Preparing Your Child for the Journey Through Adolescence: A Handbook for Parents
()
About this ebook
The Handbook Preparing Your Child for the Journey Through Adolescence makes parents aware of and seeks to help to understand the hardships that await all adolescents in those trying, though exciting years. It goes further to help parents understand their children in totality, to guide parents on how to invest in their children while their children are still young in order to equip them for the trying years that wait ahead. For those whose children have already reached the stage of adolescence the Handbook offers parents guidance as to how to stay involved in their adolescents lives, and how to identify problems the adolescent may be experiencing.
An interesting list of Principles for life and a comprehensive list of South African resources are provided to facilitate access to professional help.
This book provides all the information needed to teach your children wholesome, Godly principles. It is a fantastic resource. I highly recommend this book to all parents. It would most definitely assist you during the difficult, adolescent years.
BRUCE MALONE
American Research Leader, Chemical Engineer, Author, Father of Four.
With today's increasing emphasis on the problems of teenagers, this book could hardly have been more timely and important. I know Indira Gilbert personally as a motivated and knowledgeable individual, whose qualities could not help but be reflected in her book."
PROF. DANIEL LEACH
AB (Penn) PhD (UCLA)
Formerly Department of Economic and Business Sciences
University of Witwatersrand, Johannesburg, South Africa.
Indira Gilbert
Indira Gilbert (Pillay) is a South African of Indian origin. She holds double masters in education and social work and is presently undertaking research for a PhD in Philosophy. Indira has served at various community-based organisations. She continues to work with both parents and children. She is the mother of four children who have successfully journeyed through adolescence. Indira has written a Companion Book for Teens: PREPARING YOUR CHILD FOR THE JOURNEY THROUGH ADOLESCENCE: A HANDBOOK FOR PARENTS.
Related to Preparing Your Child for the Journey Through Adolescence
Related ebooks
Children Without Virtues Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsParental As Anything Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Preparing for the Journey Through Adolescence: A Handbook for Teens Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Victimization That We Call Parenting Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHow to Make Your Kids Champs in Life Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Entitlemania: How Not to Spoil Your Kids, and What to Do if You Have Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsParenting Through The Chaos Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsYour Kid's Not Special: A Psychologist and Father's Lessons On Popular Parenting Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingstoughLOVE: Raising Confident, Kind, Resilient Kids Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsProtective Parenting: Bringing up Your Children without Clipping Their Wings Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSpare the Rod, Spoil the Child Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSaving Our Children From Our Chaotic World: Teaching Children the Magic of Silence and Stillness Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Great Kids Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFamily Life: The Most Important Values for Living Together and Raising Children Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5When Love Comes Back: Growing Relationships with our Children Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Well-Behaved Teenager Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsGetting It Right As a Single-Parent: How To Raise Your Child Into A Responsible Adult Without Losing Your Mind Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsImprove Communication With Your Children Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsParenting with Values: 12 Essential Qualities Your Children Need and How to Teach Them Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsParenting Made Easy – The Middle Years: A Bag of Tricks Approach to Parenting the 6-12 Year Old Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsYou're Not the Boss of Me: Brat-proofing Your Four- to Twelve-Year-Old Child Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHow to be The Perfect Dad: Fatherhood, #1 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsRaising Gritty Kids: Your Guide to Parenting in Times of Uncertainty Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Power of Mindful Parenting: A Guide to More Connection and Less Conflict with Your Teen Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsRedirecting Children's Behavior: Effective Discipline for Creating Connection and Cooperation Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings10 Must-Have Conversations with Your Kids Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Art of War In A Relationship Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsZoom Out Parenting: The Big Picture Approach to Raising Children Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Self-Improvement For You
Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Big Book of 30-Day Challenges: 60 Habit-Forming Programs to Live an Infinitely Better Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Stolen Life: A Memoir Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Art of Witty Banter: Be Clever, Quick, & Magnetic Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Less Fret, More Faith: An 11-Week Action Plan to Overcome Anxiety Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Don't Believe Everything You Think: Why Your Thinking Is The Beginning & End Of Suffering Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Chop Wood Carry Water: How to Fall In Love With the Process of Becoming Great Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership: Follow Them and People Will Follow You Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Win Friends and Influence People: Updated For the Next Generation of Leaders Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Think and Grow Rich (Illustrated Edition): With linked Table of Contents Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How May I Serve Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5You're Not Dying You're Just Waking Up Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Four Loves Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I'll Start Again Monday: Break the Cycle of Unhealthy Eating Habits with Lasting Spiritual Satisfaction Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are so You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Self-Care for People with ADHD: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Prioritize You! Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Wild at Heart Expanded Edition: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Grief Observed Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex: Creating a Marriage That's Both Holy and Hot Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Reviews for Preparing Your Child for the Journey Through Adolescence
0 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
Preparing Your Child for the Journey Through Adolescence - Indira Gilbert
PREPARING YOUR CHILD FOR THE JOURNEY THROUGH ADOLESCENCE
11931.jpgA HANDBOOK FOR PARENTS
INDIRA GILBERT
Copyright © 2013 by Indira Gilbert.
