Making Allies, Making Friends: A Curriculum for Making the Peace in Middle School

Making Allies, Making Friends

About Todos Institute

Todos Institute is a community-based organization determined to create a society where people from all cultures are valued, honored, and respected. We work in schools, work places, and communities to bring to reality our vision of no one left out and no one left behind. Todos conducts workshops and trainings throughout the United States on eliminating isms and building cross-cultural alliances. In addition, Todos conducts a highly acclaimed program for youth (New Bridges) on eliminating racism, sexism, antisemitism, classism, and heterosexism.

For moe information about Todos Institute or to arrange workshops and seminars at your school, community center, or workplace, please write or call at:

The Making the Peace Program

MAKING ALLIES, MAKING FRIENDS is the middle-school component of a program created by a community of youth activists, writers, and teachers, who have worked together through Todos Institute, the Oakland Men’s Project, and Battered Women’s Alternatives over the past fifteen years. Other components of the program include:

MAKING THE PEACE, a fifteen-session violence-prevention curriculum for high schools,

DAYS OF RESPECT, an organizing manual for creating a full-school violence-prevention program

Four posters are available to facilitate teaching the Making the Peace Program: the Program poster, the Agreements poster, the Power Chart poster, and a Days of Respect schedule-timeline.

For ordering and information on special offers please contact Hunter House at the address and numbers below.

Making Allies,

Making Friends

A Curriculum

for Making the Peace

in Middle School

Hugh Vasquez, M. Nell Myhand,

& Allan Creighton

with the Todos Institute

Copyright © 2003 by Todos Institute

Photos on pages 30 and 42 ©2002 by Kathy Sloane

Photos on pages 2, 76, 112, 120, and 196 ©2002 by Anita Schriver

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the copyright owner and the publisher of this book. Brief quotations may be used in reviews prepared for inclusion in a magazine, newspaper, or for broadcast. For further information please contact:

Hunter House Inc., Publishers

PO Box 2914

Alameda CA 94501-0914

Limited reproduction permission. The publisher grants permission to individual teachers and trainers who have purchased this book to reproduce the Handouts and On Your Own sheet copy masters as needed for the use of their students at one site.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Vasquez, Hugh. Making allies, making friends : a curriculum for making the peace in middle school / Hugh Vasquez, M. Nell Myhand & Allan Creighton ; with Todos Institute.

p.cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 0-89793-307-9 (paper)

1. Discrimination in education—United States—Prevention. 2. Prejudices—Study and teaching (Middle school)—United States. 3. Multicultural education—United States. 4. Stereotype (Psychology)—United States. 5. Intergroup relations—United States. 6. School violence—United States—Prevention. I. Myhand, M. Nell. II. Creighton, Allan. III. Title.

LC212.2 V37 2000

373’.01’17—dc21

00-063214

Project Credits

Cover Design: Jil Weil

Book Production: Jil Weil & Kiran Rana

Copy Editor: Kelley Blewster

Proofreader: Lee Rappold

Acquisitions Editor: Jeanne Brondino

Editor: Alexandra Mummery

Publicity Coordinators: Earlita Chenault & Lisa Lee

Sales & Marketing Coordinator: Jo Anne Retzlaff

Customer Service Manager: Christina Sverdrup

Order Fulfillment: Lakdhon Lama

Administrator: Theresa Nelson

Computer Support: Peter Eichelberger

Publisher: Kiran S. Rana

Printed and Bound by Bang Printing, Brainerd, Minnesota

Manufactured in the United States of America

9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1        First Edition        03 04 05 06 07

List of Contents

List of Handouts

List of On Your Own Exercises

Acknowledgments

1. Introduction

The Middle-School Classroom

Growing Up: The Middle-School Ages

Youth and the Spiral of Oppression

The Outside Comes Inside

What This Book Is About

Components of the Curriculum

2. Facilitator’s Guide

Introduction

Preparing Yourself to Facilitate

What It Means to Facilitate

Getting Ready

Part One: Diversity and Alliance-Building: Foundation Sessions 1.1–1.10

Session 1.1: Building Respect

Session 1.2: Creating Safety, Building Agreements

Session 1.3: Who Am I? Who Are We Together?

