Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

Secrets Of Abuse Survival
Secrets Of Abuse Survival
Secrets Of Abuse Survival
Ebook398 pages7 hours

Secrets Of Abuse Survival

Rating: 0 out of 5 stars

()

Read preview

About this ebook

Secrets of Abuse Survival describes and explains domestic abuse with a sensitive and understanding approach. The extreme pain of domestic abuse victims, experienced by both men and women, are disclosed. Many of the myths about domestic abuse are debunked and the dark truths of the domestic abuser are revealed.
Women and men abuse victims contribute personal accounts of their horrendous domestic abuse experiences which add a personal touch to this book.
John Dunne was a domestic abuse victim and he chronicles his experiences, thoughts and feelings about domestic abuse. He recounts terrifying experiences at the hands of his domestic abuser.
John's experiences would be typical of many domestic abuse victims. His chronicles are often disturbing descriptions of his abuse and the very deep pain he experienced emotionally and psychologically. He describes bravely stepping into a new life where he does not experience abuse and how he achieved his goal of freedom.

This guide has informative psychological, emotional, metaphysical, educational, legal aspects and is also a practical self help book. Secrets Of Abuse Survival truely is the "one stop shop" to understanding and dealing with all aspects of domestic abuse for the victim or survivor and also friends or family who may be involved.
Gabriel explains how the domestic abuser selects his prey from the very first meeting with the victim, how the victim is hooked into often a long term relationship and then bled dry in a variety of ways such as financially, emotionally, psychologically and often physically. Gabriel describes what the red flags are and how the domestic abuser develops his or her abuse to hurtful, harmful and often life threatening levels.

There is a life beyond domestic abuse that does not involve suffering. A life where the victim can spot abusers, prevent further abuse, find a loving partner and thrive in a thriving life.
Secrets of Abuse Survival provides a passage to an understanding of all aspects of abuse and an abuse free life.

LanguageEnglish
PublisherGabriel Woods
Release dateNov 21, 2018
ISBN9780463326497
Secrets Of Abuse Survival
Author

Gabriel Woods

I am Gabriel Woods, author of The Golden age Trilogy and four other books including Easter Rising 1916 A Family Answers the Call for Ireland`s Freedom. My latest novel is The Golden Age Evolution, view Facebook Books by Gabriel Woods. I researched and described in my novel The Golden Age Dawns how a serious pandemic manifests and the proper international public health procedures used to control an outbreak such as in my novel the Black Marbella virus sweeps across London and the world. Covid international policy and how Covid has manifested differs widely from the proper public health procedures used to control virus outbreaks. I have obtained a Degree in Psychology and a Masters in Aid work Management from University College Dublin, a Certificate in Counselling from University Maynooth in Ireland and I am a fully trained life coach. I have travelled around the world and lived in Sydney and Brisbane in Australia. I explored major sacred places and the spiritual practices of aboriginal culture and the Hindu, Buddhist and Muslim ancient sites of India. I am the author of nine published books and my very popular positively reviewed The Golden Age Trilogy.   

Read more from Gabriel Woods

Related to Secrets Of Abuse Survival

Related ebooks

Relationships For You

View More

Related articles

Reviews for Secrets Of Abuse Survival

Rating: 0 out of 5 stars
0 ratings

0 ratings0 reviews

What did you think?

Tap to rate

Review must be at least 10 words

    Book preview

    Secrets Of Abuse Survival - Gabriel Woods

    Introduction

    The original purpose of this book was to publish the diary entries of John Dunne the domestic abuse survivor. His diary entries are insightful, thrilling and sometimes terrifying. The events he has had to endure would be trying for most individuals. His story is a triumph over adversity and has the ingredients of the experiences of the Jews at the hands of the Nazi's. It is the same personality, the narcissistic personality, that tortured John and exterminated the Jews. The difference is only one of degree and even then, only to a very small degree. The determination of John to stand up for himself, assert his human rights and reclaim his life was and is phenomenal.

    His diary entries alone were dramatic enough to publish. However, I felt there was something missing from the book.

    Abuse varies slightly according to the personality and psychology of the victim. The narcissist can be involved in child abuse and even abuse on a staggeringly extreme level those of the religious institutions and concentration camps.

    Originally, I planned to write about male domestic abuse since John Dunne is a male domestic abuse survivor and it seemed as a result the book should be about male domestic abuse. Then it made sense to me that I write additional chapters to include domestic abuse of both men and women. I further developed this book to include how to survive and thrive after abuse in general and domestic abuse specifically.

    I had become inquisitive instead of shocked about domestic abuse and abuse in general, macabre as the subject matter is. John's diary entries spurred me on to further investigate abuse as I really had no understanding at all of abuse, very few people do. When I read John's diaries entries, I could understand his terror, his sense of hopelessness and I too could almost feel his pain such was the intense and graphic nature of the words and descriptions he wrote. I could feel his terror in the spaces between his words. I felt his inability to use words for which did not accurately describe his terrifying world and his sense of hopelessness. He derived comfort from the love he felt as so many people rushed to his assistance. He learnt that while he felt he amounted to nothing and was worthless, even unworthy of love, very many people came to his assistance many of which were strangers. Strangers showed how they loved him enough to work so closely with him to escape and later with legal issues even though John did not love himself.

    John did not understand why the man he believed loved him could assault him twice, torture his mind and do so sadistically while laughing and smiling with glee. His abuser knew what he was doing was wrong. He often said this and enjoyed committing domestic abuse against John, all the more satisfying as his abuser knew his behaviour was illegal. John's abuser often liked to say the law would not help John and even if they did his abuser would strangle him and flee before the police would arrive.

    I asked myself how did all of this come to be? This book then naturally evolved because as I researched one aspect of domestic abuse then that led me to another pertinent aspect and more after that. I adjusted to the organic nature of this book and the chapters developed as my understanding increased.

    I have researched this book having spoken to professionals in domestic abuse such as support workers from Amen, a male domestic abuse support organisation in Ireland, and Women's Aid. I have read research papers and books. I have researched articles on the internet. I wanted to include many points of view using my research to explain these beliefs.

    I contradict two dominant theories in the field of psychiatry and psychology concerning abuse. I support my opinion with research that narcissism, the supposed psychiatric diagnosis that is attributed to domestic abuse behaviour, is not a mental illness but a personality type. Narcissists are aware of and are fully responsible for their behaviour. I also discuss the popular theory of the co-dependent personality disorder and how this personality is to be a suitable partner for narcissists, that they are similar. This theory is widespread and commonly believed. I make the point that this is an oversimplification of the domestic abuse relationship. I suggest a theory of personality types that offer a wider scope to the co-dependant and how these personality types influence how domestic abuse begins and what the outcome of leaving the domestic abuser might be. My theory could also be described as complimenting the co-dependent narcissistic relationship theory.

    I include a not very well-known aspect of domestic abuse which is the biochemical changes in the body of the victim over time during domestic abuse that makes it very difficult for victims to leave the domestic abuser and I will explain how this happens. John's diary entries are so insightful as to compliment the research and even explain much of the findings of the research I have included in this book. It is because of this John's diary entries come first before the rest of the chapters. It became clear to me as the book developed was that the processes of domestic abuse, and abuse in general, are almost the same for both men and women. The narcissist who is typically the domestic abuser, uses the very same techniques on all his victims. There are other personality types that are part of what have been termed as cluster B. This is the umbrella term for sociopaths, borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder, psychopath and others. All of these are capable of domestic abuse they mostly differ in how they do so. In this book I use the term domestic abuser to describe all these personality types. I use the term narcissist when the behaviour pattern is particularly narcissistic. This widens the scope of my description of domestic abuse as many professionals and those with knowledge about domestic abuse usually state narcissists as the offender involved in domestic abuse. Cluster B personality disorders such as psychopaths can also be culprits so I use the term the term domestic abuser in parts of the book. I will state the term narcissist when domestic abuse is caused by narcissists.

    An interesting aspect of this book is that I explain a little about why there are so many varied reactions by authorities for example police, the court system and psychiatrists to domestic abuse victims. As I started to write the book, I was very concerned with the abuse of human rights, I believed there to be a frightening negligence by the authorities to assist domestic abuse victims. My attitude changed slightly after I conducted research for this book and I learned that domestic abuse, for professionals, is a minefield for them.

