The Madhouse: A Play in Three Arbitrary Acts
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About this ebook
If all the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players, what's beyond the edge of the stage? Is anybody watching? Who's the writer? And who's directing this mad show? A play in three acts by the author of Rosemary for Remembrance.
Frances Mason
Alright, before my usual paragraph I have to say something current and coviddy. Today is Sunday 5 April 2020. Coronavirus is sweeping its scythe across the world. More than a million infections worldwide, and that's only the ones we know about. I'm hiding in my home as much as I can (the more things change the more they stay the same - don't you love cliches?). When I have to go out I'm holding my breath whenever I walk past other people, walking in wide loops around them, looking suspiciously whenever I hear a cough and glaring when someone wanders too close to me. Phrase of the year, 2020: social distancing. Learn it. Do it. Live (or at very least don't kill me - you see how altruistic I am?). When I come home I'm taking my shoes off at the door, and washing my hands more than I ever have in my life. Am I nuts? Probably. But at least I won't get COVID-19. Cough.Now follows my usual paragraph (mostly).Frances Mason is a resident of sunny Australia (consequently is too much i' the sun - ok, we're heading towards winter now, so not so much sun), loves great literature, especially Chaucer, Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Dawn Powell, Iris Murdoch, Anthony Burgess, James Joyce and Joyce Cary, and is currently writing a fictional life of Shakespeare, fictional lives of a number of other Elizabethan playwrights, a collection of Elizabethan picaresque tales, a fictional memoir (based very loosely on a much loved brother, who's recently deceased and therefore can't sue for libel), and too many short stories to list. Recent hobbies include, avoiding quality time with relatives (successfully), solving the Rubik's cube (slowly), juggling (poorly), and being paranoid about COVID-19 (without stocking up on toilet paper - don't you miss the days of the daily newspaper, when you always had a steady supply with which to print the day's headlines on your bum?).
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The Madhouse - Frances Mason
THE MADHOUSE
A PLAY
IN THREE
ARBITRARY ACTS
FRANCES MASON
Copyright © 2018 Frances Mason
All rights reserved.
Table of Contents
Dedication
Disclaimer
Before the Beginning
Dramatis Personae
Film Version Beginning
Intro: The Experiment
Act 1: Scene 1: Malika and Conner
Act 1: Scene 2: Faster than Light
Act 1: Scene 3: Karma Yoga
Act 1: Scene 4: Easy Money
Act 2: Scene 1: Mushrooms
Act 2: Scene 2: Ascension
Act 2: Scene 3: Losing Control
Act 3: Scene 1: The Set Up
Act 3: Scene 2: The Mother Ship
Act 3: Scene 3: Return to Earth
Coda: The End
Film Version Ending
About the Author
Rosemary for Remembrance
DEDICATION
For the lost and confused.
Remember, those who are sure where they stand fall with the same force.
DISCLAIMER
This play is entirely and necessarily the work of the author. It is a total fabrication. No events herein should be taken to be real, realistic or believable. Nor should any of the characters be taken to represent any person living, dead or existentially uncertain. Any place or property herein which seems to exist in the real world, whether by virtue of name or description, exists only in an alternate universe, and no correspondence between it and this world should be inferred by anyone of sound mind. The unsound of mind, whether academics, literary or theatrical critics, or other professional or amateur lunatics, are permitted to entertain us with their hypotheses.
Authorisation to perform may be obtained from the author, if any such person can be found.
Before the Beginning
This world isn’t bounded by walls, so at least there’s no need for padding.
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
Conner Lune: Man, late thirties.
Frank Lune: middle son of Conner; fifteen years old.
Keene Lune: eldest son of Conner; late teens.
Nick Lune: youngest son of Conner; fourteen years old.
Malika: Early thirties woman; de-facto of Conner Lune.
Alia: girl; a few years older than Sami; daughter of Malika.
Sami: small boy, son of Malika.
Axel: Early thirties man. Friend of Conner. Mechanic. Buddhist.
Jett: Early thirties man. Friend of Conner. Rev head.
Stranger 1 = Alien 1
Stranger 2 = Fakir = Alien 2
Cop 1
Cop 2
Checkout Chick
Man with sack truck
Male Theatre Goer (film version only)
Female Theatre Goer (film version only)
Aging Author (film version only)
Extras in theatre (film version only)
FILM VERSION BEGINNING
In first person, with slight but not excessive jiggling motion to match a person’s gait. Entering the theatre before curtains up. Lights still on. Many seats not taken. Camera view walks to position in middle of middle row and sits down. Bends down, hands doing up a shoelace, then sits back, facing the stage. Holds absolutely rigid position from here. Slowly zoom in as the auditorium lights dim. Keep zooming in as the curtains roll back until the stage takes up the entirety of the screen.
INTRO: THE EXPERIMENT
Darkness. A spotlight illuminates from above two men wearing lab coats at the centre of the stage. All else remains dark.
Stranger 1: The experiment is almost ready.
Stranger 2: They won’t know what hit them.
Stranger 1: They don’t yet exist, so nothing’s hitting them.
Stranger 2: In that case there is no them.
Stranger 1: [slyly] Are you sure?
Stranger 2: It’s your experiment. I wouldn’t want to presume. When do they wake?
Stranger 1: After they’re born.
Stranger 2: Sounds reasonable.
Stranger 1: But I have to perform some final calibrations.
Stranger 2: So you’ve designed this quite carefully.
Stranger 1: It’s my life’s work. Now, to begin. In the beginning was darkness.
Stranger 2 looks up to the spotlight, squints, looks back at Stranger 1, scratches his head, raises his finger as if about to make an objection. Before he can speak Stranger 1 speaks again.
Stranger 1: And in the darkness was silence.
Stranger 2: Not with you talking, there isn’t. [face lighting up] Ah! You mean before we said anything.
Stranger 1 looks annoyed at the interruption and raises his hands. He claps his hands. Another spotlight goes on. In it stands a woman (Malika), frozen.
Stranger 1: And then there was light.
Stranger 2: You mean sound. The sound came before the light. It all sounds very familiar.
Stranger 1 looks annoyed again.
Stranger 2: [trying to mollify] I’m just saying. You wouldn’t want to be called a plagiarist.
Stranger 1: [rolling his eyes] Existence is one endless recapitulation.
Stranger 2: I think I’ve heard that before too. Or something like it.
Stranger 1 says nothing but glares at Stranger 2.
Stranger 2: [again trying to mollify] I suppose it’s not still plagiarism if you change things about a bit.
Stranger 1: [viciously] I’ll change things around a lot. Look. [claps again, pausing between each clap].
One by one spotlights above go on. In the light of each stands one person, frozen. They are lined up across the stage at equal intervals.
Stranger 2: You said they had to be born before they wake.
Stranger 1: Yes?
Stranger 2: It’s just…they look like they were born a long time ago.
Stranger 1: And?
Stranger 2: And they’ve taken all this time to wake?
Stranger 1: They’ve only just been born.
Stranger 2: What, just now? [spotlight on strangers splits in two as he walks over to the nearest lit, frozen person (Malika); he pokes her] Doesn’t look like any baby I’ve ever seen. [walks over to the little boy and girl, pointing] Even these ones.
Stranger 1: [shaking his head] I didn’t say they’d be born as babies.
Stranger 2: [puzzled] But that’s the way it’s usually done.
Stranger 1: [smiling] They won’t know the difference.
Stranger 2: Is that fair?
Stranger 1: