Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    How to Tell When You're Really Old: Funny Happens When Kids Define Old Age!
    How to Tell When You're Really Old: Funny Happens When Kids Define Old Age!
    How to Tell When You're Really Old: Funny Happens When Kids Define Old Age!
    Ebook72 pages44 minutes

    How to Tell When You're Really Old: Funny Happens When Kids Define Old Age!

    By Kristi Porter

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    Intended for adults but family friendly, How to Tell When You’re Really Old - Funny Happens When Kids Define Old Age, is the result of hundreds of interviews with children ages three to twelve, who were asked to explain how they could tell when someone was really old.

    It began as part of a larger class project by teacher Kristi Porter and the children of Happi Kamper Child Care, located in North Muskegon, Michigan. Each child was to create an individual gift book for his or her parents, and How to Tell When You’re Really Old was simply to be one chapter in each child's book.

    Now, the individual answers of the Happi Kamper Kids, as well as those of the children at Community United Methodist Preschool and the kids of Power Play Childcare have been combined. Their candid, uncensored, and often hilarious answers will not only make you rethink the aging process, but are sure to become instant favorites for readers of all ages.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherKristi Porter
    Release dateFeb 12, 2016
    ISBN9781311354556
    How to Tell When You're Really Old: Funny Happens When Kids Define Old Age!
    Author

    Kristi Porter

    Always a reader, Kristi Porter never thought much about writing until she entered a contest sponsored by the Detroit Free Press. Her nightmare vacation story - The Worst Vacation Ever - went on to be published in an anthology that was distributed worldwide. This was followed by numerous articles published in local magazines and newspapers. As her love of writing grew, she added adult fiction and short humor pieces to her repertoire.But writing isn't all Kristi does. A preschool teacher, she won the Governor's Award for her work with young children and is dedicated to the education of young children everywhere. She also enjoys bicycling, video games, photography, Facebook, and spending time with family. She lives in Michigan.Titles by Kristi Porter include:Sweet RevengeMartini's and Weed WhackersSooner or Later... You Will Get CaughtIs Somebody Bleeding? A Story About RulesStranger Danger - How to Talk to Kids About StrangersPedaling My A s s Off - A Weight Loss Story - Well, KindaPriceless Proverbs - Funny Happens When Kids Finish Famous SayingsPriceless Proverbs Book 2 - Funny Happens When Kids Finish Famous SayingsHow to Tell When You're Really Old! Funny Happens When Kids Define Old AgeBabies Come From... Where?!? Funny Happens When Kids Explain Pregnancy & Birth

    Read more from Kristi Porter

    Related to How to Tell When You're Really Old

    Related ebooks

    Humor & Satire For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      The Letterbox

      Mar 1, 2020

      Dear Cricket, Hello! I absolutely love the one and only Cricket magazine. My little sister gets them, and I like to read them to her. I’ve always wanted to publish a story in your magazine, but my older sister (I have six) says I’d have to be older.

      7 min read

    • Article

      The Letterbox

      Feb 1, 2022

      Dear Editors, Thank you for the wonderful magazine. I love the stories that are in there. I always love to read, and the contests are fun to do. I love the art, and the poems are so funny! This is a haiku I wrote: Inspire and create Use your imagina

      6 min read

    • Article

      Dear DOCTOR

      Feb 5, 2020

      Chris Young works as a children’s specialist for Golden Hare Books, an independent bookshop based in Edinburgh – this involves trying out all sorts of ways to get kids into reading. She also works as a part-time librarian, doing a similar job! She ha

      3 min read

    • Article

      Every ACT OF KINDNESS HELPS

      Aug 4, 2022

      Every ACT OF KINDNESS HELPS
      4 min read

    • Article

      Childhood Memories

      Aug 26, 2022

      Childhood Memories
      4 min read

    • Article

      My First Pet

      Feb 2, 2020

      My First Pet
      9 min read

    • Article

      MY ENGLISH HOME Matthew Fort

      Jan 8, 2020

      MY ENGLISH HOME Matthew Fort
      4 min read

    • Article

      The Letter box

      Feb 1, 2020

      Dear Everybuggy, I love your magazine. I love all the cool stories. My grandparents got me Cricket, and I have been getting it for two months. My favorite buggy is Pussywillow. My favorite books are the Horse Diaries and Heartland. (Each is a series.

      7 min read

    • Article

      The Letterbox

      Apr 1, 2020

      Dear Everybuggy, My nonna recently found my mom’s old Cricket magazines. I was reading them one day when a story from the October 1976 issue caught my eye. “Minnie Maloney and Macaroni” is about a family who buys seven boxes of macaroni every day for

      7 min read

    • Article

      Spider's Corner

      Jul 1, 2023

      Spider's Corner
      6 min read

    • Article

      Birthday Party With Spider And The Gang

      Jan 1, 2024

      Birthday Party With Spider And The Gang
      6 min read

    • Article

      Forced To Flee My Home

      Apr 19, 2022

      Forced To Flee My Home
      4 min read

    • Article

      Rhoda Roberts

      Sep 29, 2019

      Rhoda Roberts
      2 min read

    • Article

      Spider's Mailbox

      May 1, 2020

      Dear Spider, Thistle, and Miro, I love art. I’m in my second year of 4-H. I have two market steers. One is a shorthorn named Emmet. I don’t know Rex’s breed. Can you adopt them? I don’t want them to be beef. My parents own three hundred cattle: hei

