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In the Hand of the Goddess
In the Hand of the Goddess
In the Hand of the Goddess
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In the Hand of the Goddess

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Alanna must protect her best friend, the prince, from an evil sorcerer in this second book in Tamora Pierce’s Margaret A. Edwards Award–winning young adult series—now with a new look!

Still disguised as a boy, Alanna becomes a squire to none other than the heir to the throne. Prince Jonathan is not only Alanna’s liege lord, but also her best friend—and one of the few who know the secret of her identity. When a vicious sorcerer threatens the prince’s life, it will take all of Alanna’s skill, strength, and magical power to protect him…even at the risk of surrendering her dreams.
LanguageEnglish
Release dateDec 8, 2009
ISBN9781439115138
In the Hand of the Goddess
Author

Tamora Pierce

Beloved author Tamora Pierce has written a great number of books, including the Song of the Lioness quartet, The Immortals quartet, the Circle of Magic quartet, the Protector of the Small quartet, The Circle Opens quartet, the Trickster series, The Will of the Empress, Melting Stones, the Beka Cooper series, and The Numair Chronicles. She lives in upstate New York with various cats, other four-legged animals, and birds who feed in her yard, and can be e-visited at Tamora-Pierce.net.

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Rating: 4.1699998496969695 out of 5 stars
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  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I was glad to get back to this series and wasn't disappointed. Alanna is now a squire to Prince Jonathan and slowly growing up. She still knows that there is a sorcerer out there who wishes the royal family ill. However, she also knows she is in the hand of the goddess, although she never takes it for granted. In some ways this reads like a "good parts" version as most of the boring, daily routines of a squire's life are skipped over. I'm good with that -- after all, I don't really want to read "Alan got up, did squire stuff, and then went to bed. The next day was much the same."As an adult reader, much seems obvious because I've read it before. However, it was still "new" to the young adult fantasy genre back when this book was written. To me, the fun was in the details of how everything was happening. Were there many surprises? No. But what shone through was that friendship and ties to other people are important. The real heroes are in many ways the ones who keep the story's hero grounded, much as Samwise did for Frodo.Highly recommended as young adult fantasy, although I think adult readers familiar with the genre will also enjoy it.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I loved the Alanna books when I was a child. In this one, Alanna acquires a magical kitten, fights armies and wolves, finally has her Ordeal of Knighthood, examines her fear of love, and saves the life of the Queen.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    do you ever feel like books were grooming teen girls to be taken advantage of by older men with power over of them? who don't repect boundariesotherwise great book. teen me wouldn't have known better
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I consider Tamora Pierce one of the very first to write adventures about women, specifically where they have to fight to prove they are just as good as men. Or at least, she was one of the first to do it well.Really the only thing that throws me off sometimes are the huge time jumps. I understand why they happen, because Alanna's world is actually realistic and her becoming a knight and all takes a lot of time. But you go from one section to the next to find that a whole year has passed. It's a little disconcerting.But overall I really like Alanna. These books aren't great works of literature, but I ENJOY reading them so much.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    Alanna's education in cross dressing continues. In reading this book, I was frustrated by Pierce's tendency to leave out seemingly important scenes (for example, Alanna going home after the death of her father, many of her romantic exchanges with Jonathan) in favor of more "action packed" episodes. Because of this, we're often filled in--last minute--on important plot details via dialog. I heard that her post-Harry Potter era books are longer, and I wonder if this is really the problem here; it feels like she tried to fit a whole book into half the necessary number of pages.Oh, and the talking cat thing? Pretty silly.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    These are kind of sweet. They have a familiar feel to them with likable characters and an original storyline. At about 126 pages a book it is like my old "12 pack and a trilogy" lunch on summer days in my 20's.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    This is the second book in the series--you should read Alanna: The First Adventure first if you haven't already. I read in Pierce's Tortall and Other Lands that what became the Song of the Lioness quartet was originally one long novel, her first, meant for the adult fantasy market that got broken up and adapted for teens. I think that makes some sense of the novels flaws. Although I think all the novels in the quartet are entertaining, and I love Alanna as that rare kick-ass heroine in testosterone-laden high fantasy, I think Pierce's later books are much better crafted and written--and that even the two concluding books in the quartet are better novels, while this one feels more transitional. In the first book we meet the twins Alanna and Thom of Trebond when they're ten years old. She's supposed to be sent to a community of scholars that teaches magic, and he's supposed to be sent to be trained as a knight. Only Alanna is the one who dreams of a becoming a knight and her brother of training to become a sorcerer. So they change places to both can fulfill their dream. Now in this book Alanna has taken the next step toward her dream, becoming a squire to Prince Jonathan of Conte. More than that--Alanna is becoming a woman, and both the men who know her secret, Jonathan and George, have certainly noticed...The novel could be better paced and structured. Some events seem strangely passed over quickly--such as her father's death--and the romantic element seemed to me to receive short shrift. I'm also not too wild about the involvement of the Goddess in the tale--too deus ex machina. Ditto, the talking cat faithful, though I admit if I had read this first as a teen and not a mature woman, I probably would have eaten that aspect up. I do think the next two books are stronger though--and Alanna a heroine very worth knowing.