My Secret Fear: Delivered From Torment

My Secret Fear

Delivered From Torment

Copyright 2016 Lynn Touchette

Published by Lynn Touchette at Smashwords

Cover Design by Melanie Smith

Unless indicated, quoted Scripture is taken from

the New King James Version and The Amplified Bible.

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only and may not be re-sold or given away. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your enjoyment only, then please return to Smashwords.com or your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

I dedicate this book to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who miraculously saved me and delivered me from fear and to His Holy Spirit who inspired and helped me write this book.

I also dedicate this book to my best friend, the love of my life and husband Mike, who supports me through every endeavor in life.

I dedicate this work to my children, Jennifer, Christina, Jeff, Aaron, Allen and Johanna and to my grandchildren and future great-grandchildren who I love with every fiber of my being.

Lastly, I dedicate this book to my mother, Lois Hopper, who raised me up in the ways of the Lord and has always been the example of a godly woman in my life.

Acknowledgments

Special thanks goes to:

Marquetta Killgore for inspiring me to write the book, for taking the time to read and respond to each chapter and for leading me to Sharon.

Sharon Threatt for believing in me and publishing this book.

Mike Touchette for supporting me, keeping the book a secret until it was published and helping me with the title for this book.

Ed Bolt, photographer and owner of Main Street Photo Studio & Gallery in Shawnee, Oklahoma for taking my bio picture.

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1 —The Tormenting Years

Chapter 2 —Walking in Fear

Chapter 3 —Deliverance

Chapter 4 —Freedom from the Past

Chapter 5 —The Word of God

Chapter 6 —The Veil was Lifted

Chapter 7 —Show Me Your Love

Chapter 8 —The Holy Spirit in Me

Chapter 9 —Blood of Jesus

Chapter 10 —It is Finished

Chapter 11 —Having Done All, Stand

Chapter 12 —Covenant Prayer

Chapter 13 —Favor and Blessings

Chapter 14 —Praise

Chapter 15 —Open Doors

Closing Remarks

About Author

Connect with Author

Introduction

It was my nightly routine. Once the lights were turned off and my older sister who shared my room fell asleep, the sound of deep breathing began. It wasn’t my sister’s breathing; I could hear her soft breath. It wasn’t the sound of my breath as I held my breath in order to identify the haunting sound. There was no doubt in my mind that a third person or thing was in our room, breathing. I was nine years old.

Fifteen years ago, the Lord spoke to my spirit and told me to write a book. When He first spoke to me, I was teaching in the public school system and I didn’t know if the Lord wanted me to write a book on educating children or to write a Christian book. I told the Lord that I would write the book, but I needed Him to show me what to write about. I knew when the time was right, He would reveal the subject to me.

A few years later, one of my pastors confirmed to me that the Lord wanted me to write a book. Again, I asked the Lord to reveal the subject to me. I did not have peace about which subject, so I continued to wait on the Lord. While I was serving as an elder at Evangelistic Center Church in Shawnee, Oklahoma, a prophetess told me what the Lord had revealed to her. She said:

You are the heart of the church and you do it with grace. You are the administrator for the body of Christ. I see a turtle with five eggs, and swings and a playground with children playing on it. The Lord is using you to birth the next generation. The five eggs represent the five-fold ministry which you will minister to the body and especially to women.

What a powerful word to receive from the Lord. Not long after that a door opened up for me to minister to women at a large prison in Oklahoma. While I was serving as an elder, I also taught the Word on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights and an extensive course on foundational studies of the Bible. A lady, Marquetta—who became a dear friend—attended my class regularly and commented that I needed to write a book on foundational studies through grace as she had gained so much knowledge from the Word taught in the class. Not long after her statement, I again heard in my spirit that I was to write a book.

I considered the subject of foundational studies, but the Lord told me to write about what I knew. Over the years, I have taught on many subjects from the Word of God, but the one subject that was dear to my heart was the authority of the believer over the power of the enemy. I knew with confidence that the Lord wanted me to write on the subject of being delivered from fear by using His authority. After living with and in fear for over eighteen years and being delivered by clearly hearing the voice of God, I knew this was the subject that I was most familiar with. I remembered the words of the prophetess who told me that the Lord would use me to birth the next generation.