    Domestic abuse has many grey areas yet the law tries to hammer a methodical, logical reasoning to domestic abuse. This is the nature of any legal system. It can be difficult for professionals to determine the nature of the abuse as determined by legislation unless of course a woman or man arrives in Accident and Emergency almost battered to death, then the domestic abuser has seriously stepped well over the line and broken the law. Usually abusers are too clever, their abusive actions too well-planned over weeks or months in advance to reveal the abuse of their victim in such a blatant graphic fashion.

    It is important for the purposes of this book to note John's personality. John, in metaphysical literature, is an empath or free spirit, this is how John feels himself, he is not co-dependent, no doctor has diagnosed him co-dependent. For all intents and purposes, he was a free spirit before encountering narcissists and the manipulative devices of narcissists.

    The classic relationship in domestic abuse is that of co-dependent and narcissist coupling together. The domestic abuser is abusive, often violent and manipulative with no morals. The co-dependent is also manipulative because he or she is determined to ‘fix’ those she identifies as needing help, she is not typically violent but often uses her own forms of abuse such as emotional abuse to enforce on others behaviours she has determined are appropriate for a particular person to perform. She will often be dependent on others to have her needs met rather than having independence and able to source her own needs. He or she desperately seeks approval so that others will decide to fulfil her needs. I will explore this relationship paradigm and the personalities involved later in this book.

    John's personality is in stark contrast to the co-dependent personality. He was controlled for much of his life in an effort by others and himself to manage his bipolar diagnosis, which threatened to engulf him into permanent psychosis for the rest of his life. He disliked this control no matter how necessary it was. Hence, he never desired to control others having disliked being controlled himself and often sought to empower others, if that was what their desire was. He knew some people did not want help. His experience in life and his education taught him that. He did not realise when he was being controlled in the narcissistic relationship and the control his ex-partner had was not in his best interest, to say the very least.

    John knows what strong pain is like as he has suffered intense pain himself many times both physical and mental and he feels a sensitivity towards others. He wants to help people but empower them at the same time, as helpful people had done for him. He has a natural love of people despite very many occasions when he could have lost all trust in humanity. He values freedom and the freedom of others, human rights and people's ability to make choices. He has been independent very often and can manifest his own resources. He has been often fooled and taken advantage, he helped those who would deny the fact John ever gave assistance at often selflessly when he would not benefit. Yet he still managed to fall into the well-hidden and beautifully designed narcissist's trap, made just for him with all his healthy desires hopes and aspirations used against him enmeshed in the chains he would be bound with to the narcissist.

    This book is most importantly about John's experience of domestic abuse, I will also explore the issues involved with abuse and the narcissistic personality to highlight what he has been through. The information is a backdrop to his experiences.

    I have developed a theory that there are other personality types that can become involved with narcissists. I believe that the co-dependent personality is only one type of personality that can become involved in the domestic abuse relationship paradigm. I would like to introduce my theory that two additional personality types can become involved, that of the empath and free spirit. In these instances it is a taking advantage of the kindness, naivety, sensitivity and desire for fun that are so integral to them and the welfare of society, even humanity itself. The empath and free spirit are unwilling to enter a controlling abusive relationship and unknowingly begin a dance with the devil where even their many positive and well-adjusted characteristics are used to trap them so the narcissist can mine them for their attention and every drop of love they have. In return the narcissist abuses the empath and free spirit eventually becoming a clear and present danger to their lives.

    The point I want to make clear is that the macabre dance between narcissist and co-dependent is an oversimplification.

    My theory is important because I will explain that while the method the narcissist uses for trapping his victims is similar to all three personality types the bait used is different. A narcissist will select his victims by finding their weaknesses. In my theory the weaknesses, as the narcissist thinks of the co-dependent, empathy and free spirit are significantly different. So different so as to influence the form of the trap made by the narcissist. Why the victim decides to leave and how is also influenced by these three personalities. Most importantly, for the victim and those working with victims, the personality type will influence the outcome whether the victim manages to escape permanently and how this might come about. The reasons for leaving and the outcome of leaving the narcissistic relationship I believe is influenced by the behaviour, thinking and emotions typical to the people that can be described as co-dependent, empath and free spirit.

