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    Out Of This World
    Out Of This World
    Out Of This World
    Ebook56 pages46 minutes

    Out Of This World

    By Pam Crane

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    About this ebook

    'Out Of This World' is a collection of eight new comic fantasies by short story author Pam Crane, taking you to some very unexpected places!
    Three - 'Binky', 'Settled Affairs' and 'Iron' - all take place on Terry Pratchett's Discworld with brand new characters in familiar settings. 'The Real Princess' is a favourite fairy-tale reinvented, and 'Final Warning' goes back to the Ark with some serious questions! 'The Story Of Cats' was written as a tale for children, explaining why there are both large and small cats in our world. 'The Ghost In the Machine' brings romance and tragedy to one girl and her laptop, and 'The Medical' is a young man's nightmare encounter with a very disconcerting doctor.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPam Crane
    Release dateApr 28, 2017
    ISBN9781370290710
    Out Of This World
    Author

    Pam Crane

    Pam Crane has been a poet since she was seven years old; it was only when she joined her local Writers' Club that she found she could also write short stories. She has also been a Christian astrologer for most of her life, is well known in that community, and is the author of two books plus many articles in the Astrological Association Journal (for which she compiles the regular Cryptic Crossword.) You can find her website at http://revpamcrane.weebly.com.

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      Book preview

      Out Of This World - Pam Crane

      OUT OF THIS WORLD

      Eight Comic Fantasies

      by Pam Crane

      Published by Shoestring at Smashwords

      Copyright 2017 Pam Crane

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes:

      Thank you for downloading this free ebook.

      Although it is a free book, it remains the copyrighted property of the author, and therefore may not be reproduced, copied and distributed for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy at Smashwords.com, where they can also discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.

      CONTENTS

      Final Warning

      Binky

      The Story of Cats

      Settled Affairs

      The Real Princess

      The Ghost in the Machine

      The Medical

      Iron

      FINAL WARNING!

      Noah.

      Noah stirred, snorted, rolled over and continued to snore gently into his palliasse.

      Noah!

      A wick of straw poked into Noah’s nose and he opened his eyes, grumbling.

      Noah!!

      What? ... who ...?

      NOAH!

      Who’s that? Is it breakfast time? Where are you?

      Noah - didn’t you get my email???

      I beg your pardon? What’s an ‘eemale’? It’s pitch dark. I can’t see you.

      Oh dammit - emails are 20th century - sorry. Should have remembered. Noah, I did send you several warnings. Have you taken any action yet?

      Action? Warnings?

      Dreams. I sent you Dreams.

      Who ARE you? What dreams?

      Oh you exasperating man. I knew your Dad Lamech shouldn’t have given you a name that means ‘rest’. You seem to do little else. Noah, your God is speaking to you!

      Aaahh! Noah cowered against the mud-brick wall behind his rustling bed and tried to marshal his thoughts. Dreams. He had been having intermittent nightmares involving a lot of water and people drowning ...

      God ... er ... good gracious ... I am unworthy ... do you mean all those wet dreams?

      "I shall pretend you didn’t say that. I am referring to the Warnings. The Warnings of the Mighty Flood. Mankind - and womankind for that matter - has turned out to be a profound disappointment, and I am now offering an Ultimatum, a Final Warning. Unless the whole world repents of its wickedness in, say, 100 years time, I shall unloose all the waters of Heaven upon the earth and drown every living thing.

      You are supposed to be telling everyone (oh why is it taking them so long to invent Twitter?) so that the world can be spared. Didn’t you get My Plans?"

      No plans. Just very wet. Until I woke up in a dry house with the usual noisy family.

      Ah. So you don’t know about the boat.

      No.

      You are to build a boat, which History will remember as the ‘Ark’ despite its size. Make thee an ark of gopher wood; rooms shalt thou make in the ark, and shalt pitch it within and without with pitch. And this is the fashion which thou shalt make it of: The length of the ark shall be three hundred cubits, the breadth of it fifty cubits, and the height of it thirty cubits. A window shalt thou make to the ark, and in a cubit shalt thou finish it above; and the door of the ark shalt thou set in the side thereof; with lower, second, and third stories shalt thou make it.

      Why are You talking like that?

      "Oh sorry - I’ve time-shifted again. I really must try not to do it. It confuses me as well as you. Basically you need something exceptionally large which will float, endure storms, and carry everything you and your expanding family need to survive for a year and ten days. Forty days of which will be a non-stop monsoon. It will be about 450 feet long, 75

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