Session 1.4: The Heart Exercise: How We Start

Session 1.5: Love Makes a Family

Session 1.6: My Community

Session 1.7: Power, Power Over, and Power With

Session 1.8: Pushed-down and Pushed-up Groups

Session 1.9: Violence, Internalized Violence, Resistance

Session 1.10: Being an Ally

Part Two: Understanding and Alliances Across Race and Ethnicity: Sessions 2.1–2.8

Session 2.1: Racism and the Classroom

Session 2.2: History Lessons and Cultural Bias

Session 2.3: Looking for the Truth in History

Session 2.4: The Media and Racism

Session 2.5: Ads That Teach Stereotypes

Session 2.6: Positive Cultural Images

Session 2.7: Resistance to Racism

Session 2.8: Learning to Be Allies

Part Two: Understanding and Alliances Across Gender Differences: Sessions 2.9–2.13

Session 2.9: Introduction to Gender

Session 2.10: The Act Like a Man/Act Like a Lady Boxes

Session 2.11: Gender Equity

Session 2.12: Unlearning Heterosexism

Session 2.13: Commitments and Alliances

Part Two: Understanding and Alliances Across Different Classes: Sessions 2.14–2.17

Session 2.14: Introduction to Class

Session 2.15: The American Dream

Session 2.16: Ten Chairs

Session 2.17: A Different Dream

Part Two: Dealing with Violence Here and Now: Sessions 2.18–2.23

Session 2.18: My Boundaries/My Rights

Session 2.19: The Bully

Session 2.20: I Don’t Deserve This: Dealing with Abuse

Session 2.21: What I Like About Me: Fighting Back Against Self-Hurt

Session 2.22: When Violence Comes Home: Dealing with Sexual Abuse from a Known Adult

Session 2.23: Getting Free

Part Three: The Closing Sessions—Taking Action: Sessions 3.1–3.3

Session 3.1: Analyzing Our School

Session 3.2: Next Steps in Being Allies

Session 3.3: Closure

Notes

Resources

List of Handouts

Prison Writings: My Life Is My Sun Dance by Leonard Peltier

What Builds Respect? What Destroys It?

My Family and Me

Handout 1a The Black Panthers: A Historical Account

Handout 1b The Black Panthers: Another Look

Handout 2a The Articles of Confederation: Traditional Version

Handout 2b The Articles of Confederation: Another Look

Handout 3a The Building of the Transcontinental Railroad: A Dominant Historical Account

Handout 3b The Building of the Transcontinental Railroad: An Alternative History

Handout 4a The Alamo: A Dominant Historical Account

Handout 4b The Alamo: Another Look

Handout 5a Japanese Americans Interned: Dominant Version

Handout 5b Japanese Americans Interned: Another Look

Handout 6 Instructions for Preparing a Presentation

Positive Cultural Images—Contributions

Feeling Different

Being Allies to Each Other

Boys Are/Girls Are Messages

Act Like a Man/Act Like a Lady

Sarah’s Class

Institutional Sexism

Heterosexism

Alliances to End Gender-Based Violence

The American Dream

My Boundaries

Kalimba’s Best Friends

I Deserve to Be Safe

The Research Project

List of On Your Own Exercises

Our Group Agreements

Four Stories

Media-Watch Worksheet

Recognizing Positive Cultural Images

Heroes

Thinking About Me

Violence Here and Now—A Survey

My Safety Plan

Evaluation

Exercise Permissions and Credits

(This is a continuation of the permissions and credits on the copyright page)

10 chairs exercise (pp. 158–161) adapted and used with permission from United for a Fair Economy, © 2000, United for a Fair Economy.

American Dream exercise (pp. 151–156) adapted and used with permission from Paul Kivel, © 1990, Martin Cano and Paul Kivel.

Heart Exercise (pp. 46–49) used with permission from Lakota Harden © 1997 Lakota Harden.