    I take a different stance on narcissism than most authors or researchers have done. I demonstrate in this book, and I firmly believe, that narcissism is not a mental illness. The narcissist is the sum total of this person's personality. The difference may seem insignificant but there are important implications, for example mental illness states the person is not aware of their behaviour therefore they are not responsible whereas a personality type puts the responsibility for the person's behaviour squarely on the individual. My view has extremely serious legal implications.

    Society does not like to think that narcissism is part of the human psyche, an exaggerated characteristic which is the ego, and prefers to see this personality as a permanent unmanageable mental illness. I believe we would benefit from studying these individuals with the approach that they are responsible for their behaviour. It is well documented in the research I have read and support workers I have spoken to that many, possibly all but it is never wise to generalise when it comes to the human mind, narcissists are fully aware of the pain they inflict on victims. They enjoy causing harm to their prey without experiencing guilt or regret. Narcissists plan their abusive attacks, which do not usually occur spontaneously. Anecdotal research suggests narcissists even enjoy speaking about their plans with other narcissists, and those considered normal, who will assist the narcissist to abuse their victim which is known as abuse by proxy. Narcissists are very often aware of what they do, especially in the context of sadistic and masochistic narcissism, which is not the case in genuine mental illness.

    Maybe effective rehabilitation for a narcissist could be developed instead of declaring them incurable and stop or limit narcissists from causing such pain and violence on the rest of the innocent, caring, law respecting members of the public.

    I explore further on in much more depth in this book why calling narcissism a mental illness is a gross disservice to society, abuse victims and people in general. During the Nuremberg trials post WW2 of the Nazi political and death camp leaders some of these individuals were found not guilty as they had been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.

    The researched chapters I have included in this book rarely mention the Irish justice system and even then briefly. I treat the Irish court system separate to the rest of the authorities that become involved in domestic abuse as I think most professionals in Ireland do their very best to assist domestic abuse victims and do very admirable work. I also touch on the court systems approach to domestic abuse in other countries.

    I have documented John's experiences in court.

    What I will mention here of importance concerning the Irish justice system is that the time of writing this book in 2017 the United Nations criticized the lack of legal representation provided by the state for domestic abuse victims in Ireland. Some abuse victims have been forced to represent themselves in court as they have no finances to pay legal fees. Eilis Barry the CEO of FLAC, an organisation the offers free legal advice, attended a United Nations conference that examined Irish state officials present at the meeting on how Ireland treats women's rights. Eilis addressed the United Nations committee and expressed her concerns of the lack of legal representation for all domestic abuse victims in general. Eilis cited a case where a woman could not afford to pay €130.00 for legal aid from the Legal Aid Board. She was refused legal representation and because she had nowhere else to live had to allow her domestic abuser back into the home defenceless. The UN Committee recommended that the contribution of €130 to obtain civil legal aid under domestic abuse legislation be abolished.

    I think this information speaks for itself about state and court bias against domestic abuse victims. John had met Eilis previous to this meeting. The UN discussion focused on female domestic abuse and Eilis stated to the committee that men were to be discussed too as men are frequently domestically abused.

    I have met Eilis myself to discuss with her domestic abuse and legal aid. I can say she is very principled yet practical woman. In our meeting she radiated warmth of heart and showed a true and serious concern about domestic abuse in Ireland.

    I include some practical advice about the Irish court system in the context of domestic abuse.

    In 2016 Ireland was celebrating the anniversary of the Easter Rising; a group of poorly armed Irish rebels attacked the might of the British Empire to demand freedom and equal rights for all, the Irish Government refused to fund three domestic abuse shelters for women which were then forced to close.

    I wish to write a few words on the terms used in this book. In Ireland the police are named using Irish words. Irish police are called Garda. The police plural are called the Gardaí or usually called the guards. The Irish police station is known as the Garda station. John's experiences with the Irish police are written using these terms.

