Really Pregnant!: Confessions of a New Mom-To-Be or Why I Couldn't Stop Eating Brownies

Incontinence

Really Pregnant! Confessions of a New Mom-To-Be or Why I Couldn’t Stop Eating Brownies  Copyright © 2010 by Kim Rinehart.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the publisher except in case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and articles. For information go to www.artrummedia.com.

Published by Artrum Media.

eBook ISBN–13:  978-0-9841957-9-4

eBook ISBN–10:  0-9841957-9-3

First published in the United States and United Kingdom in 2008 by Bright Yellow Hat under the title You Know You’re Pregnant When…Reflections on the Longest Nine Months of My Life.

Paperback ISBN-13:  978-0-9841957-8-7

Paperback ISBN-10:  0-9841957-8-5

Disclaimer: This book is not intended to replace medical advice or be a substitute for a psychologist. The author and the publisher expressly disclaim responsibility for any adverse affects of this book. Neither author nor publisher is liable for information contained herein.

For Little P—you are the light of my life.

Also for my husband, Kris—thanks for the understanding.

I love you both very, very much.

Caution: Clueless Pregnant Woman Coming Through—An Introduction

Uh, no. What just happened? I was going along, minding my own business when, all of a sudden, I became pregnant. After the thought sunk in, I realized that I knew almost nothing about being pregnant. I was totally clueless!

The biggest anxiety I had during pregnancy was that I didn’t know what to expect. Before I got pregnant, I never really thought about the actual process of being pregnant. I had a vague idea of what it entailed but really didn’t know the ins and outs of the whole thing. If I had known what to expect, I might have had an easier pregnancy. However, until you actually go through a pregnancy, you don’t know what it feels like. And I can tell you from experience, it can feel pretty darn strange at times.

So, on one hand, I knew I was having a normal pregnancy as my doctor kept telling me everything was fine and I that was doing good. On the other hand, I felt as though I couldn’t quite get a grasp on what was happening to me and my body. The whole situation left me feeling a little out of sorts.

Regardless, I’d never been through this before and had no clue as to what to do, when to do it or even what I should be eating. I had no clue as to what sort of clothes to buy or how to decipher all the new aches and pains that go along with pregnancy. As far as knowing about all that was going on, I was, to put it simply, at a loss. So, like most other clueless pregnant women, I went to the source and the only source I knew to go to was all the books on the market today about pregnancy.

And so, I began to read a gazillion books on pregnancy. And most of them left me feeling like I still didn’t know what the heck was going on. I was still at a loss. Sure, the books were good, but they didn’t really tell me anything I didn’t already know before I got pregnant. I knew about food cravings, but had no clue about having an actual hunger attack, which means, in essence, you have to have food now or somebody gets hurt! I didn’t know how my body would swell up or the pain I’d experience on the bottoms of my feet. It seemed as though none of these books actually described what was happening to me. I kept searching, but I never found any good, simple information about pregnancy. And that made me feel just a little bit alienated.

And yet I kept buying books, looking for something that would make me feel okay about the whole thing and that might alleviate a little bit of the anxiety I felt about actually being pregnant. Unfortunately, the vast majority of them lacked something that all pregnant women need—some humor. I kept looking for a book that not only described what I was going through, but also laughed at it a little, too. I soon found that these books are in short supply. So, when I set about to write a book about my pregnancy, I wanted it to be very relatable, but also funny as well. I hope I’ve accomplished that in this book.

Even though every pregnancy is different, they all do have one thing in common: They can sometimes be a pain. However, within that pain, we can sometimes find commonalities that allow us to relate to each other. We’re all women about to have babies and that’s a big deal in and of itself. But that doesn’t mean we have to take it too seriously. Because, really, pregnancy can be kind of funny. Here you are with raging hormones and this enormous belly and porn-star-sized nipples and all you want to do is eat brownies and drown yourself in fat. And you also want to hide. I felt unattractive and I was tired most of the time. But that didn’t stop me from seeing the light at the end of the tunnel because after nine months of hell, I got a baby! And that’s why we do it, right?

So, yeah, it’s definitely worth it.

This book is basically anecdotal stuff. There are times when I will make suggestions, but you need to always check with your doctor before doing anything in this book. Mostly, it’s just a book written by a former pregnant woman to other pregnant women. However, within these pages are lots of things, I think, that other pregnancy books don’t tell you about. I’ve also included a lot of pregnancy dirty little secrets no one writes about for some reason. Of course, just as you might have some unique pregnancy experiences, I may be the only one who’s ever gone through these things, so they may be unique only to me.

Let me reiterate: Keep in mind that I am just a normal, everyday woman. I am not an expert by any stretch of the imagination. This book is just my experiences with pregnancy and some tips that might make it a little easier for you. Also, as with anything of this nature, if you have any questions, always consult your doctor.

