, he decided to be warm and make the conscious decision to become friends with Michael? Off the bat, he considers Michael a close friend. He would be beyond shallow small talk and genuinely care about what is going on in his life. His efforts would pay off because they make Michael open up and feel engaged. Michael starts to talk to Charlie and they find things in common that help them establish a good friendship.

      Initially, Charlie didn’t think of Michael as a friend and it became a reality. Charlie’s mindset made him treat Michael as a stranger, and Michael reciprocated within the tone that was set. But thinking of Michael as a friend made Charlie treat him as such. This seems like such an easy choice to make, but this isn’t how we are conditioned to think about people.

      Make the Conscious Decision

      We’re conditioned to think about people from a linear perspective. Introduce self, sniff them out, determine their worth, and then slowly invest in building a relationship. But that’s wrong for so many reasons. This creates the very mindset that keeps you from being likable and making friends—it creates a path for hoops for people to jump through. What happens when we follow the linear path and treat people like a stranger?

      People erect walls around strangers. They have been taught to do this to protect themselves, since you can never know what another person’s intentions are if you are too blindly trusting. The coldness and distance you put out will drive the other person away, preventing friendship from budding. Simply realizing that you are acting in two completely different ways should allow you to see the better decision to make—the decision to treat people as friends instantly. Someone has to make the first step, and it might as well be you.

      It’s a matter of small shifts in thought—for instance, the difference between saying We’re friends or We’re not friends yet. Your behavior toward someone adjusts as you adopt one of those attitudes. If you say We’re friends, warmth is immediately established and you let your guard down and don’t converse as if you are in a job interview.

      When you say We’re not friends yet, you keep people at an arm’s length. This distance is chilly and can be off-putting to the other person. You feel like something needs to happen, a sign of some sort, for you to relax and be yourself. You are reserved and bite your tongue and generally don’t reveal your real personality.

      For example, when you meet a new neighbor, you can go one of two ways. You can treat him as a stranger and get to know him gradually through a series of boring conversations over weeks. Your neighbor sees no reason to like you or engage with you, so he doesn’t. Or you could go the other way and make the decision to act like old friends, ignore conventional barriers, and invite him into your life. Now you two are buddies and he is more than willing to watch your house when you are gone and feed your elderly cats. How you choose to

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