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    Sinister Inventions (For Smoother Living)
    Sinister Inventions (For Smoother Living)
    Sinister Inventions (For Smoother Living)
    Ebook97 pages41 minutes

    Sinister Inventions (For Smoother Living)

    By Jessica Waring

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    About this ebook

    Innocence, the stupidest boy in the world, is convinced killer mosquitoes from the sun are coming to destroy Earth. So he sets out on a quest to persuade Liquorice, a reclusive inventor girl, to sew up the hole in the Ozone layer to keep them out. Together they must save the world! (If only Liquorice would take him seriously...)

    It’s got KitKat-addicted pheasants, it’s got a space rocket, it’s got mouldy orange juice, it’s got a shady-eyed, evil boss... And yes, it’s even got a curly-whiskered cat called Dame Bartholomew Crustacean!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJessica Waring
    Release dateSep 30, 2016
    ISBN9781370700622
    Sinister Inventions (For Smoother Living)
    Author

    Jessica Waring

    Jessica Waring is the author of Sinister Inventions. She was born on that fateful day, 20th January 1989, on which nothing in particular happened. She has been smiling awkwardly at everyone ever since. Once, she went on a celery and rhubarb only diet, which lasted 5 minutes when she realised what celery tastes like. She is from dear old Blighty but currently lives in New Zealand with her partner and any small animals that accidentally come too near them. Sinister Inventions is her finest (and only) work to date.

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      Book preview

      Sinister Inventions (For Smoother Living) - Jessica Waring

      Sinister Inventions (For Smoother Living)

      By Jessica Waring

      Copyright 2016 Jessica Waring

      Smashwords Edition

      Table of Contents

      Chapter 1 - Introducing: A Nincompoop and Two Evil Geniuses

      Chapter 2 - The Unlikely Reason that Innocence Decided to Leave Home

      Chapter 3 - Where the Candids Lived

      Chapter 4 - Harassed by a Pheasant

      Chapter 5 - Batman the Jobsworth

      Chapter 6 - Dame Bartholomew Crustacean

      Chapter 7 - Inside the Lair of Liquorice Dusk

      Chapter 8 - The Prank of a Lifetime

      Chapter 9 - Mr Empire Blows a Gasket

      Chapter 10 - The Realisation

      Chapter 11 - Extreme Cricket

      Chapter 12 - The Oxo Layer

      Chapter 13 - Ninety Mile Beach

      Chapter 14 - The Lab Turns into a Spider

      Chapter 1- Introducing: A Nincompoop and Two Evil Geniuses

      As you may have guessed, 98% of the world’s population are stupid people.

      However, this boy, Innocence Candid, was very special:

      He not only had one of the most stupid names ever, but he was also the stupidest boy on the planet.

      Innocence believed anything anyone told him. He thought that the moon was a snowball that got stuck in the sky, he thought he could fly if he just jumped off the sofa at the right angle, and he thought that if you plant crisps in a flowerpot, a ‘Crispmas tree’ would grow.

      He also thought that if you pop all the bubbles in a piece of bubble wrap, and then heat it in the microwave for five minutes, all the bubbles would come back like popcorn.

      This ended in a very nasty and smelly accident, which no one should ever try to repeat.

      Strangely - because they were not at all alike – Innocence was the number one fan of a famous inventor named Liquorice Dusk:

      Liquorice also had one of the most stupid names ever. But unlike Innocence, she was one of the top ten most clever people on the planet.

      Unfortunately for the planet though, Liquorice was also grumpy, bitter, sarcastic and frankly quite a horrible moo.

      She became famous by being an agony aunt in the Daily Slog newspaper. Even though she was only 12, unhappy people would write her letters about their terrible problems. She would invent something to solve them and write back telling them how to use it.

      The BOXTRAP™ was one infamous example:

      Dear Liquorice,

      I fear I must expose myself as a most immoral person, but I am at my wits’ end. I have been greatly upset by my neighbour, or more specifically, by her odious thug of a dog. My neighbour and I always have daily elevenses together, but since she adopted a dog I have not been able to attend. I wish that dog nothing but burning oblivion! HE RIPPED MY BEST FLORAL PETTICOATS TO SHREDS WITH HIS HORRIBLE, RATTY CLAWS!

      How can one stop a dog from rearing up and (I must write something indecent, forgive me!) humping one’s shins? I worry for my sanity as there are an awful lot of fruitcakes in my family, and I don’t want to become hysterical like them!

      Yours desperately,

      Barbara Hyacinth

      LIQUORICE SAYS:

      Dear Barbara,

      I too detest dogs with a passion. They just won’t leave you in peace with their pea-brained, stinky enthusiasm. I long ago designed the perfect solution to this problem, the BOXTRAP™. You just need to get the dog in it while your neighbour isn’t looking. For example, you could offer to look

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