    I use the term narcissist and domestic abuser. Narcissist is the term used to describe some domestic abusers, and also the personality that abuses and bullies’ people in other areas of life such as employment, school and more. Child abusers are also clinically called narcissists usually. I use the term personality type rather than diagnosis or illness in this book. I sometimes use the term healthy personality to mean a mature well-adjusted individual. I use the term narcissist when the domestic abuse is that of a narcissist and domestic abuser when the abuse is cluster B.

    I am a Committee Member of The Irish Writers Union who are very protective of their members and writers in general. The Irish Writers Union represents many Irish writers’ organisations and we are also connected to Unions across Europe. We are a very hands on Union and we frequently become involved in the legal issues of members. I want to thank the committee for their guidance in the writing of this book and their legal advice.

    The adjustments I have made, including to John's diary entries, are in accordance with legal advice from a solicitor and the Irish Writers Union. To this effect I have changed the details of many involved or omitted the details of those written about in this book. The end result is this book is loosely based on non-fiction. John Dunne`s dairy entries apart from the changing of details such as names and places is in every other way unedited but is legible all the way through and makes for a very informative yet exciting read.

    I originally regretted having to make these adjustments. However, writing the book this way means that the focus is on John's experiences, his associated thoughts and feelings, the repercussions that took place in his life as a result of his abuse. John in his raw diary entries has not written about all details of persons involved and locations because he is aware what people in his life look like, the locations he is familiar with and the appearances of those who became involved with his struggle.

    I have done so due to legal advice I have received. I would prefer that I make adjustments to this publication so that I can publish this book and the important messages and information is received by domestic abuse victims. I strongly believe this book will assist abuse victims so I would rather write this book than not publish at all for fear of litigation.

    Due to John`s undertaking of therapy developed by Melanie Tonia Evans Quantum Freedom Healing he has forgiven his abuser; he even pities him. He has used the terrifying events and the tumultuous feelings and thoughts associated typical of domestic abuse as events that have encouraged and promoted his growth as a person and in his life. His diary entries focus on himself as a means of self-therapy when his domestic abuse escalated.

    The net effect of all these elements and adjustments put together is that narcissism is only used to explain specifically the behaviour of some domestic abuse behaviours. This book focuses on so many other aspects such as the nature of love and the unbreakable strength of the human spirit that eclipses the nature of the narcissist. The book has evolved into making the point that life has so much more to offer than the terror and hurt of domestic abuse.

    If a narcissist or cluster B personality wishes to read this book he or she is very welcome to. However, this book is based very much on emotional content not only in John's diary entries but also peppered liberally throughout this book, even in the chapters that have research components. Domestic abuse is an emotional subject for most people, I have not divorced emotions from logic in this book rather they complement each other even while I use research to support my opinions and theories. Since narcissists do not understand emotions, I do not think this would be a useful book for such a disordered person to read. John, I and the domestic abuse charities will be very happy with the financial contribution.

    I believe you the reader will understand domestic abuse having read this book. Certainly, I have written plenty for you to think about in regards not only to abuse but also human nature in general. I have no doubt you will discover shocking revelations about domestic abuse. While there is much darkness and suffering in this book, you will also read about the amazing kindness of many people that assisted John and continue to assist others. I write about both the lightness and darkness of the human psyche. I describe the very best of human compassion and love that people have in their hearts which compels them to help others. I also write about the dark side of humanity, the terrible torture and pain some are capable of inflicting on innocent people, being incapable of love or any other positive human emotion. The poem below expresses the pain of narcissistic abuse.

    I remember how you stared at me

    Your eyes sparkled

    Light beams of admiration

    You used to speak to me in your sleep

    Truth from the depths of your soul "You are my

    Everything"

    I felt as if I'd been clicked into place

    Every time our eyes met across a crowded room

    A final realization of happily ever after

    Disappointment poured from you like sweat

    I slept in puddles of it, ate and drank it

    Absorbed it into my own fluids and consumed it

    A tortured soul, I pleaded with the night, contently you slept next to me

    Nothing could fracture your rigidity

    I tried all brands of words that slice I hate you for the gift of love you offered me

    Perhaps without the loss of it I could have slept contently too.