ISBN:
Softcover 978-1-4797-0477-4
Ebook 978-1-4797-0478-1
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
Every effort has been made to obtain copyright of all printed extracts used in this book. If I have unwittingly used material that requires copyright, I humbly request that the copyright-holder bring this to my attention to enable me to make due acknowledgement.
To order additional copies of this book, contact:
Xlibris Corporation
0-800-644-6988
www.Xlibrispublishing.co.uk
Orders@Xlibrispublishing.co.uk
304025
CONTENTS
SECTION A
CHAPTER ONE PARENTING
A. INTRODUCTION
B. THE PURPOSE OF PARENTING
C. THE JOY OF PARENTING
D. THE PAIN OF PARENTING
E. QUALIFICATIONS FOR PARENTING
F. UNDERSTANDING OUR CHILDREN
G. REARING CHILDREN IN PREPARATION
FOR ADOLESCENCE
H. STAY INVOLVED IN THE LIVE OF YOUR ADOLESCENCE
I. IDENTIFYING PROBLEMS IN OUR CHILDREN’S LIVES
J. CONCLUSION
VACANCIES
CHAPTER TWO THE CHALLENGES FACED BY ADOLESCENTS
SECTION B
A. SOUTH AFRICAN THE BILL OF RIGHTS
B. SOUTH AFRICAN CHILDREN’S RIGHTS
C. SOME PRINCIPLES FOR PARENTS
D. ACTS PROTECTING SOUTH AFRICAN CITIZENS
E. RESOURCES IN SOUTH AFRICA
F. BIBLOGRAPHY
DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to the memory of my late Mum and Dad who, with their limited physical resources and limited knowledge about child-rearing did a fantastic job in steering their children through the very difficult years.
Their strong value-system and their constant ‘leading by example’ have imprinted the lives of us their children.
Mum and Dad, generations after you are benefiting from your investment in the lives of your children. You have indeed made an imprint in the lives of the next generation. Thank You.
This book is also dedicated to the many parents whom over the years I have counselled in respect of their children and their parental skills.
You helped me understand the different styles of and experiences in parenting a child in today’s society.
I am grateful to God for affording me the privilege and awesome responsibility of shaping the lives of my four lovely children.
There is no perfect parent: I sure did fall short in many areas, but the principles I did instill in them. I am sure will sustain a lifetime.
Food for Thought . . . .
The paradox of our time in history is that:
We have taller buildings but shorter tempers
Wider freeways but narrower viewpoints
We spend more but have less,
We buy more but enjoy less.
We have more degrees but less sense,
Have more knowledge but less judgment.
Have more experts yet more problems.
Have more medicine but less wellness.
We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We’ve learnt how to make a living but not a life.
We’ve added years to life not life to years.
We’ve been all the way to the moon and back
But have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour.
We’ve done larger things but not better things
We’ve learnt to rush but not to wait.
We build more computers to hold more information,
To produce more copies than ever but we communicate less and less.
We’ve become long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men,
and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships.
These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure,
but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.
These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology has brought this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to make a difference, or to just hit delete
By Dr. Bob Moorehead
http://www.xdude.com/paradox.htm
What Used To Be . . . .
