LIFE: you can't stop the waves but you can learn how to surf!
By Martin Shervington and John Seymour
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Book preview
LIFE - Martin Shervington
surf...
Chapter 1
Introduction
When you pick up a book like this you want something from it. If you didn’t you would have either left it on the shelf or moved your mouse onto another friendly-looking Kindle book. And you have probably bought books before this one that promised to change your life - helping you sort out your problems and achieve your desires. But what happens? By the end of so many, you are left disheartened, holding a lump of paper when what you wanted was a magic wand.
I can’t promise you that this book will change your life. I mean, here we are in what we would have called the future
ten years ago. Smart phones, iPads, facebook worldwide networks etc. Yet nothing has fundamentally changed- books don’t change lives; a person changes themselves and then changes their life. So the decision doesn’t come from the words on the page, it is down to what you do with them. Here is the key bit - it is through gradually changing your own thinking that you will be able to make the changes you want in your life. That is where I will help.
What I can offer you are some of the most effective and powerful skills that have been taken from the best personal development practices over the last 40 years. Why is it some people achieve more of what they want than others? Is it possible that they simply have more of these skills than most? And could life get to be more enjoyable as you too learn to surf more of life’s waves?
Some people may be born with talents, money or good looks. But if they don’t do anything with their life, they will never be fulfilled. The fact that you have read this far means that you are interested in change. Keep reading and you will find you become clearer on how to have more of the experiences you desire in your life.
Whether the practices in this book work for you is going to come down to this: Do you think that you can make a difference to your own happiness? Or is it in the hands of the Gods?
See what you make of this lighthearted story to get us started:
An ambitious yuppie finally decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life... until the boat sank! The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies... Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief he asks her:
Where did you come from? How did you get here?
I rowed from the other side of the island,
she says. I landed here when my cruise ship sank.
Amazing,
he says. You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you.
Oh, this?
replies the woman. I made the rowboat out of raw material that I found on the island; the oars were whittled from gum tree branches; I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.
But-but, that’s impossible,
stutters the man. You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?
Oh, that was no problem,
replies the woman. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.
The guy is stunned.
Let’s row over to my place,
she says.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb-struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, It’s not much, but I call it home. Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?
No thank you,
he says, still dazed. Can’t take any more coconut juice.
It’s not coconut juice,
the woman replies. I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, I’m going to slip into something more comfortable.
This woman is amazing,
he muses. What next?
She returns wearing nothing but vines and a shell necklace-strategically positioned-and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. Tell me,
she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, we’ve been out here for a very long time. You’ve been lonely. I’ve been lonely. There’s something I’m sure you really feel like doing right about now, something you’ve been longing for all these months? You know...
She stares into his eyes.
He can’t believe what he’s hearing. His heart begins to pound. He’s truly in luck: You mean...
, he gasps, ...I can actually check my e-mails from here??
So, is it what happens to you, or what you do with what happens to you, that makes the difference? Knowing you can influence your happiness is the starting point to discovering how to improve your life. As you become more aware of yourself so you can see your part in creating the current situations you are living with. It also shows up how we can get stuck with patterns (like needing to check out emails every 2 minutes) and miss out on better opportunities. This awareness is key to creating a life you want, free of some of the things that could otherwise how you back. This is where we can help.
If you want to be more physically fit, what do you do? Exercise. This process is the same. If you want to improve the quality of your life, mental exercise is essential. So, if you want to stay exactly as you are, it is important that you miss all of the exercises! On the other hand, suppose you knew that taking a few minutes to do these exercises would inevitably lead to a happier and more fulfilled life. What would stop you from grabbing a pen and paper right now?
So, it is what you choose to do from now that will determine the direction your life goes. It is only by noticing your role in creating the problems of your life that you can change them. Step one is to think about something that you would want to change. As you read the contents of each box, take your time to do the exercises. Together they become your magic wand, but there is work to do...
Mind exercise
Which areas of your life would you most want to change?
Pick one thing in your life that you want to be different by the time you have finished this book.
You might want to take a bit of time, think and write this down.
You only need one thing that truly grabs your attention.
If you have difficulty, some areas to think about include: improved self-confidence, better organisation, a better relationship (or even one at all), a spiritual direction, closer friends, more money...
If you picked one thing and have written it down you are succeeding. You have already started to use this book to increase the responsibility you are taking for your own improvement (whatever that means to you).
But even when you know the best way to behave you can still fall into your old bad habits. Why do you think so many people get caught in ruts? You are not alone. You mind is very good at learning, but it doesn’t mind what it learns. It is just as happy to learn bad habits as good ones. As you discover more about how your mind learns, so you can free yourself from holding yourself back. If you want to change any bad habits, the first stage is becoming aware of what you want to change. And the second is to know what you get out of doing it...
Mind exercise
What behaviours in your life do you consider to be bad habits?
What are the main payoffs of each?
Ask yourself , what do I get out of doing them
?
It may be security, pleasure, relaxation...or...
What benefits would you get from changing these habits?
And if you had the know-how
, are you ready to change them yet?
Did you find that every bad habit has a payoff in terms of increasing pleasure or decreasing pain?
In fact, when you think about it, is everything you do in life is to seek more pleasure or to move away from pain? If there are things in your life that you find painful you will tend to avoid them. It is when you are seeking more pleasure that you may end up being irresponsible. In what areas of life do people cause themselves problems? Some of the common ones are drugs, sexual obsession, procrastination, carelessness with money etc.
You will be pleased to hear this is not about struggling with willpower. It is about gaining the freedom to choose what you do. Frequently we cause ourselves problems with the choices we make. Life is not about avoiding pleasure, it is about choosing the best ways to get pleasure for you. If you