My History Teacher is a Leprechaun

MY HISTORY TEACHER IS A LEPRECHAUN

by Duane L. Ostler

Book 3 in the 'Stewards of Light' series, and sequel to 'My Science Teacher is a Wizard' (book 1) and 'My Math Teacher is a Vampire' (book 2)

Published on Smashwords by Duane L. Ostler

Copyright 2015 Duane L. Ostler

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced, copied or distributed without the express permission of the author. If you would like to share this book with someone, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it or have it purchased for you, please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the work of this author

Cover art by Udo J. Keppler, on cover of Puck Magazine, March, 1911.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter 1: George Washington's Dentures

Chapter 2: Would You Like to Meet a Traitor?

Chapter 3: Down to the Time Tunnels

Chapter 4: A Hole in the Hourglass

Chapter 5: The Mobster Big Jim O'Leary

Chapter 6: Prophecies of the Future

Chapter 7: How do you Fix the Unfixable?

Chapter 8: People are Disappearing

Chapter 9: The Leprechaun Council Demand Action

Chapter 10: How to Instantly Gain Ten Pounds

Chapter 11: Mr. Flarf is in Control

Chapter 12: More Prophesies

Chapter 13: Battle of the Coins

Chapter 14: The Leprechauns Lose All Their Gold

Chapter 15: A Conversation With the Carpet

Sneak peak from book 4 of the Stewards of Light series - Chapter 1 of 'My English Teacher is a Werewolf'

The Stewards of Light Series, List of Titles

CHAPTER 1: George Washington's Dentures

It was the morning sun streaming through my window that woke me up. The warmth tickled my nose, while the brightness made me scrunch up my eyes, in an effort to shut it out. Slowly I rolled over, trying to pretend I didn't know morning had come.

But then I blinked and was awake.

Good afternoon! said a familiar voice from my dresser. I jerked up in surprise, and promptly fell out of bed. Rubbing my knees from where they'd bashed into the floor, I stood up and came over to the dresser.

Mr. Marlin? I said tentatively, calling out for the wizard who had once been my science teacher. Is that you? What are you today?

Not what, but who! came the proud reply. I looked all around the stuff scattered across my dresser, searching for the disgusting beard of the wizard that would show he had temporarily become that object. But I didn't see it anywhere.

I don't see you, I said, looking curiously at the dresser top.

Look again, came the familiar voice, taunting me in a rather annoying way. I'm right in front of you!

I looked carefully at the stuff again. There was a candy bar wrapper from a Mars bar; the mangy, dandruff-ridden comb that Mr. Marlin had once given me to ward off evil wizards; a half eaten cinnamon roll that was starting to grow pink mold; a glass of orange juice that had turned purple; my new DS game 'The karate snails fight the radishes from outer space;' the tiny ring that Mr. Marlin had given me to keep evil vampires away; and my open history book which I had tossed there last night when I decided not to do my homework. The book had flipped open to a picture of George Washington when I tossed it there--

--and I gaped as I saw that Washington's firm face now had an ugly, grey beard sticking out of it! One of Washington's eyes suddenly winked at me. Mr. Marlin had become the picture!

Good afternoon! said Mr. Marlin again, out of George Washington's mouth, making his beard wobble. Did you know George Washington's ivory dentures feel like you have a rock stuffed in your mouth, and taste sort of like boiled watermelon rinds?

My stomach lurched as I frowned down at him. I hadn't seen Mr. Marlin now for almost three weeks, ever since my near death experience with the vampires--which was an unpleasant experience he'd caused, since he'd practically delivered me into the hands of the evil vampires who were out to get me. Thankfully in the end he'd helped me get out of that mess, but it sure hadn't been any fun.

There was no doubt the bizarre wizard hadn't shown up today just for a casual social call.

What horrible thing is going to happen to me now? I blurted gruffly.

Horrible thing? repeated Mr. Marlin, blinking his eyes in surprise. Are you having strawberry and onion lasagna tonight--is that the horrible thing that's coming? Or did you just grow warts on the bottom of all your toes?

I gritted my teeth. You know what I mean! I said hotly. Every time you show up and acting cheerful, I know something deadly is about to happen to me!

Well, that's an interesting point of view, said Mr. Marlin, pulling George Washington's dentures out of his mouth and looking at them critically. You know, many people still think Washington's dentures were made of wood, even though they weren't. They were of pure ivory, although I'll admit they taste more like rotting wood mixed in pickle juice.

With the dentures removed, Washington's firm mouth which is so familiar on the quarter and dollar bill now looked all floppy and scrunched up like old people do when their dentures are out. In short, Washington now looked as un-Washington as he could (especially with the beard)

I turned my back on Mr. Marlin and started to get dressed. I think maybe I'll just pretend I didn't see you or hear you today, I said in as casual a voice as I could muster.