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Book 2 not as enthralling. A good adventure, though. My favourite character (George Cooper) appears more often. Also, the Cat appears in this book, a magical entity connected to the Goddess, and an animal advisor for Alanna. Very engaging.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Still an easy read with a few more plots thrown in. The question of this whole book seems to be "Who will you be, Alanna?"
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Pierce does such a phenomenal job writing this series as Alanna grows up, her fears and challenges never loses my interest and attention. The audiobook is very well done as well, very satisfying to listen to.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    Alanna has come farther than she ever expected - she's advanced so far in her knights training that she has been chosen as squire to the prince of Tortall, Jonathan. But that honor only comes as a surprise to Alanna as Jonathan has become one of her best friends and she has proven time and again that she would do anything for the brave prince. Alanna soon discovers how complicated their relationship becomes as she slowly matures not only into an excellent fighter but a woman as well (which of course she must constantly hide).Alanna experiences so much in this book - her first battle, sorcery training, a little romance, and even court intrigues. But as she slowly begins to suspect that a crafty sorcerer is not only after the crown and Jonathan's life but her own life as well Alanna must decide where her true loyalties lie and how far she will go to discover the truth. In all honesty, I was a little confused by Alanna's hesitancy to divulge her suspicions, but Pierce lived up to her narrative and explained all nicely and to my liking.Book two in Tamora Pierce's Song of the Lioness series was just as wonderfully crafted as the first. In this volume, Alanna becomes more comfortable in her own skin as she makes choices that have lasting effects on herself and those she loves. All my favorites were back in this wonderful little book: the Prince, George, Gary and even her brother Thom, who gets some much deserved screen time. As always, Alanna's can-do personality competely won this reader over and had me turning the pages faster than ever. In Pierce's unassuming style, I've truly fell in love with the courageous and loving Alanna - just like everyone around her does.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    I had a hard time finishing this book. It's the second in the Alanna series, the first quartet that Pierce finished, and has a large fan base amongst Pierce readers. I think the ideas are innovative, and I love the characters, who I've met in later novels, but for some reason I couldn't keep my attention focused on this book very well. I kept straying to other novels. I do agree with others that Pierce's writing has improved over the course of her career, and maybe that was the main problem; she creates tension and suspense better in later novels, but here the action was a bit flat for me. Despite the fact that a lot is happening. Alanna is a squire to Jonathon, enters war and is kidnapped, rescued, has multiple attempts on her life, and finally confronts the traitor who has been working behind the scenes all along, but only after facing all her fears in the Ordeal. She is still the tough and fearless female, and I love her spunk, and I love her with Jonathon. Sigh. Knowing the future of all these characters is another factor that makes it hard to sustain suspense. I know how it all will end. I'm being a bit hard - it is a good book, it does have great ideas, and I love the people. Nonetheless, the entertainment value wasn't as high for me as other Pierce offerings. I compromise with three stars.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I've read this several times before, but recently listened to the audio read by Trini Alvarado. Pierce's books work well read aloud. 2nd in the Alanna quartet.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I loved this book to bits -- I thought the first book in the series, Alanna: The First Adventure was good, but this one is really great. Alanna, who has successfully disguised herself as a boy in order to train as a knight, is growing up. So far she's kept her secret from everyone except those closest to her, but she knows the time is coming when she will pass her Ordeal into knighthood, and reveal herself as Tortall's first female knight in over a century. Fortunately, she has some strong allies, but awkwardly enough, both Prince Jonathan and George the Thief Lord (who have been in on her secret for several years) are starting to notice her in a different way, and she's not ready for that yet... There's plenty of sorcery, swashbuckling, and cloak-and-dagger stuff, too. All in all, this is a very satisfying read -- I only wish it were longer!
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    i really liked the story line in this whole series. Alanna was a very strong main character and totaly represents the ladies.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I had forgotten how much I enjoy Alanna's story. It was nice to listen as this strong young woman begins to accept that she does still want to be a woman and have pretty things even while she is a warrior that would risk her life for the kingdom she loves.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    This was a re-read.

