Oops! The 9 Ways We Screw Up Our Toddlers
()
About this ebook
Becoming a parent is a scary thing. Even more scary when we see how some of the kids around us act. We are determined that our babies will not grow up and display those same ugly behaviors! But the first time we're fending off a nasty tantrum in the bookstore, we begin to doubt our resolve. Oops! takes you through the top nine reasons that kids act rotten. It all begins with the parents! From spoiling to hovering, not allowing kids to gain independence and learn how to work through problems makes them whiny, dependent, and disrespectful. As young adults, this leads to an inability to navigate school, build healthy relationships, and become responsible wage earners. (Live at home until you're 35 - no big deal!) Oops teaches you what parental behaviors to avoid and how to raise a happy, well-adjusted little person!
Michelle Smith
Michelle Smith is a resident of Auburn, Alabama and a graduate of Auburn University with a BA in Criminal Justice and Criminology. Michelle is a dedicated historic researcher and an investigator for the Alabama Paranormal Research Team. Michelle also published Haunted Auburn and Opelika with The History Press in 2011.
Read more from Michelle Smith
The Whole Smiths Real Food Every Day: Healthy Recipes to Keep Your Family Happy Throughout the Week Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Whole Smiths Good Food Cookbook: Whole30 Endorsed, Delicious Real Food Recipes to Cook All Year Long Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Fat Cat Finds a Home Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Haunted Pittsburgh Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Coco the Dog Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTaboo Secrets of Pregnancy: A Guide to Life with a Belly Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Haunted Pittsburgh Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHaunted Auburn and Opelika Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsGame On Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMister Circle Finds Colors Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Legends, Lore & True Tales of the Chattahoochee Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5Natural Body Care Recipes Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsWelcome to the Guilt Club: Taming Self-Doubt When Raising Kids Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHidden History of Lincoln Park Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Unapologetic Poetry: 'I Will Never Apologise for Being Who I Am!' Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLife With Toddlers: 3 Simple Strategies to Ease the Struggle and Raise Happy, Healthy Toddlers Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5dear Hermes... Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsToddler ABC Guide to Discipline: Quick Secrets to Loving Guidance Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Back To Me Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Home Business Handbook Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Related to Oops! The 9 Ways We Screw Up Our Toddlers
Related ebooks
Nurturing Boys: 200 Ways to Raise a Boy's Emotional Intelligence from Boyhood to Manhood Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHomework Help Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Multitasking Mom's Book of Toddler Crafts Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsToddler Routine for Morning & Bedtime: How to Create a Toddler Schedule and Chore Chart at Home Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Practical Parenting Tips Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The First Years Last Forever: Parental guide to early childhood behavior and development Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Big Book of Boy Stuff Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5No Biting, Third Edition: Solutions and Support for Toddler Programs Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings50 Free or Cheap Ways to Entertain Your Toddler Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLet's Talk Toddlers: A Practical Guide to High-Quality Teaching Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMom Life: Perfection Pending Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings51 Ways To Be A Better Parent Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings101 Secrets a Cool Mom Knows Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5Do This! Not That!: The Ultimate Handbook of Counterintuitive Parenting Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHow To Improve Your Child's Behavior Today: Secrets to Raising Well-behaved Children: Positive Parenting, #1 Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Happy, Healthy & Hyperconnected: Raise a Thoughtful Communicator in a Digital World Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPotty Training Is Easier Than You Think: Everything You Need To Know About Potty Training Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBaby Feeding Fun! Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHow To Accept No: Self-Regulation Skills Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Summary of Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's Raising Your Spirited Child Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Things I'm Grateful For... Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Entertain Your Toddlers with Educational Activities Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLaLa's Angry Pizza Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPlaying with Numbers: A Parent's "How-To" Guide for Teaching Math to Your Pre-Schooler Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMum, Baby & Toddler Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsCommunicating With Your Kids: Learn How to Talk and Listen to Each Other: Positive Parenting, #4 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Worried Kid Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Building a Beautiful Blended Family Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Relationships For You
I'm Glad My Mom Died Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Everything I Know About Love: A Memoir Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Adult ADHD: How to Succeed as a Hunter in a Farmer's World Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: The Narcissism Series, #1 Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Big Book of 30-Day Challenges: 60 Habit-Forming Programs to Live an Infinitely Better Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: the heartfelt, funny memoir by a New York Times bestselling therapist Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5All About Love: New Visions Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You've Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Oh Crap! Potty Training: Everything Modern Parents Need to Know to Do It Once and Do It Right Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Becoming Free Indeed: My Story of Disentangling Faith from Fear Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Your Brain's Not Broken: Strategies for Navigating Your Emotions and Life with ADHD Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Codependence and the Power of Detachment: How to Set Boundaries and Make Your Life Your Own Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/58 Rules of Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A Child Called It: One Child's Courage to Survive Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Reviews for Oops! The 9 Ways We Screw Up Our Toddlers
0 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
Oops! The 9 Ways We Screw Up Our Toddlers - Michelle Smith
Oops! The 9 Ways We Screw Up Our Toddlers
Michelle Smith, M.S. SLP
Copyright ©2015 by Michelle Smith
Smashwords Edition
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in critical articles or reviews. For information regarding permission, go to www.LifeWithToddlers.com.
