Zen Cancer Wisdom: Tips for Making Each Day Better

Introduction

I WROTE THIS BOOK to wake you up, shake you up, and hopefully, at times, even to crack you up as you walk the path of cancer. It was written as much for me as it was for you. The majority of this book was written during my first and second cycles of chemotherapy for a recurrence of Stage IV lung cancer.

My story is just like yours—unique and not unique. I’m a Zen priest, Chinese medicine doctor, and qigong master. When I was forty-one years old I was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer despite having lived the life of a meticulous health nut for over twenty years. The cancer went into remission after six months of non-chemo pharmaceuticals and an extensive complementary medicine regimen. It came back almost a year later, when I was forty-three. After trying everything else, I began chemotherapy and fortified my complementary medicine regimen to address the effects—ahem, I mean side effects—of the chemo.

I went from a Chinese medicine doctor whose practice focused on cancer patients to a cancer patient myself. The world didn’t make sense anymore. I was living the ultimate Zen koan or riddle: How could my anticancer lifestyle have led to Stage IV lung cancer? How could true love, broccoli, and qigong lead to illness? Zen is about fiercely facing what is in front of you, not about looking longingly behind you.

Layman Wang once asked his attendant, What would you do if a dragon suddenly arrived here? His attendant answered, I wouldn’t pay attention to anything else. This is how it feels when you’ve been diagnosed with cancer. Your attention and focus shift dramatically toward just this one thing. While single-minded focus can be beneficial, it is also important to remember that you are more than your diagnosis and that there is more to life than being a patient.

I decided early on that I wouldn’t let cancer take away my sense of humor or my joie d’vivre. I experimented and discovered firsthand exactly what helped or hindered my mood, energy, body, and/or spirit. I learned how to ease unnecessary suffering during my cancer journey and began sharing this information with friends, family, patients, and strangers.

Why include spiritual Zen with practical complementary cancer approaches? Because Buddhism is unique in its head-on approach to suffering, and Zen is all about the practical art of living, rather than some abstract philosophy to ponder and master. What is Zen? Zen is the act of giving yourself over to this moment, to being fully present in your life. This book is about the Zen of healing.

Each entry presents a special thought, action, or opportunity to make this and each day better. There is no correct order, so you can open to any page for some food for thought, sage advice, or a quick and dirty healing tip.

Master Jiashan once said that swarming fish don’t notice the pearl in the dragon’s mouth. They’re too distracted by the dragon to see the pearl. This too applies when you or a loved one has cancer. It is easy for the dragons of cancer to overshadow and even obscure the pearls on this journey.

They say the best a Zen teacher can do is point her finger toward the moon; to point you in the right direction. With that in mind, it is my sincere hope that this book points you toward the pearls on this path. No matter how dark it gets, the moon is always there. Sometimes we could use a gentle reminder or practice to get us back on track. With any luck, there should be something in here that will do that for you.

The purpose of all the tips in this book is to help you feel better now, and if not now, then at least quickly or soon. There is one catch: you must actually try them! Reading this book without practicing its contents is like reading the label on a medicine bottle but not taking the medicine. You know what’s inside, but how can it help you from inside the bottle? Take the medicine and see for yourself!

What are you waiting for? Waiting is so not Zen. It’s time to grab the tiger by the whiskers!

A Note Regarding the Names of Zen Masters

In Japan and America, Zen masters are usually known by their Japanese names, even when the master is Chinese. For example, Linji, a Chinese Zen master, is better known by his Japanese name, Rinzai. Master Zhaozhou is better known as Joshu. This text uses the true Chinese names of every Zen master mentioned, and presents each name in pinyin romanization.

Pronunciation Guide for Pinyin

VOWELS:

ao is pronounced ow as in cow.

ou is pronounced oe as in row.

a is pronounced ah as in car.

o is pronounced oo as in look.

ui is pronounced uay as in way.

e is pronounced uh as in thumb.

i after compound consonants is r, therefore shi and zhi are pronounced shr and zhr.

i after single consonants is pronounced ee as in bee.

CONSONANTS:

x is pronounced sh as in share.

q is pronounced ch as in cherry.

zh is pronounced j as in joke. (For easier reading, this text sometimes substitutes a j for zh in names).

c is pronounced ts as in rats.

I.

Practical Navigation Wisdom

1.

Learning Is Not the Path

HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH INFORMATION?

Master Nanquan taught that the life path is to be experienced, not merely spent accumulating knowledge.

YOU ONLY HAVE so much time in a day. How can you best spend your time, your most precious resource? This question is applicable, at any time, regardless of circumstances. In Zen, experience and insight are valued more highly than the information we have stored between our ears. Master Nanquan valued full engagement in life over spending his days studying about it. For example, we could spend all of our free time reading book after book about meditation and its benefits, or we could sit down and actually meditate. Which is best for experiencing the truth of who we are?

The same holds true when it comes to approaching your cancer diagnosis or the cancer diagnosis of a loved one. The learning curve is truly ridiculous; you are given no time to make what can likely be the most important decisions of your life (Here’s where I urge you to keep in mind that it gets much easier once this phase is taken care of). So how do you begin? Begin right where you are. Breathe. And get whatever help you need to make the most informed decision you can, given the circumstances.

You will undoubtedly learn much on this journey. Some of us choose to learn more about cancer in general or about our particular type of cancer. Others may not do any research at all. It isn’t necessary to become a specialist. There are plenty of specialists out there willing to talk with you. Find them and use them when you need them!

Yes, learning is important. But understanding is even more important when it comes to making decisions about cancer care. We might take the question When is enough information enough? as our koan (a challenging riddle used in Zen contemplation). How would we answer this? Are we chasing information simply to make ourselves more comfortable, or do we already have enough to make an informed decision? Check in with yourself.