    I enjoyed this book much better than the first one (at least the second time around). It still contains the somewhat annoying an inconsistent time-skips that are very prevalent in book 1, but the story flows MUCH more smoothly.

    As an adult, I crave more depth to the story. In the eyes of a child or a pre-teen (the target demographic) I think it is almost perfect.

    One thing I am having a hard time getting used to, and maybe I just need to read more books where the gender lines are crossed, but the whole Alanna being Alan thing and how it is written. Everyone else calls her Alan, but in the narrative she is Alanna... and the pronouns are interchangeable. It is consistently done this way, at least, but it makes for a bit of a dog's breakfast.

    I also like that I can read these books in a single sitting.

    Onward to book 3!
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Alanna is now a squire, serving Prince Jonathan himself, and soon she'll be facing her own Ordeal to gain her knighthood. First, though, it seems someone has it out for Alanna. Attempts are being made on her life, she's been sent out to fight her first battle, and there's still Duke Roger to worry about. On top of that, both George and Jon have expressed the desire to court her.This book had much more action than the first and even though I'm a dog person, I still love Faithful the cat. The love triangle between Jon, Alanna, and George is no where near as bad as I remembered (it must been one of those things that annoyed me because last time I read these books, boys still had cooties). The events in the book mature as the characters do and they're faced with realistic situations. Alanna must kill soldiers from an army attempting to take over Tortall. She's growing up and begins an affair with Jon and learns of intimacy. I think Pierce does a good job of discussing such adult themes in a YA book. She doesn't portray killing as fun, glorious, or honorable. Rather, it's very much the opposite. Alanna does have sex for the first time, but Pierce emphasizes that she is wearing an amulet to prevent pregnancy and there is absolutely no explicit detail. All in all, I think it was very well done.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    The second in the Song of the Lioness quartet starts a few months after Alanna: The First Adventure ended. Alanna, now Prince Jonathan's squire, is traveling when a storm forces her to seek shelter. That night, she meets a new friend - a cat with eyes as violet as her own - and the Goddess herself, who gives her advice about what is to come.I read the book in one evening. The plot seems meandering, but is really more of a journey, as Alanna prepares to become a knight. A couple of years go by very quickly, which sometimes makes events that were probably a bit slower to occur in the internal chronology happen in a short reading space. All my favorite characters - Alanna, Jonathan, George, and the rest - were back in this entertaining tale.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Here's the second book in the Song of the Lioness quartet, and I loved it as much as I did the first time I read it years ago. Pierce was probably thinking of a young audience when she wrote this not an adult, but regardless I can't help but love these books. Sure the writing is fairly simple and it has simple conclusions, but the story makes up for that in my mind. I said in my review for the previous book that I'm a sucker for stories about women disguising themselves as boys, and nothing has changed since then :) Alanna knows what she wants and she goes for it. The romance is much more in evidence here but the action is still present. I liked watching Alanna grow up the most. Reading various reviews I can see that these aren't for everyone, but I'd say give it a shot before you judge on what you've heard. :) Looking forward to the third and fourth book.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    The entry of romance into her life frustrates and baffles Alanna. All she wants to do is become a knight, and these distractions confuse her. Several new characters enters the picture, including one who nobody seems to see as a menace except her.Another enjoyable book with the strong female lead. She makes her own choices and isn't bound by society's restrictive rules.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I like this book enough to instantly jump on to the next one. Action packed with mystery and revelations. I think the romance between jon n alana was introduced for no reason and for me it did not add to the story but only brought 1 star off its rating. George is a character I love, he is a humane character. I dont thing the ending was cathartic though. I mean it was a little rushed and i think it could have been better. Overall however the progression of the story was good and it kept me wanting to what happened next; if only the ending was not written in a rush i would be able to say i love it.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I have always loved this series! It is so easy to get swept away in!
  • Rating: 1 out of 5 stars
    1/5
    reter dfs dfs adf sfg s sdfg sfg. sdfg sdfgsfgsfgsfg sfgsdfg sdfg
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    A fun read and a quick one. It’s great to see Alanna grow up
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    Recounts Alanna's adventures as a Squire, preparing to become a knight and revealing her sex to all of her friends who have known her only as a boy.I wasn't as enthralled with this second book in the quartet finding the plot a bit too episodic with an insufficient sense of time between events. I'll definitely be finishing the series but I'm hoping the writing and plotting in the next book is much smoother.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    Okay this is getting very romancy and in the creepiest possible ways. One dude is telling her they "belong to each other" after she says no and the other told her, when she was 16 and he was I don't know, that he was "waiting for his bride to grow up". The magic cat's cool though. Not cool enough to keep me from DNFing at 67% though.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    This one was better than the previous one, and I found the simplicity of the conflict resolution refreshing, instead of complicating the plot unnecesariously, it just, resolved it self.

