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Parenting: a Child's Perspective
Parenting: a Child's Perspective
Parenting: a Child's Perspective
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Parenting: a Child's Perspective

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"Parenting: A Child's Perspective" is neither biographical nor auto-biographical, but includes selected snap-shots form the lives of hundreds of parents and children. The author of the book spent many years observing and listening to parents and children in a wide variety of situations, and has done an excellent job of recounting these experiences without being judgmental. These experiences are not just presented, the author sought to interpret these experiences form the child's point of view, and in a most empathetic way, advises parents on how they could respond in similar situations. As one reads, one gets the feeling that one is in a counseling session with an astute professional. The interesting thing, however, is that the book is not burdened by the professional jargon that can be inhibiting to most readers. The particular technique used by the author is quite difficulty. He sought to write the book from a child's perspective and to do so without gender bias. The reader will be impressed by the fact that the author has succeeded on both counts. As you read the book you get the feeling that the author was in your home eavesdropping on your family, because the situations are so real. If you are curious about how your child might view you, the book gives insights; wanting to know how to deal with difficult issues such as sex and sibling conflicts? This book gives you an unbiased and child-centered approach. Each chapter of the book takes a major issue during the first five years of the child's life, and dissects it in a way that provides new insights to parents at every stage of the parenting process.

LanguageEnglish
Release dateOct 24, 2007
ISBN9781466957190
Parenting: a Child's Perspective
Author

Jaslin U. Salmon

Dr. Jaslin Salmon is a Professor of Sociology who is also trained in Counseling and Psychotherapy. He is the son of Mrs. Jane Salmon and the late Leaford Salmon of Holly Hill in Westmoreland, Jamaica. After graduating from high school, the author worked with local government in Jamaica, after which he migrated to the United States of America to further his education. He attended Marion College in Marion, Indiana and obtained a B. A. in Sociology form Olivet Nazarene College, now Olivet Nazarene University. After completing his undergraduate studies, he worked as a Psychiatric Social Worker with the State of Illinois. In 1969 he was admitted to Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana, where he completed an M. A. Degree, with a major in Sociology and a minor in Counseling and Psychotherapy. In 1970, he accepted an appointment as Assistant Professor of Sociology at George Williams College in Downers Grove, Illinois, and in 1972 was admitted to the Ph. D. program at the University of Illinois (Chicago). He was awarded the Ph. D. in Sociology in 1977. In 1976 he was appointed professor of Sociology at Triton College in River Grove, Illinois where he taught for 21 years. During his tenure at Triton, he founded and directed Illinois' first Center for Parenting, and produced and hosted a cable television program on parenting. In 1997 Dr. Salmon took early retirement and returned to his native Jamaica to serve as an Advisor in the Office of the Prime and National Coordinator of the country's Poverty Eradication Program. He held this position for eight years. He is currently the Founder, and President/ CEO of the International Institute for Social, Political and Economic Change (IISPEC) a think tank. He is the author of two previous books, numerous scholarly articles and hundreds of action-oriented articles. He has lectured, and written extensively on family issues, and is the father of two daughters.

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    Book preview

    Parenting - Jaslin U. Salmon

    PARENTING:

    A CHILD’S PERSPECTIVE

    Order this book online at www.trafford.com/07-1449or email orders@trafford.com

    Most Trafford titles are also available at major online book retailers.

    © Copyright 2007 Jaslin Salmon.

    All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

    Note for Librarians: A cataloguing record for this book is available from Library and Archives Canada at www.collectionscanada.ca/amicus/index-e.html

    Cover design and artwork by Jennifer Salmon

    ISBN: 978-1-4251-3567-6

    ISBN: 978-1-4669-5719-0 (ebook)

    We at Trafford believe that it is the responsibility of us all, as both individuals and corporations, to make choices that are environmentally and socially sound. You, in turn, are supporting this responsible conduct each time you purchase a Trafford book, or make use of our publishing services. To find out how you are helping, please visit www.trafford.com/responsiblepublishing.html

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    10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2

    Contents

    Foreword

    Preface

    Introduction

    PART ONE

    1

    Here I am

    2

    Parents Are …

    3

    My Mother Goes for a Walk

    4

    Taken For a Ride

    5

    The Phone Rings Again; And Me? Forgotten!