What used to be called Disgusting is now called Adult.
What used to be called Modesty is now called a Sexual Hang-up.
What used to be called Living in Sin is now called a Meaningful Relationship.
What used to be called Good Discipline is now called Child Abuse.
What used to be called Chastity is now called Neurotic Inhibitions.
What used to be called Perversion is now called Alternate Lifestyle.
What used to be called Self-Indulgence is now called Self-fulfillment.
What used to be called Your Rights is now called Illegal Discrimination.
What used to be called Christian Values is now called Fundamentalism.
What used to be called Depravity is now called Creative Self-Expression.
What used to be called Moral Irresponsibility is now called Being Freed Up.
(Anonymous)
SECTION A
CHAPTER ONE
PARENTING
A. INTRODUCTION
Parents frequently fail their children—albeit not intentionally—in that:
– We are often poor role models to our children by not practicing what we preach.
– We do not meet our children’s emotional needs or attempt to meet them on their level.
– We assume that material possessions are what they need: so we spend our time and energy trying to provide them with everything that money can buy.
– We are too involved in pursuing our own careers, or increasing our wealth: there is little or no time to invest into our children.
– We are not open with our children with respect to the issues of life. Yet we expect them to know everything that matters.
– We withhold important information from them, or give them partly correct information.
– We do not protect them from incorrect information received from legitimate sources e.g. the school. We do not stop and question what is actually taught to our children. We expect them to work through the information themselves. Schools in South Africa have introduced something called ‘Quiet Time’ where our children are being exposed to the occult. Parents have not even stopped and questioned what this is all about!
– We make no attempt to correct the information they receive from other sources.
– We superficially ‘resolve’ problems without attending to the causes or the ‘roots’ of the problems.
– We hand over our responsibility of child-rearing to other institutions like the school.
– When our children are in the wrong, we are slow to correct them, yet very quick to defend their mistakes.
– We are handing to our children a messed-up world and expect them to make a success of it.
Parents too are human and have limitations which make parenting even the more difficult.
Parents often do experience difficulty in discussing personal issues with theirr children. Some parents find it extremely difficult to do so while others are ill-equipped to do so. In the absence of a close parent-child relationship this becomes even more difficult. On the other hand even where there is a close parent-child relationship children chose not to discuss personal issues with parents.
It is easier to give children what they want rather than to give of ourselves or our time to meet our children’s needs. It is indeed less stressful and less time-consuming to do so.
We do not want to upset them and ‘destroy’ our relationship with them, so we defend them whenever they complain that they have been wronged by someone: we have no time or energy to investigate the facts and, if necessary to correct our children.
It is easier to tell them what is expected of them than to teach through example without realizing that what they see us do has a greater impact on them than what they hear from us.
The greater part of the day is spent at school. The school is therefore expected to parent our children: to teach them the values required for good citizenship.
Our society is riddled with social problems. This does not affect us until our children are affected. There is no time to invest in a better future for all in our society.
Previously the family and education had, to a large extent, attempted to produce a well-balanced individual: and it had been successful considering the type of society we lived in. In today’s society however, there seems to be a gap: a new set of complications has arisen. Society is being faced with situations and circumstances, which were rare in if not unknown to, previous generations. Many of these issues are addressed in this book.
The family is experiencing extreme difficulty in coping with these complications, especially where it becomes very personal and involves the emotions. Adolescents are faced with pressures never experienced before.
Educators are expected to step in. At the same time educators are told not to impose values on the learner. Educators have also been stripped off any discipline or corrective measures. Most alternate forms of discipline involve some form of abuse—emotional or psychological. Parents are ever-ready to take educators on when their children are disciplined.
Learners are in a way left to their own devices to work out their own values. Learners who have not been adequately trained in the home, and who are constantly being bombarded with negative values from the television, peers, books, etc., are being asked to work out their own values. They have a one-in-a-hundred chance of forming wholesome ones.
The role of parent is becoming an increasingly difficult task in society today. Young people are assuming parenthood being very ill-prepared for the task at hand. The extended family, which previously supported the new/young parents, has fallen away. The nuclear family frequently physically moves a distance away from family members because of employment opportunities, etc.
