Homeschooling 101: The Essential Handbook

Bibliography

INTRODUCTION

WE BEGAN HOMESCHOOLING more than a decade ago, flying by the seat of our pants. Yes, we winged it. After talking it over with a few friends and drooling over their stash of product catalogs, we made some quick decisions and just dived in. Of course, it's only preschool, we told ourselves. It's hard to go wrong when you're reading books aloud, working with Play-Doh, and taking nature walks.

Yet we've always wished we'd had a mentor in those early days of homeschooling. We fantasized about taking a continuing education class in How to Homeschool. We knew very little about what the job of homeschooling parents entailed. Why did we really want to homeschool in the first place? What should we expect of ourselves and the children? What was our goal? Did we have one? To whom, if anyone, were we accountable? These were fundamental questions we should have asked ourselves.

There were many things we didn't know about homeschooling; in fact, there were many things we didn't know about children! It would have been valuable to know how children learn and that each child can differ in that respect. And we would have saved ourselves much trial and error if we had known what was developmentally appropriate for each age. We thought there was but one way to teach, and we had no idea how to find material suited to our child or our family. And what a blessing it would have been to know how to organize, memorialize, and simply keep track of all of the above.

Instead, our self-education in home education was haphazard. One week we would read a book about teaching reading. Then we would get distracted by the published research on learning styles. For a season we went nutty over teaching history with living books. Our children's heads were spinning as we rode each wave of interest and chased each rabbit that crossed our path, only to grow weary of the pursuit by the next season. We longed to make our lives and our teaching express the ideals and values we had come to cherish as a family. We only rarely succeeded for any length of time, flitting from one curriculum to another and trying to heed the counsel of countless experts who each promised us the keys to effective homeschooling.

The Big Picture

Because we were not educated in the basics, we often bungled the essentials. We made choices based only on the recommendation of a friend or the slickness of a sales brochure. How much more effective we would have been right from the beginning if we had spent a season in preparation—a time immersed in Homeschooling 101.

Whether you are new to homeschooling or you are a weary, battle-scarred veteran, this is what we hope to provide in this book—a basic education in what it means to be effective homeschoolers with a family life that works. We want to give you a glimpse of the big picture.

We cannot claim to have all the answers. What we can share is our research, which is extensive, and our experiences, both excellent and awful. We promise to be transparent about the journey and to do our best to be the mentors that many seek. We have found much joy along this path and hope to help you avoid some of the pitfalls along the way. By God's grace, you will experience fewer hazards, failed expectations, and discouragements than we did.

What do you need to know to homeschool? First of all, you don't need a degree in education. Education majors learn how to function in the public school system—you don't need that. You do need to know your vision, your goals, yourself, your children, and your family dynamic. Once you put together the pieces of your unique design, your path will unfold and you can step out in faith.

Have confidence! Let's get going with this work of equipping you and your family for the journey.

Why You Do the

Things You Do

OUR OWN TASK OF MEMORIALIZING why we do the things we do preceeded the celebration of our twentieth wedding anniversary. Happy coincidence, or a God-inspired opportunity to contemplate our blessings? We believe it was the latter.

We began the discussion with the question: Where would we be if we hadn't chosen homeschooling? The consideration was both sobering as well as an occasion for rejoicing.

If we hadn't chosen homeschooling, we don't think our marriage would be as strong as it is, with the range and depth of experiences we have had. Without the calling to homeschool, we would not have the shared commitment to the ultimate home improvement project—homeschooling. While other couples may only get to share decorating projects and vacation decisions, we struggle together through everything from salvation to phonics to algebra. The house we are building is on a solid rock, and we pray that a dedication to the Lord will last far into future generations.