    clean and simple
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I loved seeing the next steps for Alanna as she became a knight and told everyone the truth.

    1 person found this helpful

  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I read this for the "A Teen As The Main Character" part of my 2019 reading challenge. I love Tamora Pierce, and this is one of my favorite series for sure. I devour her books every time.

Book preview

In the Hand of the Goddess - Tamora Pierce

1

THE LADY IN THE FOREST

THE COPPER-HAIRED RIDER LOOKED AT the black sky and swore. The storm would be on her soon, and she was hours away from shelter. No matter what she did, she was going to have to spend the night out-of-doors.

"I hate getting wet, Alanna of Trebond told her mare. I don’t like being cold, either, and we’ll probably be both."

The horse whickered in reply, flicking her white tail. Alanna sighed and patted Moonlight’s neck—she also didn’t like exposing her faithful mare to such conditions.

They were on the last leg of an errand in the coastal hills. A forest lay before them; beyond it was the Great Road South and a half a day’s ride to the capital city and home. Alanna shook her head. They could probably find shelter somewhere under the trees, if luck was with them.

Clucking to Moonlight, she picked up their pace. In the distance thunder rolled, and a few drops of rain blew into her face. She shivered and swore again. Checking to make sure the scroll she carried was safe in its waterproof wrapping and tucked between her tunic and shirt, Alanna shrugged into a hooded cloak. Her friend Myles of Olau would be very upset if the three-hundred-year-old document she had been sent to fetch got wet!

Moonlight carried her under the trees, where Alanna peered through the growing darkness. If they rode too much longer, it would be impossible to find dry firewood even in a forest this thick. The rain was falling now in fat drops. It would be nice if she could find an abandoned hut, or even an occupied one, but she knew better than to expect that.

Something hit the back of her gloved hand with a wet smack—a huge, hairy wood-spider. Alanna yelled and threw the thing off her, startling Moonlight. The gold mare pranced nervously until her mistress got her under control once more. For a moment Alanna sat and shook, huddled into her cloak.

I hate spiders, she thought passionately. I justloathe spiders. She shook her head in disgust and gathered the reins in still-trembling hands. Her fellow squires at the palace would laugh if they knew she feared spiders. They’d say she was behaving like a girl, not knowing she was a girl.

What do they know about girls anyway? she asked Moonlight as they moved on. Maids at the palace handle snakes and kill spiders without acting silly. Why do boys say someone acts like a girl as if it were an insult?

Alanna shook her head, smiling a little. In the three years she had been disguised as a boy, she had learned that boys know girls as little as girls know boys. It didn’t make sense—people are people, after all, she thought—but that was how things were.

A hill rose sharply to the left of the road. Crowning it was an old willow tree thick with branches. It would take hours for the rain to soak through onto the ground under that tree, if it soaked through at all, and there was room between the limbs and trunk for both Alanna and Moonlight.

Within moments she had Moonlight unsaddled and covered with a blanket. The mare fed on grass under the tree as Alanna gathered dry sticks, branches, and leaves. With some struggle and much swearing—her first teacher in woodcraft, Coram, was a soldier, and she had learned plenty of colorful language from him—she got a fire going. When it was burning well, she gathered large branches that were a little wet, putting them beside the fire to dry. Coram had taught her all this when she was a child at Trebond, planning to be a warrior maiden when she grew up.