Various exercises (Agreements: pp. 38–39; Power chart: p. 63; Act Like a ___ Box: pp. 126–129) adapted from Helping Teens Stop Violence: A Practical Guide for Counselors, Educators and Parents by Allan Creighton with Paul Kivel, © 1992, the Oakland Men’s Project. Used with permission from Hunter House Inc., Alameda, CA (800) 266-5592.

Adbusters Ad (p. 107) used with permission from Adbusters, © 1995 Adbusters.

Acknowledgments

We recognize that our work in the world, including the writing of this book, is inspired and supported by many people and organizations who paved the way for us to do what we do. They are our guides, our mentors, our teachers, and our supporters. Some of these individuals are no longer with us, but we feel their presence and live by their teachings every day. Others are providing daily, weekly, and monthly support and inspiration to keep us going.

Our thanks and gratitude to:

The late Ricky Sherover-Marcuse and Harrison Simms for their founding vision;

Paul Kivel for years of conversations, editorial review, and tireless, gentle insistence on social justice as the core of our work together;

Amy Bingamon, Cesar Lagleva, Shirley Yee, with Loreto Curti, Fabian Martinez, and Ariel Luckey, bringing the next generation of social justice to Todos, with élan and grace;

the teachers and students of Bret Harte and Chipman Middle Schools, with whom we tested some of our earliest and latest ideas about how to talk with middle school youth about violence, bias, and equity; with special appreciation for Elizabeth Lonnecker at Bret Harte—her dedication to children and her wonderful teaching of her students show up in several of the opening paragraphs of this book;

Analilia Garcia, Danielle Shapiro, and Sherry Wise of the Relationship Abuse Prevention Project, with whom we collaborated to bring dating violence prevention to middle school students for the first time;

Our colleagues Isoke Femi, Daphne Muse, Victor Lewis, Peggy McIntosh, Lakota Harden, Martin Cano, Rosa Molina, and Sandy O’Neill for their direct inspiration and solidarity;

Mary Glass of the Young Women’s Lives Leadership Program in Oakland, for her honesty, insight, and energetic inspiration;

Bruce Edlen, for his practical insights as a teacher on producing gender equality in a classroom;

Our photographers, Anita Schriver and Kathy Sloane, for their loving treatment of their subjects and patient support of this project;

Kiran Rana and Alex Mummery of Hunter House, for seeing us through;

And our partners and families, Rhonda James, Synthia Green, Julie Nesnansky, and Lucas and Adrianna, educators and activists all.

Introduction

The Middle-School Classroom

Ms. L. teaches seventh grade in an urban middle school. The school structure allows her to meet with her homeroom students twice a week, two hours each time. The two-hour block is sometimes a welcome opportunity to take the students deeper into a subject, but at other times it is a curse, if too much attention has to go toward classroom management.

There are twenty-seven students present today—eleven girls and sixteen boys. All but two of the students are from African American, Asian, or Latino backgrounds. In three days, the Christmas holiday break will begin, and everyone is more than ready for it. Ms. L. starts the class with students sitting in groups of four, the fronts of their desks touching and forming a circle. The first task of the day is to write in their journals on the topic of New Year’s Resolutions. While the silent students write, Ms. L. plays soothing background music from a CD. Within a few moments, everyone settles into the writing task. Five minutes later, Ms. L. says it is time to close their journals, and asks if anyone wants to share what they wrote. No one volunteers, so she calls out, It’s time for Community Circle.

All twenty-seven students immediately get up and rearrange the seating so that the class is now in one big circle. One student had been assigned to pick the question for today; now it is up to the class to answer it. Today’s question is, Who is a hero to you, and why? A talking instrument (similar in concept to the Native American tradition of the talking stick) is passed around the circle: students do not speak unless they are holding it. (In this case, the talking instrument is a comical pair of glasses, sporting fake eyeballs on springs.) Students who do not want to identify a hero just pass the glasses to the next person. After the hero question has gone around once, a student asks if anyone who passed wants another chance to answer the question. Ms. L. has established a classroom process that gives the silent ones a second chance and has taught the students to implement this process themselves. Within five minutes, everyone who wanted to speak has done so.