It is my desire that the next generation and every child of God know their rights and the authority they have once they receive Christ as their personal savior. My purpose in sharing my experiences is that through the truth of knowing the Word every person in bondage will be set free. With all my heart, I want my brothers and sisters in Christ to overcome every bondage and to be free from all fear and entrapments of the enemy. I pray that while you read this book, you will act on the Word and walk free from the power of the enemy over your life and know without a doubt the abilities you have as a child of God. With the truth of God’s Word available to us, there is no reason for anyone to be in bondage to the enemy’s lies and deception for even another day, much less for eighteen years as I was.

I also desire that all come to the knowledge of who they are in Christ and know what His sacrifice of love has provided for all who will receive Him. I pray that as you read the chapters of this book our glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ will give you spiritual wisdom and insight so that you will grow in the knowledge of our God. I pray that the eyes of your understanding are enlightened, that you will know what is the hope of His calling and what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints.

Index

Chapter One

The Tormenting Years

I am one of five children. My mother was one of eleven children and my father had seven brothers and one sister. Growing up, I was always surrounded by caring people as my many relatives were a large part of my family. I had a loving father and still am blessed to have a godly, loving mother. I didn’t experience any abuse growing up. My childhood was a happy one. I went to school, played with my siblings and attended church twice a week with my family. I had many friends in school, was involved in school activities and tended to be an overachiever. I loved school and took pride in receiving honors and awards every year.

I had a loving, trusting relationship with my parents, siblings and my extended family. I loved life and the family that God had blessed me with. My father worked five days a week and we were fortunate my mother was able to stay home and take care of the house and her children. My days were happy and my nights were peaceful until the summer day that I overheard a conversation between my mother and a neighbor lady who regularly visited our home.

The neighbor lady—I will call her Joan—had four children and she often brought them to our house so she could visit with my mother while her children played with us. They only lived a few houses away from ours, so we saw them several times a week. One day while Joan was visiting, I ran into the house to use the restroom. I was in a hurry to go back out and play so I left the door open. My mother and Joan were in the living room just a short hallway from the restroom, so I could hear their conversation.

I overheard Joan tell my mother, in great detail, that she saw Satan continually. I heard her describe his eyes and jagged teeth. She said that he had an evil grin on his face and glared at her. Joan told my mother that she woke up at night and saw him standing at the foot of her bed glaring at her. When she washed her dishes, he would appear at her kitchen window and glare at her. She saw him walk in her hallway and lurk behind doors in her house. Joan, in tears, told my mother that she did not know how to get rid of him. She said she pleaded the blood of Jesus but nothing happened. He continued to appear to her, follow her around and torment her.

There is limitless power in the name of Jesus and His blood has set us free from the bondage of sin. To use our spiritual authority over the power of any enemy, we, as believers, must know who we are in Christ and the authority we possess as a Christian. God, through Jesus Christ’s finished work on the cross, has given us all power and authority over Satan and all demons. Satan has blinded the minds of believers and crippled the church from operating in their God-given authority over him. The only power he has over us is deception and what he can convince us to believe. Without the knowledge of God’s word and our authority through Christ, our attempts of pleading the blood of Jesus will often be fruitless, just like in Joan’s situation.

We must know that the blood of Jesus was shed for us once. Christ will not come down to earth and shed it again. It is by His shed blood on the cross that we have been united with Him. His shed blood not only paid for our sins but it brings us near to Him in fellowship. As joint-heirs with Christ, we can now boldly enter heaven’s Most Holy Place because Jesus shed His blood for us. His blood cleanses us. It has made us holy and righteous. His blood is not to be pleaded in a faithless act of desperation, rather to be received as an act of His grace and love and used as a powerful tool against the enemy.

In Acts 19, seven sons of Sceva (a Jewish chief priest) tried to exorcise evils spirits out of people who were possessed by them. The seven sons were not believers of Jesus Christ and had no authority over the evil spirits. The evil spirits in one man attacked them, overpowered and left them wounded, naked and running. Read the passage in Acts 19:11–16 in detail.

Now God worked unusual miracles by the hands of Paul, so that even handkerchiefs or aprons were brought from his body to the sick, and the diseases left them and the evil spirits went out of them. Then some of the itinerant Jewish exorcists took it upon themselves to call the name of the Lord Jesus over those who had evil spirits, saying, We exorcise you by the Jesus whom Paul preaches. Also there were seven sons of Sceva, a Jewish chief priest, who did so. And the evil spirit answered and said, Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are you? Then the man whom the evil spirit was in leaped on them, overpowered them, and prevailed against them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded.

