Rapid Relief from Emotional Distress Ii: Blame Thinking Is Bad for Your Mental Health

© 2011 James E. Campbell MD. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 1/11/2011

ISBN: 978-1-4490-3698-0 (e)

ISBN: 978-1-4490-3697-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4490-3696-6 (sc)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2010916038

Printed in the United States of America

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any Web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Please contact me at rapidreliefseries.com if you interested in setting up a conference on any of the topics discussed.

Copyright Jan 2008 by James E. Campbell M.D Other writers, lecturers, or teachers may reference any parts of this book as long as they acknowledge Dr. Emery and myself when doing so.

Dedicated to all my patients over the years that have allowed me to practice on them, who have shown me when I was doing something useful by getting better, and who have insisted I get it right by returning.

Contents

INTRODUCTION

HOW TO GET RAPID RELIEF

KNOW THAT YOU CREATE YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL PAIN

KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CHANGE AND CHOICE

HOW TO BUILD INTIMACY

LIFE AND LABELS

SEPARATE THE CHOICE WORLD FROM THE CHANGE WORLD

IDENTIFYING YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL SELF IN THE PHYSICAL WORLD

ACCOUNTABILITY

RELIEF FOR LIFE

OTHER CONCEPTS THAT CAN HELP YOU GET RID OF PSYCHOLOGICAL PAIN

EMOTIONAL CRISIS MANAGEMENT

INFLUENCES ON YOUR ACCEPTOR

THINKING STRATEGIES

HOW TO CREATE WHAT YOU WANT

STRATEGIES FOR TAKING ACTION

SUGGESTIONS FOR BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT YOU ARE READING

THE DILEMMA OF BEING DELUSIONAL

HOW TO PICK A THERAPIST

DEFINITIONS:

INTRODUCTION

I have undertaken to rewrite aspects of the original book because with time comes further insights. I also wanted to reduce the size of the book, so that not only the information but the book itself would reflect a more rapid event. When I see a book advocating rapid relief and it is over 250 pages long, I think it will take me too long just to read it. I have also made a small change in the manner of reporting. It appears socially correct for counselors, therapists, and psychologists to refer to people they work with as clients. That designation does not set well with me, and because of that, when I am referring to individuals I work with they are referred to by the time-tested designation of patient. The reference to people as patients does not in any way intend to demean anyone, or exalt anyone, but is a reflection of the very special bond that doctor and patient have enjoyed since the birth of medicine, and which managed care is doing it’s best to destroy.

Disclaimer: I do not have the backing of any large drug company grant or university setting and therefore my forty years of treating patients probably is not seen as leading to any scientific, or as we say now Evidence Based, conclusions. I have real concerns about the direction that psychiatry (as a field) has gone over the past 15-20 years. My initial training in psychiatry was in a highly thought of psychoanalytic program (Michael Reese Hospital). Very little medication was used to treat patients in that setting. Now, I see almost all people being treated with medicine, and very few are treated with therapy. The managed care entities contributed to that by not being willing to pay psychiatrists to do psychotherapy. The result is a lot of people are on medications that probably do not need them. Managed care views medication treatment as a procedure they can monitor and micromanage while therapy is seen as more expensive and therefore less desirable.

When I entered the real world, I was not prepared by my training to treat the many patients who needed medicine. Then, I found a form of therapy that actually reduced my need to use medications by nearly half, or more. Currently, I see people being severely over treated for conditions described as metabolic, or medical, that I routinely treat using brief psychotherapy interventions. In the thirty-eight years I have been in practice I have seen the pendulum swing from one extreme to another; I like neither.

I have elected to alter the format of this book, from the original, in a couple ways; I hope I have created a more readable edition. I have separated out the basic information I want everyone to know, from both the Exercises and Case Reports. It is my hope that the information would be more quickly accessible to the reader. Since it was published, people have commented to me about the book, and I was somewhat surprised at how often they commented positively about the exercises. I did not want to include them in this version, but I wanted the exercises to stand on their own merit. Therefore, I created an internet site (rapidreliefseries@cox.com) where those who are interested can get a copy of the workbook for a small fee.

Case reports, by virtue of the need to maintain patient confidentially, have to be disguised, or altered, in some way to keep real patients from being identifiable. This part has always made me somewhat uncomfortable, because it is not a reflection of total accuracy in reporting; yet any single report I have included has the ability to reflect the essence of what either Gary (co-author of original Rapid Relief from Emotional Distress), or I, may have seen in our offices on numerous occasions. I believe I am more uncomfortable with this form of writing than any of the readers, and for those who find a description of the working through process helpful, I have also grouped the case reports for easy reading; they will also be available on the internet.