    6

    Dinner Is Ready

    PART TWO

    7

    My Sister Goes to the Doctor

    8

    Both My Parents Work

    9

    Wow! My Mom’s Bleeding

    10

    Let’s Go Shopping

    11

    Dad’s Not Lorna’s Real Father

    PART THREE

    12

    Getting Dressed

    13

    My Pet Died

    14

    Dad Goes to the Hospital

    15

    My Mom is Ill

    16

    My Friend’s Parents

    Don’t Live Together

    PART FOUR

    17

    My Parents

    Had a Big Fight

    18

    It’s School Time

    19

    Children Make

    Mistakes Too

    20

    Playing and Sharing

    21

    Are Rules For Kids Only?

    PART FIVE

    22

    My Sister Lorna

    23

    I Swear!

    24

    A Ride in the Elevator

    25

    What’s the Truth?

    26

    And What Do

    I Think of it All?

    I wish to take this opportunity to thank all those who unknowingly served as the source and inspiration for this book. I dedicate this book to my late father, Leaford Salmon; my beloved mother, Jane Salmon; my wife, Anita Hawkins-Salmon; and last but by no means least, my two lovely daughters, Janet and Jennifer.

    My parent’s unwavering confidence in me has always been a major source of my own self-confidence, and for this I am eternally grateful. My wife’s encouragement and moral support inspired me to get the book ready for publication. I am sure that as they read, Janet and Jennifer will recognize episodes that we either experienced or discussed together. They are my primary motivation for writing this book, because I learned so much about good parenting from my experiences with them. Thanks ladies for being such wonderful daughters.

    Foreword

    The key to the parenting expertise of our father, Jaslin U. Salmon, does not solely lie in his more than thirty years as a Sociologist and Psychologist. It is also rooted in his ability and willingness to observe and learn directly from children through their own words and interactions with their parents and other adults.

    We did not know it as children, but fortunately for us, we directly benefited from his observations, as they have led to his unique understanding of how children behave in and perceive various situations.

    As we read the manuscript, each scenario triggered a flood of memories of our childhood. When discussing the book, we reminisced about our lives growing up in the Salmon household, and how our individual needs were consistently met. Moreover, we found ourselves in awe of our father’s parenting skill as we reflected on the good times that his nurturing fostered, as well as those times that tested the relationship between a parent and a child.

    For example, there were times during our childhood when one of us would decide to stop talking to him because he reprimanded us for misbehaving. Fortunately for us, our father fully understood the dynamics behind our actions and realized that our standoff would not end without his intervention. Eventually, he would approach us and say, you’ve backed yourself into a corner, now let me help you out. Although we would never let on, that one simple statement lifted the weight of the world from our shoulders by allowing us to resume our normal interactions with him without feeling compromised or embarrassed by our actions.

    In everything he did, and continues to do now as he interacts with us as adults, respect and compassion form the basis for his actions. When he helped us to end our standoff, he did it out of compassion. He took the time to consider what it must be like for us to be so upset with him, as our father—the very person who we needed and relied on so heavily. In that moment, while he may not have agreed with our behavior, he respected our right to feel angry and was compassionate enough to help us resolve the conflict. This example of his attitude and parenting style reflects his belief that being of a certain age should not be a prerequisite for being seen as an individual whose thoughts, opinions and perceptions have value. This book was born out of Jaslin Salmon’s genuine respect and admiration for children and the parent/child relationship. His approach to parenting requires that parents learn to view children as individuals who are worthy of the respect and appreciation that they are required to give to adults.

    Over the years he has recognized a need to open the communication gates between parents and children. More pointedly, he saw the need for parents to better understand their child’s thoughts, fears, desires and needs from the child’s perspective, in order to be more effective and compassionate parents.

    Parenting-A Child’s Perspective presents a series of daily interactions between child and parent, from the viewpoint of a child, that will cause everyone to consider their own interactions with any child. The author has been content to let the child tell the story through example, without the weighty explanation and advice of a trained psychologist.

    Written by a staunch advocate for children and better parent/child relationships, this book is captivating, thought-provoking, informative and entertaining. It is our hope that many will read this fascinating narrative about the journey of parenting, depicted by a child. This is an important book for all parents, potential parents and those who work with children. There is a wealth of knowledge to be gained from children and this book is a pot of gold.

    Janet and Jennifer Salmon

    Daughters of the Author

    2007

    Preface

    Over a period of years, this author has assumed the fascinating task of observing and cataloging the dynamics of parent-child relationships. These observations have been made in a variety of situations including shopping centers, grocery stores, parks, school events, doctors’ offices, private homes, telephone conversations and other public situations.