In the end, the hardest thing for me about pregnancy was that I just didn’t know what to expect. I just didn’t know what was going to happen. And that is the purpose of this book—to demystify pregnancy in ordinary, practical terms. I hope I’ve done that.

Surprise! You’re Pregnant! My Story

My pregnancy came as a bit of a shock.

While my husband and I weren’t really trying, we weren’t not trying either. We decided whatever happened, happened. If God wanted to bless us with a baby, we’d have a baby. Still, I was a bit ambivalent about it, as many women are. I was searching for the right time to have a baby and wondered what age would be best. I know I was far too immature in my twenties to consider it and wanted to spend most of my early thirties traveling and doing stuff that a baby might not like, such as visiting the Mayan Ruins in Belize.

After years of going back and forth about when to have a baby, the time had come—I was pregnant! As my husband likes to say, She wasn’t an accident, she was a surprise. And I, at the ripe old age of thirty-six, was getting ready for the biggest surprise of my life. I was going to have a baby. Me! Who woulda thunk?

Wow was the operative word. I was floored, to say the least. While I was never uncertain that I wanted a baby, the whole being pregnant thing kind of scared me. I’d heard various women, including my own mother, moan and groan about it for years. My friends talked about how hard it was. And everyone had something to say about the constant bathroom breaks. So, yes, I wanted the baby, but being pregnant? That was another story entirely.

The great thing about unexpectedly getting pregnant was that I no longer had to wonder or worry about it—there was no longer a question of should I or should I not have a baby. I also no longer had to chastise myself with worry about making the wrong choice by not going ahead and doing it before time runs out. My biological clock ticked, but it was a tick that was barely noticeable. I would hear it, but then it’d go away. There was always something to do, something else to get done and having a baby fell to the back of the list. I knew I’d eventually get around to it, I just didn’t know when.

Well, when finally came. And I have to say this: It is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. When I look at my daughter, I see myself. I also see her and the good, wonderful years she has ahead of her. She is sublime and I only hope I can be as good to her as she’s been as good for me. Having a baby didn’t make me grow up, as I’ve always been fairly mature for my age. But it did make me put things in perspective and along with that perspective came the knowledge that, while doing things and attaining things are great, nothing beats having a mini-me around.

But getting her here is a while ’nother story entirely.

Being pregnant can be hard, but just understand it is certainly worth the trouble. And while you’re doing it, have some fun. Eat a cookie and take a nap whenever you like. Being pregnant gives you the excuse you need to kick back and relax. Because, really, you’re creating life and that’s probably the world’s hardest job. You can always think to yourself, Today, I have created a little hand or a heart. Today, I am building life inside of me.

That’s pretty cool, huh?

All in all, I didn’t find pregnancy a walk in the park. But I did most everything I’d done before, sans some of the fun stuff like the occasional hot bath or glass of wine. But, besides that, I got out of doing stuff like lifting heavy objects, hard workouts, running, and mowing the yard. So, it was a tradeoff but not one I had trouble living with. Sure, sometimes it did really suck, but it always gave me an excuse to eat a brownie whenever I wanted. And brownies, as I found when I was pregnant, were like elixir from the gods. I just could not stop eating them.

As you get along in your pregnancy, you might discover, as I did, that there are several universal truths about it. And they are…

·     It’s not really fun to shop for maternity clothes.

·     Your butt will get wider. And somewhat flatter.

·     Your belly will expand at an alarming pace.

·     Suddenly, talking about things like constipation and hemorrhoids doesn’t bother you.

In the end, I found out the best way to approach pregnancy was with determination to do what was best for my growing fetus and to have a sense of humor about it. You might want to take that approach, too. So, have fun with it! Well, as much fun as you can. Don’t go riding any rollercoasters or decide to try rock climbing. Be conscientious and don’t take unnecessary risks. But do take lots of naps. You’re gonna need them.

First Trimester:

Tales of Morning Sickness, Inexplicable Weight Gain and Surrealistic Feelings

The Stick Says Pregnant

It didn’t say congratulations or Great news! You’re knocked up! It just said—a little ominously, I might add—Pregnant.

Pregnant. P-r-e-g-n-a-n-t. Pregnant. Huh. Bun in the oven. Barefoot and pregnant. Knocked up. With child. Pregnant. Wow. Pregnant.

I was really pregnant.

Oh, my God, I was pregnant! Really pregnant! How could this be? To be honest, I felt a little weird once I read my pregnancy results. They were so real it was almost surreal. Real in the Oh, crap! What have I done? sense. Surreal in the Really? I’m pregnant? Seriously? sense. I stared at the stick a little longer, feeling more than a little strange. It’s almost like the world stopped moving for that long second as the knowledge of my being pregnant sank in. Wow. I was really pregnant. Huh.

Now what was I supposed to do with this knowledge? Oh! I guess I should probably tell my husband. So, I did. And do you know what he said? Congratulations.

He was serious! That