The Second Knight: How I Overcame Intrusive Thoughts
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About this ebook
In Second Knight, How I Overcame Intrusive Thoughts we have a book perfect for our times! Intrusive thoughts have become more common with all of society’s many voices vying for our attention, from social media to multiple TV channels and more. For some, those voices never stop, becoming obsessive and internal, even to the point of suggesting ‘crazy’ things in the midst of an otherwise normal life.
Little has been written about intrusive thoughts from the vantage point of someone who has walked through its depths and come out victorious on the other side. All the while Phillip maintained a successful career, marriage, and a young and growing family, he had a secret internal battle always raging.
Anyone who has struggled with their thought life from being unable to 'turn the mind off' to crazy thoughts out of the blue, will greatly benefit from Phillip's journey. His transparency and vulnerability immediately touch us as we are taken along his path from healthy thoughts, through the pain and confusion of intrusive thoughts, and then on to victory as he learned how to take back his thought life.
Phillip Watkins
Phillip Watkins is married to Sarah and they have four beautiful children. He has many interests including movies, sports, games, and reading. He is currently an avid runner and has completed multiple marathons, quite a few half-marathons, and even a few small triathlons. He feels that the principles of discipline involved in these endeavors apply equally well to every aspect of life and they have come in handy several times. Plus he likes the medals that they hand out after the big races! Phillip Watkins grew up with one younger sister. Following in his father’s and grandfather’s footsteps, he graduated with an engineering degree, and after passing the hardest test he’s ever had to take in his life, he received his Professional Engineering license. Later, because he had the time, he graduated with an MBA. He currently works at a utility company as an engineering supervisor overseeing a team that designs substations. In 1999 he got serious about his relationship with the Lord and began his life-long journey of growing in Christ. Even though life has had its ups and downs, the Lord has been faithful to provide wisdom, strength, peace, and joy at every step of the growth process. The Lord’s love and companionship have provided a wonderful foundation of security and trust that helped him overcome insecurity and a bad self-image. You may email Phillip at ConfidentInChrist@outlook.com. Phillip and Sarah currently live in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
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The Second Knight - Phillip Watkins
The Second Knight
How I Overcame Intrusive Thoughts
Copyright 2016 Phillip Watkins
Published by Docs2eBooks at Smashwords
Cover Design by Melanie Smith
Unless indicated, quote Scripture is taken from the The Amplified Bible (AMP).
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only and may not be re-sold or given away. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your enjoyment only, then please return to Smashwords.com or your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
To my beautiful wife, Sarah. Your love and support during this difficult time meant all the world to me. You proved that you are a wonderful gift from the heavenly Father, and I love you more and more every day!
Foreword
In The Second Knight, How I Overcame Intrusive Thoughts we have a book perfect for our times! Intrusive thoughts have become more common with all of society’s many voices vying for our attention, from social media to multiple TV channels and more. For some, those voices never stop, becoming obsessive and internal, even to the point of suggesting ‘crazy’ things in the midst of an otherwise normal life.
Little has been written about intrusive thoughts from the vantage point of someone who has walked through its depths and come out victorious on the other side. All the while Phillip maintained a successful career, marriage, and was a great dad to his young and growing family, he had that secret internal battle always raging.
There are ‘how to’ books written from the sterile office of theorists, and there are ‘how to’ books filled with someone’s story but lacking practical advice. This is neither of those. In fact it isn't written as a ‘how to’ book at all, yet anyone who has struggled with their thought life from being unable to 'turn the mind off' to crazy thoughts out of the blue, will greatly benefit from Phillip’s journey.
His transparency and vulnerability immediately touch us as we are taken along his path from healthy thoughts, to the pain and confusion of being escorted by police officers to a mental health facility after sharing with a pastor some intrusive thoughts, and then to victory as he learned how to take back his thought life.
As you read along and learn the lesson of the Second Knight, you'll be greatly encouraged and strengthened with the confidence that what Phillip walked through to victory, you or someone you know can too.
John Fenn
Acknowledgement
First of all, I thank my family for their love and support throughout this whole process of trials and growth. Sarah, Mom, Dad, Melanie: Thank you for believing in me even when I had trouble believing in myself. I thank my friend Justin who accepted and supported me even as I was in the hospital, letting me know that I could make it. I also thank my friends Hank, Sean, and Fuji who also showed support and friendship as they heard my story later. I thank our friends Krystal, Jessica, and Lisa who stayed with Sarah while I was in the hospital. I also thank John Dixon who took the time to talk with me and speak words of encouragement from the Lord. I am so glad that the Lord has given us such great family and friends who love us and support us. Thank you!
I thank John Fenn who helped counsel me through this difficult time. I appreciate all the times you took my phone calls and emails, helping me to work through all the fear and thoughts, even for the tough love during some of our conversations. Thank you for your friendship and pointing me in the right direction!
I thank the pastor at church, who the Lord used to wake me up and let me know that something was wrong that needed to be fixed; and my outpatient counselor who spent time with me, helping me work out the truth of what was going on in my mind.