      2 min read

    • Article

      Fearless, fabulous FERN

      Apr 7, 2022

      Fearless, fabulous FERN
      7 min read

    • Article

      MY COUNTRY HOME Kate Humble

      Jul 3, 2019

      MY COUNTRY HOME Kate Humble
      4 min read

    • Article

      Meet The Author

      Oct 20, 2020

      You have an incredible treasure trove of family recipes, photographs and drawings. How did you go from finding the collection to publishing it in your book? It all began with two beautiful watercolour albums, which were started by my 4x great grandm

      2 min read

    • Article

      Pieces Of Me

      Feb 6, 2022

      Pieces Of Me
      7 min read

    • Article

      Yvonne Chaka Chaka

      Sep 16, 2019

      I am a singer, songwriter, a humanitarian and a mother of all children. Even people older than me call me ‘mama’. I also have four sons who turn every Sunday into Christmas lunch. We eat outside on the patio when it’s warm enough. They braai but I in

      2 min read

    • Article

      The Letterbox

      Sep 1, 2019

      Dear Cricket, I have been getting your magazine for a little over a year. My mom asked me if I wanted to stop getting it, and of course I said no. How could I not? It’s one of the best magazines ever! I love literature, so when I first heard about Cr

      7 min read

    • Article

      There Goes The Neighbourhood

      Jun 6, 2018

      THIS HOUSE HAS GROWN UP WITH MY FAMILY OVER THE PAST 18 YEARS. IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK, THEY’D BE SQUEALING. I don’t think they were properly prepared for the pre-adolescents that invaded their space back in 2000, along with the 18-year-old prepari

      3 min read

    • Article

      The Letterbox

      Feb 1, 2019

      Dear Cricket, I ask for Cricket magazine every year for one of my birthday presents. I have been getting them for two years and I think they are awesome. Cricket has all sorts of stories I like! Thank you! It’s way better than the little stories I ha

      7 min read

    • Article

      Animal Taking a Bath

      Jan 1, 2023

      Dear Spider, I think you could add Ophelia more in “Spider and the Gang” because in the latest magazine I read, I only saw her two times! John L., age 7Shanghai, China Dear John, Thanks for thinking of me. I enjoy going on zany, wild adventures with

      3 min read

    • Article

      Ahead Of Her Birthday, At Home In Her Wimbledon ‘Haven’ Lilly Becker On Life After Boris, Lockdown With Their Son Amadeus And Looking For The Perfect Love Match

      Jun 21, 2021

      Ahead Of Her Birthday, At Home In Her Wimbledon ‘Haven’ Lilly Becker On Life After Boris, Lockdown With Their Son Amadeus And Looking For The Perfect Love Match
      6 min read

    • Article

      It’s All Relative

      Aug 1, 2021

      It’s All Relative
      9 min read

    • Article

      All about MY FATHER

      May 13, 2019

      All about MY FATHER
      6 min read

    • Article

      The Letterbox

      Mar 1, 2024

      Dear Everybuggy, This is my favorite magazine ever! I live in Tennessee and I see the mountains every day! My favorite books are Keeper of the Lost Cities and Harry Potter. I love Enola Holmes, too! I have two cats and a dog. Gabby, age 10 Johnson Ci

      7 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for How to Tell When You're Really Old

    0 ratings

    0 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      How to Tell When You're Really Old - Kristi Porter

      How To Tell When You’re Really Old

      Funny Happens When Kids Define Old Age

      Kristi Porter

      This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only.

      This eBook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this eBook with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this eBook and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite eBook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without prior written permission of the Publisher, excepting brief quotes used in connection with reviews written specifically for inclusion in

      a magazine or newspaper.

      Copyright © 2015 Happi Kamper Press

      Smashwords Edition

      All rights reserved.

      Dedication

      This book is dedicated to every parent, grandparent, and caregiver that entrusted me with the care and education of their child over the years.

      We’ve all earned a good laugh.

      And to the Happi Kamper Kids, the preschoolers at Community United Methodist Preschool, and the Power Play Kids, who all had

      a part in providing me with material for this book.

      Keep smiling and providing those laughs!

      CLICK HERE FOR CONTENTS PAGE

      The Story Behind This Book

      How to Tell When You’re Really Old! is the result of hundreds of interviews with young children ages three to twelve, who were asked to explain how they could tell when someone was really old.

      It began as part of a larger class project by teacher Kristi Porter and the children of Happi Kamper Child Care, located in North Muskegon, Michigan. Each child was to create an individual gift book for his or her parents, and How to Tell When You’re Really Old! was simply to be one chapter in each child’s book.

      Now, the individual answers of the Happi Kamper Kids, as well as those of the children at Community United Methodist Preschool, and the kids of Power Play Childcare have been combined. Their candid, uncensored, and often hilarious answers will not only make you rethink the aging process, but are sure to become instant favorites, as you get a quick glimpse into the amazing and intricate minds of some of the most delightful and fascinating children around.

      Enjoy!

      PART I

      … Old people wear fancy clothes and watch boring TV in the day and old movies at night. They also like to play a little bit of football - just a little bit though - then they have to go to bed. Except my Nana, she’s like 80 so she doesn’t play football anymore; I think she’s the referee. ~Denny, age 5.

      ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

      … When you are old you look kinda silly and put all your hair under a funny hat. You can’t put your face under a hat though! ~Lindy, age 4.

      ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

      … Old people know a lot about numbers. And they can cook new things and read books, too. But their best thing is when they talk on the phone to little kids. They really like that! ~William G., age 5.

      ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

      … Old people can draw with markers all by themselves, and sometimes they can even cook breakfast. They can’t

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1