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    Sand in Your Sandpile: Facing Life's Stresses
    Sand in Your Sandpile: Facing Life's Stresses
    Sand in Your Sandpile: Facing Life's Stresses
    Ebook132 pages1 hour

    Sand in Your Sandpile: Facing Life's Stresses

    By Deborah A. Kearney

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    About this ebook

    How much sand is in your sandpile? Do you have lots of sand, or just a little? Our sandpiles are our emotional reserves. We constantly give the sand in our sandpiles away as we give to others, our work, our families, and the tasks of daily life.

    Lots of us have depleted sandpiles. This depletion diminishes our ability to manage stress, which in turn can have negative effects on our physical and emotional health. How do we replenish our emotional reserves? Do you know what puts sand in your sandpile?

    Sand in Your Sandpile looks at how we can build our emotional reserves through nurturance and comfort, self-esteem, and empowerment. It examines what keeps us from doing the self-care we know we need. Using stories and metaphors, Dr. Kearney examines life attitudes that influence our ability and willingness to take care of ourselves.

    Since self-care is such a big part of stress reduction and resilience, Kearney wanted to create user-friendly access to practical psychological practices. This workbook is about loving kindness toward self and others with the goal of building a psychological immune system. Through self-care, self-esteem and knowing where your power is, you can learn how to address the natural blocks to coping. The guiding principle is respect for self and others. The goal is to facilitate personal motivation and methods of self-care.

    In this guide, you are encouraged to personalize the material, do the user-friendly exercises, and put sand in your sandpile. With self-care, you can create a life you want to live.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBalboa Press
    Release dateFeb 6, 2014
    ISBN9781452588674
    Sand in Your Sandpile: Facing Life's Stresses
    Author

    Deborah A. Kearney

    Deborah A. Kearney, PhD, a practicing psychologist for over thirty years, received her doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of Georgia in 1982. Her commitment to people’s healing led her to create this workbook as a way to expand the reach of healing psychological concepts. Her admiration of her daughter’s talent led her to incorporate her daughter’s artwork, conceiving of the project as one they could create together. Emily Kearney-Williams, who has been an artist since age two, is now a college sophomore and has won numerous awards for her drawings and paintings, including some of the ones in this workbook. Emily and her parents live in Georgia and like being outside, hiking, kayaking, camping and traveling, artichokes, chocolate, word play, animals, laughing out loud, and being with family and friends. This workbook is a reflection of their interests and values, as well as a practical application of psychological principles DK finds helpful to people.

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      Book preview

      Sand in Your Sandpile - Deborah A. Kearney

      Sand in Your Sandpile

      Facing Life’s Stresses

      Image101.jpg

      Deborah A. Kearney, Ph.D.

      Artwork by Emily Kearney-Williams

      Copyright © 2014 Deborah A. Kearney, Ph.D.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

      Balboa Press books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:

      Balboa Press

      A Division of Hay House

      1663 Liberty Drive

      Bloomington, IN 47403

      www.balboapress.com

      1 (877) 407-4847

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

      Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

      ISBN: 978-1-4525-8866-7 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4525-8867-4 (e)

      Library of Congress Control Number: 2013922960

      Balboa Press rev. date: 12/20/2013

      9593.png

      SAND IN YOUR SANDPILE: Facing Life’s Stresses

      Introduction

      I. SELF-CARE

      A. Nurturance/Comfort   

         1.   End of Day Positives

         2.   Comfort

         3.   Slow Breathing

         4.   Mindfulness

         5.   Relaxation and Imagery

         6.   Nature

         7.   Exercise and a Healthy Diet

         8.   Balance

         9.   Don’t Feed the Negative

         10. To be Unburdened

         11. Tolerating Discomfort

         12. Proactive in Your Own Best Interest

      B.   Self-esteem/Worth

         1.   Laura’s Lottery

         2.   Worth Does Not Equal the 3 A’s

         3.   Your Little Green Man

         4.   The Best is the Enemy of the Good

         5.   If It’s Worth Doing ….……..

         6.   Where Does this Story Fit?

         7.   Messages from Childhood

         8.   My Insides Your Outsides

         9.   Cognitive Distortions

      C.   Change/Empowerment

         1.   Change One Thing at a Time

         2.   Trying on Change Like Trying on Clothes

         3.   Acceptance

         4.   Ask For What You Need

         5.   Behavior Behavior Behavior

         6.   Power

         7.   Ready, Fire, Aim

         8.   Vote, Volunteer, Conserve and Exercise

         9.   Laughter and Play

         10. What About Other People?

      II.    I KNOW WHAT TO DO. WHY DON’T I DO IT?

         A. Fear

         B. Hopelessness

         C. Identity

         D. Negative Thinking

         E. Old Coping Strategies

         F. Pride/Ego/Worth

         G. Practicalities

         H. Motivational Interferences

         I. Stubbornness

         J. Readiness to Change

         K. Action

      III.    FAVORITE MANTRAS & GUIDELINES/EMPOWERMENT

         A.   Operate Out of Love Not Fear

         B.   Gandhi – Be the change you want to see in the world

         C.   Be Kind/Mother Teresa’s Do it Anyway

         D.   Don’t Take Anything Personally

         E.   Be Grateful, Be Open

         F.   Bless Her Change Me

         G. Compassion Connects

         H. Listening to Your Emotions

         I.   Value Contradictions

         J.   Learn From Those You Think Have the Least to Teach

         K. Honesty not Brutal Honesty

         L. Life is Rich and Full

      Parting Thoughts

      Dedication and thanks

      For Bob & Jean Kearney who taught love, respect, and dedication by example. Thanks, Mom and Dad. I definitely lucked out in the parent department.

      In addition to my parents, I also thank my husband, Dale Williams, and daughter, Emily, for their suggestions, patience and humor, and for putting up with me in general. I’d also like to thank the rest of my wonderful family and friends for being supportive and loving. I thank the amazing people who have been my clients for all they have shared and taught me. I also say thanks to my colleagues for editing and ideas and to Helen Bradley for editing and guidance. Thank you all for your love and encouragement.

      Sand in Your Sandpile Introduction

      What you have before you is an incomplete book. Your project is to FINISH THIS BOOK, but first, let me tell you about sand in your sandpile. Have you ever been walking on the beach and stepped into a hole and realized that it was where someone had dug out to build a sandcastle? The hole, of course, is a deficit and the piles of sand mounded up are a resource. Walking miles of beaches led me to use the sandpile image as a metaphor for how to inoculate ourselves against the negative effects of stress, in essence, how to care for ourselves.

      The story goes like this. We all have a sandpile. We all need sand in that sandpile. Our sandpile is our emotional reserve, our stockpile of emotional goodies, our emotional nurturance, our emotional resources. It’s our emotional umpph.

      We all deplete our sandpiles daily. We give out emotional energy to the people in our lives, to our work, to the business of living, to coping with stress. We need to replenish our sandpiles.

      The important question is what puts sand back in our sandpiles. There are three basic categories. First is love and nurturance from others – attention, affection, affirmation of our value. The second category of what puts sand in our sandpiles is accomplishment. When we achieve a goal, complete a task, or excel at something we’ve been working on, we get sand in our sandpiles, especially if we

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