The Voice of the Rising Generation: Family Wealth and Wisdom
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About this ebook
Growing up in a family with significant wealth or a family business can often feel like an exercise in silence. What should you ask? Whom should you ask? When? Is it ever right to talk about such things?
The Voice of the Rising Generation speaks directly to those who find themselves living in that silence, the so-called "next generation." Great wealth or a family business can act like a "black hole," sapping the dreams and aspirations of future generations who feel that they can never measure up to the fortune's founder. This book, written by a psychologist, an educator, and a wise counselor who single-handedly changed the landscape of family wealth, diagnoses with economy and precision the cause of entitlement and dependency. It is not too much money or too few chores. It is the failure of rising generations to individuate, that is, to pursue their dreams, develop their resilience, and find their voice.
Many books are addressed to parents and grandparents who worry about the effects of wealth on their descendants. Almost alone in the field, this book speaks directly to 20-, 30- and 40-somethings, encouraging them—literally, giving them courage—to meet the challenge of integrating wealth's power into their lives, rather than disappearing into the black hole. Readers will:
- Come to understand the true causes of entitlement and dependency
- Identify the psychological characteristics of the rising generation and the challenges proper to its development
- Clarify their own dreams, work, and vocation
- Navigate personal relationships and communication within the context of wealth
- Recognize the special challenges faced when rising is delayed until mid-life.
If you are a young person who is starting your life's journey and wondering about the effects of parental gifts, trusts, or a family business, this book will offer you questions, reflections, and lessons-learned to help you find your own way. If you are a parent, grandparent, elder, or mentor, The Voice of the Rising Generation can serve the young people in your life as a gift more precious than gold.
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The Voice of the Rising Generation - James E. Hughes, Jr.
CONTENTS
Cover
Series Page
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Preface
Acknowledgments
Introduction
A Well-Known Family
The Challenge
The Journey
Our Approach
Aids to Navigation
Notes
Chapter 1: Setting Sail
The Black Hole
Talking about Silence
Testing the Boundary
Mentor
Notes
Chapter 2: Rosy-Fingered Dawn
Awakening
Rising
Slings and Arrows
Notes
Chapter 3: Self-Knowledge
The Center
Internal and External
The Balance Sheet
Notes
Chapter 4: Facing the Waves
Getting Away
Taking the Leap
Work
Relationships
Communication
Leaving Ithaca
Notes
Chapter 5: The Middle Passage
The Island of the Lotus-Eaters
The Middle Passage
A Forceful Hand
Self-Advocacy
Ownership
Leadership
Parenting in the Middle Passage
Questions for Rising on Your Own
Notes
Conclusion
Another Well-Known Family
Our Journey Thus Far
Searching for Elders
Returning to Mentor
Flying Away
Notes
Appendix
Questions for Reflection from the End of the Chapters
Additional Tools
Possible Educational Pathways
About the Authors
Index
End User License Agreement
List of Tables
Table 2.1
Table 2.2
Table 3.1
Table 3.2
List of Illustrations
Figure C.1
Figure 1.1
Figure 1.2
Figure 1.3
Figure 3.1
Figure 3.2
Figure 3.3
Figure 3.4
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The Voice of the Rising Generation
Family Wealth and Wisdom
James E. Hughes Jr.
Susan E. Massenzio
Keith Whitaker
Wiley LogoCover Design: Wiley
Cover Photograph: Paper © iStock.com/peter zelei; La Primavera by Sandro Botticelli, tempera on wood, 1481, detail © SuperStock/GettyImages
Copyright © 2014 by James E. Hughes Jr., Susan E. Massenzio, and Keith Whitaker. All rights reserved.
Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.
Published simultaneously in Canada.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:
ISBN 978-1-118-93651-1 (Hardcover)
ISBN 978-1-118-93653-5 (ePDF)
ISBN 978-1-118-93652-8 (ePub)
Dedication
To my Rising Generation: Ellen, John, Natalie, Matt, Will, Alyssa, Ned, Catherine, Nancy-Elizabeth, and Chris; to the Next: Meg, Linnea, Sydney, Merrill, Miles, Ford, Jack, Thomas, Will, and Nadia; and to Jacqueline Merrill, who put her arm through mine.
—Jay Hughes
To Jonathan, John, Christopher, David, and Matthew—may you live lives full of health, happiness, and love.
—Susan Massenzio
To Kate, Dylan, Mary, Charli, Luke, Matt, Tristan, Cole, and Julia—may your journeys be full of adventure, full of learning.
—Keith Whitaker
To Anne D'Andrea, the fourth author of this book: Without your support of our collaboration, this book would never have arisen. Thank you.
—From all of us
Grow up, then, my Telemachus, grow strong. . . .
Your dreams, my Telemachus, are blameless.
Odysseus to Telemachus
—Joseph Brodsky
Preface
Before you set out on a journey, it is always a good idea to have some idea of where you have come from and where you are going.
