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    Enough! Taking Back Your Life After Years of Abuse
    Enough! Taking Back Your Life After Years of Abuse
    Enough! Taking Back Your Life After Years of Abuse
    Ebook111 pages1 hour

    Enough! Taking Back Your Life After Years of Abuse

    By L. David Harris

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    About this ebook

    If you are interested in this book, chances are you know that you are in an abusive relationship and want out. Or, you may be wondering if, in fact, you are being abused. You may be looking for help to decide what to do next. You may be looking for information about what you can do about your situation. You may be ready to leave, but are unsure how to go about it. You may not even be sure if you are being abused, but you have a feeling that something isn’t quite right at home or with your significant other. This book aims to give you all the answers you need to decide if you are in an abusive relationship and what you should do if you are. This book will help you decide whether you are being abused, how the abuse can affect you and others around you, and what you can do to get out of an abusive situation.
    There are no easy answers to abuse. Oftentimes, people who are caught in the cycle of abuse may feel like they have no way out. They may feel like they don’t deserve any better than what they currently have. They may feel like a complete failure for letting their life spiral so far out of control that they don’t even know what to do next. They oftentimes blame themselves for the abuse, and therefore, because it is their fault, they can’t even imagine that there is a way out. They may not be able to see a way out at all. You may feel that these words describe you perfectly.
    Feeling trapped is common. To make a change in an abusive relationship takes a lot of courage and a lot of strength, plus some help. But, I am here to tell you that you deserve better than being abused. You deserve to be happy, to be treated well, and to pursue your dreams. You deserve to get out and rebuild your life.
    I will not promise quick or easy answers. What I will talk about is how you can start rebuilding your life beginning now.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBookBaby
    Release dateFeb 17, 2016
    ISBN9780997250947
    Enough! Taking Back Your Life After Years of Abuse
    Author

    L. David Harris

    L. David Harris is a commissioning editor, public speaker, voiceover artist, freelance writer, cartoon mash-up/infographic artist, and author with almost 20 years of professional experience. His passion is to use words and technology responsibly as effective agents of change, the world over. As such, he considers any contribution he makes in these ways, a privilege.

    Read more from L. David Harris

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      Book preview

      Enough! Taking Back Your Life After Years of Abuse - L. David Harris

      possible.

      Introduction

      If you picked up this book, chances are you know that you are in an abusive relationship and want out. Or, you may be wondering if, in fact, you are being abused. You may be looking for help to decide what to do next. You may be looking for information about what you can do about your situation. You may be ready to leave, but are unsure how to go about it. You may not even be sure if you are being abused, but you have a feeling that something isn’t quite right at home or with your significant other. This book aims to give you all the answers you need to decide if you are in an abusive relationship and what you should do if you are. This book will help you decide whether you are being abused, how the abuse can affect you and others around you, and what you can do to get out of an abusive situation.

      There are no easy answers to abuse. Oftentimes, people who are caught in the cycle of abuse may feel like they have no way out. They may feel like they don’t deserve any better than what they currently have. They may feel like a complete failure for letting their life spiral so far out of control that they don’t even know what to do next. They oftentimes blame themselves for the abuse, and therefore, because it is their fault, they can’t even imagine that there is a way out. They may not be able to see a way out at all. You may feel that these words describe you perfectly.

      Feeling trapped is common. To make a change in an abusive relationship takes a lot of courage and a lot of strength, plus some help. But, I am here to tell you that you deserve better than being abused. You deserve to be happy, to be treated well, and to pursue your dreams. You deserve to get out and rebuild your life.

      I will not promise quick or easy answers. What I will talk about is how you can start rebuilding your life.

      In this book, I will discuss just about everything you need to know about abusive relationships, what the abuse means, and how to keep yourself safe, both while remaining in the abusive relationship and when you are finally ready to leave.