HOW TO GET RAPID RELIEF

If you suffer from hurt, dissatisfaction, jealousy, frustration, resentment, helplessness, hopelessness demoralization, anger, guilt,* shame,* anxiety, depression* or are distressed over work, love, money, health, and a host of other problem, you are one of the walking wounded. You may be able to get up each day, eat breakfast, go to work, come home, eat dinner, and go to bed, but are you in pain? If you are, or someone you love is, in pain, to learn the necessary steps that get rid of all of these life issues keep reading. [*Check definition section.]

It is human nature to believe that you need conditions to change in order to get relief ("I need to have my job back; I need her to love me; I need to get myself to stop drinking"), but actually it’s your "need to change reality that causes your pain. Remove this need for self, situation [the condition one finds themselves in] or other [generally people in our lives that are important to us] to be different and you eliminate the pain.

How a person loves, works, and plays depends on whether they operate from a system focused on the need for self, situation or others to be different or from a system where one creates what they want by means of choice,* movement, or selection. Let go of the belief that you must change yourself, others, or the world, and you will eliminate much of your stress and distress. Once you decide to design your life by choice, you make a quantum leap into a richer, more satisfying life. This experience is available to you and those you care for when you incorporate the ideas that follow.

Rapid relief is possible! Psychological pain is optional!

Most people have major life problems: divorces, bankruptcies, deaths of loved ones, failed hopes and dreams. How quickly one switches out of their distress isn’t based on to the perceived magnitude of their life problem, but rather to how quickly they can get into a state of acceptance, and out of a state of need (remember when one needs conditions to change, one has fewer choices available to them). Getting out of need does not solve the life problem immediately, but it does stop the psychological pain related to the perception of need. This is a good deal because it frees your mind from negative emotions, thus, allowing you to be more rational about the situation and allowing you to find a solution.

Some people with major losses (e.g., the death of a spouse) can eliminate their distress relatively quickly; others with minor problems (a job they dislike) may take much longer. But no matter what the emotional distress, once we begin to create our lives by becoming aware and making choices, we get relief from the psychological pain.

When I served as a psychiatrist for the Air Force in Puerto Rico, I had a glimpse of the possibility of rapid relief for some conditions. In my psychiatric residency at Michael Reese Hospital in Chicago, I had treated patients for one, two, or three years. In the Air Force, however, there was a need to make rapid decisions about a person’s condition, and to provide a quick treatment for any problem that existed, so the service man could get back to work.

During this assignment I had a rapid recovery from an airman. For three consecutive nights he had been treated for panic attacks in the emergency room of the base hospital. On the fourth morning I received a call from the chief of the medical unit; they wanted me to work this airman into my schedule, because the nightly panic attacks were disrupting his work. I was booked solid that day, so could give him only a few minutes between appointments.

I skipped the formal psychiatric interview when he came in and simply asked what was bothering him. He said he felt extremely uncomfortable working indoors; I pulled out a prescription pad and wrote on it that he was to be given an outdoor job for the time being, and then I made an appointment to see him at the next available time.

When I did see him again, he was doing fine. After seeing the prescription, the airman’s commanding officer had given him a job outside for a few days. Later, the officer asked the airman to work inside again, where he was greatly needed. However, he gave him the option of returning outside, if he felt panicked again. The airman agreed and returned to his regular job where he was able to work without difficulty. Becoming aware of his choices (to work indoors or outdoors) enabled him to accept the situation and make a choice (to work indoors). He stopped trying to control his anxiety, which actually escalated it, and he made a different choice instead; his panic attacks stopped.

If I had used Ativan, or Xanax, I would have felt they were causing his rapid recovery. More accurately, what helped him was the same event that caused the issue in the first place: The cognitive bombshell of have to. Over time have to (when one tells self there are no options in the matter) has become more, and more, important to me as a cause of psychiatric disorders. Subconsciously, this, and other similar events, created for me a conceptual challenge as to what constitutes a "mental Illness," and how it should be approached therapeutically. Is this type of symptom deserving of a mental health diagnosis, or is it simply a normal product of a particular way of thinking? When the thinking is altered, it alters the symptom.

Rapid relief from emotional distress is possible, because both the distress and the relief come from the same source: you. Events, and people, don’t cause your psychological world* of experience, or feelings. If you let events, or other people, determine your psychological world, you will always be shoved around by those forces. To feel good, you will either have to struggle to change people, external and internal events, or be stuck waiting for them to change. You could be miserable for the rest of your life, because many events in your life can never be changed. Once you understand you have a choice to create and expand your own life, you’ll begin to feel relief. The only energy you need to expend is the energy to stay alert to the choices you have. No matter how bad you feel (psychologically) right now; you have the key to relief in your mind.