There was only one problem with her ambition, Coram had explained when she told him what she wanted to be. The last warrior maiden had died a hundred years ago. Nobly born girls went to convent schools and became ladies. Boys became warriors, particularly their fathers’ heirs, like Alanna’s twin brother Thom, who was often reading, generally books about sorcery. Thom was no warrior, just as Alanna—who had the Gift of magic as well as he did—was no sorceress. She hated and feared her magic; Thom wanted to be the greatest sorcerer living.

Alanna frowned and took food from her saddlebags. She didn’t want to think about Thom now, when she was tired and a little lonely.

She sneezed twice and looked up, sharply scanning the clearing beyond the screen of willow branches. When supernatural things were about to happen her nose itched; she didn’t know why. And now the feel of the clearing had changed. Quickly she shoved the cloak back, freeing her arms. Searching the darkness with wide violet eyes, Alanna loosened her sword, Lightning.

Moonlight whickered, backing against the willow. Something wrong girl? Alanna asked. She sneezed again and rubbed her nose.

A sound came from the trees behind her. She spun, unsheathing Lightning in the same movement. The sound was repeated, and Alanna frowned. If she didn’t know better, she would swear something had mewed out there! Then she laughed, sliding Lightning back into its sheath, as a black kitten trotted through the branches sheltering her from the rain. It mewed eagerly when it saw her, its ratlike tail waving like a banner. Staggering over to Alanna, the tiny animal ordered her to pick him up.

The squire obeyed the kitten’s command. Cuddling it against her shoulder, she searched her saddlebags for her blanket.

How did you get here, little cat? she asked, gently toweling it dry. "It’s a bad night for anyone to be out of doors."

The kitten purred noisily, as if it agreed. The poor thing is skin and bonesnot someone’s pet, Alanna reflected. Wondering what its eyes looked like, she lifted its chin with a careful finger, and gulped. The black kitten’s large eyes were as purple as her own.

Great Merciful Mother, she breathed with reverence. Settling by the fire, she fed her guest as she thought. She had never heard of a cat with purple eyes. Was it supernatural? An immortal, perhaps? If so, she wasn’t sure she wanted anything to do with it. She had troubles enough!

His stomach full, the small animal began to wash vigorously. Alanna laughed. Violet eyes didn’t make a creature supernatural. Weren’t she and Thom proof of that? This cat certainly behaved like a normal animal. Thinking of something, she lifted her new pet’s tail and checked its sex. Satisfied he was a male, and ignoring his protests against the indignity, Alanna settled him on her lap. The kitten grumbled for a few moments, then settled himself. She leaned back against the willow’s broad trunk, listening to the animal’s very loud purr. It’ll be nice to have a pet to talk to, she thought sleepily.

The sneezes hit her, five at once, blinding her momentarily. Swearing like a guardsman, Alanna wiped her watering eyes. When she could see, a tall hooded stranger was standing beside her fire!

Alanna jumped to her feet, her sword unsheathed and ready, spilling the yelling cat to the ground. She stared at the newcomer, fighting to calm herself. She had no right to attack this—man? woman?—simply because she had been surprised.

May I be of service? she gasped. The kitten was tugging on her boot, demanding to be held once more. Hush, she told it before looking at the stranger again.

I saw your fire through the trees. The newcomer’s voice was husky and soft, like the wind blowing through the treetops, and yet somehow Alanna was reminded of a pack of hounds belling in the hunt. Would you permit me to warm myself?

Alanna hesitated, then nodded. The stranger threw back the concealing hood, revealing a woman—the tallest woman Alanna had ever seen. Her skin was perfectly white, setting off slanting emerald eyes and full red lips. Her hair was unbound, falling loosely below her shoulders in black, snaky locks. Alanna gulped. The woman’s face was too perfect to be quite real, and she settled before the fire with boneless grace. She watched Alanna as she sat down clumsily again, her amazing green eyes unreadable.

It is odd to see a youngling alone in this place, she said at last. Her mouth curved in a tiny smile. There are strange tales about this tree, and what passes beneath it.

The kitten jumped back into Alanna’s lap and purred. Alanna stroked it nervously, never taking her eyes away from her visitor.

I was caught by the storm, she answered carefully. This was the first shelter I found. And now I’m sorry I found it, she added to herself. I don’t like surprises!

The woman looked her over carefully, still smiling that hooded smile. And so, my daughter, now you are a squire. Within four years you will be a knight. That doesn’t seem so far from now, does it?