    --Audrey Michelle, Survivor

    The Chronicles of John Dunne

    The Escalation of Jeffrey`s Abusive Behaviour 2016

    May Portugal our First Day on Holiday

    Jeffrey was angry after about his treatment by an Irish airline for being verbally abusive toward an air hostess in her late fifties. The staff were determined to prevent him from travelling. We only got on the plane because of my intervention. Regretfully I made excuses for him.

    26th May

    11.00

    Jeffrey was still incensed, extremely angry, about the airline staff. He was shouting and cursing about the staff and the manager every morning and evening. Repeating over and over the same statements about the way he was treated. I made every effort to impress upon him that they reacted to him the way they did because he was abusive toward them. Instead of his anger decreasing he was increasing in anger. He was very angry with me too, shouting at me and making bitchy comments to me.

    On this day I had enough and I said to him that I was on holiday, that it was time to just forget about it that we should try and enjoy our holiday. I also threatened to buy a ticket and fly back home if he continued to behave this way. I said I was most certainly going away for the day by myself. That he was really spoiling the holiday for me. That I was not able for his continuous obsessive complaining and anger. I needed to not be around him for the day so I could clear my head. With that I opened the apartment door and as I stepped out, he called out my name. I stopped in the kitchen to look at him around 20 foot from the door. He walked up to me and pushed me hard. His arms were drawn back to his shoulders. His hands shot toward me, his arms fully extending at speed from shoulders to hands approaching my chest with force from his shoulders. For me this had the effect of being punched on both sides of my upper chest because of the speed of his hands, his arms drawn backward then shot at me with speed. He is over a foot taller than me and broader than me. When you see someone punch someone, the person draws their fist back to their shoulder then the arms accelerate in speed to hurt on impact. Jeffrey used similar force except he was not using his fists, his hands were opened flat. However, the impact felt like being punched. I stumbled backwards and hit the balcony wall, almost tumbling over wall leading to a twenty-foot fall. Had I fallen from the balcony I would not only have broken my leg again but I could have sustained further injury. I bounced off the wall and toward the door where Jeffrey was standing, staring at me, showing no concern that I nearly fell over the wall. I was at the threshold of the door when Jeffrey slammed the door in my face, hard. He hit my face with the force of him closing the door and I hit the wall again.

    This was the first time I became terrified, in any foreign country I had travelled in. I went down to the office area of the apartment complex. I thought Jeffrey would not find me there and if he did there were hotel staff around and he may be less inclined to cause me any trouble. Two hours later Jeffrey found me after texting me several times Why don’t we just start the day over? His face was blank, not showing any emotion. Not even an apology. I did not answer so he went looking for me and he found me. He asked me would we go somewhere for the day. He did not mention the assault in the apartment. He said he brought sun cream if I wanted to put it on as I hadn’t put it on in the apartment. I told him I had bought my own. I told him that I was spending the day on my own and to leave me alone for the day. He repeatedly asked me where we would go for the day. I told him to leave me alone and I would talk to him in the evening. With that I walked away to the beach. My head was truly spinning from all his complaining and anger. I was also annoyed that he went looking for me despite the fact I had told him to leave me alone.

    6.30

    I arrived back at the apartment. Jeffrey continued to insult me. I should not have left him for the day and why did I not answer his messages. The arguments on holiday were my fault he said. I cried and sobbed crying harder and harder unable to put up with Jeffrey`s continuing anger and abusive behaviour for 4 days. I felt I was getting worn down because of the tension I felt from his abusive behaviour. He continued accusing me the terrible day I had was my entire fault, my despair made no difference to him. During that evening of I felt that he was studying me. I noticed he was watching me intently when I cried or when I was upset. I was not sure why. He asked me what it was he said or did that upset me although he would not apologize for his anger or nasty comments. His outbursts were always my fault. Now I think that he was trying to figure out what upsets me. I do have Bipolar, but I have done a hell of a lot of work on myself. Now, I am comfortable and happy to be who I am. Yes, it would be hard to find weaknesses in me because I have very few. I think he learned I am terrified of physical attack because of my leg, terrified of him interfering with my medical treatment and that the thought of him interfering with my healthy lifestyle also upset me because my diet and lifestyle which prevents a whole spectrum of health issues occurring. During the holiday and when we came home tried to threaten me with, has attempted to interfere with or disturb my mind with comments he began to make after our holiday.