Library of Congress Control Number: 2015902171
The S5 Publishing Group, McKinney, TX
ISBN-13: 978-0-9816348-7-6 • ISBN-10: 0-9816348-7-7
Cover design by Chris Smith. Interior design, illustrations, and charts by Chris Smith.
First Edition
For my baby loves,
You teach me more than I teach you.
Je t’aime de tout mon coeur.
Get free printable Toddler Behavior Charts, Reward Charts, Potty Training charts and much more at www.ToddlerABC.com
Contents
Introduction: Don’t Screw it Up!
Getting Over Our Defenses
Idealistic Views: What Happened?
Training Kids to Fail
Over-indulgent Parenting? Us? Nooooo!
For Toddler Parents and Beyond
Chapter One: Worship the Helicopter
What Happens if We Hover?
Cognitive Processes: Use That Noggin!
Stop the Madness
Chapter Two: Inspire Laziness
Never Seen a Broom
Debilitating Lazy
Make Them Work? Surely You Jest
No Judgment, Just Reality
Chapter Three: Train Entitlement
Indulgences, Indulgences
Snotty-Kid Syndrome
Cheesecake Lesson
Caving-In
Demands
Attention: Too Much or Too Little?
Chapter Four: Squash Independence
Don’t Do Anything for Yourself, Mommy’s Got This
Rescue or Conquer the Walk?
Chapter Five: Forego Guidance
Just Who is Guiding Who?
Guidance and the Ability to Complete Tasks Independently
Consequences Stink
Guidance and Social Behavior
Guidance and Moral Behavior
Bad Behavior Makes Mommy Sad
Nonverbal Communication
Bad Guy Syndrome: Nice Parents Earn Disrespect
Must I Really Put Down My Coffee?
Chapter Six: Teach Everyone Wins
Medals for Everyone!
Food: It’s Not Fair!
Boo!
It Starts with Toys and Birthdays
Chapter Seven: Teach Irresponsibility
When Do We Stop Doing Everything For Them?
Speaking of the Long Term . . .
I Didn’t Do It
The Blame Game
Phones, Texting, & Electronic Yuk
Chapter Eight: Encourage Back Talk and Yelling
Whining
Expectations
Communication, Escalating Brain, & Anger
Negotiate This, Buck-o
I Don’t Know!
Yelling
Unspoken Message
Yelling is Not Discipline
Is it a Societal Thing?
Teaching Kids to Yell
Listening Button Gets Turned OFF
Chapter Nine: Put Kids First
The Price of Adorable
The Value of Comfort
Can’t Buy Me Love
Here, Let Me Feed That Ego
I Do it Myself!
About the Author
Acknowledgements
To Laura Conley, super-woman of editing, thank you for going way above and beyond. Your perspective and insight was a blessing.
Luanne, thank you for the insight and giving me ten pages of notes on that two hour drive to fifth grade camp. Yes, it took that long to write this! You are an inspiration.
Chris, it just so happens that as I write this, it is our 20th anniversary. Life with you is never dull and always special. Thank you for taking care of me. I felt blessed the day we married and still feel blessed to this day.
Introduction: Don’t Screw it Up!
We get home from the hospital with our new bundle feeling elated, sore, determined, and scared out of our wits all at the same time. We’re still riding the new baby high and are confident we will surely be able to care for something we instantly love so much. But at the same time, how the heck do we do that? There is no guide book that covers it all and no way to encompass the emotions. We are given no adequate course or training, and we aren’t required to have a license. Any dumb-dumb can become a parent, and that’s a scary thought. We are not dumb-dumbs, of course, but after a few months, you start thinking how easy it is to screw it all up.
