Mother Tongue: A Broken Hungarian Love Song
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About this ebook
Peter Hargitai
Dianne Marlene Kress and Peter Hargitai teamed up 48 years ago as high schoold sweethearts in Ohio. She taugh the Hungarian refugee how to speak English so well that he eventually landed a job at the university level teaching English. Retiring after forty years as an academic who even taught Hungarian literature in translation (his own), he plans to spend more time teaming up with his wife as writers in Gulfport, Florida. www.approaching-my-literature.com
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Mother Tongue - Peter Hargitai
The First Litter of the Stalinist Era
I was born in Burok, not a city so much as a word
That in Hungarian means ‘sack’—a membrane
That even then protected us from each other, though
I found out a few years later that it couldn’t save
The litter, four kittens with their eyes glued shut, Tied into a flour sack and hurled against the wall By my father, an unemployed judge, who had Sentenced them to death by blunt trauma.
And they died many deaths sprinkled with the flour
Of our daily bread, and they died not knowing they Lived in Burok, not a real city but a dark world that Hurled them into the People’s Republic of Hungary.
Seeds
I’m sorry God didn’t give
You a daughter—or a son
More like your brother.
My blood is much thinner.
I have not enough reverence For the texture of brown earth, Not the right kind of love
For its deep darkness. My hands Give me away without calluses. Only thoughts in my head:
One is a pied brooder, black and white.
It shivers a moment and gives off a smell. I look down the throat of the furnace,
A few charred pieces of paper or feathers, Something dry floats out of its mouth.
It is August. I want to play soccer, I want to run.
Your house smells of poppy seeds and lentils.
I saw a tail of a mouse squirm right in. I think There are more of them. I am not happy diving Into a heap of seeds headlong like into water Like you thought I would.
What if there’s something hidden? What if I dive in, lose my breath,
And never come back? If I should sink Into that awful sea of seeds piled high To the ceiling, you would never know
How I gave my life. The roof is a sieve.
I breathe seeds. More of them than
Even air. Seeds upon seeds
Upon seeds pour from the apron of the sky.
A Brother to Emulate
Your first born was perfect. A beautiful
Child who never winced, never made faces,
Never squinted stupidly, who played the harmonica, Yes, he could carry a melody. At two he’d sing
He was Miklós Horthy’s brave little soldier, Spur his white steed, fly past seven seas
And never get older. And six months later
He knew how to die, how to drink lye
So he could die beautifully over and over.
Balástya Station, 1953
Mother and brother
Squeeze together
In a black locomotive.
They wave, the train pulls out. I huff alongside the tracks, Give it all I have, all throat,
All lung, all burning to live.
Let their tiny window
Fog up with their breathing. Let the wind blow
Against my flushed skin, Let my longing hug
My vast expanse
Of empty air.
What have I to fear?
I own the big