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    Relationships, Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace
    Relationships, Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace
    Relationships, Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace
    Ebook141 pages2 hours

    Relationships, Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace

    By Ronald Jacobson

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    About this ebook

    If you are in any kind of relationship, this book is a must have. It answers the questions, why didn’t your family, friends, and relatives warn you about what it takes to make a relationship work? The book covers issues regarding dating, marriage, children, disagreements, children, buying your first home, and much more.

    A percentage of the profits on each book will be donated to the American Diabetes Association.

    Below is a short excerpt from the book.

    Buying a house probably deserves its own chapter, but since it usually comes before having a baby, I felt it belongs here. This is the biggest investment you will probably ever make, with the possible exception of your divorce, should that ever occur.
    If you are ready to buy a house, you have probably put the obligatory 20% away for a down payment. For argument’s sake, let’s say you managed to somehow put away $50,000, which is an incredible feat, and will be enough to buy a house valued at about $250,000. For that price, depending on where you live, you should be able to find a nice first home to start a family. If things go well, in five or ten years your house will go up in value and you can move to a bigger home, but that is in the future.
    Now you need to find a home in your price range that is near both your jobs, near good schools, and is in a young, kid-friendly neighborhood. Finding this home should not be very difficult, but you both need to like it, and that could take a little more effort.
    Since neither of you have ever owned a house before, you hire a realtor in the area where you wish to move. She has lots of homes to show you which fills up your evenings and weekends for a while.

    Congratulations, you are a homeowner! It is time to move all your things into your new home, but it turns out the home is much bigger than your apartment was, so now you have to buy more furniture, pictures and whatever turns a house into a home. You did, however, put all your money into the down payment and moving costs, so now that you have finally paid off the debt from your wedding, you can start over using your charge cards to furnish your new home.
    The two of you have had a wonderful time furnishing your new home and are proud of what a great job you both have done. You saved on costs wherever you were able and kept the new credit card debt to about ten thousand dollars. The costs were worth it because your house looks perfect. As time goes on you realize looks can be deceiving. You are starting to discover certain problems you were not aware of during your inspection. Mostly minor items, like not all the sockets in the house work, some of the faucets leak, the dryer takes two hours per load to dry, the A/C makes funny noises, and other things that are part of being a homeowner. Not to worry, you still have room on your Visa card to get all these things fixed. I know you are starting to feel nervous about your financial situation with the new mortgage and the credit cards, but you really don’t need to worry about it yet. The real expenses don’t begin until the next chapter, when you have a baby.
    Here is the bottom line: there is good and bad in the first few years of marriage, but nothing can prepare you for what is about to happen next. You have survived PMS, relatives, money issues, communication issues, and buying a house, but after making it through all this, you are about to get what you have always wanted, what you have been preparing for your whole life, what will make your marriage stronger than it ever was; it is time to have a baby.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherRonald Jacobson
    Release dateSep 10, 2014
    ISBN9781310247750
    Relationships, Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace
    Author

    Ronald Jacobson

    Ronald Jacobson was born in Brooklyn, New York on September 1st, 1958 to Jewish parents. Ronald was the youngest of three brothers. In 1971 the family moved to Miami, Florida where Ronald graduated from Florida International University with a degree in Psychology. He later went on to earn his Masters in Psychology as well.In 1992 Ron married and has since had two daughters ages 20 and 15. This is where Ronald received most of his experience for this book. Between, his education in Psychology, raising his own family, and his observation of other relationships around him, Ron has written a very honest description of the pros and cons in most relationships. For instance, one thing Ron learned early on is if you earn any brownie points in your relationship, use them quickly, they come with an expiration date, even though the date is not written anywhere.

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      Book preview

      Relationships, Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace - Ronald Jacobson

      Relationships,

      Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace

      One Man’s opinion on relationships and marriage!

      By

      Ronald Jacobson, Psychologist, M. psy., CHt

      This book is dedicated to my two daughters, Jillian and Milena. They are my life and my main reason for living. If I could go back to the day I was born I would not change a thing. Nothing could take the place of having them in my life.

      TABLE OF CONTENTS

      Chapter 1 The Male Point of View or What Women Want

      Chapter 2 The Female Point of View or How Stupid Can he

      be

      Chapter 3 Engagement or What Have I Just Done

      Chapter 4 The First Year or the Beginning of the End

      Chapter 5 The Next Few Years or Get me the Hell Out of

      Here

      Chapter 6 Comes Baby or Post Partum Depression Wins

      Chapter 7 Raising a Baby or How to Live Without Sleep for

      one Year or More

      Chapter 8 Does Raising a Child Get Easier as Time Goes on

      Or Juggling Careers, Family and

      What is Left of Your Sanity

      Chapter 9 There Must be Some Good Relationships

      Chapter 10 Lying Equals Survival or I Promise Never to do

      This Again

      Chapter 11 Religion and Cultural Differences or Not

      Compatible

      Chapter 12 Perfection or Look Out Below

      Chapter 13 Sex or What Could go Wrong Here

      Chapter 14 Handling Responsibility and Worries or Having

      the Life Drained out of You

      Chapter 15 Perception is Reality or is it

      Chapter 16 Lack of Time or Time is Not on my Side

      Chapter 17 Sacrifice or Time to Give Up

      Chapter 18 Old Age or Survival of the Fittest

      Chapter 19 Was it Worth it or How Long is Eternity

      Preface

      Before we begin this journey of relationships and marriage, I need to come clean. I have been married for over twenty-two years. In this day and age, that could be considered the equivalent of a golden wedding anniversary. My wife and I are presently in the process of separating. I am still not sure if this is a good thing or not, but I am hoping the time away from each other will give us a chance to find out. Our relationship, and those of some of my family and friends, is my motivation for writing this book. Here I discuss reality issues that many relationships will need to overcome in order to have a chance at succeeding. Although occasionally subjective, I hope by the end of the book everyone will feel I have been honest and up front in my beliefs and experiences as a person, not a professional.

