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    Scars - Breaking free from abuse
    Scars - Breaking free from abuse
    Scars - Breaking free from abuse
    Ebook85 pages1 hour

    Scars - Breaking free from abuse

    By Louise Logan

    ()

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    About this ebook

    The story of one womens journey from within an abusive relationship, to freedom

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAfrican Publisher
    Release dateFeb 10, 2014
    ISBN9780992205058
    Scars - Breaking free from abuse

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      Book preview

      Scars - Breaking free from abuse - Louise Logan

      Publisher Information

      Published by African Publisher

      All rights reserved copyright 2013

      www.africanpublisher.com

      contact: info@africanpublisher.com

      Cover Design: John Tidy

      Printed Book ISBN : 978-0-9922050-4-1

      E-book ISBN: 978-0-9922050-5-8

      No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise,

      without the prior written permission of the author.

      Table of Contents

      Publisher Information

      Preface

      Introduction – my story

      Chapter 1: Where it all began

      Chapter 2 : A pattern is established

      Chapter 3: Marriage to a nightmare

      Chapter 4: Living in a grey world

      Chapter 5: A spark of light at the end of the tunnel

      Chapter 6 Letting go

      Chapter 7: A new beginning

      Find inspiration

      Postlude: That was then, this is now

      SCARS

      Let me not pray to be sheltered

      But to be fearless;

      Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain

      But for the heart to conquer it;

      Let me not look for allies in life’s battlefield

      But to look to my own strength

      Let me not pray in anxious fear to be saved

      But to hope for patience to win my own freedom.

      Tagore.

      Preface

      I have always seen and known myself as an intelligent and strong woman. This makes it all the more difficult to understand why I accepted a marriage proposal at the age of twenty-three from a man whose abusiveness was clearly apparent even while we were dating. It took ten years of a relationship,  and a lot of love and support from wonderful friends and family for me to be able tostand up and say :No more!

      Then the hard work really began. Because the power balance had been shifted forever, the new games that we played were strange and different. I learned that an abusive man is just a bully and is powerless in the face of final confrontation and the reality that I would no longer stay. Although he tried very hard to convince me to remain in the relationship, I knew one inalienable truth:

      Abusive men do not change.

      I had to remind myself of this fact over and over again because he was very convincing and it is easy to be seduced by a comfort zone, even one that makes one miserable.

      ––––––––

      So it was with fear and great sadness that I packed my bag and ran for the last time. I ran towards a new life and I hoped that, at the age of 30, I was making the right decision.

      Introduction – my story

      Emotional abuse: What does it mean?

      Does it really exist?

      I do not believe that most of the people that I use this phrase to can even comprehend what it is or how it shows its face. On the other hand, those people who have experienced it are all too aware of how destructive it is.

      ––––––––

      It is not strange that people do not understand it. From my experience, emotional abuse takes place behind closed doors. It is shameful to both parties and so they are both careful not to expose it.

      ––––––––

      I see some of my friends looking at me when I tell them my ex-husband was abusive and thinking: No way...not him he is such a charming guy. Just the kind of guy you would be proud to introduce to your Mom.

      Well, fortunately it no longer matters to me what they think. What is important is that emotional abuse does exist and is debilitating – but also that it is possible to walk away from it.

      ––––––––

      I believe that no one has the right to hurt another person, especially someone that they profess to love. After all, you trust your lover with the most intimate knowledge of yourself and your hopes and fears. If this knowledge is used to destroy you, he or she is in a position to do more damage to you than anyone else.

      ––––––––

      I decided to write my story in the hope that someone will identify with some of the behaviour patterns I will refer to, and, as a result, will not make the mistakes that I did, or perhaps find courage in my story and give yourself the chance to live again. I certainly hope so, because life is wonderful when you are free of fear.

      ––––––––

      This is my story.

      Chapter 1: Where it all began

      ––––––––

      I met James when we were both at law school. We were friends and had been so for about a year. Towards the end of the year, we stumbled into an instantly serious and obsessive relationship. I was overjoyed. I knew instinctively that we would marry. He was my first real boyfriend and my first lover. I was his first serious girlfriend.

      ––––––––

      James was older than most of the guys in our law class, having already served his compulsory two years of the national service. He had an air of authority about him, but kept his distance from the rest of the class. I found him interesting, secretive and extremely attractive.

      ––––––––

      When our relationship started, I was quite surprised that he had chosen me. He had told me about all the other women that he had been to parties with, and he had the habit of making his life sound so exciting. I was sure that I did not fit the picture of what he saw as his girlfriend. I had never been one of the in crowd.

      ––––––––

      James was sensitive, emotional and extremely intelligent. He wrote the most beautiful poetry and I was hooked from the start. I could not drag myself away from him, but wanted to spend every waking moment in his company. I really enjoyed spending time with him, and we laughed a lot together. Soon he had effectively moved into my

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