      The first section of this book will help you identify the types of abuse and whether you may be experiencing any, or all, of them. Physical abuse is generally pretty easy to identify, but women who are sexually abused or emotionally abused may be questioning whether it is all in their minds and whether they are overreacting. There are rarely visible scars or marks on the skin from sexual or emotional abuse, but they are just as real, and just as damaging, as physical abuse. Each type will be discussed in depth, so that, by the end of section one, you will know for sure whether you have been abused. Chances are, if you have to ask whether or not you are truly being abused, you are a victim. People who are treated well never have to ask this question. However, if you do see yourself and your significant other in these descriptions, there is help. Keep reading.

      Section two will discuss the cycle of abuse as it pertains to many domestic violence relationships. Although the cycle does not represent every single relationship, it gives a good understanding of why many women choose to stay in an abusive relationship. Also in this section, the five stages of leaving an abusive relationship are discussed. It is important to understand the theory of the patterns in a violent relationship. Many women find that knowing they aren’t alone and that other women have experienced many of the same things they are going through helps them become more empowered in handling their own situation. It also takes some of the guilt and the blame away from them when they realize they are not alone and that it is not their fault. This section will also describe the effects of domestic violence on both the women and others around her, especially as the abuse relates to their children, who may or may not also have been abused by their significant other. The last chapter in this section will emphasize the idea that domestic violence is not your fault. This is the key to being able to control your life. Remembering that the abuse is not your fault and that no one has the right to hurt you makes getting help a lot easier.

      Section three then discusses the nitty gritty of getting out and what you need to do. It discusses making safety plans for when you are still living with your significant other, what to do when you are planning to leave, and the steps to take to protect yourself after you have left, including all the practical things that you may not necessarily think about when making the transition. There is a lot of information in this section, so take the time that you need to read it over and absorb all the information. Many people find it useful to make lists to keep track of what they have to do and what they have done. With so much going on and so much on your mind, keeping track may make it easier to make sure everything gets done. The last chapter in this section lists many of the resources listed in this book, along with some others. It is important to know that there is help out there. Many organizations do great work trying to help women who are trying to leave a domestic violence situation. Take advantage of them; they are there to help you. Refer to this last chapter as a quick-peek guide to the help available to you.

      The good news is that you don’t have to be a victim forever. You have the choice to move forward, to leave an abusive relationship, and to improve your life. The rest of this book will help you with the emotional and practical things you will need to do to get out of such a relationship and how to start the process of rebuilding your life.

      I would like to make one thing clear here. Anyone can be abused. Although it doesn’t happen as often, men can be abused by women. People in all kinds of relationships can abuse their significant other, whether they are male or female. It was almost impossible to use gender neutral terms when writing this book. I use she/her for the victim/survivor and he/him for the abuser to try to make things easier to follow. That does not mean, however, that there are no other permeations that abuse can happen. Men can be the victim or the abuser. Women can be an abuser as well as a victim. Violence happens in all kinds of relationships. Don’t let the gender terminology turn you away from using the resources in this book. No matter who you are, you don’t deserve to be abused. It is a fact that the most common permeation is that women are abused by men, which is by far the most common way these situations end up, but that doesn’t mean it is the only way things will happen. No matter the situation, this book can offer the answers you need to save yourself from violence.

      It is estimated that 85 percent of the victims of domestic violence are women. There is no discrimination in nationalities, religions, ethnicities, age, or economic status. Women from any and all groups can become victims of domestic violence. And many women are scared to report the abuse for one reason or another. Women who are disabled and rely on their significant other for survival are less likely to get out of a domestic abuse situation, as are immigrants, both legal and illegal, for fear of reporting the abuse and being deported because they outed themselves as a result. No matter what your situation, you do not deserve to be abused, and there is help out there for you. Even if you feel completely dependent on your significant other, there are resources out there to help you. Don’t let anything stop you from taking control of your life. You deserve to be treated with respect, and DO NOT deserve to be abused, no matter what your significant other may tell you.

      To keep things simple, in this book, I will generally refer to the victim as female and the abuser as male. However, as you are reading, understand that this is not the only scenario available. Don’t let my use of pronouns keep you from understanding the points discussed in this book.

      It is important to remember that this is not your fault. You do not deserve to be abused, no matter what your abuser may be saying to you. You have the strength and the

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