So my first piece of advice to you sweet young parents is very basic: don’t screw it up. By reading this book, I assume you’re on board and we can safely have these conversations without fear of you chucking something sharp at me, yes? I may use very straightforward language, but I do not judge you or your parenting. I’m only trying to have fun here and hopefully keep you from tripping into the pit of suckiness that we parents find ourselves in a little more often than we’d like. You may feel guilty now, telling the little critters no,
but just wait. Eventually you’re usual thinking will be something along the lines of, Hmmm . . . I suppose I should feed them something green once a week and not holler, ‘crap!’ in front of them.
(They will repeat it, I swear.) You’d never dream it, but you will indeed relax in your parenting intensity and succumb to that’s good enough.
Toddler moms, this book is a mental leap in time. You’ll have to stretch your mind to long term, because if we don’t want to screw up the poor darlings by school age, we have to start as toddlers. No joke. It seems crazy, but the parenting habits we form early are the ones that can kick us in the bootie later.
Getting Over Our Defenses
An important note: This book isn’t about what to do; it’s about what to avoid. I’ve written plenty on how to address behavior at different ages, so don’t expect this to be chocked full of step by step instruction. Those are in my books Life with Toddlers, Toddler ABC Guide to Discipline, and Tiger Tamer. This particular book hops onto a soapbox that I normally try to avoid (success is relative on that score). However, one can only dance around the elephant in the room for so long before our feet must stop tip-toeing. So let’s adventure into what not to do!
There are always those of us who feel demeaned or condescended when blunt opinions are given on our parenting. Family members in particular feel at liberty to indulge for some reason. When told to stop what we are doing if we want to see changes in our child’s behavior, well, it gets the dander up. First off, who says we want to see changes? Did we actually ask for advice? No! So don’t attempt to tell me what I’m doing wrong, because I’m the first in line to defensively yell, No, I am NOT doing that!
To admit fault is on par with running down the street naked. Guilt, shame, embarrassment, ridicule. Ugh. Forget that!
I’m wholeheartedly on your side. I do not, however, have time to sugar coat everything for delicate sensibilities. In this book, we will delve into what we are actually doing wrong and why that’s important. While we might get rather depressed or feel beat over the head with guilt, let’s ease up on ourselves, shall we? The point of this book is to poke fun at our inadequacies and laugh while doing so. The never ending guilt we feel as parents is a good thing. It keeps us in check. But we should keep our sense of humor. We need to reflect on those guilt producers only so we can figure out what we’re doing wrong and possibly consider a better approach to parenting.
Once we name that less-than-ideal approach, we can figure out how to take positive action. But we have to put the beast on the table first. Stare at it. Look objectively. What are we doing wrong? Hopefully, since I am of no relation to you and bear you no ill-will (as long as your kid doesn’t come up and bite me on the arm), we can strip down the defenses and have a good time tackling the beast.
Idealistic Views: What Happened?
When our kids first pop out, we have very idealistic views on how our life will go. A baby doesn’t do anything but cry for his or her needs. This can get exasperating and tiresome, and we’re not perfect at it (i.e., stick them in a bouncy seat and ignore the crap out of them), but we haven’t ruined them yet. So we feed and diaper, keep them from leaping off the balcony or falling into a pool . . . these kinds of things. We work our life around keeping them safe and healthy.
Then they grow up. There is certainly a percentage of young adults who blow us out of the water with their creativity, talent, intellect, drive, and motivation. But the interesting part is the gap between those kids and the kids on the opposite end of the spectrum. Where is the middle ground? Looking around, I see a much higher percentage of kids who are as sweet as granny’s lemon pie, but my gosh, they really resist getting off the couch, pursuing an education, and moving out. So what happened?! Many parents even went overboard with their involvement while their kids were young, trying to avoid this very thing. Hello confusion!
From the outside looking in, I can see a few things. People come to me in a frenzy of oh-my-gosh-what-went-wrong-and-help! But after getting a little history, the answer is quite easy to see. We often enable our children and handicap their growth. I see it in schools all the time. As a speech therapist, I consistently go to meetings where parents insist on coddling the kids, the school caves to demands, and nobody learns a darn thing. It’s so crazy right now that if a middle or high school student flunks a test, he’s got umpteen chances to make up that grade. Does the real world allow us that many chances to be accepted to our