If we hadn't chosen homeschooling, we probably wouldn't have as many children. Christine practiced law until our first child was two years old and our second child was six months old. The siren call of an engaging career was strong and might have won out. If not for the happy arrival of two children seventeen months apart in age and the opportunity for a dream job in a distant city for Mark, we might not have abandoned our status as dual-income parents. Christine's time at home was supposed to be short lived. The plan was to be home for a few years, then reenter the courtroom arena. However, God had another plan—to adopt two more children, bringing the total to four. The move from a prestigious comfort zone to home was the values clarifying experience that we both needed. What was really important in life—family or career? The Lord allowed us to see the answer that we pray has brought him the most glory as it has brought us unspeakable joy.

If we hadn't chosen homeschooling, we would know the hollowness of having more things but never know the richness of having all of each other. Many times we are tempted to lament our lifestyle of relative simplicity. We need only look at the many upwardly mobile families we know who are blessed materially, but bankrupt spiritually. We make our deposits where it matters—into human beings.

If we hadn't chosen homeschooling, we might not have experienced our own much needed time on God's threshing floor. The challenges of raising and educating a family have been met on our knees, which was exactly where the Lord wanted us. Any vestige of pride or self-sufficiency that lurked in our desperately wicked hearts has been exposed by the rigors of this life. We have fallen before his throne begging for strength and wisdom, and he has answered our prayers abundantly. As mature believers who have weathered our share of storms, we are incredibly grateful for the work he has done in our hearts and the great mercy he has shown us.

If we hadn't chosen homeschooling, we doubt our children would be as close as they are. As different as night and day, they are capable of shining moments of closeness and bonding. The tenderness (and sometimes the terror!) they bestow on one another causes our parent-hearts to leap. Capable of relating to a wide array of people, they often (not always!) choose to relate most profoundly to those they live with.

If we hadn't chosen homeschooling, a foray into teenage rebellion might not have ended so graciously. When one of our brood sought out her birthmother, we prayed for a happy ending, not knowing what to expect. She made contact but got no response, causing our daughter many months of depression, doubt, and distrust. In her pain, she lashed out at us. We loved her through it, and she is now a happy young lady. We shudder to think of the course this incident might have taken if she had been exposed to the sea of adolescent angst and its remedies practiced in the schools. The pain relief she sought might have been found in self-destructive ways instead of in laying it at the feet of her Savior. For this, we are grateful.

If we hadn't chosen homeschooling, our children might not have had the time, freedom, and space to explore and nurture personal interests and talents. A passion for swimming, a flair for acting, an untapped talent for watercolor, and much more have all been nurtured in the greenhouse of our home. Schoolwork can be done efficiently, leaving time for other pursuits, or lingered over at our leisure. Nothing fosters self-discovery like freedom.

If we hadn't chosen homeschooling, our daughter with learning issues might not be the strong, wise, compassionate young lady that she is becoming. She could have been beaten down by a system that had no time to explore or appreciate her considerable strengths. Instead, we had the time to learn how to help her learn, and she is flourishing.

If we hadn't chosen homeschooling, our irrepressible son would certainly have been repressed and labeled. He is a busy, busy boy, and we have learned that he is extremely capable. It so happens that he does not learn well with his behind glued to a chair. With our freedom to tailor-make school to meet the needs of each child, he is learning while jumping, walking, fiddling, and bouncing.

We can't live with what might have been. We can't presume to know what the Lord might have done. What we do know is that we stepped out in obedience to answer a call that we are clear came from him.

How has it turned out? Not without its challenges. But we wouldn't have it any other way. We don't linger in the region of what ifs. We dwell in the sweet peace of knowing we have answered his call on our life and put our best into it. We have sought to please the only audience whose review matters.

And we haven't even touched on the academic advantages.

The goal of our homeschooling is to prepare our children for a life dedicated to God—seeking his will, seeking to glorify him. This is in contrast to a culture drowning in secular humanism that says to glorify ourselves.

In schools, children are statistical entities to justify funding. In the homeschool, they are precious sacred trusts. The world doesn't need more geniuses or star athletes or beauty queens. It needs more committed, passionate Christians

No reasonable adult would envision building a house without blueprints, driving a car without a lesson, or planning a trip without a map. Yet, parenting and homeschooling are two of life's significant activities upon which many parents never spend any significant planning or contemplative time.