      This is one man’s journey and experience in finding out why marriage is nothing like you expected. Why didn’t your family, friends, and relatives warn you about what it takes to make a relationship work? Everyone you know wants you to get married, but they do not warn you of the costs involved and the tradeoffs you will have to make. There are some people that may have the perfect marriage, in which case this book is not for you. For the rest, read on, but remember, you might not be ready for what awaits! Marriage can be a blessing or a jail sentence; in my case it looks like I will soon need my get out of jail free card.

      Chapter One

      The Male Point of View or What Women Want

      Yes, I have a master’s degree in psychology, which makes me no smarter than anyone else who has ever been in a relationship.

      There are various reasons why many relationships fail. The fact that you are reading this book means that at least some of the issues we are going to discuss will apply to you. We are going to look at problems that normal relationships go through at various stages, from the initial date to old age. There will be times when some of you will cheer me, disagree with what I say, and hate me for saying it. There will be times when lines are drawn in the sand between the sexes. All I ask is that everyone keeps an open mind. What seems like an attack toward either sex is simply my point of view.

      Let’s start by looking at causes for the high rate of divorce in this country. At the top of the list are the way men and women look at issues. Men and women find ways to irritate each other, intentionally and unintentionally. Men tend to approach issues from a logical point of view while women can be more emotional. Not that one is a better approach to handling problems, they are just different.

      For many years, women stayed home and took care of the children or worked as teachers and secretaries. Now that the world has changed, we see that women can be as competitive in the work place as any man. It has been my experience that women can be vindictive and willing to step over anyone they work with to move up in the company. Although there may be some women who will disagree, women have trouble getting along with other women. Women tend to never forget anything anyone ever did to them and will hold a grudge forever, whereas most men can’t remember what they did wrong if it just happened. Admit it, you know I am right.

      I learned this through experience. For many years I owned a Medical Billing and Collection Company. At one time I had forty employees working for me, the majority was women. Their job was to call insurance companies and collect the money owed to the doctors. It was your basic 9-5 job. The company was small and this was their job, not much was available for managerial advancement. The male collectors understood this, came in each day, made their calls and went home. Not a day went by where at least a couple of the female collectors would come up to me and complain about the other collectors. Things like she didn’t answer the phone on her turn, she was talking all day on her cell, someone else was playing music; the list was endless. Every day at least one collector was trying to get another collector in trouble.

      I do not profess that what I am about to state is true or will ever be proven; this is just a hypothesis I came up with to explain why men can never win a fight or figure out what they keep doing wrong.

      I believe women have a dormant chromosome which may be the cause for relationship dysfunction. This chromosome slowly mutates into a cataclysmic force with the goal of destroying everything in its path, specifically men. There is something in this chromosome that women have no control over, they are born with it and do not realize the power that they will one day possess. I believe this chromosome remains dormant until the female experiences her first relationship. In time, this genetic mutation gives the female special control over men. Men will never understand the power that women have over them, but in the case of relationships, it gives the female a distinct advantage.

      When females reach their teens and start dating, they tend to be nervous, sometimes shy, quiet, and usually want to please their boyfriends. The male is still young and naïve, believing that dating is the greatest thing in the world. As time goes by, you begin to see changes happening in this young relationship. It is imperceptible at first; the young man has no idea that the young woman is gradually taking charge. The male still thinks he is making the decisions. In reality, he was never in charge in the first place. This is the beginning of the female power control manifesting itself. Suddenly, the girlfriend no longer wants to see Fast and Furious 28; she wants to see the new Zac Efron movie. The boyfriend chooses to go to see her movie because she is his girlfriend and was somehow convinced it was his decision. Next, she no longer wants his friends to tag along on Saturday night; she wants to double date with her friends, but he still believes it is his decision, so it is still okay.

      Time passes, the girlfriend breaks up with her boyfriend because he has not matured. It is important to understand that women are smarter and mature faster than men. As he enters college, the male has learned nothing from high school experiences. He is still young, immature, and not as smart as his female counterpart.

      The truth is, no matter how old men get, we can never compete one on one with women. We don’t have the tools to win the fight. We start out arguing over something unimportant, the male has sense enough to notice the fight is coming, so he prepares and rehearses in his head how he is going to counter the attack. He has considered everything he could have done wrong and believes he is ready for anything she can bring up. The problem is whatever he thinks the fight is going to be about, it isn’t. Whatever the fight turns out to be about, it will not have anything to do with what he thought. The fight was lost before it began. He no longer has ammunition and is completely unprepared to fight back because he did not even know what the issue was. She is also pointing out things he did wrong six months ago that he doesn’t even remember. I realize both males and females are aware of how this fighting works; we have all been through it many times in relationships. It is, however, important to understand some constants in any male-female argument/fight, such as, women are smarter than men, women will always win the fight, woman are more cunning than men, and in the end

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