The difference between Joan and the seven sons of Sceva was that Joan was a believer in Jesus Christ. As a Christian, she had the authority to resist Satan and command him to flee. However, she was ineffective when she attempted to plead the blood of Jesus as some religious ritual. The problem was that she did not know or believe she had authority over the enemy. She believed Satan’s lie that he had power over her.

Satan repeatedly attacks Christians by trying to rob them of their identity, who they are in Christ and to blind their minds from knowing the authority they have as believers. God said in Hosea 4:6 that His people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Satan used Joan’s lack of knowledge of her ability to command him to leave in Jesus’ name to keep her in bondage and torment her continually.

Luke 10:19 assures believers that we have authority to trample on serpents and scorpions and have all power over all the power of the enemy. This verse also promises us, as believers, that nothing shall by any means hurt us. Unfortunately, Joan did not have this knowledge, nor did she know how to exercise her authority as a daughter of the Most-High God.

I cannot remember what my mother told Joan. I do remember she prayed with her. The outstanding memory in my mind was the vivid description Joan gave of Satan and how he would not leave her alone. That day, the seed of fear was planted into my mind. It took deep root, and from that day forward I lived in fear of seeing Satan or any demonic spirit.

That summer was the beginning of many sleepless nights. My Sunday school teacher told me to plead the blood of Jesus if I was afraid. I remembered how Joan said she pled the blood of Jesus when she saw Satan, yet he still appeared to her. At nine, I had no knowledge of the authority of the believer. I did not have the understanding that the blood of Jesus brought me into fellowship with Him and gave me His ability over the enemy. The church I attended did not teach on the authority of the believer. I don’t know if they had knowledge of the believer’s authority through the finished works of Jesus Christ, I just know I was never taught this truth.

We were never instructed to read the Word of God. I listened to the messages on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights and forgot much of what was taught. I clearly remember that our pastor spent more time preaching about going to hell and Satan coming after you than the good news of the Gospel, the grace of our Savior Jesus Christ and His empowerment to believers. The last thing I needed to hear was that Satan was after me. There were no children’s churches available when I was a child, so I did not have the necessary biblical foundation I so desperately needed to be an overcomer in Christ. My Sunday School teacher gave me small rewards for memorizing our weekly memory verse. However, I was never instructed to memorize the promises from God’s Word that would cause me to be victorious over the attacks of the enemy.

My mother thought I was getting all the spiritual help that I needed. After all, she took me to church twice a week and sometimes more if the church was holding a revival. The sad thing was that I so needed to be revived. I desperately needed help and did not know how to get it. I was too afraid to speak of the fear that nightly tormented me to anyone. So for more than eighteen years I was held captive in bondage, and the answer to my deliverance was always available. It was in the Word of God.

It is shameful that I faithfully attended church during those eighteen years yet was never taught the authority of the believer. I did not know Hosea 4:6. No one taught me that God’s people perish for a lack of knowledge. The only knowledge I had was my sense knowledge, what my mind was telling me. As a child, I didn’t know if the breathing was from a demon or not. But in my mind it was. In my mind it was ever present and ever tormenting. It was a fear that came against me night after night, year after year after year.

Every night, when I shut my eyes, the vision of Joan’s demon entered my mind. I lay trembling in bed too afraid to open my eyes and too afraid to shut them. I can still remember how warm and salty the silent tears were as they fell from my eyes. I just said the name of Jesus over and over again until I finally crashed and fell asleep. Sadly, my mother never knew I had overheard their conversation. I was too terrified to tell her what I heard. Remember, the fear was so deep that I could not even say the name of Satan much less talk about him to anyone. A mental picture of Joan’s demon entered my mind any time that I said his name.

The seed of fear continued to grow in me after we visited my aunt in California the following summer. She told my mother that demons were in her house and followed her around. To my horror, she described the demons that she saw. I allowed her description of the demons she saw along with Joan’s description of Satan to create an even stronger stronghold of fear over my mind. I can recall that day so vividly. The fear was so strong that I stood there trembling inside and out while listening to her stories. If only I had known that Satan is a liar and the father of all lies. No truth can come from him. He can only plant seeds of deception and lies in our minds.