    As one who is trained in both sociology and psychology, I have been able to analyze the interactions between parents and children from two different perspectives.

    As I observed parents and their children in various situations, I became convinced that there is a need to present a view of parenting from the child’s vantage point. Since the child is not equipped to present his or her perspective in a form that most adults will appreciate, it seems reasonable for me to attempt the task at hand. The aim of this book is to capture the perspective of a child and present it in as vivid a manner as possible. In order to do this, I have drawn on the knowledge and experiences of countless children I have observed, as well as my own. Essentially, the book is being written from the perspective of a child, as I perceive it.

    My interest in producing this work generates from the fact that I have both a personal and professional interest in parenting and child development. Over the past several years, I have devoted much time to observing the interaction between parents and children, as well as analyzing my own interaction with my children, and I have come to the conclusion that children are frequently misunderstood by parents, because parents seem to operate on the unspoken premise that the way they see things, is the way children do or should see them.

    I am convinced that most parents are well intentioned in their dealings with their children, but I am equally convinced that an alarming number of parents unwittingly do and say things to their children that produce results that they did not intend. Even more frightening is the fact that parents often verbally convey one thing to their children while their actions convey the opposite. The net result is that the ability of children to develop the most desirable interpersonal skills, and adequate self-concept and confidence, as well as the skills it takes to cope in the society, is seriously impaired.

    There is a gross, debilitating and inexcusable display of disrespect for the rights and dignity of children, and it is hoped that this book will serve as a reflector so that as parents we will get a glimpse of and take time out to become more conscious of how we deal with the men and women of tomorrow—our children.

    The book is neither biographical nor autobiographical; rather it is intended to reflect some of the realities of most child-parent relationships. It is a book on the social psychology of the parent-child relationship written in the language of the layperson and, therefore devoid of the professional jargon of the social scientist.

    Introduction

    Life’s Like That

    We live in a very strange world, one in which we adore children, but at the same time we treat them like something less than people. In this society, the rights of children are most often not upheld; children are insulted with impunity, berated, beaten, ordered, misused and abused for the principal reason that they are minors and as such are obliged to endure all that is heaped upon them by adults.

    It appears as if although we all pass through childhood, something magical happens when we become adults, resulting in a kind of selective amnesia in which we seem to forget what it was like to be a child. More appropriately, it might be said that we tend to embellish and exaggerate the aspects of our childhood that we view positively and suffer semipermanent amnesia when it comes to those aspects that we view negatively.

    It is most bewildering to listen to my students who are still in their teens talking about how terrible kids are today, completely forgetting that only a few years prior, that is exactly how they were viewed by adults.

    Something seems to happen in the transition from childhood to adulthood, we learn how to perfect the art of glamorizing or downplaying the past, to satisfy our needs at a particular moment. It is apparent that in the course of time we succeed in either forgetting, or deluding ourselves, about the true nature of past realities. It is the view of this author that raising a child is more important than anything else that one might do. Admittedly, the status of the task is not as exalted as many jobs, but one must not automatically equate high or low status with importance or lack of it.

    In an age when more and more conflicting demands are being placed on parents, it is crucial that parents develop a clear and realistic perspective of their role as parents. It is vital that parents become aware of the discrepancy between this society’s view of children and how we actually treat them.

    I am impressed by the readiness of parents to accept responsibility when their child turns out well; they do not have to search for explanations; they know without the shadow of a doubt that the good qualities in their child are the result of their efforts as parents. However, I am equally impressed by the reaction of parents when their child does not turn out well, they express alarm, pointing to all the good things they did, and embark on a lifelong search for explanations.

    It must be emphasized that our children are largely products of our handy-work, therefore, we bear much of the responsibility for what they become. Clearly, they are influenced by other forces but as parents we are the single most important factor in their lives, at least in the early years (ages 1-6).

    If a parent wants to increase the chances that the child will turn out well that parent must begin to develop appropriate attitudes long before taking on the role of parent. This is not to suggest that all is lost if one begins at a later date; at whatever point a parent begins to develop appropriate attitudes, it is important that he or she begins by asking the question what kind of child do I want to raise? The question refers to social and psychological characteristics, but it must be recognized that these factors will affect other areas of life. The best way to answer the question is to write out a list of the characteristics you want to see in your child. Take all the time necessary to think about them, and discuss them with friends or

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