The Devil & Freddie Lash
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About this ebook
When it is your destiny to be the Devil's administrator, you can be forgiven for being a bit frustrated at the cards that fate has dealt you. However, when Freddie Lash accidentally sends the Grim Reaper after one of the 'good' Scoutmasters, he sets in motion a chain of events involving the good, the bad, and the very very ugly. Freddie's life will never be the same again.
If you don't find this funny, you're not going to like the rest of the book:
"The knot on his pyjamas, the one so skilfully copied from Knots for Sailors Vol. 4 was loosening as she approached. Freddie absently noted that his wife must be more powerful than a force ten gale and a stormy sea combined, and still she padded gently forward, barefoot, heels thrown casually over one naked shoulder. "
Richie Neville
I am not now, nor have I EVER been, a professional athlete. I do not intend to run a marathon, for fun or any other reason, or suggest anyone else run one. I have never had the support of trainers, nutritionists, or any other exercise specialists. I am just a guy who likes working out at home! Home workouts with body-weight exercises are kind of my ‘thing.’ I don’t like gyms and I like being able to use my own shower. I set up Internal Force Fitness to search for the ultimate series of exercises you can do at home. The exercises need to fit certain criteria: they should not cost money, they should not require a stupidly high level of fitness already, they should not hurt, and finally – they should be ENJOYABLE! Join me – and enjoy the best body-weight only exercise programs history and the world have to offer! ~ Richie Neville Oh - and I also write Pirate books and stories about the Devil's Administrator when the mood takes me...
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The Devil & Freddie Lash - Richie Neville
The Devil & Freddie Lash
By Richard Neville
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Copyright © 2007 by Richard Neville
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author.
Chapter 1.
Freddie Lash looked forlornly at the alarm clock resting on his swollen belly. 4:59 a.m. The alarm would be sounding in one minute. As it turned to 5:00, and the alarm rang, the ‘Yes, I want to live’ button gradually appeared, distorting the small digital clock face and pushing the normal buttons to one side. After a brief internal struggle where he went to press the button only to withdraw his finger again, Freddie jabbed at it bitterly. 'Good Morning Freddie' scrolled across the display, before the clock returned to normal, and turned to 5:01. ‘Another day in hell’, thought Freddie, and let out a long sigh as he tried to manoeuvre himself out of bed.
Freddie Lash never woke up feeling himself. Since the age of twenty-one he had woken up feeling a pregnant woman’s stomach attached to his otherwise slender frame, and an impossibly thick moustache welded to his upper lip. The weight could not be shifted, the ‘tache could not be shaved. Doctors were baffled, girls were disgusted, and Freddie’s mother would simply cackle on about the ‘curse of the Lashes.’ By the time Freddie found the job offer in amongst his birthday cards things were not getting any clearer – in fact they were getting fuzzier. Freddie’s eyes, hitherto perfect, now refused to stay in focus unless he wore his Grandmothers old horn-rimmed glasses. Ten years had passed since then and Freddie felt like never before that there was indeed a ‘curse of the Lashes.’
Mrs Freddie Lash, A.K.A the She-Devil (her given name), was not in bed. Freddie lifted the duvet to make sure he had not been subject to any...anything in the night, but his pyjamas were still securely tied. Scratching absently with the heat of relief, Freddie keyed in the combination to