We three authors come from sharing the joy of writing a previous book, The Cycle of the Gift: Family Wealth and Wisdom (Bloomberg, 2013). That book was directed primarily to givers within families with wealth, inviting them to a process of self-reflection and self-understanding. One of its clearest messages was that all of us within the world of family wealth—wealth creators, spouses, siblings, and advisers—need to attend much more closely to the recipients of these gifts, to their dreams, their development, and their resilience.
The reception of The Cycle of the Gift only added to the pleasure we felt in writing it. One participant in a meeting we convened in New England expressed what we had hoped would come from that book better than we ever could: I received a copy of it as a gift from my adviser,
he said. I read it, and I immediately gave a copy to my mother.
He went on: Once she had read it, she sent copies to my three siblings. Reading it prompted a wonderful family meeting, such as we had never had before.
Besides gratifying our all-too-human authorial egos, this response showed the cycle of the gift in action. It captured our dream that our book would bring families together to give and receive true gifts of spirit and not just transfers.
Still, while emphasizing the need to understand recipients, The Cycle of the Gift was addressed primarily to givers, parents, and grandparents. In it, we speak about recipients, generally younger members of families, but we do not truly speak to or with those younger family members. The present book aims to take that next step.
What holds these two books together is their shared focus on the core concept of human capital. This is a focus heralded in Jay Hughes's Family Wealth (Bloomberg, 2004 [1997]), as far back as its first edition, which was published two decades ago. It is a simple point, but, like most simple points, it bears repeating. Family after family whom we know focus their efforts, attention, and communications on only one of the five sources of capital available to them—their financial capital. Their human capital, which is itself the foundation of their intellectual, social, and spiritual capitals, largely goes neglected. And yet if we know anything in the field of family wealth, we know that the neglect of human capital is the ultimate cause of the dissipation of financial capital and the dissolution of families. Conversely, the cultivation of human capital strengthens family bonds and supports the preservation and growth of financial capital (not to mention intellectual, social, and spiritual capital). The Cycle of the Gift and The Voice of the Rising Generation explore and implement these basic truths. We hope that their ideas and practices benefit your family as much as they have benefited the many families from whom we have learned so much.
Acknowledgments
As authors, we would like to acknowledge our colleagues, clients, friends, and family members with whom we have discussed the challenges of the rising generation and from whom we have learned so much. Also, we would like to give special acknowledgment to Reta Haynes, the Haynes Family Foundation, and the Hemera Foundation for their generous support of our research and writing. Any insights found herein are the shared bounty of our friends; any infelicities are our own.
Introduction
A Well-Known Family
There once was a young man with a very successful father. His father came from a prominent family, but by his own industry and wits he, the father, had risen to become one of the most famous leaders of his time.
As a result, the young man, his son, grew up revering his father's name but not really knowing him as a person. As he became a young adult, he felt unsure of himself. He doubted whether he could ever accomplish much in the world, especially when compared with his father.
Luckily for this family, the young man's mother—who endured years of loneliness, far from her ambitious husband—remained a rock of constancy. And both the son and the father undertook long personal journeys to overcome their distance from each other. After many toils, the father returned home and repaired his marriage. The son underwent his own struggles, and when he at last reunited with his father, he did so both as a son and as a man of his own.
This is not the story of one of the many families with whom we have worked over the years—though, with a few changes here and there, it could apply to quite a few of them. It is the story of The Odyssey, the epic poem composed by Homer almost 3,000 years ago. The Odyssey recounts the wanderings of the hero Odysseus as he struggles to return home to the island of Ithaca from the battlefield of Troy. It also tells of the struggles of Odysseus's son Telemachus, who leaves home and goes on a quest to find his father and himself. All along, Penelope, Odysseus's wife and Telemachus's mother, endures a siege of unwelcome suitors, hoping against hope for the return of her husband and son.
The Challenge
Though Odysseus is a king and his family possesses great resources, The Odyssey is not primarily a story about wealth. It is a story of the human condition, and as such it speaks directly to the challenges faced by families with wealth and without it. It speaks especially to the challenge of the rising generation.
After years of consulting and research, we believe that we have some insight into the central challenge facing families with wealth. It is not a matter of finance. It is not a legal problem. It is not something to be resolved through the application of more, better, or faster resources. It is a human challenge, the challenge of overcoming the silence and finding the voice of the family's rising generation.
We will have much more to say about what we mean by silence
and the rising generation.
But, in the spirit of giving voice to the rising generation, we would like to begin by sharing words that we have heard from young family members themselves, in talks we have given to groups of families or in family meetings we have facilitated, words similar to these:
I'm grateful for all my parents have done, but I sometimes feel that everything is done for me. I don't really have a voice. How can I find my own way and grow to be a happy, independent, man (or woman) of my own?
I've started on my own path, but I also find myself being pulled back home through all sorts of financial or business arrangements. What are ways to keep to my own course and still remain connected with my parents and larger family?
"Everyone tells me to pursue my dreams. But