Alanna opened and closed her mouth several times with surprise before biting her lips together. The squire part was easy; beneath her cloak she was wearing the royal uniform, as was required when squires went abroad without their masters. But the woman had called her my daughter; the stranger knew she was a girl, even though she was dressed as a boy with her breasts bound flat! And her own mother had died years ago, when Alanna was born. Suddenly she remembered that she had heard the woman’s voice before. Where? At last she made the safest answer she could.

I don’t want to, seem rude, but I’d rather not speak of the Ordeal, she said flatly. "I’d like not to think of it, if possible."

But you must think of it, my daughter, the woman chided. Alanna frowned. She had almost remembered…. When you undergo the Ordeal of Knighthood, many things will happen. You will become a knight, the first woman knight in more than a hundred of your years. You will have to reveal your true sex soon after that; your own nature will not let you remain silent for long. I know well how much you hate living a lie before your friends at the palace.

Alanna stiffened. She had remembered that voice. Jonathan had been a boy, dying of the Sweating Sickness. The palace healers said there was no hope, but Alanna—only a page then—had gotten Sir Myles to convince them to let her use her healing Gift. The sorcery causing the fever was too much for the magic she knew, and in the end she had appealed to the Great Mother Goddess. She had heard a voice that hurt her ears—a woman’s voice that sounded like a pack of hounds in full cry, like the huntress urging them on. And she had heard that voice again, only a year ago, when she and Jon were trapped in the Black City. They had called on the Goddess to help them, and she had told them what to do.

That’s impossible, she whispered, her voice shaking. You—you can’t be—

And why not? the Mother asked. It is time we talked, you and I. Surely you know that you are one of my Chosen. Is it so strange that I have come to you for a time, my daughter?

Life is difficult enough with the gods meddling in it, Myles had told her more than once. But they will meddle. All we humans can do is hope they tire of their meddling soon and leave us alone!

Alanna clenched her chin stubbornly. I never asked to have conversations with the gods, she informed the immortal on the other side of the fire.

Indeed, you ask very little. The Mother nodded. You prefer to do all you can by yourself. But events for you in the next few years will determine your life’s course, and you have no living mother to advise you. The kitten jumped from Alanna’s lap and ran to the Goddess, mewing angrily. The woman picked him up in a graceful hand, stroking his fur with scarlet-painted nails. She will be all right, Small One. She only needs a moment or two to adjust to her fear.

"I am not afraid, Alanna snapped. Emerald eyes caught and held hers, until she swallowed and looked away. All right—I’m afraid. But it won’t do me any good to give into it, will it? I mean, you’re going to talk to me, and I can’t prevent you, so I may as well accept it."

The Goddess nodded. You learned your lessons as a page well, she approved. "But you have three fears that you have not accepted. When Alanna said nothing, she went on. You fear the Ordeal of Knighthood. You have feared it since you kept vigil during Prince Jonathan’s Ordeal during this last Midwinter Festival."

Alanna looked into the fire. Seeing that it was burning low, she busied herself with putting more wood on the flames. In her mind she saw Jonathan stumble out of that iron-barred Ordeal Chamber, his face gray. He had looked at her without seeing her—Jonathan! Sometimes even now his eyes went dark and blank, and she knew he was remembering the Ordeal. Her voice shook as she said, "He looked like some part of him died in there. And then Gary had his Ordeal the next night, then Alex, and then Raoul—and they all looked that way. She shook her head, not looking at the Goddess. They’re none of them cowards. Whatever happened, if it was so bad for them— She drew a deep breath. Jon wakes up at night, screaming sometimes. And it’s the Ordeal he dreams about, though he isn’t permitted to tell me more than that. If the Ordeal is that bad, I won’t pass it. I won’t, and then it will all go for nothing: three years as a page, four as a squire, the lying, everything. It’ll be for nothing. She stared into that unreadable face. Won’t it?"

Prince Jonathan made you his personal squire, knowing you were a girl, the Goddess replied. You have learned there is a world outside Trebond. You can ride; you can use a bow; you can fight with knife and sword and spear. You can read a map. You manage your fief through Coram while your brother studies. You can write and speak in two tongues not your own; you can heal one who is sick. I think you must answer your own question—is it worth what you have done?

Alanna shrugged. It is now. It won’t be if I fail. Sometimes I wake up in the dark sweating, and I’m going to scream, except I don’t. That would bring Jon into my room, and we agreed he shouldn’t, not after we go to bed for the night. And all I can remember of the dream is that they’re closing that iron door behind me, and I’m in the Chamber, and I can’t see a thing.

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