Before we had children, we were not specifically in God's grip. We knew of him, but it cannot be said that we knew him. When we first had children, we knew only that we wanted our children to be happy. It's amusing to think about that now. How shortsighted we were! Now we want our children to be godly and mighty in spirit—a far cry from mere elusive happiness.

In line with our shallow focus on happiness, we dedicated little thought to the myriad ramifications of our roles as parents. We were not truly prepared to be our child's first disciplers, caretakers, guidance counselors, housekeepers, chauffeurs, spiritual mentors, teachers, group leaders, etc. Reading a job description ahead of time might have been intimidating, but it would have been oh so helpful! We had no idea what to expect of ourselves or our children.

What do you want your children to become? Why do you want to homeschool? There is an expression that says, If you don't know where you're going, just about any train will get you there. And so it is with homeschooling. At the outset, having a plan and a purpose will help prepare you to make the many decisions that must be made in the coming years.

What's Your Reason?

Homeschooling comes in many shapes, sizes, and styles. We speak at several Christian and nonsectarian conferences each year, and we are always amazed at the variety of people we meet.

Melanie is a single parent from the inner city of Chicago. Drugs and violence have overtaken her son's school, and she fears for his safety. She wants to try homeschooling but doesn't know where to begin. Frantic for some advice on getting started, she attends a regional homeschooling conference and approaches us there with the frequently asked question, What curriculum would be best for my child?

Stuart and Leah are Bible-believing Christians. Their first three children were attending private school when Stuart and Leah felt led to pursue homeschooling. Two children later, they are having trouble balancing the demands of their growing family and are seeking ways for all the children to learn together—and preserve Mom's sanity! They ask, How do we meet all these different needs?

Noah is some kind of genius. As a homeschooled sophomore, he earned a near-perfect score on the PSAT and is receiving scads of letters from colleges courting his application. His parents stress academics—period—and he looks like a future Nobel Prize winner in science. Homeschooling allows him to study the advanced level math and science classes he craves.

Which of these families has a legitimate reason to homeschool?

All of them!

Each is seeking a unique solution to their unique situation and has found an answer in the practice and prevalence of home education. Many others have found answers they seek on this path, and you can too!

Statistics show that the overwhelming majority of American homeschoolers are Christians who point to their religious faith as a strong factor in their decision to teach their children at home. Somewhere along the line, each of these families first heard a calling, and hearing that calling set the stage for how their homeschooling would unfurl. Only fully understanding that calling will lead to peace and confidence.

Why do we do what we do? Perhaps you are a second-generation homeschooler who is carrying out what you have been taught. The modern practice of homeschooling is old enough that more and more grown children are now teaching their own offspring.

But the fact is, as Christians, we do what we do in response to God's call to teach his truths. The Word says, The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up (Deut. 6:4-7). Many have heeded that call when they set out to homeschool their children, but after a few months of researching and ordering curriculum and juggling the responsibilities of keeping a home and teaching the children, it's not unusual for a parent to lose sight of what this is supposed to look like.

If loving God and teaching our children about him is to be our first priority, we must first shape our children's hearts, not their minds. What does this mean? Allow me to employ a time-honored methodology cherished by ministers and teachers the world over: the acrostic—HEART.

H Is for Hearts

We must know our children's hearts and do all we can to ensure they are inclined heavenward. This is of far greater worth to us than a prestigious prep school or a perfect SAT score. Unless we have their hearts, their trust, and their obedience, we cannot teach them anything. But if we have their hearts, and if they will listen to God's rebuke, he will pour out his heart to us and make his thoughts known to them (see Prov. 1:23). That, friend, is true education: the pouring of God's heart (and our hearts) into our children.