    Jeffrey said he was angry at me because I was taking too much vitamin C (I was taking a high dose for constipation and because I was taking glucosamine (to prevent the pain in my leg that would come from a lot of walking that we liked to do on holidays.). He never asked me what these were for, he just said he was angry at me for taking them, if I was not taking them he would not be so angry. At this stage I would no longer argue with him about his temper.

    These three fears I have are present through ALL of his abusive episodes this year. I think he had been studying me to see what my weaknesses were, hence that look he had of looking at me intently when I was upset on holiday and why he questioned me at length about what he said or did that upset me and why. I tried to explain to him that the high of vitamin C dose was for constipation.

    He said if you are constipated then go to hospital and take an enema or get myself flushed out since I was so full of shit. Not to take glucosamine to prevent pain. Wait until the pain comes and then get proper medical pain treatment (this was nonsense as he had always disapproved of and interfered with my pain medication in the past). The fear I had of him interfering with my diet, lifestyle or medical treatment he had always known since his abusive episodes when I broke my leg in 2009. But I think he did not know until this year how much I value a good diet and proper exercise which I now knew to be important because I had a health scare that I might have diabetes. My general practitioners nurse recommended Chromium Piconalate which reduced my blood sugar and the risk of diabetes was no longer present. I became really careful of what I consumed this year, hence Jeffrey`s attempt to control any substance I take. While this may all be supposition and hearsay, it all makes perfect sense when considering the domestic abuse paradigm. At this time I had no inkling that I was a domestic abuse victim. But then again domestic abuse victims are always the last to know, if they ever manage to find out or maybe it's too late when they do and they die at the hands of their abuser.

    27th May

    Up until this date nobody had moved into the apartments around us. I hoped people would and then I thought it was possible Jeffrey would stop shouting so angrily all the time. I was seriously considering flying home and leaving him behind. On this day people moved in beside and below us. Jeffrey stopped arguing and shouting and complaining. He became quite and amicable. I observed that he had stopped his anger when these people moved in. I began to think but not yet sure Jeffrey could control his anger despite all of his excuses.

    The Rest of the ‘Holiday’

    We spent much of the holiday with Jeffrey questioning me ad nausea about how I felt about our relationship. What I liked and did not like about our life, what did I fear most about him and our relationship. Looking back I think Jeffrey was collecting facts about me, my fears in particular. This questioning of his went on most days and for a few hours at a time. I often tried to change the subject or just told him to stop talking about our issues. I told him my major fear was that he would get another dog from a dog refuge home which I did not want. I did not have the time and I did not want to retrain a disturbed dog. When I came home in September Jeffrey bombarded me with emails from his work declaring he was getting a dog, he had been visiting a dog refuge home while I was at my mam’s. He was getting one whether I liked it or not he did not care if it would affect my asthma. This happened after I told him on holiday that getting a dog was the worst thing he could do. I had no need to fly home on my own because luckily since these people moved in there were no more problems. I could ask them for help if I needed to. The rest of the holiday he did not abuse me, I think because people had moved in. If people had heard Jeffrey shouting as he does somebody would have complained about the noise, as I said occasionally to Jeffrey to remind him not to lose his temper. The one odd behaviour was that Jeffrey was convinced the apartment was haunted. He thought that somehow, I was bringing ghosts into the apartment. He said regularly Ghosts are following you into the apartment John. Jeffrey often talked about our home being haunted but never when we were on holiday. I really do not believe in ghosts etc. However, no ghost on this holiday could scare me more than Jeffrey had scared me since we were on this ‘holiday’. The best I could do was to pretend to agree with him. Like you do when people are mentally unwell, violent, and hallucinating. You agree with everything they say until they are hospitalised and you do so to protect yourself. My approach was similar with Jeffrey and his beliefs

    Enjoying the preview?
    Page 1 of 1