I know now that what we allow our minds to focus on will manifest in us spiritually, physically or both. This is why it is so important to renew our minds daily on the Word of God. When we focus our minds on Christ and His word instead of the problems we face, strongholds are broken. We create strongholds—both good and evil—by what we give strength to, by what we conceive and receive in our minds and on what we meditate. Satan’s greatest battlefield is our minds. This is where he plants seeds of doubt, fear and unbelief. We must cast down every vain imagination, every argument and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God and His Word, 2 Corinthians 10:5. Don’t entertain anything that robs you of what the Word says we have or who we are. Bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ and His promises.

We, as Christians know the Word and have memorized it, but until we put it into practice and act on it, we limit the power of God manifested in our lives. John 1:1 tells us that God and His Word are one. This verse states that In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. To live and operate in the supernatural realm that God has created for us, a transformation must take place. We must transform or change our thinking to line up with the Word of God. By doing so, we will reach the place where we act on the Word naturally and allow it to control our thoughts. This transformation can only take place by daily renewing our minds to God’s Word.

When we speak the Word, we are speaking as if God were speaking. When we declare the Word over a situation, attack or a problem that we are facing, we are declaring God over the area of attack. It is the same as God being there. He is ever present with believers. The Word assures us that He will never leave us or forsake us. Isaiah 55:11 tells us that God’s word goes forth from His mouth and will not return to Him void, but it shall accomplish what He pleases, and it shall prosper in the thing for which He sends it. Job 22:28 promises us that if we will also declare a thing, it will be established for us; so God’s light will shine on our ways. God cannot establish for us what we will not believe and speak out of our mouths. We send the Word by acting on it or declaring it out loud, with authority and faith, over every attack of the enemy.

It is important to immediately take authority over the fiery darts of the enemy that enter our minds. We cannot give them place or allow them to take root in our minds. Once an evil stronghold takes place in our minds, it binds us spiritually and physically. Our minds receive information from our five senses. The seed of fear was planted in me by what I overheard. I thought about the images every night, and by doing so I gave full authority to the spirit of fear that tormented me. If we allow our senses to rule our flesh, we will be held in bondage.

In the same respect, when we renew our minds with the Word of God and act on it, our spirits are fed supernaturally. In Matthew 4:4, Jesus said, It is written, man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God. Just as our bodies need food and water to survive, our spirits need the Word of God in order to break the strongholds that our minds and flesh try to rule us with. When we subject our five senses to the Word of God, our flesh (or bodies) are also brought into subjection to our Word-fed spirits. Our spirit is where the Holy Spirit dwells. Our flesh and our senses should be ruled by our perfect recreated spirits.

My aunt looked for demons. She kept them on her mind continually. She entertained them. She empowered them over her life by keeping her focus on them instead of on Christ who was her deliverer. She put up with them instead of taking authority over them as a believer and commanding them to leave her home. Sadly, she never gained the knowledge of her authority over demons. She tolerated them for years thinking this was her ministry and her cross to bear. How ridiculous! Not only did the demons torment her, they tormented and wreaked havoc on her children and grandchildren. The tragic thing is that she was a Christian and so were her children. Once again, we see the situation where God’s people are destroyed or attacked for the lack of knowledge of the authority they have in Christ Jesus.

When the Word tells us to resist Satan and he will flee from us, James 4:7, that is exactly what we are to do. We do not give him place, space, or the time of day in our minds, our lives or in the lives of our loved ones. The first part of James 4:7 tells us to submit to God. We submit to Him by knowing our identity in Christ and acting on His word. Jesus has given us a right standing with the Father and we are now seated with Him in heavenly places. We submit to Him by exercising our authority over every enemy and allowing His word to rule and reign in and over our lives.

The following summer, my family moved from Oklahoma to California. I was ten years old. We lived in a rented house on a large lot. My father decided to plant peanuts in the side yard. The plants produced an abundance of peanuts. Mother told us to be careful when picking the peanuts as spiders make their webs in the plants. Sure enough, one day when we were picking the peanuts, I stuck my hand into a black widow web. The web was sticky and I saw the large black spider just near my finger. Fear and panic gripped my heart. I remember jerking my hand back and running from the garden while shaking all over. The enemy now added the fear of spiders to my fear of demons. These two torments became my nightly bed partners for more than eighteen years. It is common for the spirit of fear to torment its victim in more than one area.

1 John 4:18 states, There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. As a young girl, I was taught that Jesus loved me, but I had no concept of what or how powerful His perfect love was in and over my life. God