If you have a background in research, like me, you may go nuts trying to learn about every available option in order to make the most informed decisions. But rest assured that there will always be further information out there. Find out what the best resources are for your questions and use them when you need to. This will relieve some unnecessary pressure and tension that we may hold inside. For example, during my own search for answers, I found a local doctor who keeps up with cutting-edge cancer approaches. He does phone consultations, and I contact him for a second opinion whenever I need to make a change in my treatment protocol. I also have a local Chinese medicine doctor and cancer researcher who knows more about cancer research than anyone else I’ve ever encountered. These two docs save me hours I would have spent reading through studies and the latest publications. There are many people out there who offer these services. Find the ones with whom you resonate and use them for all they’re worth!

We can research like crazy. It is up to us to find the balance between the energy expended on research and its potential benefits for our healing path. Once you get the important questions answered, check in with yourself to see if what you have is enough. Years ago I had a patient who spent month after month gathering various opinions from all over the country, and he ended up with so many conflicting choices that he couldn’t make a choice. The information weighed him down to the point where it was no longer useful. How many opinions will you need before you feel ready to embark on a treatment plan? Who are the best doctors for your particular issues? Where is the best place for this type of treatment? And of course my favorite: What lifestyle approaches can help keep you grounded and address potential treatment side effects? (Hint: many are in this book!)

Knowledge is power, but healing is the path.

2.

A Head Like a Coconut

REMEMBERING THE IMPORTANT STUFF

There was once a Chinese governor famous for having read thousands of scriptures. The governor found himself to be most impressive. Zen Master Guizhong did not. He teasingly asked how all those scriptures could fit into the governor’s head, which was only about the size of a coconut.

IN MY PAST LIFE as a lawyer I learned just how faulty people’s memories can be. We are all witnesses to our own lives; witnesses with a finite amount of reliable memory available to us; witnesses with coconut heads. Studies show that we tend to think we will remember more, and more accurately, than we really do. But our heads are only so big, after all!

It would take someone with a rare gift to be able to remember all of the fancy medical terms and the names of medicines you will be introduced to on this journey. Add chemo brain into the mix and watch as the things you were sure you’d remember disappear without a trace into the brain fog.

Be gentle with yourself when this happens. This experience is one big exercise in letting go of the illusion of control. Since you are a mere mortal, it is perfectly natural to mess up, to forget, and to ask for help and support when you need it. Other mere mortals are here for you and they want to help. In fact, they are patiently waiting for you to ask, I guarantee it.

Keeping this in mind, if at all possible, bring a friend or a family member to all of your doctor appointments. That person will be in charge of writing down what’s important while you pay attention to what’s happening during the conversation. It is so much easier to pay attention when thoughts like I’d better remember this! aren’t echoing over and over through our coconut-like heads.

If you can’t find yourself a second pair of eyes and ears, then you might purchase a cheap digital recorder, use the voice memo function on your cell phone, or take notes at the appointment. Find what feels easiest for you. Some people relax better when they have more to do. If this sounds like you, perhaps writing the information down yourself would be best.

Writing things down or recording them means we will have the correct information whenever we need it. Keep your information in a safe, accessible place, just in case.

You now have the perfect opportunity to practice the art of asking for help. Don’t be hard-headed—you only have so much memory in your head’s hard drive. When it comes to visits to doctors, phone calls from doctors, or whenever you know you’ll need to retain important information, remember that two heads are better than one!

3.

Not-Knowing Mind

STAYING OPEN TO OPTIONS

Not-knowing mind, also called beginner’s mind, includes all possibilities. The beginner, not yet aware of limitations, has an open and infinite view.

WHEN WE ARE OPEN to infinite possibility, our options greatly increase. The more we explore, the more there is in our awareness, the more there is from which to pick and choose. When I was a student in Chinese medicine school, a seasoned teacher once said that he envied beginning practitioners, because we beginners were still willing to be more daring and to take chances with our treatment protocols.

Beginners don’t play it safe; they are not yet set in their ways or shut down to untraveled pathways. Beginners don’t yet have a comfort zone beyond which they are afraid to venture. Beginners practice the art of not-knowing mind, which means that because they know that they don’t know, they are willing to try just about anything. In spite of the fear that comes with not having all the answers, we gain a certain freedom when we embrace not knowing.

Cancer can certainly challenge our well-worn beliefs, but this challenge also provides us the opportunity to open ourselves more fully to life. We engage more fully with what’s around us when we release stale, old, limiting beliefs. Well-worn patterns of thought take us down familiar, oft-travelled roads. Cancer pushes us to do a little off-road exploration. You game?

More options. That sounds pretty darn good to this cancer patient. I can’t tell you how many things I’ve done that I never thought I’d do before cancer came along. If there’s one thing I have truly learned from cancer, it is that you never know what might happen, and you never know how you are going to respond to what happens until it happens. Although I didn’t ask to be shocked into not-knowing mind, I have come to relish the freedom and openness that it brings. I find that the not-knowing mind applies just as much to my daily life as it did to my approach to cancer care.

Zen teachers often warn us not to believe our thoughts and to get out of our own way. Cancer, like an ornery Zen master, gives us a strong incentive to get out of our own way. It forces us to leave behind resentment of what cannot be and to open ourselves to every possibility. We may never have considered foreign medical traditions before, but millions and millions of people have been using systems like Indian Ayurveda or traditional Chinese medicine to treat cancer and other diseases for thousands and thousands of years. We may never have thought about how each piece of food we put into our bodies contributes to our overall health. There may in fact be something in complementary medical traditions that works right for you. There may in fact be foods that can help offset nutritional deficiencies caused by your