The class stays in the Community Circle and turns to its next task: for ten minutes, any student may raise a hand to offer an appreciation of someone else. Ms. L. calls on the first student; after that, each student who gives an appreciation calls on the next raised hand. This activity will have the highest participation rate for the day. The students have no trouble appreciating others, for a classroom culture of appreciation has already been established. In this classroom culture, students calling on students is an established tradition and has become second nature to everyone.

Without any delay, as soon as the last appreciation is finished, Ms. L. switches the activity to a game. Remaining in the Community Circle, students brainstorm ideas about which game to play and soon settle on Seven-Up. For fifteen minutes everyone, including Ms. L., participates in the game. As game time comes to a close, Ms. L. again changes the activity, saying it is time for reading—not for the students to read, but for her to read to them. The room buzzes with excitement as students move out of their chairs and onto the floor, pleading with Ms. L. to read longer than she did the last time.

As she presents information and gives instructions, Ms. L. often has to stop—to get students to quiet down and listen, and to get their attention. It’s not that the students are being rude or disrespectful: it’s just that sometimes they need to say something spontaneously. At one point, when they are switching activities, the students get fairly rowdy. Ms. L. stands, says, I’m counting to five, and begins to count, slowly and loudly. The students move as quickly as they can to rearrange the room and get in their seats. They know the consequence of the countdown. After counting to five, Ms. L. says, And now for your break. Ten . . . . She does not have to count down past ten, reducing the students’ customary break time, because everyone gets quiet.

Ms. L.’s class has an established sense of community. They know each other’s names and personalities. A list of Community Agreements is posted on the wall: these include being respectful, having the right to pass (the right to refrain from participating), only one person speaks at a time, and no gossiping or talking about another person’s business. Although all community members know the agreements, from time to time Ms. L. must reinforce them. At one point, a student speaks about another’s private business. Ms. L. intervenes quickly, reminding the student of the agreement not to do that.

The visual environment also contributes to creating a classroom culture of respect and participation. The walls are covered with posters, quotations, pictures, and samples of the students’ work. The posters are multicultural, covering subjects such as Cesar Chavez, Sitting Bull, African art, maps of the world, and Herstories. Students can easily look around the room and see themselves reflected in what is posted. Most quotations are inspirational or motivational. You must do the thing you think you cannot do (Eleanor Roosevelt). Do you know who you are? In all the world there is no other child exactly like you. In the millions of years that have passed there has never been a child like you. You have the capacity for anything (Pablo Casals). All people have the right to be happy.

Even though Ms. L. has established and maintained a positive classroom climate and an inclusive classroom culture, challenges persist. A quieter student can easily go unnoticed, because the more active ones are always talking. Often, when Ms. L. asks a student to explain something or to answer a question, other students raise a hand or call out, I will. I will. And many times the loudest and most persistent I will is the one called on. Only ten or twelve of the twenty-seven students always participate, raising a hand or answering the questions. Most of the students usually say nothing at all. More boys speak (and are called on) than girls—sometimes ten boys are called on for every two girls.

Growing Up: The Middle-School Ages

Entering middle school is a very disquieting experience for many young people. After spending their formative scholastic years in an intimate school community where they had made a place for themselves, students enter middle school, a larger institution where the population around them is more than double that of the lower grades, and many of their peers are strangers.

At this stage of their development, the students’ bodies are changing rapidly, in new and unaccustomed ways. Psychologically, they are beginning to redefine themselves as adolescents, even as potential adults. Their task is to learn how to be a part of, and simultaneously separate from, family and other social structures. They are beginning to figure out who they are—or are not—and how to negotiate relationships based on sexuality and power. They are confronted with the reality that the world is not as safe as they thought it was, a realization that presents its own challenges.

In elementary school, they played with many friends and mostly felt comfortable being themselves. But in middle school,