Seven steps to Immediate Relief:

1. Understand that you create your psychological pain.

2. Understand the difference between change and choice.

3. Use the ACT Formula

4. Be precise in your language.

5. Use critical opportunities to increase your skill at making choices.

6. Understand the difference between cause and effect* and sequential ordering of events.*

7. Be aware that physical and psychological worlds work with different principles, and that they have different languages associated with them.

KNOW THAT YOU CREATE YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL PAIN

This may cause some consternation, but please keep reading! Sometimes at this point people will want to debate with me about what is true. Is it true we create our own psychological pain? The truthful answer is, "I don’t know what is true-this is not a book about truth. What I do know for certain is that accepting the belief that we create our own thoughts, feelings and actions, makes a major difference in the bottom line (how we add up experiences in our life). It is similar to the debate about free will. No one can prove if there is free will. What we know is that the lives of people who believe in free will seem very different from those who do not believe in free will. A similar comment can be made about the belief in an afterlife, in God, etc. The difference in our beliefs appears sometimes to be culturally determined. In the United States we have a proverb: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. This reflects the point of view that words do not have power in them to cause injury. In India there is a proverb, The wounds from sticks and stones will heal, but those from words may never heal." This reflects the point of view that it is words that have the most power to harm a person. Look closely at the countries that have this philosophy, and then look at how many years they have been at war with their neighbors. Listen to the commentaries on what the disagreements are between them, and see if you can pick up the form of the proverb they are practicing. It is the same in individual people.

The first step toward rapid relief is to realize what you are doing to create your pain. Part of our emotional pain is a product of a blame* way of thinking. We often experience this in the form of an idea that "Others (or events) need to change, because they are responsible* for our thoughts, feelings, and actions, and that I need to be on a constant lookout, because I am responsible for others’ thoughts, feelings, and actions."

When you are caught up in this belief system (a blame system*), you will experience one, or more, of the following inevitable & unpleasant emotional reactions (these are 12 common products off a list that might run to 75-100 items):

1. Hurt—"Why did they have to say that to me?"

2. Dissatisfaction—"Life is not worth living when you feel like I do!"

3. Disapproval—"You could have done better, if you had only tried."

4. Jealousy—"You were so busy thinking about them, you forgot my wishes."

5. Waiting –"They have to change, before I can feel better."

6. Frustration—"Why don’t they change?"

7. Helplessness—"I can’t change my feelings."

8. Hopelessness—"You can’t help me do better."

9. Resentment—"I hate them for making me feel this way."

10. Sense of Failure—"I try, but I can’t make it different."

11. Demoralization—"No one seems able to help me."

12. Depression—"I should be able to make them change; I can’t change them, so I’m a loser." (Ranges from helpless to rage)

13. Superficial Communication—"I can’t say what I want; because, if I do, I’ll hurt someone’s feelings."

14. Intimacy issues—"I try to be independent and avoid everyone, but then I feel cut off, vulnerable, and lonely." (Getting close makes me vulnerable; it is best that I stay away.)

15. Failure to develop a good sense of self—"Because I let outside events and people determine my life, I don’t know who, or what, I am. I am not in touch with my self, or my own needs."

The products of this belief system are listed somewhat in progression from the least to the most troublesome. People often follow them in the order listed. One can start with simple waiting and hurt ("My husband shouldn’t have done that) and can fall all the way into a clinical depression (Nobody loves me; my life is one failure after another"). But you can quickly eliminate these emotional reactions once you get out of the blame system of thinking. Stop your efforts to change, and, instead, start to make choices that will get you what you want.

KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CHANGE AND CHOICE

In the choice system you understand: "I’m responsible for my thoughts, feelings, and actions; others are responsible for their thoughts, feelings, and actions."

By response-ability, I mean our ability to create and manage our own thoughts, feelings, and actions. In the choice system, you maintain accountable for all of your thoughts, feelings and actions, because you recognize that you create them, either directly, or indirectly. When you stay accountable and understand response-ability in your life, you become the primary creative force in your life. Because your choices create your experiences, you can create a huge variety of experiences by making new choices. {Because the physical world* is the world we initially learn from, and it is a change world, we generally do not appreciate that the psychological world is better understood, not as a change world, but as a creation world. Today, through the choices we are making, we create the experience we will have tomorrow, and the tomorrows after that.}

Choice is not another name for change. Change is a concept best applied to the physical world; it may be very difficult to accomplish. It typically takes time ("I can’t change overnight), energy (I am just too tired), and special knowledge (Someone will have to teach me how to do this). Once the task of change is accomplished, the results are totally different from the original. The new product is expected to remain permanent and stable (Once I change, I will live happily all the rest of my life). Because change takes so much time and energy, there is a natural tendency to resist it at the psychological level (It’s hopeless, I’ll never change").

Choice, on the other hand, is simple. The only energy you need to spend is the amount required