I thank my editor Sharon who encouraged me to get real with my story and pushed me to get it all down so that my story will help other people know they are not alone.
And, finally, I thank my Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. Without my God in my life, this trial would have been so difficult to handle. You gave me hope and encouragement to know that I truly am an overcomer.
Note from the Author
This book started out as something completely different than the version you are reading now. I wanted to teach the lessons that I learned without really telling the story that led to those lessons. The story I had to tell was scary. Sometimes I still hesitate to let people know what truly happened to me. I know there must be other people who have struggled with these same problems, but we just don’t hear about them much.
So, with the encouragement from my wife and editor I redid the book to tell the story that you see here before you. I believe the Lord wanted me to know that my struggles and my story are not nearly as important as the testimony I have of how He helped me through it all. I’m still taking a big step of faith in the telling of this story, knowing that there might be those who will not accept me because of what happened. But I am willing to take that chance if my story can help someone else overcome what I overcame.
I want everyone to know that you are not alone in your struggles. There are people who can understand and relate to what you are going through. I also want you to know that you can make it; you can win this battle. I encourage anyone out there who might be dealing with this to get the help that you need. Do not keep it all bottled up inside of you. I can’t guarantee that everyone will understand what’s going on, but God does and He wants to help you.
The Lord really used this ordeal to wake me up. He was trying to get my attention and He finally did, even though I had to go through so much. I wish I had listened earlier and started dealing with my thoughts sooner, but I am thankful that He finally broke through and He turned something the devil meant for evil into something good.
Your story may be different than mine, but your result can be the same when God is on your side. I trust this book will minister to you and show you some practical ways to take control of your thoughts and emotions. I pray that you get stronger during your trials so that you can overcome and then your story can be used to help someone else.
Thanks for reading and God bless!
Phillip Watkins
Table of Contents
Introduction
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Conclusion
Prayer
About Phillip Watkins
Other Books by Phillip Watkins
Connect with Phillip Watkins
Introduction
Have you ever experienced a time in your life when you felt like everything had come crashing down on you? Maybe someone you loved died, or you lost your job, or your marriage fell apart and your perfect world cracked. These experiences in our lives prove out who we are and what we have built our lives upon. We find out what we truly believe about ourselves, the world, and about God. Unfortunately, we don’t always like what we see when confronted with our true nature.
Many people become confused during these times in life. They have, intentionally or unintentionally, crafted a perfect internal identity for themselves only to find that it can’t withstand the pressures of life. Some people just sit and wonder why they cracked, thinking they had everything under control, or had it all together. Other people become disgusted with themselves because they acted in ways they never thought they would. When the pressure came upon them they did the very thing that they hated. Some problems can rock people to their very core and the essence of who they are.
These experiences can devastate us. Trying to put the pieces back together from such an ordeal can seem like rebuilding a house from its foundation. We can rebuild a house relatively easily despite the hassle, money, and time. Unfortunately, we can’t do the same for our lives. It often takes a lot of work and a lot of time on our part. Depending on the situation and the person involved, it may take longer than we would like, but we can do it with God’s help.
We live in a world where bad things happen, even to good people. We all will face difficulties and pressures in this life regardless of how hard we try to avoid them, because we live on this planet. So if we can’t avoid trouble in this life, what can we do? Well, we have to go through those troubles, and we don’t like that answer.
We certainly don’t want to make light of any tragedies that occur in people’s lives. Listening to the news today, we hear all kinds of horrible stories. Bad people live out there and the world seems less safe today than it did before, but even though the world has changed God has not and He is still good. Whether people consider our particular trial mild or extreme doesn’t change the fact that we go through it.
God has told us that we will have trouble in this world (see John 16:33), but thankfully He didn’t just leave it at that. He promised that He would go through our trials with us, that He would never allow anything to come upon us that we can’t handle, and that He has overcome the troubles of this world for us. We need to remember these promises because we can forget them while going through the midst of the storms in our lives.
I know of the trouble this world can bring upon us and I also know how God can turn even the darkest times in our lives into light if we will allow Him to do so. I underwent such a time when my dad had a heart attack finishing a marathon. In my dad’s case, he experienced a lot of changes in his physical life because his physical heart broke. In my case, I experienced different changes because my spiritual heart broke. In fact, I wound up rocked and damaged to my very core.
Thankfully, God has walked with me through this entire ordeal. I have learned so much about trusting God, living by faith, and taking control of my thoughts and emotions. It was not easy for me, but the Lord continues to bring me up, higher and higher. He has never left me and He has promised me that everything will work to His glory in the end.
God will do the same thing for you in whatever trials you face. My ordeal tried to knock me down and out, just like your ordeal wants to do to you, but He cares about you and what you go through. He wants to help you and He loves you. He will make you stronger on the inside so that no matter what happens to you in the future you can have confidence in His grace to get you through it. He truly wants you to overcome.
Now, let me tell you my story . . .
Contents
Chapter 1
The door opened behind me, and from the couch that I was sitting on, I saw three police officers come around to face me. This is not what I was expecting. The pastor I had been talking to had left the room about ten minutes ago while I had remained seated and thinking about everything that had happened to me in the