Most mothers are employed, frequently leaving the mothering role to strangers and often time to the child himself. Parents are pressured to excel at work. This demands both their time and energy. Very little time or energy is left for parenting.
Our ‘small families’ seems to have instilled selfishness into our children: there are no siblings to ‘share’ with—there usually is only one sibling to compete with.
Values in society have fast eroded. To make an impact on our children we need to examine our life-styles, our own morals and values, and our attitudes towards parenting.
Over the years, I have come to realize the merits of the following sayings:
The aim of education is the knowledge, not of fact, but of values.
Dean William R. Inge
The direction in which education starts a man, will determine his future life.
Plato
Nobody drifts into success.
Tico Gopar
Train up a child the way he should go, and when he is grown he will not depart from it.
The Bible
Foremost we are parents: Whatever we do affects our children for the rest of their lives.
Unknown
It is time for parents to take back their responsibility, and become more aggressive in instilling wholesome values in their children. This is no easy task especially in a society where children are credited with rights without accompanying responsibilities—this has led to abuse of the home and school environment, and even of the legal system.
I have through this Handbook for Parents attempted to cover all the vital issues affecting adolescents and the parenting of adolescents. The purpose of this book is to meet the needs of parents to enable them to meet the needs of the child. I hope that it achieves what it is intended for!
You may ask why children should be given such information. Shouldn’t they be left to be ‘children’? Unfortunately, our society is riddled with such issues. It is important to convey to our children both information and values. Information without values can be dangerous. Information without values may lead adolescents to experiment. We need to equip our children to make wise decisions that are most beneficial for their future.
The adolescent is frequently pressured into making ill-advised decisions: sometimes these decisions are life-determining, and there is none available to assist at that particular time. It is therefore important that the adolescent is given all the necessary information prior to such a situation arising, to enable him to make an informed decision should such a situation does arise.
I hope that this book meets your needs. It has been written from the heart. Having four children of my own, and having counselled many adolescents over 20 years, I do (to some extent) understand the pressure and pain they experience. I also sincerely believe that the only hope mankind has to ensure its survival (and quality of life) on this earth is to go back to a solid value system that is geared to produce quality life for all.
This Handbook complements the Handbook for Adolescents. It is recommended that the child work through the Handbook for Adolescents, perhaps with your assistance, and that you, as a parent, work through this Handbook for Parents to enable you to assist them when you are approached for any discussion.
The Handbook for Adolescents seeks to fill in any gaps. It does not seek to take away your parents responsibility. It can be utilized in various ways:
– be given to the child to work on as a ‘do-it-yourself’ manual—you can later together discuss the various topics addressed in the book
– Parent and child can work through the book together. It does have food for thought for all although it has been simplified for the pre-adolescent, and the adolescent.
– worked through in a group: family group, youth group, classroom, peer group, etc.
– kept as a reference book for any queries your child may have
During 2004, the television news in South Africa quoted one of the delegates at a world conference on AIDS as stating that ‘we are losing the battle against AIDS’. I believe that we can turn this around.
We can turn this around by equipping our children to make the right choices. Thank you for allowing me to partner with you in this task.
B. THE PURPOSE OF PARENTING
God had planned for children to have parents…
or He would have found some other way to ‘fill the earth’.
On examining one’s own life the importance of parents unfolds. Consider the lives of those who had the misfortune of not being cared for by their parents: only a small percentage of these unfortunate individuals grow into secure adults.
It is only in one’s adult life and often when one is a parent that one can truly understand and appreciate the purpose of parenting. The purpose of parenting can broadly be defined as: ‘The preparing of a child for adulthood’.
The purpose of parenting therefore includes:
– Teaching the child the values and norms of society to ease his acceptance and adaptation into society.
– Teaching the child to accept and obey family rules. This eases his acceptance and obedience of rules outside the home: first at school and later the rules of society.
– Teaching the child how to relate to his siblings. This relationship skill will later be extended to others in the broader social network.
– Teaching the child how to