E Is for Eternity

We believe homeschooling is the best education for our children because it is education with an eye on eternity. We had a discussion about public school versus homeschooling with a Christian brother a while back. At the time he was the principal of a respected suburban high school. He noted that the facilities of our humble home-school could not hold a candle to the high-powered microscopes that allowed his students to see the internal workings of a human cell. True, I said, we don't have the bells and whistles you find at a well-funded public school, but we are able to meet the individual needs of each of our students. We can teach them the way that they best learn, and we can instill in them a vision for eternity. Give me that assurance for my children, and you can keep the high-powered microscopes. The world's definition of success is self-seeking and self-centered—we are told to amass riches and power and be all we can be. Instead, we want our children to seek God and to fulfill the unique role he has ordained for them on this earth. This may or may not involve a high-powered microscope. But we will have succeeded in this journey of homeschooling if, when all is said and done, our children walk in truth as it says in 3 John 4: I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

A Is for Attitude and Abilities

As homeschoolers we have the distinct advantage of one-on-one interaction with our students. This allows us to recognize and work on bad attitudes and to encourage a child's unique abilities. In a large classroom setting a child can fly under the radar for years without anyone ever knowing he has a poor attitude toward learning, toward life, toward people. In the homeschool environment, such attitudes will be readily apparent and can be dealt with on a daily basis. Meanwhile, the child is not continually exposed to the dishonoring attitudes so prevalent in the public schools, where basic manners seem to have gone the way of the horse and buggy.

In addition to shaping attitude, we can foster a child's unique abilities. Homeschooling affords us the precious freedom to craft courses to the child's interests and to pursue activities outside of school that meet his or her needs.

R Is for Right Relationships

The homeschool environment is simply more conducive than public school for helping our children pursue right relationships and a well-rounded social life. For example, our days do not consist merely of academic pursuits in the home. The children interact with people of all ages, from all walks of life, whether through group activities with other homeschoolers, specialized lessons outside the home, or volunteer opportunities. Regular exposure to all age groups develops in a child the ability to communicate with anyone and to relate to everyone. In addition, we can keep our fingers on the pulse of family dynamics, friendships, and boy-girl relationships. A good deal of socializing is done in our home where we can observe interactions and talk about them, on the spot or later in private. An environment that allows for this type of life coaching is priceless.

T Is for Today and Tomorrow

We cherish today and relish the thought of tomorrow. We have precious few todays left until our children leave the nest, so we want to suck out all the marrow of life while we are still together. Meanwhile, homeschooling allows us to look to that tomorrow with joyous hope. We pray the normal prayers of parents—spiritual health, life purpose, a godly mate, college, career, children—but we rest in the knowledge that we have made wise investments of our resources, time, and talents as parents and that God holds our children's future in the palm of his hands. It is good.

Vision

What's your vision for your home, your children?

Without vision, the people will perish. Steven Covey, an author we respect, said, "Without vision, we have no context for feedback; we're just responding to what someone else values or wants. We fall into the trap of trying to become all things to all people, meeting everybody's expectations, and we end up essentially meeting nobody's, including our own. But with a clear sense of vision and mission, we can use feedback to help us achieve a greater integrity."¹

Both of these reflect a great Scripture and profound quote and point out the dire consequences of the lack of foresight. We are reminded of a local church that was caught in the interminable struggle of music styles. Should they worship in a traditional or contemporary style. The church's minister of music, in trying to most effectively address the situation, conducted services with a blended approach. In other words, a little bit of both.

The upshot of his decision? You guessed it. Everybody was angry. The people who preferred the old hymns were upset with the drums and guitars. Those congregants who consistently liked music with 120 beats per minute or upward were put off by having to sing those old John and Charles Wesley hymns.

We have encountered several individuals in our lives—many of them Christians—who seemingly flounder through life with no roadmap, organization, or structure to what they do and why they do it. Quite frankly, their families and lives are in a constant state of chaos or crisis, due in large part to a lack of vision.

We were recently told by a psychiatrist friend of ours that many of the patients he has seen in his practice work in post offices. Interesting, he observed that