Smiling Through My Tears: A True Story of a Child’S Faith, a Mother’S Hope and God’S Grace
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About this ebook
There were times when smiles were evasive and tears profuse, but there were also many minutes, days, and months when the smiles and the tears became one and the same.
Smiling through My Tears is a poignant story that chronologically unfolds the meaningful life and untimely death of my sonwho could have easily been anyones child or neighbor.
Smiling through My Tears is an unveiling of an everyday American, dealing with a not-so-everyday, childhood disease. It touches everyones heart and soul. It offers strength to those living through similar circumstances, as well as understanding and peace to those who are the survivors.
Carol Ann Miller
Carol Miller retired from E.I. DuPont, after twenty-six years of service. She currently works part time for the Belpre Police Department. She lives in Davisville, West Virginia, with her husband, Ron, and their two little dogs, Jack and Scooter. She and her husband have a blended family—a mother of one daughter and four step-children. She is the grandmother of two children and ten step-children. Carol attends Cornerstone Gospel Church where she served for several years in the council of ministries as the drama director. She is presently serving on the crisis-care team.
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Smiling Through My Tears - Carol Ann Miller
Copyright © 2012 Carol Ann Miller.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by
any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying,
recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system
without the written permission of the publisher except in the case
of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
ISBN: 978-1-4497-4051-1 (ebk)
ISBN: 978-1-4497-4052-8 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-4497-4064-1 (hc)
Library of Congress Control Number: 2012903199
WestBow Press books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:
WestBow Press
A Division of Thomas Nelson
1663 Liberty Drive
Bloomington, IN 47403
www.westbowpress.com
1-(866) 928-1240
Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or
links contained in this book may have changed since publication and
may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those
of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher,
and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,
and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, are taken
from the Holy Bible, New International Version® , NIV® ,
Copyright© 1973, 1978 1984 by International Bible Society.
Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
WestBow Press rev. date: 5/04/2012
CONTENTS
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Dedication
SKU-000481910_TEXT.pdfTo my beautiful daughter, Lori, who has become such a wonderful woman. I am so proud of her.
To my grandchildren, Tarah and Ryan, who are the lights of my life.
To my dear brother, Gary, whom I miss every day.
To my wonderful husband, Ron, who encouraged me to follow my dream and to complete this project. I am so very blessed.
Preface
SKU-000481910_TEXT.pdfI wrote Smiling through My Tears for three reasons. First and foremost, I wrote this book as a memorial for my precious son, Terry. Those who leave us are always in our hearts and continually on our minds.
It was also written for the parents who may lose a child in the future or who have already experienced the unthinkable. My prayer is that this book gives them hope for the future. We have a Comforter who brings us through the worst of times.
Finally, this book is to admonish parents. Do not be so foolish as to think that death cannot take your children. Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it
(Prov. 22:6, NIV). Knowing that I had introduced Terry to Jesus was the one thing that has given me peace. I know Terry is in heaven. What could he possibly be missing here on earth compared to the glory of heaven?
Acknowledgments
SKU-000481910_TEXT.pdfFirst I would like to acknowledge all of Terry’s caregivers, who were so kind and compassionate: Dr. Mazzella, his primary physician, whose advice I so valued; Dr. Loar, his neurosurgeon, for whom I have the deepest respect; and Dr. Shah, Terry’s oncologist, who worked so hard to save Terry.
A special thank you goes to all the wonderful nurses at both our local hospitals who so lovingly cared for Terry. I am indebted to Sandy and Jan who were the home health and hospice nurses and Barb, our hospice volunteer. Because of their training, I was able to fulfill my wish to take care of Terry at home. I don’t know what I would have done without them.
To my mom and my sisters, Diana, Linda and Pam, who often had no words to express their grief, but were always there for me. I love you.
To co-workers and friends at Demuth Glass and E.I. Dupont and our church family at Summitt Valley Methodist Church who provided food, money, love and support; I am forever grateful.
Thanks to Pastor Osgood who came by our side with love and prayers when Terry was diagnosed and to Pastor Rogers who delivered a beautiful eulogy. His words are still a comfort to me today.
I am indebted to Nell and Myron, Roseann, Mabel and Bud, and Sue. They followed God’s leading and each helped in their own special way.
Thanks to Larry for enhancing my poor quality, old snapshots. . It was important to me to have them in this book. And thanks to his daughter, Kelsee for taking my author’s picture. How sweet of you for wanting to do that for me.
And finally, thanks to my new friends, Kim and Carol, who never knew Terry, but have encouraged me every day in the completion of this book.
Disclaimer
SKU-000481910_TEXT.pdfWe held the conversations with Terry’s various doctors that appear in this book at times of great stress. If anything in this book doesn’t seem medically sound, it is the fault of my interpretation. All of Terry’s doctors were highly intelligent and competent. I wouldn’t want their competency ever to be questioned because of anything I have recounted here. The conversations referred to in this book were how this distraught mother remembered them.
Introduction
SKU-000481910_TEXT.pdfSeptember 25, 1970
Well, Sweetheart, you are a year old today. It seems only yesterday that you were so much a part of me. Each day I was increasingly amazed at the wonder of your kicking and stretching inside of me. Funny, but I knew even then that you were a precious little boy, so full of life.
I guess I have wished your life away. Now I look back rather sadly because you have grown so fast. You are no longer a baby, but such a little man.
Already you have brought me so much happiness. The last year without Daddy could have been so miserable. But when I was depressed, you brought a smile; and when I wanted to cry, you made me laugh.
Beware! The world is so full of sin and hate. I shudder to think of the hurt and unhappiness you may have to go through. I pray daily, Oh God, give him enough disappointments in life to build a strong character, but not so many that he will become disillusioned and give up his will to live.
I never say Amen
because my prayers for you will never end.
On Terry’s first birthday, I wrote this letter. Until now, it has been hidden like the pages of a diary. I never shared it with anyone—not