Becoming Who You Want to Be
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About this ebook
That’s a lesson that Gregg Lorberbaum learned early in life when he was diagnosed with a learning disability. He overcame it by developing skills of self-reflection, communication, and relationship building. These tools helped him become one of New York City’s most accomplished commercial real estate brokers, working for the firm formed by football legend Roger Staubach. Along the way, Lorberbaum realized those skills also work for finding love, raising children, sustaining a great marriage, and stiff-arming the tacklers of life.
When Lorberbaum became a consultant and coach, he began sharing his unique approaches and concepts that will work to help you become who you want to be. These include—
• Living a role-based lifestyle,
• Paying it forward to our future selves through acts of kindness,
• Doing the things we say we will, and
• Learning from our past behaviors by keeping track of our actions.
Lorberbaum’s tool kit is easy to use, and one of the most important tools is simply taking a few minutes each day to record a thought or action. If we can look back on our actions, we can and will make better decisions going forward.
Because he’s kept daily journals accounting for nearly thirty-five years of his life, Lorberbaum is able to take us on a lively journey back in time—from the corporate suites of Manhattan to the backwoods of the Deep South—that includes his victories, heartaches, set-backs, and casual encounters that resulted in profound ideas.
The book’s design allows readers to take in the lessons of Becoming Who You Want to Be while enjoying original art by ELO, an up-and-coming NYC artist, who recently had his second solo show. Anyone who has faced angst over work, love, or simply being alive will be charmed and changed by turning the pages of this wise, funny, and humble book.
Gregg Lorberbaum is a second-time author, a management consultant and coach, and a father of three, who lives in Armonk, New York, with his wife, Jill.
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Becoming Who You Want to Be - Gregg Lorberbaum
This book is intended as a reference volume only. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher and author are not engaged in rendering any professional services. The information given here is designed to help you make informed decisions. If you suspect that you have a problem that might require professional treatment or advice, you should seek competent help.
Published by Greenleaf Book Group Press
Austin, Texas
www.gbgpress.com
Copyright © 2019 Gregg Lorberbaum
All rights reserved.
Thank you for purchasing an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright law. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the copyright holder.
Distributed by Greenleaf Book Group
For ordering information or special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Greenleaf Book Group at PO Box 91869, Austin, TX 78709, 512.891.6100.
Design and composition by Greenleaf Book Group and Sheila Parr
Cover design by Greenleaf Book Group and Sheila Parr
All paintings copyright © Evan Gray Lorberbaum. All rights reserved. The works may not be reproduced or distributed, in whole or in part, without the prior written permission of the artist.
Author’s photo and photo of journals on inside cover by @vpvisuals.
Publisher’s Cataloging-in-Publication data is available.
Print ISBN: 978-1-62634-611-6
eBook ISBN: 978-1-62634-612-3
Part of the Tree Neutral® program, which offsets the number of trees consumed in the production and printing of this book by taking proactive steps, such as planting trees in direct proportion to the number of trees used: www.treeneutral.com
Printed in Canada on acid-free paper
19 20 21 22 23 24 25 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
First Edition
This book is dedicated to the memory of my parents, Leah and Donald Lorberbaum, and to Jill, Evan, Lindsay, and Lucie.
And to those people I’ve coached. You have given me the opportunity to be of service, and I hope you have learned from the insights I’ve shared here.
CONTENTS
Preface: I Thought I Was Smart, But the School Thought I Wasn’t
Author’s Note
Acknowledgments
PART ONE
Introduction: Believing in the Power of Positive Thought
Chapter One: Knowing Yourself
Chapter Two: Understanding Your Close Relationships
Chapter Three: Understanding Your Relationships in the World
Chapter Four: Communicating with Others
Chapter Five: Examining Your Life
Chapter Six: Journaling Without the Journal: Making an Inventory of Life Experiences
PART TWO
Revelations and Musings
Conversations with Strangers
PART THREE
Tools for Transition
Epilogue
List of Paintings
Suggested Reading
About the Author
About the Artist
PREFACE
I THOUGHT I WAS SMART, BUT THE SCHOOL THOUGHT I WASN’T
E xcuse me, but you put me with the dumb kids by mistake.
Those were the words—spoken by an eight-year-old me to my teacher—that landed me in the principal’s office the following day. I was sitting at the table with my alarmed mother, my second-grade teacher, Mrs. White, and my school principal, Mr. Miller. Augmenting this show of force was the school psychologist, whose name I didn’t catch. This assemblage of school brass was all to address the fact that I thought I was smart, but the school thought I wasn’t.
Please repeat what you said yesterday . . .
Wavery Park, my elementary school, was advanced for its time. It was 1967, and in the early sixties, tracking
had become all the rage. Educators came up with the theory that grouping children by ability
would benefit all the kids along the learning spectrum. As I remember it, one day my teacher divided our class into three sections—the smart kids, the moderately smart kids, and the not-so-smart kids. When she told me to go sit in the third section, my heart sank. What if Jill, the girl I had a crush on, saw me in the third group?