Remember the last time we met, at the park? said Mr. Marlin, ignoring my attempt to ignore him. When I happened to mention that you just might have a new history teacher?

I turned on Mr. Marlin so fast that I fell over, since my pants were only half on. Picking myself up, I exclaimed, "So that's it! I'm going to show up in history class today and get scared out of my wits by some monster from your world who's now my history teacher, right? And you've got some secret plan--like you've done twice before--to trick me into being bitten or swindled by this new teacher so that I can overcome all of the monsters of his kind, right? Just like I had to drink the secret potion of the wizards, and be bitten by a vampire to overcome them?"

Mr. Marlin looked hurt, creasing Washington's brow with uncharacteristic worry lines. Why, it's nothing of the sort! he said firmly. I'll tell you exactly what's going to happen--no deceptions this time!

I looked at the wizard guardedly. Do you really mean that? I asked.

As sure as my name is SnulkFlarf, and the fact that it's afternoon rather than morning! replied Mr. Marlin nonsensically. Your new history teacher is a leprechaun by the name of 'Mr. Flarf,' who loves shiny coins and has a curious interest in the concept of time.

My eyes opened wide in surprise. A leprechaun! I cried. You're kidding!

Would George Washington kid? replied Washington's bearded face, as if discussing leprechaun history teachers was common and ordinary. Mr. Flarf likes to wear green and laugh in a jolly sort of way, and probably doesn't have an evil plan to destroy you like the wizards and vampires did. After all, I cannot tell a lie since I'm speaking out of Washington's lips.

Probably? I repeated, raising an eyebrow. That's not very reassuring. Why is this Mr. Flarf coming, anyway? Old Miss Peabody's been teaching history for so long, she's lived through most of it herself.

Your Miss Peabody has had an unexpected chance to take a surfing vacation in Hawaii, said Mr. Marlin knowingly. Since this has been her lifelong dream, she couldn't pass it up. Mr. Flarf is just a temporary replacement, for the week she will be gone.

At that moment, mom stuck her head in the door. Better hurry up, Blake, she said. The school bus will be here in ten minutes! Then she disappeared.

Still riding the new bus, I see, said Mr. Marlin.

Yeah, I said uncomfortably. Mom wants me to take it since it's quicker, but I still prefer to walk. I only take the bus going to school, but walk home after school with Poindexter. On the bus Tyson and his crew of bullies usually throw ripe gym socks all over the bus seats, and on whoever happens to be in their line of fire.

And your bus driver doesn't mind? said George Washington/Mr. Marlin in surprise.

He's Tyson's dad, I said, pulling on my pants. Then I looked sharply up at Mr. Marlin. So, I suppose you're coming with me today? And you're going to show up in class as an ugly old shoe, or a lunch bag, or wadded up paper in the trash? And you probably have some secret plan to turn me into some creature during class, to make things even more dangerous for me?

My goodness! exclaimed Mr. Marlin in a way that made Washington's wig swing around sideways. The change in his hair made the first president look a bit like Shirley Temple. When did I ever do that?

Well, there was the time you turned me into a roach in the lunchroom kitchen where I nearly got stepped on, I began. And the time you turned me into a mouse being chased by a hungry cat in my math class. And the time--

Ah, you have had a glorious past, haven't you? said Mr. Marlin cheerfully, popping the dentures back into Washington's mouth. But today, I think I shall stay here and communicate with you by pen.

Huh? I said, not understanding. Then, looking down, I was surprised to see a new pen on my dresser. It was blue and had a tiny LCD window in the side with writing in it. It said, Like my new present?

That's nice, thanks, I said, picking up the pen and gazing at it. Then I looked sharply up at Mr. Marlin. So is this pen actually a secret wizard charm like that ugly comb and that tiny ring? Don't tell me it will protect me from bad leprechauns!

O.k., I won't tell you, said Mr. Marlin mysteriously. But if you look at the writing occasionally, I'll have a new message for you. It's sort of like wizard texting. Only of course, we never do it while driving a car. The beard disappeared suddenly from Washington's face and his hair rearranged itself. Mr. Marlin had vanished again.

I looked at the pen curiously. I didn't know Wizards drove cars, I said curiously.

A written message instantly came onto the screen of the pen. They don't! it said simply.

CHAPTER 2: Would You Like to Meet a Traitor?

I approached my history class with fear and trepidation. After having had a wizard science teacher (Mr. Marlin) who had nearly got me killed by evil wizards, and a vampire math teacher (Mr. Coagulate) who had tried to bite me in the neck and suck out all my blood, I wasn't sure I could handle another weird, monster teacher--even if he was supposed to be a jolly leprechaun who laughed a lot.

Poindexter suddenly appeared from an adjoining hall, and walked up to me. Seeing him set my mind slightly more at ease. Thankfully, Poindexter had recently become my best friend and was also in my history class.