I grudgingly repeated my complaint to the group sitting at the table: I didn’t belong with the dumb kids. The teacher shook her head sadly when my mother asked, How do you know my son’s not right for the group he was in?
The discussion that followed about my reading and arithmetic problems made me even more miserable. And it led to me being subjected to a battery of tests whose results revealed that I did indeed have a cluster of learning disabilities. Most significantly, I was diagnosed with acute dyslexia, which caused me to constantly reverse numbers and letters, and to even switch the ends of sentences with the beginnings. No wonder those second-grade spelling bees were such a shame fest.
This was fifth grade, five years into my crush on Jill, whom I had not yet really even spoken to. She was quite the babe.
But sometimes in life, something that you think is bad turns out to be good, and what looks like an insurmountable obstacle—like a mountain with a steep, twisting path—leads to a wonderful place once you make it to the other side. That’s what my dyslexia turned out to be for me. That’s what your most difficult and discouraging challenges can be for you.
AUTHOR’S NOTE
Iwas thirty-six years old when Roger Staubach tapped me and two great partners to join him in building the New York City office of the national real estate company that bore his name. After ten years of hard work, we had grown the office from three to sixty people, and Roger, who was an icon in our industry, had built one of the most respected national real estate brokerage organizations.
In 2005, my business partners and I received a call from corporate telling us that Roger was ready to focus more of his time on charitable work: It was time for us to roll up the individually owned offices into one corporate entity—and sell. We were all on board. We knew that selling at that time was the right thing to do.
I was forty-six, and I found myself standing at a fork in the road. I knew it was time for me to leave what we had built together for years. Like a long-distance runner who decides to veer off course, I made a sharp turn away from the route. But this was no random act; I had known for a while that it was time for what I call a Role-Based Lifestyle to kick in.
My father was ill at the time, and my family needed more of me. It was time for me to alter my priorities and switch my primary role from one of office leasing broker and provider to one of son and father. Along with the reprioritization, I decided to make use of the tools I had developed along the way to create my next act. So, armed with one of those tools, the power of positive thought, I opened Centric REA, a boutique real estate brokerage firm. Having my own firm would allow me to modify my schedule to meet my new set of commitments.
I knew that it would be no easy task to compete against much larger global competitors to keep my past clients, so I assembled a great team to do just that. But I knew I needed something more, to think outside the box. I enlisted another principle—being generous in spirit—and decided to write a book. I poured a career’s worth of my own proprietary processes and know-how into Leasing NYC, which I hoped would help young brokers coming up the ranks and NYC tenants who were looking for office space.
Leasing NYC confirmed my belief that the more you give away, the more that does come back to you, because I was rewarded in ways I had never imagined. The power of positive thought promotes the Law of Attraction, and as a result of that law, the world conspired to my advantage (just as it can for you).
I have always enjoyed mentoring people at work, and after publishing Leasing NYC and starting my own firm, I had the time to start what I called a pay it forward,
pro bono coaching practice. I began coaching young brokers and other people, including my son. I soon started to notice that people who used the simple process that I’ve laid out in Becoming Who You Want to Be began to be happier personally and more productive at work—regardless of their industry.
What lies within these pages is a proven system about living a role-based lifestyle, and about paying it forward to our future selves through acts of kindness and doing the things we say we will do. It’s about learning from our past behaviors by keeping track of our actions. And ultimately—it’s about becoming who you want to be.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Special thanks to Bob Savitt, who was my first brokerage management consulting client, which laid the foundation for me to start my coaching practice as a second career back in 2007.
• • •
And because life’s experiences are enhanced by the presence of art and beauty, I thank ELO for the art presented here. I hope it will be enjoyed in conjunction with the rest of the content of this book.
• • •
Many thanks to Eti Hamlet for helping with this book and for managing Centric Real Estate Advisors for ten years.
• • •
My thanks also go to Emily Labes and Nancy Dougherty for their contributions.
• • •
And finally, thanks to Sally Garland for her editing, Sheila Parr for this book’s beautiful design, and the rest of the Greenleaf Book Group team for making Becoming Who You Want to Be come to life and for making me part of the Greenleaf family.
PART ONE
INTRODUCTION
BELIEVING IN THE POWER OF POSITIVE THOUGHT
When the doctor who tested me told my mother the diagnosis, he said that perhaps I should be prepared to live a life that would not involve working with letters and numbers.
She reacted with both dread and disbelief.
Are you saying my son isn’t mainstream?
Yes,
the doctor said, not unkindly. You have to tailor your expectations. If your son doesn’t accept this, it could lead to other emotional issues.
No!
she blurted out. You’re mistaken!
How do you know?
he asked.